Prologue: Why I Write

I’ve always loved writing. It’s very hard to keep secrets in a pack that is so close to one another and everyone’s business is everyone else’s business! It’s hard to have privacy to even have your own secrets. That’s why I started writing this journal. I needed a safe place to reflect and vent about things that happen to me that I don’t want anyone else knowing so information doesn’t eat me alive! 

The only person that knows that I write is my mother, and she is the one that actually encouraged me to start writing in the first place. She said when she was a young she-wolf (about my age), she used to write in her diary. I’m not some girlie-girl that needs to go off writing ‘Dear Diary’ all the time, but I thought it was a good idea to keep a journal for my own sanity. 

So, these aren’t my ‘secret’s’ so much as they are my ‘confessions’. I do a lot of things most would scoff at or turn their noses up in the air for if they knew I did some of the things I am about to share, but that’s why I keep a low profile when it comes to things like sex. I know for a high-born ranked and unmated she-wolf, I am supposed to stay chased until I meet my mate, while the rest of the wolves can go off and pretty much have free-for-all orgies if they feel like it. 

Wolves are VERY sexual creatures by nature; however, unmated ranked she-wolves are expected to prize our virginity and keep ourselves as pure as we possibly can in hopes of attracting an extremely powerful and high ranking mate. The archaic rationale of this was supposedly, the more pure you were, the more valuable your mating status was, thus making you more desirable and sought after. And fated mates? Haha! We can forget this notion about ever finding our fated mates since we are to be used as pawns for the alpha’s to forge alliances between packs to strengthen the packs.

It’s a double standard that goes against our nature, but it is what it is. I’m not going to go against nature, but I’m also not going to shame my father or our family name. 

My father, the gamma of our pack, or third in command, made me a promise when I was a little girl that I would be allowed to choose my mate and he would never force me into a mating.  Because of this promise, I have been given the most freedom out of all the unmated ranked she-wolves in our pack. Which is nice, don’t get me wrong! 

Even the alpha and beta's daughters didn’t get as much freedom as I did! They were to have chosen mates that would strengthen bonds between our pack and other packs that may pose a future threat to us. At least I would get a choice!

I knew eventually I would have to make that choice - to accept my fated mate IF I ever found him, or choose my own chosen mate. 

For now though, I just want to have fun! I want to experience life and not have any restraints. I want to be free to do as I please, when I please, how I please without judgment or restriction. Again, this is why I keep this journal - to be honest with myself while I explore my own sexuality. 

This wasn’t as easy as some may think. Between the constant parade of Alphas, their Betas and Gammas constantly “just stopping by for a quick visit or chat”, the Alpha’s daughter Marci, the Beta’s daughter, Callie, and I were kept constantly on our toes. We were expected to meet each and every one of the alphas, betas, and gammas that came to visit. 

I honestly think our alpha, Alpha Xander Slade, purposefully was inviting the neighboring pack leaders to “visit” for the sole purpose of “shopping” for potential suitors for his daughter and Beta Marcus’s daughter. I think he is sizing up all our competition, looking to see who may pose a threat in our future that may be neutralized by a chosen mate, bonding the two packs together. 

The fact that I was expected to go meet these leaders was simply because I was unmated and a high ranking she-wolf. For Alpha Xander to not invite me, or better yet - Volun-tell me - it would appear disrespectful to my father’s position and to the visiting unmated ranked wolves. 

It is customary for the visiting pack’s unmated high ranking wolves to be introduced to all high ranking unmated she-wolves of the host pack in case they happen to be mates! If your pack were to leave a she-wolf out, it would be viewed as a form of disrespect. This is why Alpha Xander makes me go meet the Alphas and Betas that come to visit too; not because he wants me there, but because he has to in order to avoid pissing off the visiting pack wolves. I’m sure he just sees me as an obligation since my father told him a long time ago that I was off limits for making treaties with other packs. I couldn’t believe my dad TOLD the alpha and he agreed without having something to say or punishing my father. NO ONE tells our alpha…heck ANY alpha for that matter, what to do!

Dad said they were best friends and they had some pact from back when they were pups together and not to worry about the Alpha. 

Since I don’t have to impress these visiting wolves, I tend to not care how I come across or appear to them. I do what I want, when I want, how I want, consequences be damned! The only thing Alpha Xander does expect of me is my respect for these wolves' positions. So long as I don’t insult the Alpha or Beta, I’m good in his eyes!

Marci, Alpha Xander’s daughter, gets so pissed at me because I always end up having more fun than she does with the visiting Alphas and Betas. Callie, Beta Marcus’s daughter, thinks I’m a total she-whore, but I didn’t lose my virginity until about three months ago. My wolf, Bree, and I really do love the attention the wolves give us. I just love the game, and being a flirt!

I like to be a tease and it is said that, ‘You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!’ I choose to be sweet with a hint of sexy flirtatiousness and it always gets the wolves going. It gives them that little glint of hope that they just MIGHT have a chance with me. Of course they really don't, but I’ll never tell them that!

The fact that Marci and Callie won’t even TRY to enjoy themselves without doing any sexual favors boggles my mind. They won’t even flirt or entertain any of these visiting wolves aside from making eye contact, shaking their hands, introducing themselves and saying hi to them. How are any of these wolves supposed to even show an interest in these girls if they won’t give them the time of day? 

Hell! I thought I was doing those two turds a public service there for a while by coaxing alphas and betas to spend the evening visiting with me as opposed to them since I knew they both were hoping one of these visitors would end up being their fated mate and neither of them would even entertain the wolves if they weren’t their fated mate! They didn’t care that their fathers would be choosing their mates, they continued to live in a delusional world where their father’s “chosen mate” for them WAS their fated mate! 

Those two nit-whit's were in for a rude awakening but I wasn’t about to clue them in! This is why Marci and Callie remained prudes and as virgin as it gets. That and they still think their fated mate will be the mate their father’s choose for them. If I could show you my sickening eye roll right now I would! 

I really do feel sorry for them when they do get slapped in the face with their reality. They may be a prize for some wolf, but it sure won’t be their fated! 

After meeting several alphas and betas, it was clear, I was having too much fun getting so much attention. The more attention I returned to these wolves, the more they would push the boundaries physically, which I knew would eventually happen. 

Sure, I kissed several Alphas and Betas…I actually got my first kiss from Gamma Justin of the Rough Ridge Pack last year when Alpha Xander started this practice of showing us off. 

As time progressed, I started to get more comfortable with my body and I let the wolves push their limits more and more. I let a sweet gamma by the name of Samuel, from the White Fang pack hold my hand while I showed him around our pack.

Then, a very vexing and mysterious beta from the Red Rock pack got under my skirt one night at the beginning of my senior year. I hadn’t turned eighteen quite yet, and he was young…maybe twenty. I let him feel me up and touch my most sensitive place, but only for a quick minute, before I pushed him away during a heated make out session. I left him hanging that night. It felt empowering, knowing I could get a rise out of a wolf like that. He wanted more, but I didn’t give him one millimeter more than he already got!

I think the alpha’s and beta’s talk among themselves because after that, alpha’s almost exclusively started giving me more and more attention! That HAD to be the reason why gamma’s and betas started being less and less dominating around me. Their alphas wanted to start taking a stab at seeing who would be the “lucky” alpha to deflower the gamma’s daughter. 

They didn’t know it, but I had my own game going on which one would take my virginity. They had to hit all the right buttons in order to score and it took a while before anyone managed. I was tired of “waiting” and Bree was turning up my hormone levels almost DAILY. I was a she-wolf and I had been denying my natural sexual urges far too long at that point. I couldn’t hold out much longer.

About six months ago, a really nice but shy alpha by the name of Alpha Thomas took me out on a ‘date’ of sorts to a local movie theater nearby. He gave me my first orgasm! His fingers were amazing and like magic as they pumped in and out of my pussy, making me clench until I was squirting on his hand and the seat in the theater. It was probably the most exhilarating sexual encounter of my life at the time!

Since then, I have gone further and further with different Alphas and the occasional Beta. The wolf that took my virginity was definitely memorable too! He really laid it on thick with everything and even went all out - he took me out to a fancy restaurant, then to a movie where we made out and I went down on him in the back of the theater. Then after the movie, he took me to the park where we messed around some more, until I played a frisky game of chase in my wolf form that led us off into the woods. He caught up to me in the woods in his wolf form and goddess his wolf looked so sexy on top of me when he caught me and that was it! Bree and I submitted to our first alpha and he took our virginity that night. I’ll never forget Alpha Jason of the Full Moon pack mainly because of this, but also because if I ever do end up mated to an alpha, I will definitely have one hell of a time trying to avoid Alpha Jason if I ever see him again.

Since that encounter, I have had a few other partners, but none that I have let go all the way like Alpha Jason. I guess you could say, none of them have pushed all the right buttons since. 

Either way, I continue to write about my experiences and I don’t think I will stop because I have found this to be so relaxing, cathartic, and empowering that I can’t imagine ever stopping.

So, moving forward, just know that these are my reflections of my experiences and interactions with the elite, the highest ranking wolves of neighboring packs near and far from my pack - The Red River pack!