Chapter 7- Never!

"I'm so cruel! I'm so—so bad. I can’t remember. I can't—"

Crossing the bedroom in four long strides, Zander took her by the shoulders. "Elvie, listen to me, okay? Don't blame yourself. You will get your memory back eventually."

"It’s not just the past; it's me. It's what happened. Why did I marry you? Why did we fight? Why did I bring our child with me then totally forget her? I'm cruel, I'm so—" she whispered. "Why would you want to be with a person like me? Without substance, without heart? A bad mother?"

Zander remained silent.

"And now it’s all too late," she said over the lump in her throat. "I’ve lost her. I have no home. I'm a bad mother. Oh God!"

"Your home is with me, and trust me, you are a good mother, okay?" he said in a low voice.

She looked up at him. The sunlight from the tall windows gently caressed his face, illuminating floating dust motes like tiny stars all around them in the bedroom.

"Let me show you." He touched her bare arms carefully, his fingertips gliding across her flesh. "Marry me again, and let's start over, Elvie. I cant do this alone. I need you."

Unknown heated electricity ran up and down her arms and down her torso. Elvie resisted the impulse to take a step closer to him and crush her body against his chest. She knew better than that she thought as she shook her head and exclaimed, "I can't!"

"Why?" He grumbled.

"I don't want you to marry me because you're sorry or because you pity me."

His hands swung around her, massaging her back through her gown, causing the black silk to slip wonderfully over her body with his featherlight touch. "Pity is the very last thing I feel for you, sweetheart and you know that!"

Elvie closed her eyes, leaning forward in spite of herself. Wanting more of his touch. Wanting to feel his warmth. His heat. His soul and his everthing.

Zander pulled her more deeply into his arms. She felt the scent of him and the warmth of his body beneath his clothes.

"Be my wife again, let's start fresh. Please."

She could feel the power of his arms encircling her and the hardness of his body against hers. She was considerably shorter and weaker than him. Her breasts pressed against his chest as his hands gently travelled up the length of her back and along the borders of her hips.

Elvie sucked, shivering from his heat. She gazed up at him while licking her lips and rubbing her cheek on his shirt and she sighed, "I can't just run away this time, can't I?" Regardless of how much she desired it, she knew she couldn't.

Zander frowned before saying, "Yes, it's time we start fresh. With me, with our child."

"I know but I need my memory back, Zander. I can’t just float through your world not knowing who I am. I can’t be with you, a stranger, even if you’re the father of my child—even if you're my husband," she sobbed. "I can't trust myself. What if I’d hurt you? What if I'd betrayed you? And what if you hate me?"

"I never hated you," Zander replied, doubting if he was telling her half-lies or the truth. Either way, he needed her to be on his side. "I'll help you regain your memory. I’ll take you to the place where we first met. To where we began. Please, sweetheart, I can't lose you again. I can't," Zander begged.

She felt his dark gaze fall upon her mouth as he said softly, "I’ll show you the place where I first kissed you. The place where we made love, the place where you show me how much you loved me and how much I loved you and cared for you."

Her bones turned to liquid. She looked up at him, her heart pounding as she licked her lips involuntarily. "Where is that?"

Zander smiled as his eyes turn hot and dark. "Here, in this mansion, in this place. Scotland. Our home." He lied. Somehow, there was something inside him that almost wanted to slap the hell out of his lies.

"Here?" she repeated with a longing sigh. Knowing she should decline—knowing she should stay in London and attend the specialist Dr. Bill suggested—she yearningly glanced up at him. But she choked back her refusal, caught up in her own fantasies.

Zander caressed her face with his strong hands as he bent down to brush her delicate bottom lip. "I love you for so long; I miss you damn much!" He added ominously as he held her firmly against his body, cupping her face with both hands, and said, "By them, I will show you everything. I'll show you again how much I love you." He peered down at her, directing her with his gaze. "And after that, you'll get married to me once more," he muttered.

"Why marry again? I mean—"

"So you can remember, dear. I'm sure it'll bring memories back," he lied.

Zander grinned. Sometimes, he sadly reasoned, a guy has to alter the game plan in the middle of it. In order to seduce Elvie into marriage before her memory came back, he would do whatever was necessary and seem as romantically foolish as any man could.

You will be mine, and before you know it, you'll kneel and beg for me to release you back. He thought to himself.

However, as they sat on the couch, Zander turned to face the woman he was holding. Her beautiful pink lips were slightly parted, and her eyes sparkled with wonder as she looked around her daughter's room.

The same way every man who saw Elvie looked at her.

And yet, Zander didn't see how her small smile faded and her eyes darkened with hatred.

*****

Elvie changed her clothing and took a shower an hour later. Her cream-coloured drop-waist dress, which revealed the top swell of her breasts beneath the silk texture and barely reached halfway down her creamy thighs, now fell in thick, glossy waves past her bare shoulders, brushing the nipples Zander could easily picture beneath. "You’re beautiful, darling," he muttered as she smiled and bit her lips.

She had applied lipstick in a light pink shade that went so beautifully with her clothing. Her legs were long and flawless, with two-inch heels that were cream in colour.

He couldn’t blame his bodyguard or either of them for staring. Even though he wanted to kill them for it.

Strange, Zander thought; he’d never been jealous before of other men staring at her. He’d always accepted it as his due. He’d taken it for granted that other men would always want what he, Zander, possessed.

But it made his stomach curl for the first time. Why? Because Elvie gave birth to his child? Because he implied he would marry her again?

He reminded himself that she was only his wife in name. To keep his missing child safe. Not because he loved her. He had nothing but contempt for her. And he had to come clean about his lust.

He gave the butler a stern glare until he reddened and returned his attention to a platter of refreshments. Zander drew Elvie closer to him on the couch. She snuggled back against his chest, wrapped her arms around his neck, and smiled up at him.

"You have a nice, beautiful garden." Her blue eyes were as warm as bluebells in a spring meadow. "Thank you for bringing me here. Even though I’m sure it was very inconvenient…"

He smiled down at her. Taking her hand, he brought it to his lips.

"Nothing is inconvenient to me if it gives you pleasure," he said, and he softly pressed his mouth against her skin. "I want you to remember. By chance, anything in mind?"

"Nope." She sighed and looked around the picturesque landscape. "Nothing."

Zander smirked as he felt her shiver beneath his touch in the warm afternoon sun. The air was salty and fresh. In the distance, he could hear the calls of seagulls and the distant chiming of mediaeval church bells.

"Zander? How can you be this sweet? You’re so good to me," she whispered, visibly affected by the way he’d kissed her hand. The realisation that she was almost like an innocent, easily swayed by sensual desire, lit a dark fire in his heart.

The kind, aloof person she’d once been had disappeared along with her memories, it seemed. Dressed in a dress and simple lipstick, she still looked just like the same arrogant, clueless, dumb, fascinating creature she’d been five months ago, but she’d changed completely. With her skittish reactions and youthful naiveté, she was almost like a virgin.

Except she wasn’t—she had his baby five years ago. And while she’d certainly been a virgin before they’d met, she’d never been innocent!

Remembering how they’d conceived that child, all of his limbs suddenly seemed to burn where he had contact with her. Looking down into her beautiful face, he saw the vulnerability in her blue eyes and saw her pupils dilate. He was reminded of those hot, breathless hours in his room when her naked body had been beneath his own. When he’d thought that beneath her achingly beautiful, shallow surface something existed that might be truly rare—truly worth possessing.

And he’d kept right on thinking that up until that night he’d seen her having breakfast with his brother, coldly giving him evidence to destroy Zander’s company and the murder of his parents. Remember that moment, he told himself harshly. Remember how she betrayed you and why. Remember how she lured your grandmother into thinking that she was the right choice for a bride! Remember that, Zander. He thought to himself.

But as Elvie looked up at him dreamily beneath the elegant sunset, with the garden light shining off the trees, all he could suddenly think was that he wanted to kiss her. Now. Hard. To brand her permanently as his, to punish those cherry-red lips until she gasped and cried out in his arms.

His hands tightened around her shoulders, his fingers gripping into her slight frame as he remembered that night when she moaned his name.

He’d been addicted to bedding her again. He’d been lost in a woman in a way he’d never experienced before or since.

He considered himself ruthless. He considered himself strong. But she’d bested him, and he’d never seen it coming.

Now he hated her with all his heart.

The morning she left, he felt lost. He’s been in his room drinking for weeks and on, and when the reality sank in that Elvie wasn't coming back, he decided to marry Kristal.

But he still wanted her. Wanted her with a consuming desire that could destroy him if he ever let down his guard.

He would never give in to her temptation. Even if his night with her had been the most erotically charged experience of his life, he would never take her again. If he ever even kissed her, he might be lighting a fire that he could not control.

He watched her lick her lips nervously—those luscious, cherry-red lips that had once made him shudder and howl with desire so fierce he'd believed it might kill him.

Zander could tell she was puzzled by their powerful warm closeness. She couldn't grasp it. Unlike the Elvie he'd known, who kept her emotions disguised, this woman didn't hide how she was feeling. Her angelically gorgeous face revealed her emotions. She was too open for him, just like how easy he could read the book. 

Fantastic, he told himself harshly. The perfect weapon to use against her. He would convince her to marry him again. He would make her trust him, love him, and care for him.

He would entice her. Dazzle her with his love and wealth. Court her even. Use her. He would take her as his wife again—today. By any means necessary. Today!

Except one.

Zander refused to take her to his bed. He was not going to.

NEVER!