Chapter 5

Adrian POV

I was preparing for practice as basketball is the only place I feel like myself.

As I laced up my sneakers and put on my jersey, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. 

The court was the one place where I could escape from all the pressures of school and life. It was the one place where I felt like I could truly be myself. 

I could forget about all the expectations and the demands that were placed on me and just focus on the game.

As I dribbled the ball and shot a few practice shots, I felt my worries fade away. 

It was just me, the ball, and the net. Nothing else mattered. It was like therapy, in a way. I could focus on it all day long.

As I moved across the court, my mind started to wander to thoughts of my family. 

I thought about how things had changed since my dad remarried. It wasn't that I didn't like my stepmom, it was just that things were different now. 

I felt like I was always trying to measure up to her expectations, and it was exhausting. 

All my life I've been trying to prove to my dad that I am worthy of all his attention and not just his money.

I wished I could just be myself, but it felt like I was constantly trying to be someone I wasn't.

I took a deep breath and focused on my breathing. I reminded myself that I was here to play basketball, not to dwell on my problems. 

I'm Adrian, I love to play basketball, it's the one place where I can forget about all my worries and just be myself. 

I have a step-sister named Jane who is super smart and always at the top of her class, while I struggle with school. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough compared to her, and I get frustrated. It's not that I don't like her, I just feel like I can't live up to her standards. It's tough to be the 'dumb one' in the family. 

Even before my dad remarried, I had so much pressure on myself to be the best. I always felt like I had to prove myself, to show that I was worthy of my father's love and approval. 

But now, with Jane in the picture, it's even harder. I feel like I'm being compared to her all the time, and I always fall short. 

It's a tough spot to be in. But like I said, when I'm on the basketball court, all of that goes away. I'm just me, and I can be free.

I know it might sound silly, but I feel like I'm not living up to the expectations of my dad. I don't want to disappoint them, but sometimes it feels like I can't do anything right. 

Basketball is the one place where I feel like I can be myself and not worry about all of that. I can just focus on the game and forget about everything else. It's kind of like a safe haven for me. 

And also an escape from the rest of the world. 

As these thoughts filled my mind I knew I just had to relax. But I couldn't. Not under so much pressure.

As I stood there in a daze, I heard the sound of sneakers squeaking on the gym floor. 

Slowly, I started to become aware of my surroundings, and I realized that my teammates were arriving for practice. 

I could see them walking towards me, chatting and laughing with each other, not a care in the world. 

And I felt a sudden pang of envy. Why couldn't I feel that way, too? 

I've always been the odd one. Always.

Why couldn't I just relax and enjoy myself, without worrying about all of the other stuff? 

I felt like I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of stress and pressure.

One of my teammates walked up to me and clapped me on the shoulder. "What's up, man? You ready to ball?" he said, grinning.

I forced a smile in return. "Yeah, I'm ready," I said, even though I knew it wasn't entirely true. I didn't feel ready at all. 

But I also didn't want to let my team down. So I forced myself to push my worries aside and focus on the game.

The coach blew the whistle and we all gathered around him. 

"Alright, guys. Today, we're going to work on our defense. We've been a little sloppy on the court lately, and we need to tighten things up. So let's get to it!" he said, his voice booming.

We all lined up on the court, ready to start the drills. 

I tried to focus on the coach's instructions, but my mind kept wandering back to my worries and insecurities. 

I felt like I was constantly being pulled in two different directions - the pressure of having to perform on the court, and the pressure of having to live up to everyone's expectations. 

I felt like I was stuck in a never-ending tug-of-war.

The drills continued and my concentration began to waver. 

I kept making mistakes, and I could see the frustration on my coach's face. 

He called a time-out and motioned for me to come over. I knew I was in trouble.

"What's going on with you today, Adrian? You're usually one of our strongest players, but today you're all over the place. You're not focusing and you're making mistakes left and right. What's going on?" he asked, a worried look on his face.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to tell him the truth - that I was feeling frustrated.

I was feeling frustrated. I couldn't do anything to prove myself.

But instead I said "I'm aight coach, just having an off day."

But my coach wouldn't hear that from any of his players.

"I don't buy that for a second," he said, shaking his head. 

"I know something's up. You can talk to me, you know that, right? I'm not just here to coach you on the court, I'm also here to help you with anything else you're dealing with. So spill it, what's going on?"

I hesitated, but I knew he wouldn't let it go. So I took a deep breath and tried to find the words.

"I'm sorry coach, I promise I'm just having an off day. I'm fine, really," I insisted, but I knew he could see through my lies.

"I'm not buying it," he said again, looking at me with a concerned expression. 

"I know there's something more going on. And you know I'm here to listen, no matter what it is. I care about you as a person, not just as a player."

I could feel my resolve starting to crumble. I knew I couldn't keep lying to him, even if it was hard. 

The pressure was building inside of me, and I felt like I was going to burst. 

I couldn't take it anymore. So I turned and ran out of the court, not looking back. I could hear my coach calling after me, but I just kept running. 

I needed to get out of there. I ran out of the school gym and down the hall, not caring where I was going. I just needed to get away.

Finally, I stopped running and found myself by my locker. I sat down on a bench and put my head in my hands. 

I felt like I was suffocating, like I couldn't get a grasp of what exactly was wrong with me.

All I want is to be loved but I guess it's not gonna come easy.

Not with this pressure.

The weight of the world was crushing me. Tears began to stream down my face, and I couldn't stop them. 

I felt so overwhelmed, like everything was falling apart. And the worst part was that I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I felt so alone.

I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up and saw my coach standing there. I turned away, not wanting to face him. 

But he sat down next to me on the bench and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay," he said in a gentle voice. 

"I'm not here to judge you or make you feel bad. I just want to help you. Whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. I'm here for you, no matter what."

I looked up at him, and his kind eyes met mine. I could tell he was being sincere. 

And for the first time, I felt like I could actually talk to someone about what I was going through. 

So I started to tell him everything. I told him about the pressure I felt to be perfect, and how I was always comparing myself to others. 

I told him about how my dad's approval felt like a constant source of anxiety, and how I felt like I could never live up to his expectations. 

"My dad works so hard, I just want to make him proud."

And finally, I told him about how overwhelmed I felt with everything - school, sports, and just life in general.

As I finished speaking, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 

I looked at my coach, and he was just listening intently, without judgment or interruption. When I finished, he spoke.

"Thank you for trusting me with all of that," he said, "I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to share all of that. But I'm glad you did. And let me just say this - you don't need to be perfect. Nobody is perfect, and that's okay. You have so many amazing qualities, and you should focus on those instead of comparing yourself to others. And as for your dad, I know you want to make him proud, but you shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to do so. Just focus on being the best version of yourself, and that's all he could ever ask for."

I sat there and let his words sink in.

"Thanks Coach, I appreciate you big time." I said to him, feeling really grateful.

I got home and metJane and her friend, Oliver or so, I can't really recall.

Shit! They can't see me so sweaty.

As I walked in, I watched Jane sitting at the kitchen table with her friend, I couldn't help but roll my eyes a bit. 

They were both so nerdy, with their books and calculators spread out in front of them. 

They were probably studying some advanced math or science or something equally mind-numbing. 

I didn't understand how they could find that stuff interesting. To me, it was all just a bunch of boring numbers and formulas.

I scoffed and they turned around.

Jane became uncomfortable instantly and Oliver said "Hi" with a big grin.

I only nodded. I had too many problems.

I decided to go to my room and play some video games. I needed to get away from all of the nerdiness. 

As I sat down at my desk, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. 

Finally, I could escape into a world of my own, where I didn't have to worry about school or my dad or anything else. 

I could just be me. 

I picked up my controller and started playing, losing myself in the game.

After a while, I heard the front door open and close. I figured it was probably my dad, coming home from work. 

But then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and they were too light to be my dad's. It must be Jane. 

I heard the footsteps come closer, until they stopped right outside my door. 

I could feel the tension in the air, even though I couldn't see the person's face. She knocked softly on the door, and I reluctantly said, "Come in."

The door opened and I saw Jane's face peeking around the corner. "Hey," she said shyly. "Can I come in?"

I sighed and said, "Sure." I knew I couldn't really turn her away, even though I didn't want to talk to her right now.

She came in and said, "Hey, Adrian! Can you come downstairs for a second? The Gardener wants to talk to you about something."

I groaned. "Can't it wait? I'm busy."

"No, he said it's important," she insisted. "Please?"

I sighed. "Fine, I'll be down in a minute."

I reluctantly got up from my bed and walked to my closet to put on a shirt. 

I opened the door and started digging through my clothes, when I heard a gasp behind me.