you make me believer!

Chapter 4

JOSHUA POV

Mostly I’ve seen that the smallest kid is dearest to parents but why is it opposite in my case?  Why is it that they have to compare me with him? Do I have to be him?

There’s nothing new about it.

Babi.. What should I say about her. First she was just a person who takes side of me but she is much more to me than words can define. She was the only person who genuinely used to listen, all banters and chit chats when I was a kid. When I was growing up I never saw my father home and mother also started working again. They never had time for me. I was left alone with babysitter and Josh.as he was elder then me, and he is book worm, always used to study. Whenever I went to him talk to him or play with him, he just scolds me. But Babi she was always by my side whenever I needed somebody.

                  With passing time my feeling for her are growing and getting stronger. I have done everything in my power to stop them but it is opposite. I just can’t do anything about it. Whenever I see her, I  just want to embrace her in my arms. It is becoming impossible to make an eye contact with her now. Whenever I see her with Josh  now, I feel like dying. I know it’s not right to her since I can see that she has feeling for my brother but still you can’t choose whom you are falling in love with. She is the only person who understands me and has always listens to me.

                                                                              Sometimes I feel like I should just go and hug her so tightly that she cannot breath. One sided love is most painful thing in the world. Yesterday, when we were having dinner I say they were holding hand, my all senses become numb. I want to spend my every night with her and wake up with her every night for rest of my life. I could not eat anymore. All I could think of crushing Josh’s hand. I am sitting here in this bar with shots of vodka while thinking of her scent still lingering in my mind. She was looking world’s most beautiful girl.  

                                Her peach pink was sexy yet simple and elegant. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I wanted to squeeze her and kiss her each and part of body. I couldn’t concentrate on any of my classes. All I could think was her. Slowly I can feel like losing myself. I end up gazing her all the time instead of taking. Wherever she was going I was behind her- in café, outside the class, in the parking lot. It was tenth day of this. Her smile was working has a dagger over my heart. Every time I see her I couldn’t control myself fantasising about her. But I know she can never be mine.

                            While I saw her going with Andreu somewhere, I ended following her like her. I saw them going inside club. They went inside but security wasn’t letting me go in without ID card. I had to him give her fifty dollars to let me in. the club was very big, It was very hard to find them but I did in the first floor. And then suddenly I saw Andreu dragging her on the dance floor. I so much wanted to end him, but I was curbing myself until I saw him touching her thighs. I wanted to beat him until he apologizes to Babi, but I saw her face she was half crying, I held her hand and heaved her outside the café. The image of touching her was revolving in my mind.

                                        I drop her outside her house and came here in the empty street to find some piece so that I calm myself. But all I am doing is smoking and talking to myself. I have already smoked whole pack of cigarettes and gawking her photograph which I took today. I was sitting In the middle of road and doing shit. I feel like no one’s life is messed up like mine. I fell in love with a girl, I can never have and the best part is I can’t do anything about it.

  I lit my last cigarette and inhaled it so deeply that my mind went numb and at the end I couldn’t control myself and ended up going back to her house. I want to see her for one time only. Her room was at first floor. I climbed through chimney but at the end up hurting myself more, I found my brother there. They were sleeping soundly hugging each other. I fell down as my hands became numb. I heard the window door opening so I quickly and hid near the wall. Josh woke up and he looked down the window and then went

              I quickly got up and went back on my motorbike and drove it on high speed. All I wanted to do was to escape from the reality for now. I couldn’t think of anything else and now that my eyes were really wet due to tears, couldn’t see anything clearly. Tears  were rolling down my cheek bones, I wasn’t even paying attention at speed meter now. Suddenly everything went blur in front of my sight and lost in thought, my motorbike went down with creaking down. I flung down to another side of road. My head was spinning like a top. Thankfully! I wasn’t bleeding.

                                                                           I found myself  laughing in this fucked up situation and thinking how can god give so much pain in fifteen years of age to one and give whole world to another. I was laughing for a long time and in no time I was sleeping. Next thing I remember was waking up at 5 in the morning. The phone was lying five feet away from. I pulled up my strength to get and trailed my body to the phone. I picked up my phone, I saw twenty missed calls from mom, dad and from Luke, my best friend who knows all this shit. My jeans were scratched below the knees and I saw my shirt smudged from blood near the shoulder. I hoped towards my motorbike and rode my bike towards twenty four seven store. I brought new clothes to wear and threw old one there.

               Then I headed straight towards my home. My room is near the back door so I went from there. I opened the back door and entered, I found all the lights switched off, which means everybody was sleeping. I quickly went in my room and threw myself  in the bed. From the table near the bed I took out two tablets of sleepolax and scoffed it with water. After that I don’t know for how long I slept.

   

After Babi reached home, she went straight to her room. She was still shaking her body was like a vibrator. She opened the chain of her dress and disrobed her dress and then she went straight to bathroom and stood below the shower for ten minutes. Then she came out of shower without wearing bath gown. Then she took out her phone from purse and put it on charging and switched it on. While it was switching on, she wore a night gown.

     She heard her phone’s beep and she saw a Josh’s message.

“I know where you were today. It’s not that why you went there. But I got to know from somebody else. You didn’t tell me. I am coming at your place in twenty minutes………….”