Chapter 5- Matteo

It’s been two weeks, two fucking weeks since I mated and marked Amara. She has been avoiding me as much as she can. She doesn’t even sleep in our room. She falls asleep with Lana knowing full well I can’t move her or I risk waking Lana. I’ve been wanting to stop her, but I’ve been swamped with Alpha business that I’ve been working late. Tonight I’m not working late. I’m going to stop her from sleeping with Lana tonight. I don’t want Lana getting used to that and Amara belongs in my fucking bed not my daughters. I growl internally frustrated at the whole situation. At least Amara is making progress with Lana. 

Damn I feel like a shit father. I can’t even handle my own pup on my own. I was losing my cool with Lana and it was showing. She knew it, I knew it, the whole fucking staff of the house knew it, and so did my Beta Jasper. I tried different nannies, but Lana only wanted Amara. I was still pissed and blaming Amara. I had been refusing to let her out of the dungeons. Doing everything I could to punish her. I let her have food and water. I only take it away if the prisoner isn’t behaving, but Amara never misbehaved even when the guards and Jasper were integrating her. I was convinced she had to have been at fault because I wanted to blame someone other than myself. 

Truth was she did nothing wrong. I’ve watched the security footage hundreds of times at this point studying hoping I would find one wrong move on Amara’s part, but I never found anything. She saved Lana and that was more important than Cheryl, everyone agrees that Amara did the right thing. Still I was struggling to accept that I was the one at fault for not putting my fucking foot down. I was going down to talk to Amara about Lana to see if maybe she would be willing to help from afar to earn her freedom. The second I walked up to the cage she was in my wolf was howling in my head declaring we found our second chance mate. 

I watched Amara’s eyes widen in fear and disbelief when she realized I was her mate. I’m sure my face would have held a similar reaction, but I’m very good at masking my emotions. I know I told her I came down there to kill her, but I was flustered and unsure. It felt too soon to find my second chance mate even though everyone was on my ass about it. I think they would have given me more space if they thought Cheryl and I loved one another, but it was no secret that we didn’t love each other. Everyone knew Cheryl was in love with someone else who died and she had to stay with me. Rumors spread over the years that Cheryl was taking lovers behind my back. I don’t think she did. Her heart was far too broken for the love she lost. I never took lovers although I really had started thinking about it within the last few years. 

It was becoming harder and harder to release my sexual frustrations with my hand. Cheryl barley wanted to have sex. I tried on so mnay occasions to get her to compromise to something, but she refused and would tell me she did her duty by giving me an heir, I didn’t have to fuck her anymore. At one point she told me to get a fucking mistress which pissed me off. Right before she died she made a snarky comment to me while we were arguing. I was sexually pent up and she was refusing to do anything to help me with it. Not even a handjob or a blowjob. I didn’t even have to fuck her at that point I just wanted something other than my fucking hand. Quinn made the comment that I should just go fuck Amara already since the two of us were clearly attracted to one another. 

I hadn’t realized I was so obvious with my attraction to Amara. I tried to hide it so I wouldn’t upset her or Cheryl. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea either. Rumors are really good at destroying people’s reputation and while mine would have been fine because I’m an alpha, Amara’s would not have been. She would have been called names like homewrecker and such. I didn’t want that for her. So I did my best to hide the attraction I felt for her. I knew she was attracted to me too. She always tried to hide it, but I picked up on it even when others didn’t. Now I wonder if we were attracted to each other because somehow we knew we were mates. 

It’s a crazy thought though. How could I be so attracted and drawn to my second chance mate when my first mate was still alive? I always had this feeling Cheryl and I weren’t really meant for each other. It wasn’t just because she was in love with someone else. We were very different people with different views, thoughts, desires, and kinks in the bedroom. The only thing we ever agreed upon was how much we both loved our daughter. That was it. Everything else was a constant struggle and battle. Sure over the years we became friends, trusted one another, and got along the best we could for Lana’s sake, but it was never what I wanted. 

I know it’s silly to think the big bad strong Alpha wants a family and a mate he can rely on, love, trust, and grow old with. Sappy, I know, but my parents were big on family. I have three younger sisters, all mated of course with pups of their own. I don’t see them hardly ever except for big family reunions. I wasn’t close to my sisters because they were younger and I found them super annoying growing up. Not only that but I started being groomed for alpha by my dad while my mom groomed my sisters on how to be high breaded she wolves. Our worlds and training were vastly different therefore settling the divide between us. My sisters are all very close and I’m happy that they have each other. Either way my parents were big on family and I always liked the idea of having my own family doing things with them like my family did together. 

Unfortunately, Cheryl wasn’t big on family activities unless it was a function where she could improve her reputation then she was all for it. Cheryl was a good mother though, or she tried to be. I don’t think she really wanted kids, but knew as the mate of an alpha she would have to have at least one kid. Cheryl happily would have gone on birth control. In fact I offered it just so I could fuck her, but she said that she would if she felt she could enjoy herself more with me. That stung. I know I’m good in bed. She was hurting my feelings and I knew she hated my tastes in the bedroom. Cheryl was what the humans like to call vanilla. I chuckle to myself at the term. I have to hand it to the humans and the terms they come up with. They think of some good names for shit. 

Pushing my thoughts away I go to hunt down Lana and Amara. I finally have some free time today. It’s been a shit storm of meetings, planning, and other shit. The rogues are still out there as the packs band together to fight against the rogue packs threatening us. It’s possible war is coming between the packs and rogues as they band together to form their own mishap packs. We are trying to avoid it though. No one wants war. 

I follow the scents of Lana and Amara and find them in the kitchen mixing shit into a bowl. “What are you two doing?” I ask, startling the both of them as they jump to look at me. 

“Making cookies for Nana and Grampy when they come for dinner.” That’s what Lana calls my parents. 

“Dinner?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. That’s news to me. 

“Your mom rang me asking if they could come to dinner tonight, she said you wouldn’t mind. I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed to say yes.” Amara answers looking nervous as she bites her lower lips. Damn that’s cute. 

“It’s fine. She’s been trying to come over since we mated. I guess she got tired of me telling her it wasn’t a good time.” I sigh. My mother totally went around me and went straight to sweet Amara who would totally say yes. 

“Is that an excuse you use for everything?” She retorts to me. 

“Don’t start, Amara.” I growl through the link. I catch her rolling her eyes as she stands behind Lana helping her to crack the eggs into the bowl. 

“What time are they coming?” 

“For six. I’ll make sure Lana and I are dressed nicely and ready for them.” Amara replies. 

I nod my head turning to leave and let them bake. I know Amara is trying to help Lana find ways to express her emotions in healthy ways. Lana has taken a liking to baking so Amara had been teaching her. The staff seems to enjoy having them in the kitchen. Knowing Amara she makes Lana help her clean up the mess they make instead of leaving it for the workers which probably makes them like Amara even more. 

That is one thing I can say about Amara, the pack loves her. The day after I mated Amara pack members started coming up to me stating how happy they were that Amara was my second chance mate. Over the last two weeks that’s all I’ve heard from pack members. They are happy she is their new Luna. I haven’t even really talked to Amara about her Luna responsibilities, but right now I need and want her to focus on Lana who really needs her. 

I can’t pull Amara from Lana to busy her with Luna shit when Lana clearly needs her. Lana has improved over the last few weeks as Amara helps her process her grief. Amara is amazing with Lana and I can see how wonderful of a mother she is already to Lana. Amara picked up her step mom responsibilities like it was nothing. It helps she already has such a strong bond with Lana. Lana trusts Amara, she can open up to her which she can't do with me and never seemed to do with Cheryl. Even Cheryl had a hard time with Lana’s tantrums and outbursts. Cheryl gave up easily though, she really wasn’t cut out to be a mother, but did her best. She loved Lana and that always seemed to be enough for the two of them. 

I recall the day Cheryl declared she was hiring a nanny. Lana was only eighteen months old and Quinn was on my about getting a nanny the second she found out she was pregnant. I insisted we try on our own for a bit. I didn’t want to be those parents that hired a nanny right off the bat. I know it’s really common among the higher ranks, but still I wanted to try on our own. What I was really hoping for was that the three of us would bond as a family. That somehow having a pup would help Cheryl and I bond, but she was never interested in that. I guess she felt she was betraying her true love. 

Finally, Cheryl wore me down and I knew she was having a hard time balancing Luna and mommy duties so I caved and we hired Amara when Lana was about two. I remember the first time I saw Amara walk through my office door. Cheryl was in my chair and I stood behind her. Amara was beautiful and young. Even then I felt some pull to her, but resisted thinking I was just horny from not getting laid. Amara won Cheryl over by the end of the interview. Amara met Lana and that was it she was hired. Lana took to her immediately and Cheryl liked her so she was hired. I’ll admit hiring Amara was a good choice. Cheryl needed a nanny to help her especially since I couldn’t always because of my alpha duties, Lana was already in love with Amara, and I was hoping that maybe Cheryl would be less tired and want to be with me intimately, but nope. 

Passing the time with Jasper as we re go over patrol shifts and other protections in case we get attacked. Looking at the clock I leave my office knowing my parents will be here soon. I enter the main hall of the house to see Lana and Amara coming down the stairs. Amara looks beautiful in her simple little casual black dress that hugs her just right. I know she had done some shopping to replace her wardrobe that I tossed. I feel horrible about it. I feel worse about her baby book which I’m going to try and hunt down. I’ve already talked to the maids that cleaned out her room. They did remember the book and don't recall tossing. Apparently they felt bad and kept a box of stuff they thought might be important incase I released Amara. They are currently hunting the box down as it got tossed in storage somewhere. 

Amara has paired her dress with simple sapphire blue flats and a simple silver necklace with a blue teardrop gem. I notice Lana in a princess costume. It’s a pink and gold dress that looks like it came from a Ren Faire complete with a gold jeweled tiara and shiny gold kid dress up heels. She beams a smile at me. 

“Daddy!” She screams, bouncing over to me. 

“Um, do I want to know why she is in a princess dress?” I ask, mind linking Amara. 

“Sorry, Alpha, she wanted to dress up as a princess for her grandparents, she was too happy about it and I just couldn't tell her no.” She replies back through the mind link.

“Ah, yeah I can’t blame you. She loves to dress up.” I respond back in the mind link. Amara smiles and nods her head. 

Just then my parents walk through the door. Lana runs to them hugging them both. Amara and I walk over to greet them. My parents hug me and then hug Amara who seems a little shocked. She’s met my parents before and my sisters along with their mates and pups. My parents bounce around between our packs visiting with us all, but they always settled here in my pack since this once was their pack they are most comfortable here. 

“Alpha, Luna.” Amara bows. They might not run the pack, but they still call them that out of respect. I don’t care if my parents were beloved leaders just like I am. The pack tolerated Cheryl. I’m not sure if it’s because she was an outsider, or if they didn't like that she was technically unfaithful to her mate. Cheryl was definitely not a virgin when we marked and mated one another. 

“Oh please, it's Linda and Gene.” My mother says. “You’re family now, dear, you don’t need to be so formal with us.” Mom smiles softly. Amara smiles back and nods her head. 

To say my parents love Amara is an understatement. I can’t count the times my mother told me she wished Amara was my mate. Hell, was everything always pointing towards us ultimately being mates? My pack loves her, my parents adore her, I have always been attracted and drawn to her as she is to me, and my daughter freaking loves her. Oh lets not forget my first mate giving me permission to be with her as a mistress. Maybe Amara and I were always destined to be together and we were forced to take the long road to one another. 

We head to the dinning room to eat. Dinner is smooth. Lana chats up a storm about all the things here and Amara have done. Amara is a little on the quiet side as she tries to find her place among my family. She is used to being the hired help who was treated like family, but now she is actually family. Mom and Amara chat about activities with Lana and chat about school. Lana hasn’t been going because she’s misbehaving. She hurt a few other pups in her class. I had to pull her till she calms the fuck down. With Amara back and now my mate I think she will get Lana back to school soon. Lana even seems excited talking about it right now. 

After dinner we have dessert in the living room. The adults have coffee while Lana has hot chocolate. It’s relaxing and I’m enjoying the evening. It’s honestly what I needed. I was avoiding my parents coming over afraid for some stupid reason that it woudn’t go well. Yet here we are the four of us chatting and enjoying the fire in the fireplace while we eat yummy chocolate chip cookies. 

Once dessert is over my father and I head to my study to drink some scotch. It’s what we always do. Amara, mom, and Lana put on some princess movie in the living room to watch. Amara and my mom chat quietly while Lana zones in on the movie. That’s when dad and I sneak off. It’s not really sneaking, but it kind of is. Settling in the study dad settles in one of the old brown leather chairs. I pull out the scotch and glass. I pour our drinks and then sit in the opposite chair. I take a few sips, letting the scotch burn down my throat. I enjoy the burn. 

“Lana seems like she is doing better. I take it Amara is the reason.” 

“She is.” I respond, shortly. 

“Don’t tell me you are fucking things up with her already. I get Cheryl, she was in love with someone else and it put strain on your relationship before it even started. Amara is not Cheryl. She is a clean fresh start to have what you always wanted.” Dad scolds me. 

“I’m well aware Amara isn’t Cheryl. I feel bad for moving forward when I feel responsible for Cheryl's death.” I admit. 

“Ah that explains why you blame you Amara and left the poor girl in your dungeons. Cherly got herself killed going to a party that she knew had a risk of being attacked. It was no secret that rogues were targeting big events and a birthday party filled with Luna’s and pups was just asking for it. I don't know why that Alpha didn’t make his Luna cancel. They got Cheryl killed, two pups, and dozens of warriors. Cheryl went to that party and put not only her life at risk, but Lana’s as well. Not to mention she put Amara’s life in danger too. Cheryl killed herself by going to that party. No one else is to blame.” 

“I know, but I’m struggling. Grief and guilt they’re tricky animals of their own that make it hard to accept the truth.” 

“Yes, but you are stronger than your grief and guilt. Amara is right for you. We’ve all said it for years now. I don’t know why the moon goddess paired you and Cheryl together, but she did maybe even if it was only to give you Lana and bring your second chance mate into your life so you didn’t have to look far to find her. You know everyone looks at second chance mates as cursed, but sometimes people are happier with the second chance mate than they were with their first. It does happen, son. Also your mother wants more grand pups.” 

“She has three other pups besides me that have given her grand pups, she can pester one of them. I’m not thinking about pups right now, not while Lana is struggling. I’m not changing her world even more. I don't care how badly she claims she wants a sibling. I fear she will end up jealous of the pup if she isn’t fully past whatever grief she is working past.” I admit. I can always talk to my dad. 

“Amara is more than equipped to handle it. That she wolf is like the pup whisper. I swear I’ve never seen a she wolf calm pups like she does. I know she is trained, but it’s more than that. It’s natural for her. Her maternal instincts are huge and her heart is even bigger. Give her a chance, son, don’t ruin this for you, her, or Lana. You have the chance to heal your family and start anew with Amara. Amara is a strong she wolf, she can handle being Luna and mom. It’s almost like she was meant for both roles. I could sense the tension between you two, whatever you did, fix it.” 

“Why do you assume I did something wrong?” I ask defensively. 

“Because, son, you locked her in the dungeons for three months because you didn’t want to blame yourself or Cheryl. Amara is far too sweet to be causing issues with you. She might have a rebellious streak in her personality, but that only comes out when she is provoked. You enjoy provoking people, so yeah I automatically assume it's you.” 

I can’t even defend myself against his words because he’s right. Fuck. I spend some more time chatting with dad and then it’s time for them to leave. We say goodbye to my parents and then I announce I’m helping put Lana to bed. Amara immediately becomes on edge. She knows I’m about to counter her little avoiding me move and she isn’t happy about it. Too bad, I need her in my bed. I need to try and start to fix things between us before things become too damaged. I’m being an asshole and I need to knock it off before I lose her before I even have a chance to truly have her.