Chapter 1 - Elliot

Elliot POV

Looking in the mirror, I shake my head. I can’t go to the hospital. I can’t stand the smell, and just thinking about it is making my stomach turn. I can’t. I shake my head again, walking away. I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee and rest both my hands on the kitchen island, trying to make up my mind. I know Theo will need me there, but he has Kill and Ash. I think I would be more trouble than help if I went there.

“Fuck”, I let out, slamming my hands against the cold stone of the kitchen island. Grow a fucking pair and move your ass to that fucking hospital. I put my boots on after drinking my black coffee, and I grab the keys to my Harley. Maybe the cold weather will help me straighten my head and make me realise I am not a child anymore and being scared of a fucking hospital is as useless as putting milk in a coffee.

I speed through the streets of New York, avoiding the traffic that is growing bigger because of all the tourists coming for thanksgiving. I don’t get why they like the fucking parade; it's the same shit every year. Yaaay, giant balloons and make pretend famous people trying to pretend they give flying fuck to other people. I have to admit that I never understood the concept of Thanksgiving, maybe because I am a sarcastic fuck that has nothing to be thankful for in his life.

I have to admit that I am a bit jealous of Killian and Theo. They have their girls and their kids, and what do I have? An underlying fuck you attitude and a need for random sex all the time. Fucking great. I always wanted a wife and kids, but time has proven to me that I don’t deserve them. What can I say? I have fallen in love before, I was a teenager and she played with my feelings.

I could’ve ended up married, but Theo got in the way, and I am thankful for that because look at him now, happily married and expecting a child with the love of his life. Can you imagine the shit show that would’ve been if I was the one married to Everly? I would’ve been married to the girl my best mate was in love with. Fucking fantastic. But thankfully, it didn’t happen, and I was left alone again. We barely spend time together now because they all have their families, and I don’t want to intrude.

When I arrive at the hospital, I stop the bike and take my helmet off. It’s fucking freezing today, and I freeze in front of the hospital, looking at the door. Come on, Elliott, you pussy, move your ass and get inside. Go check how your friend is doing. Go check if she is okay. If she has given birth already.

I walk into the hospital, and I try to breathe through my mouth. I look like a fucking fish out of the water breathing with my mouth open. I close my eyes, resting my back against the wall, and I rest my head back.

I take a deep breath, and the smell hits me like a ton of bricks, and I feel nausea appearing. I close my eyes. “Elliot baby, come on, we need to go see your mummy”, Aunty Stella says as she holds my hand and pulls me into the hospital. I am six years old, and I hate it here. Mummy is sick, very sick, and she can’t even come home so I have to come and visit her here.

“Come on, Ell, she will be so happy to see you”, aunty says but when she opens the door, we saw the doctors doing something on her. They are all shouting, the machines are beeping loudly, and a nurse rushes us out of the room.

“What are they doing to my mummy?” I ask, and Aunty Stella starts crying, holding me close to her. She wraps her arms around my body, and she cries. I can feel her entire body shaking, and I don't understand what is going on.

I open my eyes, and I notice I am breathing heavily, and there’s a girl looking at me. “Are you okay? Do you want me to go get the nurse?”, she asks me. I look into her eyes, and I shake my head, trying to steady my breathing, but my head is spinning, and I end up sliding down the wall and sitting on my ass, breathing like I am lashing oxygen. Fucking great. I am behaving like a fucking child in front of a girl, and the way she is looking at me is making my heart beat faster.

“Deep breaths, come on, inhale in six, come on, one, two, three, four, five, six”, she says while I inhale. “Hold it in in four, one, two, three, four”, and now exhale in five. “One, two, three, four, five”, she says, we repeat it a couple more times, and my breathing goes back to normal, but the sickening feeling in my stomach doesn’t go anywhere. Hate this fucking place.

“Feeling better?”, she asks as she offers me her hand to help me stand up. I take it, and when I touch her skin, my entire body reacts to her warmth, she is beautiful, and her skin is soft to the touch. I clear my throat and pull away while she smiles at me. She looks kind and collected, while I look like a fucking mess right now.

“Thanks”, I say, and she nods her head, telling me I have nothing to thank her for; she knows how panic attacks feel as she has some sometimes, but hospitals keep her calm. Just great, my polar opposite. She likes this place, while I hate it with every fibre of my being. How is that even possible?

“I have to go, thanks again”, I say as I walk away from her, and I start being myself up almost straight away. I didn’t have to be so rude to her, but I didn’t show weakness in front of anyone, especially in front of girls. Argh.

I get to the room I was told Everly was going to be in, but there’s everyone but her.

“Hey, congratulations, mate”, I say as I look at the little bundle of joy in his arms, but I realise everyone is looking like something bad happened.

‘What did I miss?” I ask, and Theo shakes his head, and Kilian taps me on the shoulder, guiding me outside. I follow him but not before looking back at my best mate as he falls in pieces.

“There were some complications during the birth, she lost a lot of blood, and they had to rush her to the theatre”, Killian says. Fuck. I can’t deal with this. I can’t.

“She is okay now, she is in the recovery room, but they had to remove all her reproductive organs. She won’t be able to have more children”, Killian says and I take a deep breath feeling the relief take over my body as I relax. I understand how bad this is, but at least she is alive.