Chapter 1: Back in the Closet

AUGUST LEVISAY

“Beep!! Beep!!Beep!!”

The alarm clock began to ring, and so did the most nerve-racking day of my life. I laid sprawled on my bed and stared idly at the ceiling for about five minutes. My thoughts are still profoundly absorbed by the things that happened last school semester.

Last school semester was promising to be my best semester yet. I have gained a whole lot of friends, my self-esteem improved by fifty percent, and I eventually reached the coveted popular status. I had just come to accept that my life would be just as colorful as the rainbow right after I bravely came out of the closet when things unexpectedly turned the grey route. The first of these came crashing with such speed that it caught me off guard. I was on my way home from school wearing the best smile ever after having the best day of my life when my dad called to inform me that my mom was in the hospital. It was a piece of horrifying news. And I’m not going to lie, but I tried to think that she would be okay. After all, I just told my crush that I like him and he kind of told me that he likes me too. I was probably the happiest person that day, and so I stayed positive. But just like I said, everything turns grey. The very same week, I learned that things weren’t going very well for most of us. My dad’s about to lose his job, and my mom finally told me the truth after hiding it for a very long time. She has cancer.

I was gutted, and somehow, I felt betrayed by my own family. My mom had never told me about her medical situation; she’s always been living her life consciously. That’s probably the reason why I haven’t noticed anything wrong about her, but then I realized it’s also the reason why I should’ve wondered and asked. My mom was in the hospital for two weeks, and I have been visiting her every single day, unconsciously trying to make the most of it, until the day that the doctor revealed the most horrifying news I’ve ever heard in my entire life. My mother’s gone. This news came to me as a terrible shock, and like anything that changes you forever, it carved a hole in my heart.

The following months were hard for my dad and me. He just lost his job, my crush just had a girlfriend, and we’re both struggling to breathe from the aftermath of my mom’s passing. Two months before the semester ended, my dad had found a new lover, and I’m totally okay with it. I automatically thought my dad would take things slowly, but everything went faster than I would’ve expected, and now I’m about to have breakfast with my new family.

I propped myself out of bed, and with such unwilling energy, I grabbed my towel and went straight to the shower. I usually don’t take long just to have a normal shower; fifteen minutes is my standard. This time though, this very specific day, I deliberately took my time as if I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Every single teenager here in Mary Heights must be excited for this day but count me out. I don’t want to go to school today, but today’s my first day as a junior at my new school, and I’m not ready for it. I’m not prepared for any of this to happen just yet. In fact, I’m not prepared to have a new family this soon. And I’m not even prepared to be back inside the closet again.

But I don’t have a choice.

I was forced to get out of the shower when I heard my dad called for my name. I decided to wear a simple pair of jeans and a dull green hoodie, thinking I might pass as the most normal kid around. I don’t want to get too much attention right on my first day as a junior.

I inched my way towards the kitchen, where I was greeted by my dad and my new mom.

“Good morning, darling!” Wednesday, my stepmother chimed, giving me the best morning smile she could possibly muster.

“Good morning,” I replied blandly, and I saw my dad give me a side-eye. “Good morning, mom,” I let out, rephrasing my sentence even following it up with a kiss on her cheek.

“Oh, such a sweet boy.”

I just got here two weeks ago after spending a very uneventful summer at my grandparents’ house. I’m pretty sure two weeks is more than enough to do a lot of stuff but instead of preparing myself for the upcoming semester, I spent the remaining days getting along with my new family.

I’m going to say that Wednesday has already warmed up on me. She’s young, still in her early thirties, and I can totally see that she loves my dad. She might still be overwhelmed to have a teenage kid all of a sudden, but she’s quite good at hiding it. As for me, I’m still having trouble with calling her mom. It’s not that I don’t want to call her that. She’s not one of those evil stepmothers, but she looks quite young to be called mom. Or maybe I just miss my mom.

“Are you excited for today?” My stepmother asked, almost making me feel worried.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I am. I’m a bit nervous, but I’m excited.” I spat, clearly knowing this was a half-lie.

“Well, being nervous is normal. I’m sure once you get to know the kids at school, you’ll be fine.” She said, hoping to make me feel better.

“I hope so,” I replied as I began devouring my food.

“Speaking of excitement,” I heard my dad enter the floor of conversation. “I’m so excited to meet your baby brother.” He said.

“Or sister,” My step-mom butted in.

“You’re pregnant?” I spat. Although I already expected this, I pretended to be shocked.

“Three weeks,” She chirped, caressing her stomach with such tenderness.

“Congratulations!”

We continued having a normal breakfast, and my dad talked about how he wanted a baby boy and that he would name him after his name. It would be Augustus Levisay Junior, and he will finally become Augustus Levisay Senior.

I had to pause and take a sip of water after hearing that revelation. I know my name August is obviously based on my dad’s name, even without them explaining it to me, but naming my step-sibling after his name made me think that someone’s going to be the new favorite. The baby’s only three weeks old inside my stepmother’s womb, but my spotlight as the only child has already been reduced.

After finishing my food, I ended up riding my secondhand bicycle on my way to school. Wednesday told me the ride will only take about fifteen to twenty minutes, and I’m sure she’s certain about that. But for me, the ride took almost thirty minutes in high hopes of being late. I thought if I was late that I wouldn’t have to be that one kid at the corner that no one wants to talk to because they barely know him.

Mary Heights isn’t as populated as the vigorous sprawling city of Highmont. I’m sure everyone knew each other here in this small, inconsequential suburban town. Most of the students and their respective circle are probably huddled in one corner as they exchange their unforgettable summer experiences.

When I got to the parking rack, there was only one spot that I could park my bike. I guess everyone’s required to ride a bicycle to school. I noticed there’s not a single soul around, so I’m convinced that everyone’s already inside. I grinned in absolute amusement, thinking that my devilish little plan worked in my favor. I tied my bike and eventually staggered inside.

I already had my tour here when my dad enrolled me, so I’m pretty confident that I’m not going to be lost. I continued walking towards the left-wing, and I could already hear the speakers coming from the auditorium, which meant that the orientation had already begun.

I slowly ushered myself until I was already standing in front of the door of the auditorium. I paused and stared at the door handle for about ten seconds, thinking what would happen when I entered the door. I still don’t have any idea what kind of environment will welcome me. I carefully pushed the door open as narrow as I could possibly fit in. I’m built slim, so I don’t have to open the door wide enough.

“Good morning, sir!” The woman speaking at the podium called out, and I noticed everyone was already staring at me. It was already too late when I realized that I made a loud creaking noise from pushing the door.

“Wh…. Me?” I pointed at myself, acting relatively innocent.

“Yes, you, Mr. Early Bird!!!” The woman said in a sarcastic manner. I reckon she’s the headmistress of this school since she was in this cool black and white pantsuit. “Would you mind joining me here?”

“Uhm,” I can almost feel my face turn red. This isn’t what I envisioned to happen on my first day, and clearly, I just want to disappear in thin air.

“Hey!” A girl sporting this dark eyeliner called for my attention. “Just go, or she will punish you,” She whispered, and I was already in panic mode.

I had no other choice but to start edging my way towards the stage.

“That’s right, come along, kid.” The woman continued. She was directly staring at me, and her glare alone was more than enough to intimidate the hell out of me.

I could feel everyone’s eyes are pinned on me as I unwillingly traveled the center aisle. I can hear some are giggling, and most of them are probably wondering who I am. I climbed upstairs, feeling the heat of humiliation.

“What’s your name?” The headmistress asked the moment I got near the podium. “I don’t remember you from last semester, so you’re definitely new here.”

“Y-yes, ma’am. I just transferred here.” I replied. I can already hear my voice trembling throughout the auditorium. “My name’s August. August Levisay.”

“August Levisay! What a magnificent name for a magnificent boy like you.” She paused to make sure that everyone’s attention was on me. “I must ask, which school did you come from?”

“H-highmont…” I was stuttering in nervousness.

“Highmont High School. I see, so you are a city boy! Well, now that you’re here at Mary Heights High School, I would like you to know that late is not in the vocabulary of this school.”

“I’m so sorry.” Standing in front of other students that I don’t recognize felt even more degrading than being called names.

“I know. I know you are sorry, and I forgive you. For now.”

“Thank you. I’m really sorry for being late.”

“I want to remind you, and not just you but every single one of you.” She said as she faced the crowd. “Mary Heights High School does not tolerate tardiness. You would probably say that being late is just being late, and it won’t do you any harm, but once you turn it into a habit, it won’t help you progress.”

The headmistress continued talking with her almost tyrannical tone, and I forgot that I was on stage with her for a moment.

“If you keep being late at school, then you’ll miss a lot of things, and once you miss a lot of things, you’ll eventually get a red mark on your card. That would likely take you nowhere.”

It was a minute of relief that I wasn’t standing in the spotlight anymore. Well, I’m still technically at the stage in front of strangers, but the headmistress is in authority.

“Let’s travel ten years from now, and you’re working at a random company, but you’ve already developed the habit of being late. The company will eventually lay you off for being a liability, and it will soon become hard for you to find another job. When that happens, what will you put on your family’s table? Fried soup?” The headmistress continued, and everyone was laughing after her last phrase.

“Hahaha!!” I shared a peal of short laughter too. The headmistress was kind of funny, but with the short distance that I had away from her, she definitely heard me, and her attention quickly came back to me.

“So, Mr. Levisay!” She let out with her intimidating tone. “I also want to remind you that this isn’t the city anymore. There’s no traffic here, and you’re not also crippled. Basically, there’s no reason to be late at all.”

“I promise I won’t be late anymore,” I said in a desperate attempt to be free from this fiasco that I created myself.

“You can now go and find yourself a seat.” The headmistress finally said, subsequently releasing me from her claws.

It was such a huge breath of relief to finally be out of sight from everybody, but my body basked in the hapless glory of disgrace and regret. I thought coming in late would make all my worries go away, but it turned out to be my one ticket towards public humiliation. And apparently, everybody knows my name.

I found a vacant seat in the back row. My eye caught the girl with the dark eyeliner. She smiled at me right across the other side, and I smiled back at her just to be polite. The orientation continued with the headmistress announcing every single rule that the school has and some other things that I didn’t even bother to listen to. I can’t hide the fact that I was stressed by that ungraceful entrance that ultimately led to my introduction to the whole campus.

I fucked up my first day. I don’t know what to do after being accidentally introduced to the whole campus.

The orientation finally reeled up to an end, and everyone began walking out of the auditorium. We had a thirty-minute break before the next period, which I thought was too long. Thirty minutes seemed forever to me. Thirty minutes is long enough for someone to start making fun of me, and that’s what I’m most afraid of. I took a deep breath and tried to muster enough strength to face this day.

***

“August?!” I was walking alone trying to find my locker when I heard someone called for my name. I froze for a moment. Here we go; someone’s already calling my name. I turned around, and it was the girl with the dark eyeliner.

“Hi,”

“Welcome to Mary Heights High! My name’s Mary, by the way.” She uttered with such enthusiasm.

“Nice to meet you, Mary.”

“I have to be honest with you. I was kind of worried that the headmistress would punish you for being late, but you handled that pretty well.” Mary trailed, and I immediately knew that she was one hell of a talker. “And it’s nice to see a new face this semester. I’m tired of seeing everybody’s face. Same people, different day. You know what I mean.”

We were now walking as we spoke.

“Am I the only new kid here?” I asked out of curiosity.

If I’m the only new kid here, then I think I already know what everybody will call me from now on. ‘The New Kid’ or maybe ‘The City Boy.’ It might not sound as hurtful as being called other names, but it will become my brand for the rest of the semester.

“Well, I recognized everyone during the orientation. I’m pretty confident that you’re the only new kid here.” Mary trailed.

“Really?”

“Yes, don’t you like that?”

“Like what?”

“Being the new kid. You know everyone here would kill just to be the new kid, even me!” Mary spat, and now that she mentioned it, I began wondering why.

“Why?”

“In case you still haven’t noticed, everybody here knows each other. We’ve been together since the beginning of time. You’re very much the luckiest kid.”

“I still don’t understand.” I shook my head in utter confusion.

“Mary Heights High is sprawled for you to conquer. You’re the new kid; no one knows who you are yet, which means you can be whoever you want to be here. You get to write your own book.” Mary explained, and it completely made sense to me.

“Does that mean?” I began as my head went to a different headspace.

Does this mean I can safely come out of the closet?

Mary is right; she’s perfectly right. I’ve never been lucky in my life, and this might be the luck that I’m looking for. I can be who I want to be.

We pass by a group of three girls and a boy wearing a pink hairband. They were huddled up in one corner giggling over something.

“Hey, Sissy!” Someone passed by, grabbed the boy’s hairband, and then ran.

“Hey, give me back my hairband!” The boy said as he ran and followed the guy who took his hairband.

“That’s Jessie Swindell, the only gay boy here,” Mary uttered.

“You mean that guy wearing a hairband?” I asked. My eyes followed Jessie as he ran in pursuit of the guy who took his hairband.

“Yup. He’s the only openly gay here. At least that’s what I know. I’m sure there are some other gay boys hiding in the closet somewhere, but he’s the only one who’s brave and proud enough to admit that he’s gay.”

“…cough…” I let out a short cough after hearing Mary talk.

“You’re not gay, are you?” Mary paused to face me, and she was quick to ask this pressuring question. This isn’t one of the questions that I’m expecting to be asked today.

“No, no. I’m definitely straight.” I quickly replied without even taking some time to think about my answer. I don’t know how did that came out of my mouth, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up regretting it soon.

“Oh, okay,” Mary said casually, and I wasn’t convinced.

“What? Do I look gay to you?” I was already beginning to enter panic mode.

“Who cares?!!!” Mary blurted, and it somehow gave me a breath of relief.

I suddenly felt comfortable around this girl. I don’t know anything about her yet, but she seems nice and friendly. I’m not so sure why did I even told her that I’m straight when I could’ve easily told her that I’m gay. She doesn’t sound, looked, or even talk like a homophobic person to me.

“As I was saying,” Mary continued. “For most of us, our prologue had been written years ago.”

“Hey, look, poopy pants’ already trying to brainwash the new kid.” Someone babbled out, and it was quickly followed by a round of laughter from the few people dispersed along the hallway.

“Fuck off!” Mary scowled at the guy scaring him away. “See, that’s what I’m talking about.”

“Poopy pants?” I was already cackling at this.

“Ugh, not you laughing with them.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just funny. But what happened?”

“There’s no story to tell, but yeah, I shit my pants back in seventh grade, and ever since that time, I’ve been called poopy pants.”

“Oh, wait,” I said as we both paused from walking. “I’m pretty sure we’ve walked past my locker.”

“Oh, what number is your locker?” Mary asked.

“238.”

“This is 228,” Mary quickly looked at the number of the locker right where we paused.

“Oh,”

We resumed walking until we saw this tall guy strutting towards our way. He was wearing this varsity jacket that looked perfect on him. As we both inch nearer, I was stunned to get a clearer vision of his face.

Holy mother of shit.

I can’t believe this.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion, with the light going brighter around him as he moved. I think I might’ve seen the most handsome guy ever. He has this unkempt mullet that perfectly matches the shape of his heavenly chiseled face. He walked so light as if the wind was carrying him.

“Walk away,” I was about to start fantasizing things about him when I heard Mary whisper beside me.

“What?”

“Walk away,” She gritted.

I had no other choice but to follow Mary as she took giant steps away.

“Wait, what’s wrong?” I asked in total confusion the moment I caught up to her.

“That’s Ambrose Haylock, the biggest bully in this school.” Mary spat, seemingly shuddering in fear.