Chapter 3

"I feel filthy, Lord. Cleanse my soul"

Sasha and Mathew walked down the road that led to the south of the hotel. They were headed to a local bakery Mathew had suggested they checked out. He was so sure of the idea that Sasha had begun to think he knew who owned the bakery.

"There's a local bakery in the southern street from here. Let's go there. You'll bake the cake there. This was what he had said. Sasha was surprised at the certainty of the statement she went on to ask if he had been there for something like this before. She laughed when he answered in disagreement.

"The good Lord will sort everything for us. Have faith my dear." He had assured her that the Lord works in miraculous ways.

Sasha wished she had his faith. To be content with everything. To believe in God. To stride into dark caves certain God will provide a light and pave a way for her. She lacked faith and she knew it.

Perhaps, God had been testing her to see if she'll run back to him. She remembered some lines from Goerge Herbert's poem, The Pulley:

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to my breast.”

God has tested her and she has proven unworthy. She made up her mind to begin going to church, to open the doors to her heart to God once again, to embrace God so that he would embrace her.

They walked into the bakery, Mathew led the way, he spoke gently to the woman who seemed to the owner. To Sasha's surprise, the woman had agreed to let them use her bakery, for free.

Indeed, the good Lord was with her. Mathew left her there when he was sure everything was okay. Hours later she was done with the cake. She thanked the woman and exchanged contacts with her. She'll be coming to the bakery regularly.

For the first time in years, Sasha perceived the world differently. She had known nothing to pain and wickedness from the people around her in her house. She has never been helped by anyone.

That place reminded her of toxicity, pains and everything far from good… but here, there was something different about this place: the way everyone moved around with a smile, the comfortability the environment offered. As she walked her way back to the hotel, she felt peace.

Soon, she was walking the stairs to her room, happy and fulfilled. Nobody would have thought she had lost a child the day before. Sasha had comforted herself in "no amount of mourning would bring Daniel back to life. He's in a better place."

At least, this was what she forced herself to believe but she knew when she sat alone, at night, she would break down again.

She got to her room and went through her mails, she found the mailing address of the client who had ordered the wedding cake. She clicked the reply option and typed:

Hello Linda,

I apologize for the delay in delivering the cake you have ordered. However, It's ready now. (You'll find attached to this mail some pictures of the cake.)

I would like to know if you'd be able to send a delivery man to come get it for you as all my men are busy at the moment. I'll cover the delivery cost.

Do let me reply as soon as you see this.

Sasha.

She hit reply. And reread the mail. One thing about these technologies is the way they provide a suitable avenue for lying. She smiled.

She was still rereading the mail she had just sent when a mail popped up on her screen. It was from Linda. "Was she waiting for my messages?" Sasha muttered, bewildered.

She clicked on the notification and it opened. Linda had wrote back to her saying:

Hello, Sasha;

You don't know how happy I am to receive your mail. I was already thinking that you've duped me and ran away with my money. Yeah, I know that hurts, I'm sorry I thought of you that way.

I love the cake you baked. I love it. I love it. Exactly what I've asked for. I'm very impressed.

Don't worry about the delivery, I'll come get it myself just send me your location. And you know what? You've earned yourself an exclusive invitation to my wedding. Please come. I'll love to show you to many people there, you might be surprised to get many clients.

Don't forget to send me the address.

Xoxo!

Sasha was used to getting good reviews and referrals from her clients. She knew how to deliver what was ordered. This was what has kept her in the business for so long. She had plans to stay in the business for many more years to come.

Linda's invitation was something she needed. She needed money to fund her lodge and get herself together for a while before She would get a permanent place to stay and start-up a bakery.

Split is the perfect place for her. She had seen the signs – the people, this new feeling that envelopes her.

She replied Linda's mail with:

"Dom je Ovdje Hotel, Split.

Call me when you're there… +385 *** *** **

I'll be waiting for you.

Thank you."

After her meeting with Linda, Sasha was sure she had to be at the wedding tomorrow. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her. From what she saw and how she had seen Linda she knew the kind of people to expect at Linda's wedding: first class citizens, multi million business men and women. Name it. She was not going to miss this for anything in the world.

"Thank you, lord. I see what you're doing in my life. Thank you Lord." She glorified God as she got back to her room. She sank into the bed and began to think about what she'd be wearing tomorrow.

*******

"You'll do it. You have to." Harvey roared at her, pouncing and throwing pinches to her face.

"No, I'll not do it. I'll not be a surrogate mother for anyone." She cried out.

"See Sasha, we are talking about a hundred grand here. Hundred fucking grands, Sasha." He hit her again.

"I can't do it, Harvey." She writhed her body and tried to release herself from his grip.

He flung her to the ground. "You'll either do it or I'll kill that good for nothing child of yours."

Sasha froze. Sasha felt a cold chill run down her spine at the thought of her little boy in danger.

Harvey has threatened to kill her child, their child if she refused to do it. "Did you just threaten to kill Daniel? Our child…"

"Yes, you heard me right. I'll kill him if you don't do it. Hundred fucking grand and you bout to make me lose it. There's no fucking way you and I will ever get to see an amount like that in this life." He paused, he was grunting in anger. "We're gonna split the money. You'll get fifty grand, Sasha. Think about it."

Sasha was weeping profusely on the ground. She knew what Harvey was capable of doing. If he said he was going to kill their son if she didn't do it, then there was no doubt he was going to do it. He'd do anything for me. Kill everyone if he had to.

She blamed herself for falling in love with a man like him.

"Okay, Harvey. I'll do it but please, don't harm my little boy." She pleaded.

"That's all you had to say from the start and all these wouldn't have happened. I'll go talk to the doctor now, and will be back as soon as we finish discussing the terms."

He barged out of the room.

Soon, Daniel came running into the room in his school uniform. His shirt was stained chocolate as usual. He ran into his mother's arms.

"Come here, baby." Sasha wrapped her hands over his small body and chaffed his head, "nobody's going to hurt you. I promise." Tears flowed out of her eyes and soaked the child's uniform.

********

"Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" Sasha's eyes fluttered open, and she sat up in bed, gasping for air. She was drenched in sweat, her heart pounding in her chest.

"It was a dream." But the memory of it was still vivid in her mind, and she shuddered at the thought of it.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she shook her head, trying to dispel the image from her mind. She looked around the room, trying to ground herself in reality. She got out of bed and walked over to the window, drawing back the curtains. Outside, the day was alive with people and cars.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. But the fear wouldn't go away.

It was one of the taunting moments with Harvey, the day he had forced her to agree to be a surrogate mother.

Sasha tried to drift her thoughts from the dream but it was not possible. Daniel was dead. Harvey had never cared for the child. He hated them both, she and Daniel. For reasons she wasn't sure of.

Her mind began to think about the child she had through surrogacy. If he was still alive. She was sure he was in good hands, just not sure who his parents were by name but she knew they were rich and would love him.

Perhaps, she thought, if he was with her he'd also be dead by now. She was happy for him.

A thought rushed through her mind. She quickly took her phone and opened the bible app on it. She scrolled through and found a verse:

Timothy 1:7;

Lord, you have not given me the spirit of fear, therefore, I resist every form of fear that Satan may want to instill in me through this dream, in the name of Jesus. Fear, I bound you, I come against you, I cast you out of my mind and domain right now, in Jesus name.

She began to read the verses. She was still reading when someone knocked at the door. She walked to the door and asked who it was. Mathew answered and she opened the door for him.

She went back to her bed.

"Good evening, ma'am. How have you been?" Mathew noticed Sasha's abnormal sweating, he wondered what would have caused it. There was a fan whirring at its highest speed, an open window and a cool afternoon. Why'd someone sweat?

She tried to hide her worry in the forced smile that curled up on her lips. "I'm fine, Mathew. How was your day?"

"We praise the God Lord, ma'am. Are you having a fever because you're sweating, like really sweating? Hope the cake went well?"

"Yes, the cake went well. The client loved it. She even tipped me. Thank you very much, Mathew." Sasha ignored his inquiry about her health.

"You look troubled, ma'am, anything I could help you with?" The concern in his voice was genuine.

"Mathew," Sasha sighed and pressed on, "I was having a nap when all of a sudden I had a nightmare." She broke out crying and weeping.

"Calm down, ma'am. Breathe in and out. Whatever it was, the good Lord will see you through. Dreams are often born out of our real world. Some are just a reflection of the stress we've been through…" Mathew tried to comfort her with his words. "Have you prayed?" He finally asked her.

"Yes. I've prayed. I always pray, Mathew. It just seems like God doesn't answer my prayers." She whimpered in between tears and took deep breaths.

"Don't say that, ma'am. The lord always answers our prayers, maybe not immediately, but he always does. Sometimes we pray we pray might not be the best for us, then, the lord does what is best for us instead." He was preaching to her again but this time, she needed it. She was interested.

"Tell me, what was the nightmare about?"

She sighed heavily. "My husband, Mathew. It was my husband and my late child, Daniel."

Mathew withdrew some steps backwards and his mouth opened in surprise…