JaredThe darkness is trying to come out. It was never like this with Laynie before. It just clarifies my previous thoughts on something happening this past year. Of course, now I know what that was. I put my hands on my girlfriend. On my wife. I used to kick guy's asses in high school if they even talked shit about their girlfriends. Now I'm one of those pricks. No, I'm worse. I cannot believe I have ever put my hands on her. When the detectives told me about her previous injuries, I knew. I just knew I had done something wrong. I may not remember but I could feel the darkness trying to escape. It feels stronger than it used to. When me and Laynie started dating in high school it almost vanished. I knew it was still there but it was never present around her. When my mother finally passed from her illness, I thought it would try to come out. I know I needed a release of some kind to escape the pain of the loss I had, but Laynie was there for me the whole time making the darkness onl
LaynieI take my time in the shower feeling hesitant about my upcoming talk with my husband. Jared scared me earlier to the point where I went into my safe space. Whenever Jared got drunk and wanted to fight with me, that was where I went. The first time was an accident. He had shoved me in the kitchen when I refused to remake a dish that was completely fine. I fell into the little space between the refrigerator and the pantry doors. The space couldn't have been more than a foot wide but when Jared saw that I was trapped in there he left me alone. From that point on whenever he would get violent in a drunken state I would hide in there. It killed my back each time and I usually got scratches when trying to come out but it was better than the alternative. Way better. Once the water gets too cold for my body, I leave the bathroom and go back into the bedroom. I put on my comfy pajamas of gray flannel sweats and a black tank. I stopped wearing night gowns when Jared told me that I was
JaredI was never a man of faith. My father instilled on me at a young age, that if I wasn't going to be successful and powerful on my own, then I wasn't welcome in his home. So, praying to God every night wasn't allowed. When me and Laynie started getting serious her sophomore year of college, she asked me to go to church with her on Christmas Eve. It was a tradition that her and her father did ever year. It was awkward for me, but I dealt with it because I wanted to be with her and I knew this was important to her. I never told her, but I didn't enjoy the festivities like she did. I guess my father had more to do with my upbringing than I give him credit for.I drop to my knees, and for the first time in my life, give a silent prayer to God that Laynie can forgive me. I know without a doubt that I did that to her. I burry my head in my hands and fist my hair. What the hell have I done to her? I'm getting sick and tired of asking myself that question. I'm getting sick of feeling sic
JaredI wake with a start falling to the ground. Fuck that hurts. I blink slowly and wonder where I am and why I'm not in the hospital, when yesterday comes rushing back to me. I slowly get up and sit on the couch rubbing my tired eyes. I Look around for a clock of some type to see what time it is when I hear a scream. That's what woke me up. I run down the hall to the bedroom and open the door. I envision the worst possible scenario when I hear the scream again. What if those punks escaped and are coming after us again? I still don't know why they attacked us in the first place.What I see puts me in a content yet panicked state. Laynie is having a nightmare. No one is here to hurt her. Except me. Something tells me I'm the reason behind the nightmare. I walk over to the side of the bed and stare at her. She seems to be stuck in some kind of painful dream and I'm not sure what to do. What if she is dreaming of me hurting her, and then goes into shock when I wake her? What if she scr
LaynieI keep looking at the bedroom door.I know Jared went in there to get away. We have thrown a lot on him and it isn't fair. He must feel terrible and confused and frustrated to say the least. I keep checking the hallway to see if Jared has come through, but nothing. I can't believe Anna told him all that. I was going to talk to him today about everything and I knew we would shed tears, hug, get angry, it would be an all-day conversation. Anna in her usual fashion, got it done in about 3 minutes."Look, all I'm saying, is that is their business not ours Banana." Alan says to Anna interrupting my thoughts."I know it is Alan, but my best friend has been depressed for twelve months and I want to know why." She says turning back to me.She glances at me, Alan glances at her, I glance at the hallway. Come on Jared, don't leave me out here alone. Jared appears at the end of the hall like I conjured him, and looks right at me. His stare is almost possessive. He puts his hand up and w
JaredWe are doing this. I decided in the shower that Laynie is my soul mate. I could cry and bitch all I want about what I put her through, or, I could do something about it. I hate myself for what I put her through but I know she won't give up on me. I can see it. She cares for me more than I deserve which is why I know when we do eventually talk, and I learn what I have put this woman through, that she still won't let me go. So, I'm going to make it my mission to make her happy. I won't let the darkness come through, because I am going to track down the reason it came out in the first place, and make this shadow of a nightmare leave me alone once and for all. I'll go to counseling if I must. I have a good feeling I know where it came from and what it was caused by. With a gentle hand, I lead my wife to the kitchen that smells of freshly brewed coffee and breakfast. My stomach growls loudly and Laynie lets out a little giggle. Fuck, if I could bottle that laugh up I would. We all si
LaynieI look at Anna as both detectives leave. I don't know exactly what Stephanson meant by his last comment, but I feel completely guilty for my earlier laugh at his attire. When I look to Anna she has tears in her eyes and hasn't looked away from the door. I glance at Jared who shrugs, having no idea what that was about either. I look at Alan next and he just stares down at Anna with a look of sympathy. Seems he might know something we don't. Anna's past was not a friendly one. We met when I moved from New York to Minneapolis and started going to the same elementary school. It was just dad and me and I had no siblings, so I wanted to make friends. A girl named Mina came up to me at lunch and started picking on me. She made fun of my clothing, my hair, my shoes, everything. According to her and her cruel words, I was just too plain looking to sit at her table. Anna walked right up to Mina and slapped her in the face. We have been best friends ever since.Anna was always the pretty g
JaredIt's a good thing I'm married to a woman with common sense. Mine flew somewhere out the window as soon as I had that phone call twenty minutes ago. Laynie told me that James would know where the office was. Of course, he would. After a phone call with him, I got the address for my father's office. James did warn me that if the old man asked me to be there in ten minutes he doesn't mean thirty. I'm not at all intimidated by that, but because I don't want him to leave, Laynie and I head there straight away. It felt strange speaking with someone that calls me boss. I've never been a boss. So much has changed in this year.Alan and Anna decided to wait at our house and told us that we can catch them up on everything when we get back. We get to the office in record time. I get out of the passenger seat and go to open Laynie's door. I want to show her how much I appreciate her being here. When I first asked her to come with me, she looked surprised. After leading her back into the be
AnnaSix Years Later"Sweetheart can you tell your father to come in here and grab the steaks?" Laynie asks her daughter Molly. Molly runs out to the back-yard hollering to her father that mommy said to get the 'sticks'.Laynie and both laugh which causes me to hold onto my enormous belly. I am currently eight months pregnant and I swear if there was a way to get this baby out sooner I would do it. Laynie walks over and closes the sliding glass door shut after Molly left it open."So how are you feeling?" Laynie asks coming back to the kitchen and grabbing the salad out of the fridge. We decided to have a barbeque at Alan and I's home for the fourth of July weekend. Shortly after everything went down six years ago, Alan and I got married and bought a house. I fought it at first, but Alan soon convinced me that we knew each other all our lives, we didn't need a timeline for marriage.Jared and Laynie are here with their three children, and Jed will be here soon. We invited Alan
AlanChaos. I've never truly understood the word until now. I've grown up in a house full of people all talking at the same time. I've had over thirty students yelling at the top of their lungs for a sound proof test the school was doing. I've been in a circle of both equal parts nervous and excited football players, preparing themselves for the big game. I've had noise, I've had excitement, I've had an uncontrolled environment. What I've never had, is chaos.I get in the car and drive after the ambulance carrying the woman of my dreams. My mind a flurry of thoughts and images of every moment we have ever spent together. I thought when detective Stephanson told me, Laynie and Jared the entire story of Anna's past, that I was heartbroken then, but nothing is compared the pain I feel in this moment.Thoughts of this morning come rushing back to me as I arrived at Jared's home. Detective Stephanson was there, I had recognized him from when Jared and Laynie were attacked last year i
AnnaMy phone vibrates in my palm once more. I can't answer it, I won't. I already know it's Alan. He has been calling for the last three hours nonstop. His words form last night are still raw and I don't know if I could stand to hear his voice right now. Alan finding out the truth last night has brought me to where I am today.I await the guards to finish frisking me and lower my gaze even further when the lead guard comes over and starts telling me the rules I have already learned. I am let into the room, a different one than the one I am used to being in and wait. Today is the day Jed gets out, and my nerves have given me both jitters and anxiety. I am not only nervous for Jed, I am nervous for me.A loud ringing sound starts, and I look around to see where it is coming from. The sound stops when a door opens, and I see two guards flowing in, followed by my brother. He looks different, almost happy. His long dirty blonde hair is brushed back, and his eyes are bright and vibrant.
AlanI had always assumed I had strength. The strength to move towards my goal as a teacher. The strength to move to a whole new city. The strength to say no anytime someone would offer me a drink at their dinner party, or a small get together. I had no idea that strength, real strength, came from pain.As I sit in my small blue plastic chair sipping on my overly stale coffee and listen to other people talk about what they have endured. What they have gone through, the horrible things they have done to get that last sip, or last hit. I realize that strength, real strength is a small part of what I would need to keep fighting my demons.It has been a week since I have been back in New York. I did what I was meant to do. I went to work, came home, graded papers, said hello to Delilah every morning, saw Laynie and Jared a few times for dinner, everything that was expected of me.What I didn't do, was relax. My mind couldn't. I was too wrapped up in what I had found on my first day
AnnaAnger has never been more clearly evident on someone as it is on me at this moment. As I watch my father waltz into a club full of men who could kill him simply by flicking their wrists, I wonder what his motive must be. If he has been tailing me, and I know he has because he showed up at my apartment the night I flew in from Minneapolis, then he knows what a mistake this is. Alan is here, and if father's plan is to get Alan to see that we still keep in contact, then it's working."What are you doing here father?" I snare at his pungent face. Now that Alan and I are over, something father doesn't know because I bullshited the story of me going over there in the first place, I want him gone even more.After I got home, I was broken. Alan had said some horrible, but truthful things to me and the last thing I wanted was to come home to father sitting comfortably in my armchair. He did what I figured he would. Questioned my trip with the Kings. I told him the very basics. The inter
AlanThere is no greater pain than knowing you caused an innocent person's tragedy. That night I made my decision. I had to change myself. I woke up the next day in the hospital to no Anna. My mother was sitting in the chair next to me, crying. My father nowhere to be seen. My hand was grasping my mother's tight and when the detective came in to tell me of my charges, I watched my father break down for the first time in my lifetime. He was always the strong one, the wall of bravery and courage that never backed down or gave up. He was the sturdiness of our family and I witnessed him crumble over and over again as they named my charges.Edith Monroe Jewel.She was eighteen years old, majoring in economics in college. Her favorite color is orange like the sunset she insisted on watching every night from her dorm. Only child to her parents and used all her money she worked at a movie theatre to buy a ten-year-old Chevy. She was the most innocent face I would ever see, the face that
AlanI remember it like it was it was yesterday. The pain and anguish, as if it were a mere ten seconds ago. She broke my heart that day. I not only learned that I was with someone that wasn't supposed to be with me, but I learned that the world is a cruel and ugly place. I found my place that night. The bottle called to me, and it never stopped.Two Years AgoAnna should be here any moment. I dash over to the kitchen and start cleaning there as well. I never realize how dirty my house is until I know someone is coming over. Anna isn't necessarily a clean freak but knowing my girl, she will bust my ass seven ways to Sunday if she sees my left over Chinese containers from three days ago. I've been a bit busy with helping to tutor little Arnold after school. He will be in my class the year after next and I for one cannot wait. He and his older brother have been having a hard time with their father and he is relying on me to come through for him this summer. I started teaching summ
AnnaI've never felt so helpless in my life. Not even when Jed turned sixteen and instead of a gift, father made him train with a nasty brute of a man named Serge. Father told Serge not to take it easy on Jed and he barely made it out of the match alive. I was eleven, and mother made me watch because my job, was to hopefully seduce Serge if he went too hard on my big brother. Always a way out. No, in this moment, I feel much more anxious than when Jed was slowly dying ten feet in front of me. Alan adjusts his tie for the hundredth time while the host, Margarette Knowles, asks Paul the next question. So far, the questions have been on the subtle side. Why he chose to run now? What he thinks of his competitor? What sorts of things he wants to change in our government. But I know the questions are far from over. She hasn't even asked about Paul about not going to the formal dinner back in New York."So, tell me Mr. King. What did your family think when you announced you were goi
Alan"Okay, either our bags were not on the same flight as we were, or I'm blind and need glasses."I look again at the spinning conveyer displaying everyone's belongings, well, everyone's but ours. We have been here for over ten minutes and I still cannot locate our bags. Should be easy enough with Anna's large Louie Vuitton messenger bag but still, I've got nothing. I look behind me and notice Anna is no longer standing behind me but much farther away. She is looking down at her phone and I feel a ping of insecurity. Ever since we landed, Anna has been on her phone and I don't want to be that boyfriend that snoops, but she is being a bit sneaky and it's making me a bit nervous.Each time I've asked her who it was, she hides the phone from me and says Laynie. I tried looking over her shoulder at the phone, but she types so damn fast and places it inside her jacket pocket, I can't tell who it really is."Alan?" I snap out of my daze and see Anna standing right in front of me with