GRIP

The smell of a bacon wakes me; I look at my phone. It’s 8 in the morning, who’s cooking this early? I try to get myself into the wheel chair but I fail. The doctor says I can still walk, but why on earth I can’t fell any nerves in my feet? I crawl and lean on the side of my bed, looking at my two lame feet I try to move my toes, none succeed. Are they kidding me? I run my fingers on my knee, I try to feel my hands…. Why I can’t feel it? I pinch, one, two three… What is this? I hit on my feet hard, I know I hit it hard cause I can feel my fist ache, but it feels like a pinch, I tried it one more time…one hit, two hit, three....

“Stop it Mr. Carter!” Kierra catch that last hit with her arms, I am sweating, she pulls me back at the edge of the bed, her two arms underneath my armpit. She’s indeed strong. I watched her as she pulls the wheelchair without a word she is about to lift me again

“Let me do this!” I hate to see myself like this, pathetic

“Okay, but let me help you Sir.” She put the wheelchair behind me and offer her hands to assist me as I try to stand. I look at her and took her hand. I can’t feel the floor, and I lose my balance, but she’s quick to catch me. I can smell her skin and I didn’t notice that my face is almost at her breast. She puts me on the chair. I think she’s blushing from that awkward scene.

“You’re quick.”

“And you’re stubborn Sir.” That was very bold of her. I watched her went down after she had putted me on my boring wheel chair, I push the control button and manage to navigate myself in the front window of my room, I press a button and the curtains were divided in two and revealing the enthusiastic sun shine. The light is blinding or my eyes are not used to look at things this bright after I hid myself inside my loft for months.

“Hello Sun, are you that happy today to shine this bright? How can you be so happy being alone there in the sky?” the view here is incredibly fascinating, but it can’t make my heart feel fine or neither amaze.

“I think he is not really alone” a voice behind me

“What makes you think he is not alone?”

“You see Mr. Carter, there are a lot of stars and moon at the same galaxy where the sun is, it’s just that he is the brightest of all the stars and he shine on different time here on earth.”

“Well he looks alone to me”

“He is just too bright that it overpowers the other stars. Not because you cannot see it means they are not actually there.”

“Well said, anyway what should I call you again?” I turn and face to the woman Andrea hires for me

“My name is Kierra, sir.” I look at her small shaped face, her eyes were round and brown that beautifully fit her tall nose and small lips. She looks like a doll more than a nurse to me.

“How long you’ve been doing this?” her eyes were seemed puzzled by my question “How many had you nursed with?”

“Just you sir.” Her eyes seem twinkling

“So you mean this is your first time to nurse someone? How could Andrea send me a newbie?”

“But I am knowledgeable Sir and...”

“Stop calling me Sir, it annoys me, call me Harold.” I move my chair and about to get down to the ramp going to my living room, I know from behind that she’s following me. She stayed quiet as I finish my breakfast, I grab my phone for any message or important call; most calls are from Andrea I browse till I get to the bottom of the call log and my eyes were pinned on an unusual digit, these are not from our country. My heart runs blood fast and I can feel the sudden warm of my hands, this might be from my sister, I try to redial the number but as expected it is not from here.

“Hi Harold,” Andrea on the other line, she sound different

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, what makes you call this early?” I heard another voice from her line

“Are you with someone?”

“Yeah, what can I do for you?” her voice was almost whispering

“Did you sleep with a man?” I can’t help but ask

“What do you want Harold?” she’s now serious and her voice were clearer

“Uhm… maybe I will just call you later”

“Just say it.” I can hear her walking “What is it Harold?”

“So, who is that lucky guy who lay besides you the whole night?” I can’t hide my amusement.

“Would you leave my private life alone Harold?” I am silent for a moment, this is my first time to hear those words from her and with that kind of tone.

“I’m sorry, well..” I am clearing my throat , “sorry to call you this early, I just want you to check on something…” I can hear her breathing on the other line “I got an unusual number, and I was thinking..”

“If it’s Hannah?” exactly as what I am thinking “Well you send me the number and I’ll ask them to trace its origin” she’s always the best person for this “Don’t rise your hopes Harold” in her lower and straight forward tone.

“I hope in every little thing that may have a connection to her Andrea, I always hope.” On this part of my life I can say that I am full of hopes. Seeing my sister again is the only motivation I had, that brought me this far, how could I lose hope?

“Okay then, I’ll call you once we got something.” And she hangs up.

I stared at our broken connection, what will I do without Andrea? I should learn how to do things on my own now, maybe, now that she’s starting to date a man and who is that man she’s dating? I never heard her talk about a man before, wait “should I know it?”. Well, she’s like a sister to me, I care who she dates. I care cause she’s a friend and a sister to me.

“Would you like to go outside Harold?” her sweet voice interrupts me

“With this?” in my most irritated gesture pointing to my crippled legs

“Yes, I can push you all the way down, where do you want to go?” she seems to ignore my sour mood, I stare at her lovely little eyes, still twinkling as if telling hopes inside.

” I’ll choose to stay here.” And I turn my back and went to the ramp back to my room.

I spend most of my days inside my room and pour some of my frustration to Kierra who always smile back with all my mood swings. I think I know now why Andrea put her here, she seems so trained on thinking positively in every matter. During Saturdays, a therapist came to visit me to help speed up my recovery. I choose to do the rehabilitation inside my loft, after all my people can make me a place to do the rehab.

“You are making a good progress” a word from Bryan my therapist, with my hands on the metal guide I manage to do one step forward. “Don’t push too hard Harold, you are doing very well.” As he sees me trying to make another step and sweats are running in my forehead

“I want to push harder Bryan” my hands were tired from the pressure I am putting in just to make another step forward but this time, I lose my grip and fell on my knee. There’s a quick soft hand that grabs me before I hit the ground face forward.

“I got you” she’s fast as always

“Slow down Harold, we don’t want to add trauma to your bone” he sounded so displeased so I listen and sit back. Kierra gestured to walk out of the picture “Thanks to you Kierra” and he winks at her while she just nod.

Bryan help me get back to my chair and I watched him as he keeps on writing something on his gray ipad. “You tell me the truth” his eyes on me now “Am I really doing fine?” his perfectly lined teeth showed up as he smile wide while saying “Yes Harold, patience…” and he tap my shoulder, “You want me to push you back to your room?”

“No, I can get there by myself” and he went out