Chapter 8

In all honesty, I never want to set foot at Raze's company ever again. I want to change my name and move to a different country. And I have seriously thought about it. But Alexander’s text message telling me to meet him in the studio isn't something I could pass up. I've worked hard to get an opportunity like this. My pride would need to take a backseat for now.

Reluctantly I get dressed casually in jeans and an oversized shirt. It's comfortable but decent enough to pass the main entrance. The oversized shirt kind of makes me look like a kid wearing her older brother’s clothes but I don't care. I like this style a lot. Like most days I half-assed putting on makeup. It's not that I didn't like wearing makeup, but I'm running late already. Whatever the results are, I need to live with it for the day. 

Though unusual, I opted for a baseball hat, something I can use to hide my face, just in case I run into Ethan in the building. I psyche myself up, telling myself how big the building is and that statistically, the chance to actually see Ethan was slim to none. That gave me a bit of a confidence boost to face whatever lies ahead.

I take my sweet time getting into the studio. Alexander himself told me there was no need to rush, so I stopped to grab some coffee for us from a nearby Starbucks. I think it'd be nice to have a little break from having mixed office coffee or vending machine coffee.

Okay, fine. I'm stalling. There is absolutely no need for me to go out of my way to buy coffee but with every step, my heart rate speeds up at the same rate my anxiety spikes.

Even if I'm mentally prepared for this, there could be no right answer to how I should act in case I bump into Ethan at the company. I just silently pray that he was at home, or somewhere dancing in one of the basement practice rooms. Either way, I don't want to see him.

I enter the building. So far, so good. I think to myself. I begin to relax. Maybe I'm overthinking this. There’s such little chance of me bumping into him in this huge building. There's just no way! Sighing a breath of relief, I go up to the studio as I normally would, confident that I won't have any run-ins with Ethan.

I sneak a little peek into the studio and I see a figure through the frosted glass panel of the door. I figure Alexander is already mixing beats given he sent me the message about half an hour ago.

“Alexander, I got us some coffee, I hope you didn’t wait too lo—Ethan!?” 

I scramble backward from surprise, almost dropping my coffee. Ethan instinctively shoots up from where he's seated, reaches out, and grabs my arm to steady me. “Keira,” He says, a hand still around my arm, “Hey, are you alright?”

What the hell was he doing here?

According to my logic, Ethan should be anywhere in the building but here. What the hell is he doing here? My first instinct is to run, but with Ethan’s hand firmly around my arm, I can't really do that; I have no choice but to stay and face even more embarrassment.

I clear my throat loudly, jumping away from his hold, careful of the coffee I was still holding in my hands. “Yeah, fine sorry.” And an awkward laugh leaves my lips.

I guess there’s no backing out now. I’m already here and Ethan already saw me, what’s the point?

I maneuver myself around Ethan and make way for one of the couches. If Ethan and I are going to have a conversation then I need to take a seat. I need to steady myself before any accidents happen. He kept talking as I settle myself down on the couch.

“Hey, uh Keira. You bolted the other day, I was worried.” I can tell from his voice that he's sincere which makes this more confusing.

I'm so glad I haven't had a sip of coffee yet, because if I had I would’ve spat out most of it all over Ethan’s designer shirt. I mean, why would Ethan Reed be worried about me, I’m just some random assistant producer, no one big or important enough to be remembered.

I don't say anything, eyes fixed on the cups slowly losing their warmth in my hands. I can't keep still, my fingers fiddling with the lid of the cups. Anything to keep me busy and not look at him, because the moment I do I will remember everything that happened that day, and all the sinful things I did with Ethan in my mind.

          

Silence fills the room and I know Ethan senses the tension in the air stretched so tight that even he's fidgeting because of it. He can't sit still either. He's been pacing the room for the last two minutes. He stops abruptly, I'm assuming he can't stand the silence anymore. When he speaks his voice is low, and I could feel his concern.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable the other day, I know I invaded the practice room." I look up at Ethan to see him playing with his hands, visibly uncomfortable and not knowing where to look. His eyes finally settle on mine after a few seconds. "I’m really sorry, Keira. I hope we’re okay.”

How can he be so annoyingly hot and be a squishy baby at the same time? No! I can’t waver. I can’t look at him. He may be cute now, but when I remember what happened the other day, I can only see him as the devil who has invaded my most private thoughts.

“No, it’s nothing. I’m fine” I’m not fine. The mere mention of the practice room has my panties dampening. “I’m sorry for suddenly leaving. Where’s Alexander?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

Ethan seems to have been caught by surprise by my question, but he seems to get that I didn’t want to talk about that night. “Oh right, Alex invited me. He just went out to grab something.”

I nod slowly. I place the cups of coffee on the table. Stupid, Keira. I belatedly realize that I could have offered him the other cup of coffee. It’s not too late to do that right?

“Here,” I say, pushing the still-warm coffee cup towards Ethan. “It’s not as hot as it’s supposed to be, but I hope it’s still good.”

Ethan smiles, and the tension dissipates. It's as if he was afraid that I was mad at him, and the coffee was the sign that we were completely okay. “Thanks.”

I nod in response still trying to distance myself from him. I start taking the notes from my backpack and begin sorting through them. I barely touched them since I shoved the papers into my bag the other day. The pages are all jumbled together, some even crumpled from being stuffed haphazardly in with my laptop.

“Oh!” Ethan says suddenly, shuffling through his backpack, he grabs several sheets of paper before thrusting them in my direction. “You left them that day. I figured you still needed them so I picked them up for you.”

I smile and finally look up to him, touched that he picked them up for me. “That’s really sweet of you. Thank you.” Ethan smiled, and is that a blush? I push the thought aside for now. As if on cue, Alexander enters the room, an acoustic guitar on one hand and headphones on the other.

“Hey, Keira!” he greets and beams at me before setting down the headphones on top of the console and shoving the guitar to Ethan’s general direction, eyes not leaving mine. “I went over the demos you sent me. I think they’re good” he says.  He sounds so enthusiastic about it that I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes at him. He's playing. There's no way he liked them.

“Don’t lie to me, I know they’re shit,” I say and take a long sip of my coffee. Between dealing with Ethan and Alexander, today is going to be a long day.

***

We spend the whole afternoon going over the beats I sent to Alexander a few weeks back. I understand that I somehow made an impression on him and he wanted to help me out, but what I don't understand was why Ethan had to be here while Alexander went through every mistake and every skill that I still lack.

Not that I’m too proud to admit my mistakes, but Ethan’s stare is a lot unnerving. When Ethan finally stands up to go to the bathroom, I take the opportunity to ask Alexander why he invited him.

“Thanks a lot for helping me out, Alexander.” I start, not really knowing how to thank him properly.

“No big deal, and please call me Alex.” Surprised by Alexander’s show of rapport, I smile.

“Thank you, Alex. By the way, you said Ethan was also interested in learning to produce music, is that the reason you asked him to come over?” 

Alexander looks confused by my question, then he smirks as if the pieces of the puzzle somehow make sense now. “Is that what he told you, that I invited him here today?” 

It's my turn to be confused, I mean, why would Ethan lie about being here. But why would Alex mess with me? “Yeah, that’s what he said. Anyway, thanks again for doing this.” I need to change the subject soon; it wouldn’t take long for Ethan to return.

“You two are cute,” Alex says after a few heartbeats.

“What?”

But he doesn't get a chance to reply because Ethan is back, holding a bottle of water which he hands to me.

“Here, Keira,” Ethan says as my hands close around the bottle, and from the corner of my eye I see Alexander smiling.

“Cute.” He says again, as he plays my beat loudly over the speakers drowning the loud beating of my own heart.

What was that?