Do you Love Him

CHAPTER 49:DO YOU LOVE HIM?    

RACHEL'S POV.

The café is warm, and the scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, but it does nothing to comfort me. My fingers tremble as I stir my drink, watching the milk swirl into the dark liquid before fading into a murky brown. My chest feels tight, my throat raw from holding back the sobs that threaten to break free. Emily sits across from me, her eyes soft with concern, waiting patiently for me to finish speaking.

  “I just... I just don’t know, Emily,” I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper. I wipe my tear-stained cheek. My fingers tighten around the warm cup as I blink rapidly, trying to stop more tears from slipping down my cheeks. “I couldn’t just ignore the call. Dorcas sounded so desperate. I was afraid that she was going to get hurt because of the screams. Elvis was wrecking things... I—I had to go. I had to help him. Am I at fault?"

Emily sighs, reaching across the table to take my hand. Her grip is gentle but firm. “Rachel, listen to yourself. You’re blaming yourself for being a decent person. You heard someone you once cared about was in trouble, and you went to help. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about Noah either.”

   “But I should have thought about him!” I argue, my voice cracking. I take a deep breath and lower my tone. “I should have realized how it would look. I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I shouldn’t have let Elvis—”

I clamp my lips shut, but Emily catches on immediately. Her eyes narrow slightly. “You shouldn’t have let Elvis do what?”

I shake my head, but she doesn’t let it go. “Rachel.” Her voice is firm now, demanding. “What happened?”

I exhale shakily. “He kissed me,” I admit, my voice so small it feels like a confession. “I pulled away immediately, but Noah… he saw.”

Emily’s eyes widen. She leans back in her chair, crossing her arms. “And how exactly did Noah see that if he wasn't there?”

I frown, shaking my head. “I don’t know. I left with Dorcas and Elvis to his house. There was no one else around. I don’t even know how Noah knew I was there in the first place. Elvis was drunk when he did it but I was just so concerned and focused on getting him to sleep than other things that he did.”

Emily’s fingers drum against the table in thought. “Something doesn’t add up. Everything just looks like a set up actually.”

I roll my eyes. “Not everything is some grand conspiracy, Em.”

Her lips press together in a thin line. “Maybe. But it just doesn't make sense, don’t you think?”

I don’t answer. Instead, I rub my temple, feeling the weight of everything crash down on me. The guilt, the exhaustion, the ache in my chest that hasn’t gone away since Noah shut me out.

Emily sighs, bringing the conversation back to me. “Regardless, Rachel…let's forget about how Noah found out for a second. I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.”

I look up at her warily. “What?”

She hesitates, then leans forward, her voice gentle but probing. “Are you in love with Noah?”

The question strikes me harder than I expected. My heart lurches, and my breath catches in my throat. “I—”

The words won’t come out. My mind scrambles for an answer, but the more I try to form one, the more tangled my thoughts become.

Emily watches me closely before she rephrases, giving me an easier way out. “Okay, then. How do you feel when you’re with him? Compare it to how you felt with Elvis.”

I exhale sharply. “That’s not fair.”

  “Why not?” she presses. “Because you’re scared of the answer?”

I swallow hard, my gaze lowering to my untouched drink. “It’s just… different.”

  “How?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

Emily tilts her head, studying me. “Rachel, you loved Elvis once. But do you love Noah more?”

The question hangs between us, suffocating me. I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I don’t even know what the answer is.

Emily reaches for my hand again, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t have to answer now. Just… think about it.”

I nod, unable to say anything else.

She sighs, leaning back in her chair. “As for Noah, I think you should give him space. He’s hurt, and right now, I don’t think anything you say will get through to him. Let him come to terms with it first before you try explaining again." 

The thought of waiting makes my stomach twist, but I know she’s right. Noah is shutting me out, and pushing harder won’t fix anything.

   "Like I said, kindly just stay away from Elvis for some time, okay? I understand the burden you are carrying because you feel like the breakup was your fault, but sincerely, that was the right thing to do. It's hard but there is nothing we can do about it. You did what any logical person would have done. So, you are not at fault, they just don't understand you yet.”

Emily checks her phone suddenly and frowns. “I have to go,” she says reluctantly. “Dad’s calling me home.”

I nod, forcing a small smile. “Alright, thanks for listening.”

She stands up, wrapping her arms around me in a comforting hug.“Always. Just… take care of yourself, okay?”

I nod again, and just like that, she’s gone.

.

.

.

That night, exhaustion settles over me like a thick blanket, but my mind refuses to rest. I toss and turn, my thoughts looping back to the same questions.

Is Emily right? Could someone have set me up?

And more importantly… do I love Noah?

Before I can sink deeper into my spiraling thoughts, my phone buzzes beside me. I grab it, squinting at the caller ID.

Liam.

I hesitate before answering. “Hey.”

  “Hey, Rachel,” Liam’s voice is light, but there’s an underlying seriousness to his tone. “What’s up?”

I sigh. “I'm fine."

   "And how is the situation with Noah?"

  "Same as usual. Noah still hasn’t spoken to me.”

There’s a pause. Then Liam mutters, “Yeah, he hasn’t spoken to me either.”

I sit up straighter. “Wait, what?”

Liam exhales. “I’ve been calling him since yesterday, and he’s been ignoring me. Straight-up avoiding me. He’s shutting everyone out.”

A lump forms in my throat. It isn’t just me he’s ignoring—it’s Liam too. That only makes me feel worse. I am the reason for their break up as friends too.

Liam sighs. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I’ll keep trying. He can’t hide forever.”

I manage a weak chuckle. “Noah’s stubborn.”

   “Yeah, well, so am I, and I don't think running from a problem instead of communicating to solve it is the right answer.”

A small silence lingers between us before Liam speaks again, his voice softer. “Don’t let this eat you up, Rachel. Whatever happened, it’s not all on you.”

I press my lips together, gripping the phone tightly. “It feels like it is.”

  “It’s not.” His voice is firm. “Noah just needs time. And maybe... maybe he needs to figure out what he really wants, too.”

I don’t answer, because deep down, I know he’s right.

  "I will keep trying to see if I can reach him. Don't hesitate to reach out to me as well if anything goes wrong." 

   "Hmm, thank you."

The call ends, and I fall back against my pillows, staring at the ceiling.

Do I love Noah?

And if I do… is it already too late to fix things?

With a deep sigh, I close my eyes, hoping that for just a few hours, sleep will grant me an escape from this chaos.