We need 2 talk!!
As I read the lastest message from Tatiana, all I can think is, she saw us!
I had hoped that maybe she was too intoxicated or maybe it was too dark and that she didn't actually see anything.
But from these hundreds of text messages she's been sending me since last night, I can tell that I'm not mistaken, she saw me with my tongue down her brother's throat last night.
And now she wants us to talk about it. Given all these new messages on phone it seems like everyone wants to talk to me. Did Tatiana tell everyone about what she saw? Somehow I doubt it, Tatiana wouldn't do that but just to be sure I switch off my phone so that no one can get in touch with me.
Besides my phone is distracting enough and I need to get ready for school!
I look back at the girl in the mirror and I have to say I look great. Yes, I'm one of those girls who care about her looks. It might just be the one thing I have in common with my sister. Speaking of my sister, she's bound to come looking for me anytime, she's so OCD that she can't bear the thought of being a second late to school.
As if on cue she starts to call out my name. "Max!" Mckayla yells as she barges into my room. Fortunately I'm already dressed and almost ready for school otherwise I would never hear the end of it.
"I'm almost done." I tell her as I fix up my hair, momentarily getting a glimpse of her. She looks great in a short white dress paired with an oversized green blazer and matching green sandals. But that's my sister, she always has to be the best.
She starts to say something but abruptly stops, her blue eyes widening as she friend at me. "Is that my skirt?" She asks in absolute horror.
I ignore her reaction to my borrowing her skirt. "Do you like it?" I ask her excitedly. "It matches my boots."
"Of course I like it, it's my skirt!" She sounds irritated. "You know what, you can keep it." She adds as she rolls her eyes.
"Really?" I say in mock surprise. Mckayla doesn't like to share, not even with me so I kind of expected her to give up the skirt altogether. "Thank you so much!"
"Yeah whatever. Meet me downstairs in five minutes or I'm leaving without you."
"Okay!" I say but she's already gone and I'm pretty sure if I don't make it downstairs in exactly five minutes, she will leave without me.
Fortunately I manage to make it just in time and Mckayla doesn't have an excuse to leave me behind. I'm not really a good driver so I prefer riding with my sister and besides, my parents always give me hell about my driving skills so it's easier this way.
Walking down the halls of school is one of my favorite pastimes but not today. I don't like the way people are starring at me. Im used to the stares of course, attention is one of the perks that comes with being Mckayla Hamilton's 'younger' sister and also dating one of the high profile guys at school.
But today it's different, people are whispering and looking away when I catch them starring. For a moment I imagine that maybe they all saw me and it's not just Tatiana who knows about my secret tryst with Santiago. last night.
The thought is so horrific that I immediately dismiss it. No, it can't be that, it's definitely something else.
"Why are they looking at you?" My sister asks, sounding oddly jealous of the fact that she's not the center of attention for once. Mckayla thrives on attention, good or bad just as long as she's in the spotlight. "What did you do?" Now she sounds impatient.
"Nothing." I lie. Well, sort of hoping it's nothing I did.
Before my sister can say anything else, her boyfriend approaches us. Lukas Warner has to be one of the most attractive guys at this school. Not only is he quite intelligent but his blonde hair and striking green eyes make him very irresistible to all the girls and my sister is no exception.
Mckayla will never admit it but she's quite smitten with Lukas. He's the only guy who doesn't seem intimidated by McKayla's cold demeanor and odd as it might sound, he's one of the few people allowed to touch her. It's quite interesting to be in their presence and see them challenge each other.
"Hey baby." Lukas pulls my sister into his arms and kisses her and how reluctant she looks, Mckayla kisses him back.
"I thought we agreed on you calling me Mckayla."
Lukas pretends to look shocked. "We did?" He gasps as he places his hand on his chest. "I guess it slipped my mind, baby." He adds just to annoy her.
She smacks his arm. "Shut up." He laughs and she kisses him again just to shut him up. I swear they are adorable.
"Hi Lukas." I sat after they part their lips. Im actually surprised he hasn't acknowledged me yet, he's usually very friendly and isn't shy about giving me bear hugs. I guess everyone is acting strange today.
"Hey Max." He greets me but he barely looks at me. He clears his throat. "Mick, we should get to class." He tells his girlfriend.
I frown at his behavior. Why is he avoiding me? "Class hasn't started yet."
"I know." Again he avoids my gaze. "I need to talk to Mckayla." And just like that they start to walk away from me. Mckayla looks just as confused as me but goes along with her boyfriend.
I decide to just ask Mckayla about it later. My first class is algebra and I don't want the teacher another reason to hate me. As I'm taking out books from my locker a boy I don't recognize approaches me.
"Hey there." He says trying hard not to laugh. "You want to hang out?" He asks, amusement written all over his face.
I really don't get the joke. Who's this guy and why is he talking to me? "Excuse me?"
His friend starts to laugh. Now him I recognize, he's in my third period. "You blew it man." He continues to laugh and they start to walk away from me.
I notice that more and more people people are looking at me and it's becoming impossible to ignore. I need to find out what's going on. What did I miss ? Why is everyone treating me like some kind of a joke?
I spot Liam, one of the guys who's friendly with me and not because he wants to sleep with me, and decide to ask him. Liam Foster might be the one guy friend I have and that's mainly because I'm the first and last girl he's ever kissed. Yep, Liam is gay and I only kissed him because he paid me to so he could prove that he actually liked girls.
But ironically that kiss only did the opposite because once I slipped my tongue into his mouth, he instantly pulled back as if I had bitten him. He threw a massive about my cherry lip balm and even dared to the color wasn't for me. But I wasn't offended, in fact that's how we became friends.
I start to approach Liam when I feel someone hook their arm around me. I turn around to reproach whoever it is who dares to touch me when I'm having such a bad morning. But my irritation melts away when I see it's only Nicholas, my boyfriend.
"Hey." I say, relieved to see him amidst all that's going on, not that I know what's even going on.
Nicholas doesn't say anything, instead he grabs my head and crashes his lips against my own. Oh this is a surprise, a pleasant one but still a surprise non the less. Not that Nico is shy about public displays of affection but he isn't one to mark down his territory like this.
Hid lips are rough against mine, like he's angry or something. Still, I kiss him back. If my boyfriend is going to make point of kissing me infront of all these people and giving them more reason to talk, then who am I to stop him?
"Hi." He says breathlessly against my mouth once he breaks off the kiss.
"Hey." I repeat.
"We need to talk." He says, his tone completely different.
I frown at his sudden change of behavior but I go along with him as he drags me to one of the empty classrooms.
Nicholas doesn't give me a chance to ask what's going on because as soon as we are in the out of use biology labs, he grabs me and presses me against the closed door and I'm suddenly trapped against him and the door.
"I have been calling you all day." He whispers, his hand on my thigh. "Why weren't you answering?" He asks as his hand moves higher.
I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his hand on my thigh. "My phone was off." I tell him breathlessly.
"Really?" I can feel his fingers slipping into my panties. "Guess what I heard today?"
"What?" I pant.
"The guys made a bet about who could easily sleep with you!" He spits out angrily as he removes his hand from between my legs.
I immediately open my eyes. "What?" I ask, confused and frustrated. What is he talking about.
Nicholas pulls out his cellphone and presses a few buttons before handing it to me. He looks pissed and for the second time this morning I wonder if Nicholas also saw me kissing Santiago.
With that horrific thought, I turn my attention to Nicholas's phone. I press play on a video and seconds later, my eyes widen in shock when I see exactly what the video is about.
So this is why everyone was looking at me, why my phone was going crazy with notifications. It's because of this video, an explicit video of Nicholas and I.
"What is this?" I ask my boyfriend.
"A sextape." He simply says but I know him enough to know he's burning with rage inside. "We are famous."
And it hits me, everyone has seen this. Nicholas is right to be upset, we are famous in the worst way possible!
.....the light is getting dimmer and dimmer but I don't mind because I'm finally embracing the darkness.....I have to say, poetry is my coping mechanism. Reading and writing it is not only a form of self expression for me, but it helps me deal with my anxiety and depression. And right now I can't stop writing and it's because I'm one minute away from having an anxiety attack.I have been the new girl at different schools for quite a number of times but I still can't get over first day nerves. You would think that due to all this constant moving and school changes, I would have mastered the art of being the new girl.But no, I still get nervous everytime which results in awkward first expressions which ultimately leads to not making any friends. Yep, I don't have a social life of any kind."You know, you could at least pretend to be excited about this new school." My mother says as she drives me t
I think my talent in this world is keeping secrets. I have even mastered keeping secrets from the people I'm closest to in the world, my three best friends, soon to be four.Yes I know a lot of things, like the fact that Max and Santiago have been hooking up behind everyone's back for a long time now or the fact that the sole reason why Tatiana wears makeup is to hide the occasional bruises 'accidentally' inflicted on her by her stepfather.Maybe the later isn't something I should keep a secret but it's a sensitive subject and I know Tatiana wouldn't appreciate me talking about it.But the biggest secret I have managed to keep to myself has to be about myself. It's something I have never been able to talk about with my parents, my friends or even myself.I have always been somewhat confused about my sexual preferences but I have never dared to entertain the fact that I might be anything other than straight, until now or rather until her.
Whoever said life is a game but it's not fair wasn't kidding. Life is definitely unfair, it can keep knocking you down while continuously lifting up others. Unfortunately when it comes to life my situation is the former.With each passing day my resentment grows and grows. It's directed to everyone, my mother and her boyfriend, my friends and even myself. But especially towards my mother because she's the exact definition of a failure, as a woman and most definitely as a mother.And while my resentment towards my friends is unjustified, I can't help the unsettling envy I have towards them. They have everything I could ever want in life and sometimes I can't help but feel extremely jealous."Do you like your bracelet?" I'm sitting on Mckayla's bed as she organizes her closet. I always come here after school because going home is my least favorite time.I look down at the bracelet in question. It's platinum with silver trinkets, it's so cute and of co
They call me the queen of all bitches and I own it. I am the queen alright, and I will take fear over friendly any day.But that being said, I do have friends and I'm fiercely protective of them. As the mature and intelligent one, I feel it's my job to look out for them.But despite being the smarter than everyone else, I don't know how to help my best Tatiana. I play no favourites but she's the one I'm closest to and that's including my little sister Max.Tatiana has a rough and unpleasant lifestyle compared to all of us and while that has never been a source of conflict between us, I suppose it can be overwhelming and frustrating to be surrounded by people who seem so out of touch with how the less privileged live their lives."As much as I'm enjoying this show of yours," Lukas, the only boy allowed in my bedroom, says from my bed where he's lying lazily with his shoes on my sheets! "You have been pacing for more than an hour now, why don't you just cal
We all have our vices, bad habits we can't seem to kick off no matter how many times we vow to let go of them. For example, Ashley will never stop chewing on her nails nomatter how many times Mckayla threatens to throw her an intervention.Well mine is a little more complicated than that because my bad habit, the one I can't seem to shake off, is Santiago Monroe, twin brother to one of my best friends, Tatiana.Messing around with socially labelled 'bad boy' Santiago started out as nothing but a harmless game we both enjoyed but now it's become something so secretive that neither of us can define.Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, he's everything to me. But somehow I always get caught up in Santiago, I can't help it, I have tried.Speaking of Santiago, he's looking effortlessly presentable while I struggle to make myself look as normal as possible.Maybe
I have always wanted to be part of a group, to have ever lasting, intimate friendships and now I have that and more.When Mckayla said she's throwing a slumber party for my initiation I thought she was just being metaphorical. I had no idea there was going to be an actual initiation.The five of us are seated on the carpeted floor of Mckayla's vast bedroom, surrounded by lit scented candles. We are all wearing matching red silk pajamas.My new red silk pajamas are a courtesy from Mckayla of course. I have a feeling she's the mastermind behind all but anyway, if I had known this was going to be fancy I would have done a little shopping of my own.In true style we are all brushing each other's hair, something Mckayla swears is therapeutic. We are also playing secrets and sins, a game the girls invented.It's a game which involves talking about, you guessed it, your deep
I never thought I could ever feel like this, everytime I look at Kristen my heart flutters. Even behind those glasses she's still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and her green eyes are stunning.I can't stop looking at her. I want to be near her, so I can touch her and smell her.Geez, I'm coming off as creepy but then again I have staring at her for the last twenty minutes of gym class so maybe, yes, I am creepy.Suddenly she catches me looking at her, our eyes meet and like an idiot I continue starring at her. I know I should quickly look away but I just can't.But Kristen being the angel that she is, smiles at me and even waves at me. Now I feel even more idiotic because I can't seem to wave or even smile back which is crazy because she's one of my best friends. I should be able to act normal around her.But my feelings for Kristen are anything but normal.
It all started as a game, a way to entertain myself and escape the occasional nightmare that is my life. But here I am, fully invested in the world of internet dating.While it may not be the most conventional way to date, I'm doing it for two reasons and that's attention and money.Yes, money. Apparently there are so many weird people out there who are so lonely that they would pay for a little affection.Here I was, resentful and bitter towards everyone who has it better than me when I have had the solution to have it just as good right infront of me."So Lily," Jeff, my lastest internet friend purrs from the other side of my laptop, his half naked body in full view. Well, at least he's not fully naked."Yes Jeff?" I briefly wonder if that's even his real name because Lily Rose is most definitely not my real name but who cares, he's paying and that's all that matters.
Fake it till you make it. It's something I always say to my friends and now I gotta practice what I preach. It won't be hard, for most of my life I have always believed that I'm a character, a nearly perfect girl.Effortlessly beautiful, smart, confident and of course a badass queen. And I managed to bring that character to life, morphing into her since I was a little girl.But as I stare at the mirror, looking back at my reflection, I see the me I was before I transformed into my true self. It's her, the disgusting dirty little girl, the person I despise most in the world.She's mocking me, laughing at the fact that one grave mistake, one drunken escapade fuelled with intense lust and anger has brought back all those ugly memories I have always managed to suppress.A lot of things went wrong on the night of my birthday and I have so many regrets. If I could take it all back I would, but I can't so there's no point in dwelling on the negative. This will just be another memory I will s
"The number you have dialed is not available, please try later"That's it, my brother is officially an asshole. I have been calling that son of a bitch for days now and he's still ignoring me.Well, fuck him. I'm done feeling bad for doing what I had to to survive. I'm sorry for leaving him in that shit hole but I had no choice since that poor excuse of our mother basically kicked me out.But to be fair I think kicking me out might just be the best thing Delores Monroe has ever done for me. Living with my mother and that asshole boyfriend was living nightmare.The physical and verbal abuse were not even the worst part of living with Marshall, it was inhumane behavior and Delores's refusal to acknowledge his cruelty towards us that always hurt me and unfortunately it destroyed my brother even more, sadly it still does."Tatiana," I snap out of my thoughts to look at Lukas."Oh hey Lukas." I try my best to smile at him. I like Lukas, he's good to my friend and Lord knows it's not easy t
Fuck intermittent fasting, I'm having some candy and a whole lot of alcohol. This party sucks and frankly so does Kristen. So this is what it feels like to be heartbroken? The pain I felt as I watched the girl I'm hopelessly and stupidly inlove with kissing someone else left me empty. It's still there because I can still picture it in my head, Santiago and Kristen touching, hugging, laughing and finally kissing. All my worst fears were realized when I saw them together in the pool, fully clothed as they made out in the water. I feel so broken and I just want that to go away, I don't care how. So here I am, sitting cross legged on the kitchen counter and stuffing myself with chips. I think there's weed in these but it's not doing anything for me. I need something stronger, something to make me forget about what will forever be known as the worst night of my life. And then suddenly my prayers are answered when I spot Liam talking to some shirtless guy. I don't know his name but I ha
Well, this isn't how I pictured the night going.I woke up two hours earlier than usual today and went online to order quite a number of outfits. I was excited about the party and so was my mother who even offered to do my hair and makeup. Of course she was a little hesitant about helping me dress up as Emilia Clarke's character from Game Of Thrones but then shrugged it off when she realized this was probably my only chance at a 'normal' social life.But now that here, sitting alone with my legs in the balcony pool, I'm wondering if coming here was a mistake. I have barely interacted with my friends and I can't help but think that Max may be avoiding me. Or maybe I'm just imagining things, but what am I supposed to think when I'm at my best friend's birthday party but am surrounded by a bunch of teenagers I don't even know? "Well well well, if it isn't my little school buddy." A voice from behind me slurs.I turn around only to see Santiago. Well, this is a surprise, I didn't know Sa
I'm sorry. Idk wat I was thinking. Pliz talk 2 me.Genesis pliz.How long re u going 2 ignore?? How can u be such a bitch to me after everything u put thru?! I still ve dat video u know!!!Okay I will delete the video but pliz give me another chance.....Santiago's endless texts go from remorseful to anger and then back to being remorseful. I haven't responded to a single one of them. I have nothing to say to him, actually I do but none of it is what he wants to hear.It's weird being the bitchy one for a change. I usually leave bitchiness to Mckayla and Tatiana because I'm the nice one, the most carefree and easily approachable one of the group.And it's not just Santiago I'm not talking to, I'm not talking to Kristen either. Call me irrational but her sudden closeness to Santiago is something I can't stand. Santiago is my enemy now and the fact that Kristen is suddenly getting cosy with him makes me not want to be around her at the moment.And speaking of the devil I can see Kristen
Not much gets past me so I can't help but think there's more to Tatiana's story than a violent altercation between her and her mother's so called boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I know she's being truthful about him being violent towards her, he's done it before and I have seen firsthand the bruises that bastard has unapologetically left on my best friend.And in the past everytime it happened I always begged her to move into our house, and I hate begging, but for Tatiana's sake I put my pride aside and tried to save her from her miserable life.Of course she wouldn't let me, coming up with different excuses each time I brought up the subject of her moving out. Whether it was the fact that she couldn't just leave her brother to fend for himself or that she didn't want to impose on me and my family, she was never short on excuses.But now all that has changed because a few days ago Tatiana showed up on our doorstep looking more vulnerable and emotional than I have ever seen her before.
I can't believe it, after years and years of living in crappy apartments owned by even crappier men (thanks a lot mom for your poor choice in partners), I'm living in a hotel and not just any hotel but a five star hotel! Well, this isn't a permanent situation, I know that but I try not to think about it. Or the fact that I basically abandoned my brother but in my defense I didn't exactly move out by choice, my mother kicked me out. It still baffles me that she did that, that my own mother could throw me out on the street like that. I have always known she was a shitty and weak excuse of a mother but I never thought she would blatantly choose a man over her own flesh and blood like that. But that's life, some get shitty parents and some get the best.And Mckayla certainly got the best because her dad has been nothing but a gentleman to me. I can't say this is what I was expecting when I took a chance and called him in my time of need but not only did he come for me, but he didn't ask
Strange things have been happening lately. For starters, up until today I hadn't had chocolate cookies or anything with chocolate in a really really long time. I feel like I have gained ten pounds and with good reason too, I had eight chocolate cookies! I wish I hadn't but I couldn't say no to Kristen, not when she was giving me the big green eyes.Which brings us to the second strange thing that happened to me, Kristen kissed me! I couldn't believe it when she leaned in and kissed me. It surprised me so much that I couldn't even reciprocate, I was too numb from the shock. But still it was the best kiss ever, so much better than the time she was dared to kiss me at Nick's party.And speaking of kisses, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Camila kissed me last week. I'm not going to lie, it's been keeping me awake. I mean she's practically the embodiment of the antichrist and she hates me, so what on earth posse
The one downside about being hopelessly in love with someone is that you are willing to do anything for them, including jeopardizing your own mental health. I would know, I'm a wreck right now.I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear because that's what depression feels like for me. And the worst part of feeling like this is that no one can help me because no one can ever understand how much it hurts. And I can't exactly make them understand because that would mean explaining to them that I'm in this current state because against my better judgement I decided to log into my social media accounts to check on the person I'm in love with who also happens to be my guidance counselor slash teacher who also happens to be very married.I don't know where I got the balls to stalk Mr Zukov on Instagram but I impulsively did and now I'm paying the price."You were doing so well." My mom is sitting on my bed, stroking m