Tumango ako bilang tugon. Nakita ko ang pag-iwas niya ng tingin, pati ang paglayo niya sa akin. Inayos niya ang sarili niya at kumuha ng sariling panyo para ayusin ang sarili.“Savannah . . .” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”Lumapit ako sa kan’ya at niyakap siya mula sa likuran niya. Naramdaman ko ang bahagya niyang pagtigil sa ginagawa dahil doon.“A-Ano mo siya?”Kinalas niya ang pagkakayakap ko sa kan’ya tsaka siya humarap sa akin. Nakayuko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon, iniiwas ang tingin sa akin.“Dating . . . g-girlfriend.”Bahagya siyang tumingin sa akin at ngumiti. Wala na yung mga luhang nasa gilid ng mga mata niya na nakita kong nakaipon kanina. Ang bilis niyang magbago ng expression. Hindi ko mahuli kung ano ang nararamdaman niya ngayon.If she’s angry or jealous, she can say that to me.“Ahh . . .” napapatango-tango pa siya. “Kaya ba . . . ganoon ang reaks’yon mo noong . . . makita mo yung painting niya?”She smiled again while her eyes were staring directly a
Tuwing umaga, sinusundo ko si Savannah sa bahay niya pero lagi siyang wala ro’n at nakaalis na. Sinusundo ko rin siya sa department nila para ihatid siya sa bahay niya, pero lagi niyang sinasabi na may pupuntahan at may gagawin pa siya.Mahigit dalawang linggo na niya akong iniiwasan. Hindi ko na kaya.Linggo nang umaga, pinuntahan ko siya sa bahay niya. Alam kong nandoon siya dahil nandoon pa ang sasakyan niya. Alam ko rin na hindi pa siya tapos diligan ang mga halaman niya dahil ang hose na pinandidilig niya ay nandoon pa sa garden niya at hindi nakatabi sa lagayan nito.“Savannah!” malakas na tawag ko sa kan’ya habang paulit-ulit na pinipindot ang doorbell. “Savannah!”Hindi ako tumigil sa pagpindot sa doorbell at pagtawag sa kan’ya, hanggang sa lumabas na siya, suot ang usual na pambahay niya. Walang mababakas na emos’yon sa mukha niya, kaya hindi ko masabi kung ano ba ang nararamdaman niya ngayong nakita niya ako. Naglakad siya papalapit sa akin pero hindi niya ako pin
Mahigpit ang yakap ko kay Savannah habang magkatabi kaming nakahiga sa couch, ngayong alam kong sa akin na siya ngayon. Ganoon din siya sa akin, nakayakap nang mahigpit habang nakapatong ang ulo niya sa dibdib ko.“Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso mo,” she said before chuckling.“Sa ‘yo lang gan’yan ‘yan.”“Kay Grace?”I chuckled. “We were young back then, Savannah. I admit that I loved her, but I never loved this way, Savvy. “I’ve never fallen in love while hallucinating.”Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin na para bang hindi naintindihan ang sinasabi ko. “What?”I shrugged. “I always saw your face everywhere. It feels like hallucination. I missed you so bad.”She smiled. “I just can’t risk myself on loving you back when I found out that you’re not yet over with your ex.”I scoffed. “Not yet over,” I mimicked her. “It’s been years, Sav. I’ve really moved on. Kahit na makaharap ko kayong dalawa, ikaw at ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko.”She smiled. “Really?” I nodded. “What if the
“S-Second base—” napatakip ako ng bibig.‘Tang ina, anong nangyayari sa akin? Para akong virgin kung mag-react dito, pota!Tumawa si Savannah sa sinabi ko. “I know you’re not a virgin,” she smirked. “Come on, make me want to have a home run with you.”I looked at her, couldn’t believe what I am hearing. “Babe, saan mo ba natutunan ‘yan . . .” pahina nang pahina ang boses ko.Savannah is one of the most open-minded people around me, but she, talking about the bases of love, feels so damn different. I’m turned on. Fuck!“Terrence said that there are four bases of love.”Napahilamos na lang ako sa binanggit niyang pangalan. Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko. Ilang beses ko pa lang isinama sa lakad namin, kung anu-ano na kaagad ang natutunan. Hindi ko man lang napapansin!“And?”She smiled. “I want a home run—” napahigit ako ng buntonghininga sa sinabi niya. “But not now, I think?”What’s wrong with me? Parang kanina lang, pinaghahandaan ko ang mga p’wedeng mangyari sa amin ng
“You dreamed about her,” she said after blowing her first batch of smoke.I sighed, nodding. “I didn’t know that you smoke,” I said, trying to divert the topic.She smirked. “Hindi naman. Noong nakaraan lang,” she faced me while her cigarette was in between her middle and index finger. “Tell me what you dreamed about, and I’ll tell you my déjà rêvé.”Napakunot-noo ako sa sinabi niya. “Ano? Déjà rêvé?”She nodded. “Already dreamed, in English. I have repetitive dreams about you and a girl. Do you want to know?” she asked.I nodded, hesitating. Why does she look cool now? Hindi ba siya galit? Why does she look . . . argh. Bakit ba iniisip ko pa ‘to?“Tell me what you dreamed first, that made you went to the rooftop to get some fresh air.”I sighed, remembering what I dreamed about earlier. “It was Grace and I. A part from the past that will always haunt me,” I sighed again as I smoke from my cigarette. I blew the smoke after a few seconds. “It’s not the breakup that hurts,
I wanted to follow her to the unit but I know that there’s no use. I need a break from all these haunted pasts I have. Baka hindi ko rin maayos ang tampo sa akin ni Savannah kung pipilitin ko.Nang maubos ko ang ikatlong stick ko simula nang umalis si Savannah, bumalik na ako sa unit. Nandoon pa rin ang mga damit na nagkalat sa living room, at hindi ako sigurado kung kaninong mga damit ‘yon at kung kaninong babae naman yung nandito ngayon, base sa mga damit na nagkalat. Hindi ko na lang din pinansin pa at dumiretso na sa k’warto.Nakita ko si Savannah doon na natutulog at nakatalikod sa gawi ko. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang dahil doon. Ibig sabihin, hindi siya masiyadong galit o nagtatampo sa akin dahil hindi siya umalis. Hindi niya ako iniwan.Lumapit ako sa higaan at nahiga sa tabi niya, tsaka siya niyakap. I felt her stiffened. I buried my face on her nape and hugged her tighter.“I love you, Sav. I’m sorry . . .”I felt her hand held mine. And so, we went back to sl
“I told you I don’t believe in that,” I said.She looked at me before chuckling. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m really that invested about past lives and the parallel universe.” I sighed as I saw her wiped her tears. “Sorry, naiyak ako.”I smiled before pulling her closer to me. Ipinatong niya ang ulo sa dibdib ko at yumakap sa akin pabalik.“Hindi ako naniniwala sa gano’n at kung totoo man ‘yon, kung totoo man na may parallel universe, ikaw ang mahal ko sa mundong ‘to. Another world or another universe will never matter to me, as long as you are mine right here, right now. And if there’s a reality about past lives, it all stops there. Kung hindi ikaw ang minahal ko nang ganito noong panahong ‘yon, ikaw at ikaw na lang ang mamahalin ko nang ganito sa panahong ito, at sa mga susunod pa.”Tumango siya bago nagbuntonghininga. “I’m sorry, Con. I love you.”Napangiti ako kasabay ng pagpikit ko, bago ko siya niyakap nang mas mahigpit at hinalikan sa ulo. Sobrang dalang ko marinig sa ka
“Whatever you say. I won’t come with you,” Savannah said on the screen of her laptop before shutting it. Naupo ako sa tabi niya at ibinaba ang juice niya sa gilid ng laptop. “Sorry about that.”I shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s your dad.”She smirked before drinking her juice. “I don’t fucking care.”Nahiga siya sa couch na ipinatong ang ulo sa kandungan ko, bago niya ibinaba sa center table ang baso. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata niya bago siya nagbuntonghininga.“That man really sucks. He loved mama but he made her a mistress. I don’t get his fucking point about that. Mama died blaming herself for that.”I nodded before planting a kiss on her lips that made her eyes open. “Don’t think about that too much.”“Why?”I shrugged. “You’re stressing yourself out.”She smirked. “I really wanted to stop thinking about that but he’s still my father, though. At hanggang hindi ko pa kayang tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa, I can never leave.”She sighed again before taking her phone in her
About the Author Mariss Mariano, also known as marisswrites on W*****d, is a 24-year old writer living in the province of Nueva Ecija, Philippines. She fell in love with writing at the age of 14 when she started scribbling on her big notebook about the first story she wanted to write. Two years later (2013), she found herself writing in an online platform called W*****d and that starts her career as an online writer focusing on Romance but trying to explore different genre. Mariss won The Watty Awards 2020 with her winning story Saving Serene under Young Adult category. The story is about a woman named Serene who lost her will to live because she didn’t know what she wants to do with her life and her journey to saving herself.
AcknowledgementFirst of all, thank you so much, Almighty God, for this talent You have given me. I am nothing without all of these blessings. Thank You so much.Thank you so much to everyone who helped me with this book.Thank you, Ukiyoto Publishing for giving my story a chance to be published under your company. Thank you for all the efforts you put into this.Thank you, Guilty Reads, especially my mentor, Ate Rayne Mariano, for helping me with things regarding this. Thank you for all the lessons you gave us in terms of writing—and life! I will forever be grateful that I became a part of the community you are building. I will make good use of it, I promise!Thank you so much, Didit, for helping me with the manuscript editing/proofreading! You’re the best!Thanks to Ate Heynette for the awesome book cover! You create the best book covers ever! I love all of it—every art of yours is beautiful! Thank you so much to my friends who have helped me in my down times! Kapi Ga
Special ChapterSAVANNAH GREENEIstared at the dark skies above me as I listened to the beautiful sound of the pouring rain. I smiled as I stretched my hand to feel the cold water on my palm.P’wede naman akong tumakbo para makauwi pero mas gusto kong panoorin ang ulan ngayon dito. At isa pa, wala naman na si Mama para maghintay sa akin sa bahay.Napalingon ako sa sumilong sa tabi ko. I saw a guy in his uniform wearing a backpack with his phone on his hand. Napanguso ako nang makitang basang-basa na ang phone niya.Hindi kaya masisira ‘yon?“How long are you stucked here?”My mouth parted when he talked. Wow, I like his voice. Too manly.I looked at him. “Huh?”He smiled at me. “Kanina ka pa rito?”I pursed my lips before answering. “Uhh . . . one hour?”Tumango siya. “Fuck this rain. Panira ng plano, eh. My fucking shoes are ruined,” he said, looking at his expensive white shoes.Napanguso ako sa sinabi niya. Why would he blame the rain? He should always ch
EpilogueThe talk I had with Savannah knocked some sense into me.Since that day, I started looking at Grace from a different perspective. I realized, she’s right. She’s still not fine and my words about Savannah hurt her more than I have ever realized. I shouldn’t have told her things about her. She may not want me back as her man, but she clearly stated that she still has this love for me.“I saw Savannah at my department,” Grace said as she puts her things on the couch. “She’s talking to my professor. May pinag-uusapan sila na mukhang importante.”She sat on the couch and opened the TV. “Don’t talk about her.”I heard her laughed. “Ang tagal na, Connor. Aren’t you still moved on? Lapit na kami g-um-raduate.”I looked at her, only to see her winked at me. She’s always teasing me about Savvy. I told her not to talk about her anymore. Bukod sa nakakaramdam ako ng lungkot, nag-aalala ako para sa kan’ya.She laughed. “Connor, don’t be plastic. I know that you only didn’t w
She looked at me, confused, as she seems to be digesting all the words I just said. She scoffed before rolling her eyes at me.“Of course not. I won’t. I’ll stay where I am. Hindi por que nakipag-hiwalay ako sa ‘yo, magkakaroon na ako ng dahilan para iwanan ang dream house ni Mama.” She looked away. “I’ll come with him for a vacation but that’s for the Christmas holiday. Matagal pa. Pero babalik ako rito.”Napatango-tango ako kasabay ng mga buntonghininga ko. Buti na lang. Buti na lang talaga.“Congrats.”Kumunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko. “For what?”“For fixing things up with your dad. You won’t come with him for a vacation if you didn’t forgive him yet, right?” I smiled.Hindi na siya sumagot pa. Ilang sandali pa kaming nanahimik habang pareho kaming nakasandal sa hood ng kotse ko. Tuluyan nang humupa ang ambon at malamig na hangin na lang ang tanging natira.“So, what really brings you here? Anong oras na, you really should’ve left by 8:00 PM already.”I smiled timi
It feels like I was lost, knowing that Savannah doesn’t have plans on coming back to me. Ang hirap . . . ang sakit. Ang daming dahilan para tumigil ako, pero hindi ko kaya. Gusto ko pa rin na ulitin ang lahat—ligawan ulit siya . . . pero hindi ko mapigilan yung sakit. Sa tuwing lalapit ako sa kan’ya, sumasaya ako, pero nalulungkot din sa tuwing maaalala na hindi na nga siya sa akin.“Tama na muna,” sabi ni Jin matapos kong ik’wento sa kanila ang nangyari nang gumabi. “Hayaan mo muna siyang malayo sa ‘yo, at ganoon ka rin sa kan’ya. Baka gan’yan ang kailangan n’yo, pare?”Sinalinan ko ang baso ko ng alak at mabilis ‘yong ininom habang kitang-kita ko ang tatlong pares ng mga mata na nanonood sa akin.“Ayoko,” mabilis na sagot ko matapos ibaba ang baso.“Tingnan mo nga ‘yang itsura mo,” iritadong sabi ni Terrence. “Gan’yan ka na lang? Magiging maayos panandalian, tapos babalik ka sa dati kapag nasaktan? Ayusin mo nga sarili mo, pare. Sa tingin mo, babalikan ka niya nang gan’ya
When the month of August came, I always look for Savannah. Hindi pa man kami nagmi-midterm noon at hindi pa kami nagkakalinawan ni Grace tungkol sa mga naging problema sa aming dalawa, palagi ko nang pinupuntahan si Savannah kung nasaan siya.I just wanted to relive the moments we had back when we were happy. I just wanted to relive the feelings I had when we were dancing under the first rainfall in the month of August.But it rained . . . and it rained. A storm came, numbers of low pressure areas were experienced for the whole month of August, and I never saw her dance under the first rainfall of August ever again. I never saw her get excited with the rain anymore.For the whole month of August, I never saw her smile when it rained, not even once. I was always watching her from afar. I almost cut classes just so I could see her expressions for the rain she loved to anticipate. And I never saw that same excitement again.Naging normal na araw na lang para sa kan’ya ang pana
“Pare, tara, alis,” rinig kong pag-aya sa akin ni Terrence sa k’warto ko. “Bar daw, birthday ng tropa ni Jin sa UST!”“Kayo na lang.”It’s been a month since Savvy broke up with me. I tried getting her back, courting her everyday, hoping that what she said was just an impulsive decision. But she never came back. Parang hindi niya nga ako nakikita kapag magkakasalubong kami sa campus.“Tama na mukmok, pare. Lungkot na kami,” sabi ni Terrence bago naupo sa gilid ng kama ko. “Ayusin mo yung sarili mo. Exam week na sa susunod na linggo. Baka bumagsak ka.”Hindi ako sumagot, dahil alam kong papunta na nga ro’n ang kapalaran ko sa college. Siguradong magagalit si Mama pero wala naman din siyang magagawa para sa akin. Kung ako nga, hindi matulungan ang sarili ko.Ang hirap lang na wala si Savannah.“Pare, tama na. Ipakita mo kay Savvy na deserve mo yung second chance hindi yung gan’yang sinisira mo buhay mo dahil lang wala na siya sa ‘yo.”Napabuntonghininga ako bago bumangon a
Nng maihiga na sa vacant bed si Grace, kinausap ako ng nurse na p’wede na raw akong umalis at pumasok na ako sa klase ko dahil siya na raw ang bahala na mag-abiso sa prof niya na hindi ito makakapasok.Wala sa sarili akong umalis ng clinic at naglakad pabalik ng building namin, iniisip pa rin ang lahat ng sinabi ni Grace. Alam ko naman. Expected ko naman yung rason niya, pero nang marinig mula mismo sa bibig niya . . . para akong nanghina. Para akong itinapon pabalik sa mga araw na sinasaktan niya ang sarili niya sa harap ko.Bago ako makapasok sa room, nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. Kinuha ko ‘yon sa bulsa ko at nakita na nag-text si Savannah. Binasa ko kaagad ‘yon.Why is she asking me this? I sighed before typin