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Chapter One. 

                                                                        AMANDA JONHSON. 

The dew descending from the sky moistly caressed my face, Seattle weather is usually quite predictable, and at times quite depressing, it always tends to go perfectly well with my mood, one that, lately makes me feel as if I'm trapped in a low frequency spiral. 

I looked at the road, many cars were coming and going in opposite directions, it was seven o'clock at night, dressed in a huge scarf, my breath leaves its mark in the cold air and I'm trying not to cry, not to curse and not to run until one of those cars runs over me and makes me lose track of this harsh reality, one that I don't think I'm able to bear anymore. 

-Amanda, you should go inside, it's very cold, you might catch the flu. 

Katherine's voice pulled me completely out of the foggy thoughts that I was completely cowering in, I sniffled my nose and blinked a couple of times before turning around, I didn't want her to see me cry, I didn't want her to see me at my lowest moment, not when I'm supposed to be the strongest one here. 

-I'll be up in a moment, I want to be alone. 

I felt him walk away, I grabbed my phone, I had a lot of missed calls and messages from work, my college roommates and my dad, but, I didn't have the energy to justify myself...not now.

It's been six months since my mother passed away, six months where my life turned into everything I never imagined, where my father betrayed my older sister and me, where everything turned out to be shitty and I...every day I don't know myself anymore. 

My phone rang, this time it was an incoming call from an unknown number, my brow furrowed, was it my father or Derek trying to reach me? Or was it my imperative boss, snorting, and with a firm and determined tone I answered: 

-Good afternoon, to whom am I speaking? 

- Have you forgotten my voice so quickly?

Shit, it was a pretty deep voice, one I didn't know, it wasn't familiar. Is this a joke?

-Excuse me, who are you? I think you're mistaken.

-I'm not wrong Amanda. -He answered in a tone of certain cynicism, "I'm never wrong, especially not when it comes to you. 

Shit, a wave of chills ran down my spine, he was scaring me, a man I've never heard before knows my number and my name, this is beyond that.

-I'm not in the mood for jokes. -I said as I turned around and walked into the building, "Who are you and why do you know my name and have my phone number? 

-You'll meet me tomorrow, although, it depresses the hell out of me to know that you're not able to figure out who I am. You were in my head for a long time, but, tomorrow I'll refresh your memory. 

Shit, he talks like he's a villain from an English movie, it's amazing how just listening to him makes all the hairs on my body stand on end. 

-I don't know who the fuck you are, but leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for jokes. 

I hung up the phone, it's amazing how people can make your day worse. 

As I walked into my room, I could hear Katherine chattering to her boyfriend on the phone, I shed my clothes and immediately entered the shower, my muscles were tense and my mind quite tired, today has been a shitty day, but, not just any day, it's the worst ever. 

Katherine and I must make a titanic effort to get by on our own, to catch up on bills, rent, food and our personal expenses. 

The phone rang again, I cursed under my breath, today I did not attend college, nor work, today, I decided to drown myself in the tide that unleashed my mind, I want to leave Seattle, I want to leave everything behind and start a life from scratch, away from the past, one that, makes me break and over and over again every time it comes to my memory. 

I turned off the faucet and with a towel covered my long red hair, I looked at my cell phone screen, it was that unknown number again.

"You can't get out of my mind, I'm not willing to let you go."

Shit, who is this about? I don't know if it's one of my classmates making a very bad joke, but, I don't have time to feel fear, it's enough with the uncertainty that wraps me day by day, with the agony that doesn't forsake me.

"Leave me alone, it's not a funny joke, it's not nice, stop bothering me already." 

I replied to then put on my pajamas, I feel tired, I want to silence those voices of worry, I want to convince myself that everything is fine and I'm not so alone.

Two knocks were heard at the door, I mumbled a go ahead and Katherine passed, she looked crestfallen, and I tried not to roll my eyes, I know that when she adopts that posture, it is not pleasant news at all, at least, not for me. 

-Say what you have to say, please, without beating around the bush. 

-My father called earlier, Amanda. -He said as he sat down right in front of me, "He says he wants us back home, that he's going to take care of us and....

-I'm not going back to the place that completely wilted me! -I screamed with my eyes wet, about to cry, "I don't want to go back to him, how can you even mention it?

-You're being overly dramatic Amanda. -She muttered glaring at me with her gray eyes, "Aren't you seeing the place we're in? We're surviving like fucking rats! 

-I'd rather live like this than go home to that damn traitor.

Katherine slapped me, one so hard I brought my hands to my face, how dare she? 

-I've been very patient with you Amanda, I've tried not to lose my temper and be the understanding big sister, but, your childish tantrums seem to have no limits, you're twenty-two, it's time for you to put your pants on and accept that mistakes are part of being human.

-Having another family and making fun of your sick wife is a simple mistake? -He abandoned my mother when she needed him the most, don't talk to me about forgiveness, when he doesn't know what loyalty and mercy are. 

-I am not willing to live in the past any longer, my mother is gone, and my father has....

-Does he have so much money that you no longer work? -I asked, raising my eyebrows, "Will you sell yourself that cheap, Katherine? 

She inhaled and exhaled sharply, raised and lowered her shoulders and in a whisper said:

-I'm tired of working twice as hard and having a minimal life, I'll go with my dad, if you want to live all this shit, it's your problem, but, stop living in the past. 

She left my room, I didn't chase her, I didn't yell at her, I listened as she gathered her things, I listened as everything moved from one side to the other, I don't feel like holding on to the past, it's time to, start from zero and bury Amanda Johnson completely, from now on, my family is dead to me. 

Just as they forgot my sweet and beloved mother, I will forget them.