The beginning

CHAPTER FOUR

SARAH'S POV

TWENTY-TWO YEARS AGO

Loneliness. Silence. Chaos. Pain.

All of these described my life as vividly as you can imagine. My life was a mess and the fact that I was helpless and could do nothing to fix it exacerbated my worries.

My husband was sweet. He tried to distract me from my painful reality and succeeded once in a while to make me smile. But as soon as he was gone for the day's work, I was left with the emptiness and silence that had become my companion.

Marcus and I had been married for seven years and had been trying to have a baby but couldn't. I had had several miscarriages already and was exhausted from trying. We both were. But we wanted children desperately.

Things got worse.

I had gotten pregnant again and hoped that it would stay this time, but it didn't. I lost the baby at sixteen weeks and this time, the doctor told me I couldn't have a child. Ever.

The news broke me and I fell into depression. It was hard to get out of bed, to even bake,which was my favorite thing to do. I owned a small pastry shop but it had been closed for weeks.

Marcus started drinking again, and gambling, so much so that it became a problem. He said it was his way of coping with the loss. If he was good at it and made some more money, I wouldn't be so bitter, but the reverse was the case. He gamed until he lost everything. I often wondered how he coped with the loss of his babies with more losses. It somehow made sense to him.

I still remembered how it all changed. It was quite unexpected but I was grateful for it. I had finally picked myself up and decided to go back to work. I was done wallowing in self pity and was ready to heal. So I headed to the market for some flour and butter.

That was when I met her.

She seemed lost and confused and it was definitely a face I had never seen. Ours was a small community so everyone knew each other. She was a stranger.

"Excuse me." She had called after me. I stopped and turned to look at her. It was then I noticed her slightly protuding stomach. She was pregnant.

A wave of jealousy hit me but I struggled to fight it. It wasn't her fault that I couldn't do what women were supposed to do. It wasn't her fault that I was unable to carry a baby in my womb. My jealousy soon became sadness.

"Can you please help me? I seem to have lost my way. Someone pointed me towards a motel but I've been walking for hours and I've just been going round in circles. My feet are swollen, I'm tired and my bladder is so full."

My heart went out to her in that instant. She looked quite young but not so much younger than me.

"Are you here with it's father? Why isn't he helping you?"

She looked down at her toes and her fingers locked in front of her underneath her stomach. "I'm not married, and I'm running away from their father." She replied, shocking me.

She followed me home that day. She had walked too far from the motel and sending her back wasn't the best idea. My house was closer and we had an empty room which we had prepared for our baby that never came. She could stay for a while.

"What's your name?" I asked her after she had freshened up and changed into the clothes I gave her. We were eating now.

"Ariana. Ariana shepherd." She replied, gobbling her food.

"You wanna talk about why you're here in Mexico? You're obviously English.

"I'm from London." She replied and swallowed the bits of food she had been chewing. "Their..umm..their father doesn't want them. He wants to get rid of them so I ran away."

"Them? You're having twins?"

She nodded and continued to devour her meal.

"Why wouldn't he want the babies? That's crazy! I would give anything to be in your place right now. I mean--"

"You have no children?"

"None. And I can't have any. I've been married seven years, I'm thirty- six and the Doctors say it's impossible. They're against my trying again. I could lose my life."

She stopped eating and stared Into my eyes. She probably pitied me.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through that."

"It's okay. I'll be okay. You made the right decision keeping the babies."

"Can I stay with you, just until I give birth? I'll leave when I do and I'll start over somewhere else. I'm very hardworking. I'm good with business and record keeping. I worked as a secretary before coming here. I promise you, I won't be a burden. Also, I have some money with me. I'll pay for the room if you want. I'll get a job if I have to." She asked under one breath.

A laugh escaped my lips. She was so young and enthusiastic and hopeful. Having her around would definitely improve my mental health.

"Sure, I'll be happy to have you live here. You can stay as long as you need." I replied. "One question though, can you bake?"

"Barely. But I'm a quick learner."

She stayed with me for months and helped with my business like she said she would. Things were beginning to look up. Marcus still gambled, but Ariana was so good with keeping money that he couldn't get to it. He gambled with his own money, which he didn't really have so his habit became less frequent.

Ariana gave birth to two beautiful baby girls. They were so identical with beautiful cerulean eyes. They cried the same and both had beautiful chestnut brown,curly hair.

"I don't want to give them English names Sarah. They're Mexican." She replied with a laugh when I asked her if she had any names in mind.

"Lorena." She said, pointing to the twin that came out first.

"Leonora." She said to the second one.

I couldn't hold back my tears. It was a really beautiful moment.

She stayed with me for a month with the babies. My house was finally filled with joy and cheerful laughter. It felt surreal.

"I'll head out to the shop now." I said to Ariana one afternoon.

"Do you want me to come along?"

"No no. You stay and take care of the babies." I replied.

"Thank you so much for everything Sarah. You're such a wonderful person." She said, a glint of sadness in her eyes.

"Don't mention it. You're doing me a favour too. I got to know what it was like to have a baby cry in my house.

She hugged me with tears in her eyes. "See you when you get back." She said.

But that was a lie.

I came back home to find her gone. She took Leonora with her and left Lorena with a note beside her.

"I'm sorry I have to leave like this. Please take care of Lorena. She's yours now. I lied about their father. He doesn't even know they exist. I left because he's married and his family as well as his wife's is quite powerful. His wife is after me. I'll be killed if they find out that the children are alive and I cannot be on the run with two kids. They deserve better. I'm already in trouble because of the affair so please Don't try to find me. I'll take care of Leonora. She should be with her mother at least. There's some money under her cradle, it's not much but I hope it helps."

Ariana was gone, but she left me with a precious gift. My own baby. I would protect her with my life. No one would find her and take her away from me. I was a mother now.