Chapter 003

Chapter 003

All my food comes crawling up and I stagger towards the bathroom where I hurl it all out. Distantly, I register that I’m shaking really bad. If it were happening to someone else, I might find this entire situation hilarious. My first ever one-night stand was with one of the most dangerous men in Malta. 

I’ve always had terrible luck. My birth parents and my siblings died in a car accident on my fifth birthday. I was adopted a year later only to end up abandoned by my new parents when they had a child of their own. 

Now this. 

I force myself to stand up and rinse my mouth. What was Diego Santoro doing at that club that night? Of all the women he could have slept with, why did it have to be me?

I groan loudly and return to the living room. The news has moved on to another topic but I can still see his face, burned in the back of my mind. The Chinese takeout is still on the table but suddenly, the thought of eating it makes me want to puke again.

I’ll be glad when my period arrives and this nausea goes away. Nausea… what are the chances?

I shake my head. No, it can’t be. Could I be pregnant?

Abruptly, the room feels stifling. In a daze, I head back to my room. I rack through my mind, trying to remember the last time I saw my period. With shaking hands, I open the period tracker app on my phone. It’s been more than a month. 

I’m so screwed. 

“No, no. This can’t be happening.” I say aloud, frustration sharping the edge of my words. “I’m not pregnant.” 

I feel stupid. Declaring it out loud won’t change anything. I’m tempted to ignore this, but I know I won’t be calm until I know the truth for sure. I grab some cash and head to the twenty four seven pharmacy down the street. 

It’s just a few minutes past eight pm but the streets are already deserted. Malta has a population of less than six hundred thousand people. The air is cold outside, the wind stinging my cheeks. It’s even colder inside the pharmacy. 

Thankfully, it’s nearly empty, save for the pharmacy assistant behind the counter. It’s like I’m thirteen again, browsing shelves for tampons because my parents were on holiday with Gabriella when I first got my period. 

I find the pregnancy test kits and grab three different ones. About a year ago, Rosalia had a pregnancy scare too, she bought several tests to ensure accuracy. I remember being afraid for her, that a baby would be the end of her education. Now I’m in the same situation. 

Except, I can’t even tell anyone. Not Rosalia and definitely not my parents. I shudder to think of their reaction. 

I don’t feel safe taking the tests here so I pay for them at the counter, cheeks burning as the assistant gives me a look of pity. Back home I read the instructuons and take the tests. The packaging said to wait for a few minutes for the results. 

The next three minutes are the longest of my life. I sit on the edge of my bed and bite down on my fingernails. When the alarm on my phone goes off, I jump in fright, my heart racing. 

I head into the bathroom and pick up the first stick. Two lines. I’m pregnant. My heart sinks into my stomach. The other two tests say the same thing. 

My knees give out and I crumple to the tiled floor. A ragged cry escapes my lips and I let it all out, sobbing until I can’t anymore. The big question is: what am I going to do now?

——

Over the next few days, my sleep is plagued with nightmares. In most of them, I see Diego Santoro. We’re back at the club, dancing but everyone seems to fade away and his expression turns sinister. Our dance becomes a game of cat and mouse, in the end he kills me—a gunshot to my stomach. 

It’s like my entire world has shifted on its axis. Nothing makes sense anymore. It wasn’t enough that I had a one night stand with a mafia boss, but I’m carrying his child. 

“Are you alright, Federica?” Rosalia’s voice startles me out of my thoughts. I nearly trip over a crack in the sidewalk and she catches me.

“I’m fine.” I say shortly. 

Her brows furrow. I can tell that she doesn’t believe me but she doesn’t press any further. “Will you at least show up for tonight’s study meeting?”

Every Friday, all of us gather at the library to study. I’ve been turning down all hangouts since I found out I was pregnant. My friends are worried about me but I can’t bring myself to care or confide in them. I’m too scared.

“Can’t. I have to help my mother with cooking.” It’s a half hearted lie and Rosalia sees through it.

Her mounting frustration at my silence tips over and pours. “You’re being such a bitch right now.”

I flinch at her words but my first instinct is to lash out. “And you’re insufferable, my life doesn’t revolve around being your sidekick, you know.”

Immediately I say the words, I want to take them back but it’s too late. I catch the glint of tears in Rosalia’s eyes before she turns away.

“Fine, I’ll be out of your hair then.” She spins on her heels and walks away. I can do nothing but watch her helplessly.

When I get home, I head straight to my room after greeting my parents. It’s unusual for the both of them to be home at the same time. They’re both doctors. 

Inside, I find Gabriella rummaging my closet. A bolt of fear runs through my veins. She likes to steal my nicer clothes and never returns them but that’s not what I’m worried about, I’ve hid the pregnancy tests in there. Each day, I check them foolishly, hoping the results will change. 

“What are you doing?” My voice is shrill with panic.

Gabriella turns, a triumphant look on her face as she holds up a test. “I was looking for that nice watch you have. But look, this is yours, isn’t it?”

My tongue is heavy like lead. I can’t say a word.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”