I smiled back at Nicholas. He knew that it was not easy for me to be transparent, to show that some things could actually pierce through my shell. He knew that when I thank him, I was actually eating a portion of my ego, because I judged him so easily and I was wrong. So, our whatevers meant we understood each other. It meant that he had proven me wrong one more time and it was okay for me not to say it because he was letting me walk away with my head held high.But not this time. He deserved it. He deserved to know that I was wrong about judging him. That I now admit that he’s a good person.I squeezed his hand back and said, “Thank you, Nicholas. You’re a good guy. And I’m sorry for judging you too soon. I’m sorry for ruining whatever chances you may have with Jen, if you were really into her. I’m sorry for all the crap I gave you. And thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most.”He held my hand tighter in his. He looked into my eyes for a moment. “You’re forgiv
I texted Brett using my new number—I mean, the number that Nick lent me.Four PM tomorrow. Front gate, university.Immediately, my phone rang.“The fuck, dude! You have no idea what hell we’ve been through looking for you!” Brett’s voice was raised and agitated.“What?”“Your phone was off. I didn’t know where you were. I went to your house. Nobody wanted to let me in. They said that you ran away from home without telling anybody where you were off to. I had to force myself to speak to your father. He said he had no idea where you were and he didn’t care. In fact, he looked happy that you were gone! He gave me your wallet, told me that if I saw you, I should give it to you. What happened? Where were you?”I took time to process what Brett was saying. The mention of my father suddenly made me cringe. I had to close my eyes for a moment to let the surge of panic and fear settle down.I felt a warm hand caress my nape, providing me comfort and some proof that I was not alone. I leaned my
“I thought you weren’t attracted to me!”“I wasn’t,” he agreed. His response was almost automatic and the tone of his voice was leveled, meaning he didn’t even think twice about what he said and I didn’t know why I wanted to hit him in the face at the moment.I cast my disappointment aside and tried to keep a straight face. I’d deal with my feelings later. Right now, he cannot suspect that I was feeling even a little bit fond of him!“Then why would you even suggest a kiss as a punishment to get even with me when I hit you?” I asked, keeping my voice as cool as possible.Nick shrugged. “You said I’m Nicholas Atkins and according to you, I’m interested in every girl I meet. And you just called yourself a girl. I mean, you’re unlike any of the girls I’ve dated before. I usually go for tall, curvy babes with long legs and supermodel looks. The chances of us ever getting together are from nil to maximum five percent. Kissing was probably the worst thing that we could do with each other. I
I put the cash back in the wallet and then I handed it to Brett.“What?”“I don’t want his money,” I said. “Return it to him with all the cards. Even that Louis Vuitton wallet was a gift from him. I don’t want it.”“Dude?”“Do it, Brett. Or take the money and put it to good use. Either way, tell him what you did. I want him to know I didn’t take any cash from him. He no longer has a kid. I no longer have a father.”Brett stared at me for a long moment. I could see frustration in his eyes and then some sadness. I could tell that his heart was breaking for me.I gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Brett. I’m Ken Clarke!” I wanted to convince myself about the same thing.Brett heaved a sigh. “How are you going to support yourself?”“I have saved a little money.”“Isabella’s life insurance? I thought you were saving that for after college, to put up your own practice.”“I’m not even sure I’ll be practicing this profession, Brett,” I told him honestly. “I did it for Jen. But now, she’s
I tried my best to stay out of Nick’s hair. I locked myself up in the room so I would not have to see him or talk to him. I didn’t want to keep on frowning at him, or make it so obvious that I was ignoring him. He didn’t deserve that. It was not his fault that I’ve never been attracted to a guy before.I was raised unconventionally. Growing up with two lesbian parents, I never knew what it was like to explore being a girl. I loved my parents so much and I have always idolized them. Their relationship was something I found to be ideal, thus, I never thought about exploring what it was like to date a guy. It never even crossed my mind.My father was the reason why I have major trust issues with a guy. Brett had always treated me like a boy. So did his friends. I have always believed that I would never put my trust in a guy. I would never fall in love with one. The only guy who challenged these beliefs was Nicholas. And he was not even aware he was doing it.He didn’t say anything. In fa
Kiss him?! Excuse me? Kisses are overrated, remember?I pulled myself back from the trance I was in and let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding in. I took a step away from Nicholas and shook myself back to reality.Nicholas frowned and before I could say another word, he said, “I’ll see you after your show.” Then he walked away. I went back on stage wondering what the heck just went on between Nick and me. How come being close to him made my heart beat faster? Why didn’t I feel the need to breathe as long as I was staring into his eyes? There was nothing about kissing that I found enticing but suddenly, I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.“Hello!” Bailey’s booming voice startled me. He was looking at me sternly, and I realized that he called a girl from the audience, and I was supposed to give a drum roll of some sort but I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I lost my cue. Though Bailey was speaking to the girl, I knew the dagger-like looks were for me. The
She had curly, platinum blonde hair and she was wearing a tiny skirt and a blouse that revealed her flat abdomen. Her skin was tanned, as though she spent regular hours under those sun tanning capsules.She touched his arm and gently pulled him to her. Nick responded by touching her chin and whispering something to her, which made her laugh giddily. The sight made me want to puke in disgust. I felt as if the knot in my stomach tightened painfully and I felt the urge to run to Nick and punch all his teeth down his throat.You filthy womanizer, you fucking idiot! But of course, I could only scream at him inside my head. Nicholas had every right to do what he does best: pick up easy girls dressed like bitches in heat!“So, how does this work?” Brett asked. “Are you going to stand by his car and wait for him to finish with that girl, or is the girl going home with both of you?”“I am not sure. I guess we’ll find out,” I replied.“You can always catch a ride with us. If you have his house
“Atkins didn’t look too happy,” Brett said.“Don’t care!” I muttered.“Sure you don’t,” Brett said, giving me a knowing look through the rearview mirror. I rolled my eyes at him. “Now, explain yourself. You called my girlfriend a disappointment.”My face immediately turned redder than it already was. “No, no! It wasn’t you. I was lost in my thoughts. I was disappointed with the turn of events. That was what I was thinking about.”“Nicholas Atkins flirting with that blonde,” Brett said.“No! Of course not!” I said. I sounded a little too defensive.Terry turned to stare at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. “Ken Clarke, what is going on?”“Nothing. I just gave Nicholas Atkins a chance to get laid.”“He didn’t look as though he wanted to get laid. He looked as if the girl of his dreams just walked away from his life,” Terry said.I raised a brow at her. “You a romance writer or something?” I asked sarcastically.To my surprise, she giggled. “Actually I am. I have two publish
Six months later, I graduated from the culinary school and became Austin’s sous-chef. I was getting excellent training from him, and the great thing about that was I didn’t feel like I was working at all. Every day was an adventure for me. Every moment was like play time. I was inventing my own fusions and Austin had considered including them in his official menu. Nick comes to New York at least three times a month. Whenever he had the chance to get away from work, he would come to me. And every time I spent with him was pure bliss, pure treasure. I have never been happier in my life. My happiness didn’t come without a price. I thought now that everything was going quite well in my life, I should let go of all the pain and anger I may still be harboring. There would no happiness without forgiveness, without healing. And to start with that, I forgave my father. The day after my graduation, I flew back to Salt Lake City to visit his grave. Nick went with me. I stared at the words on
I didn’t know how long I slept or how I got home. But when I opened my eyes, it was already morning. I realized I wasn’t lying down on the ground by the beach where I last remembered I was. Instead, a down feather duvet kept me warm as I lay comfortably on a firm mattress. The pillows, duvet, and bed covers were all white, matching the eggshell paint on the walls.At first, I thought I was in a hospital, but then I realized the bed I was in was far too comfortable and a lot wider than a hospital bed. Something about the room I was in was very familiar, as if I’ve been here plenty of times before.The next thing I realized was that I was completely naked under the sheets. I felt tired, as though I went through a rigid exercise regimen the night before. Apart from that, I was feeling a little sore there, too, in my most private part. Shit!Suddenly, I felt movement behind me. An arm draped over my waist and I felt warm kisses on my neck.I panicked!I was with a guy! I was naked! We ha
Ken“Ma’am, are you okay? Ma’am, can you hear me?”“Should we call the police?”I slowly opened my eyes and found the girl in Margaret’s diner and another guy looking at me with worried expressions on their faces. I looked around. I realized I was seated in the driver’s seat of my car, with the seat inclined. The girl was sitting on the passenger seat, holding up a small bottle of mint balm and the guy was kneeling by my car door.“What happened?” I asked, sitting up.“You fainted,” the guy said to me. “You’re lucky I was passing by when you dropped your phone and passed out. I caught you before you could hit your head. I called for help. Are you okay?”I nodded. “Th—thanks.”“Do you want to go to the hospital?” the girl asked.I shook my head. “I’ll be… I’ll be okay.”“Well, I found these on the ground,” the guy said. He handed me the pieces of my phone. “I think you’re gonna need to buy a new one.”He was right. The phone was broken that I doubt any service center could still put it
Nick.I wasn’t able to react immediately. I took a couple of hits before I came to my senses and docked and thwarted all her assaults. It took a while to convince her that maybe she was just late. I offered to get her a pregnancy kit just so she could be sure.I waited days for her to tell me that the tests came back negative, as I was sure they would be. I was positive I never touched her. How could I? I spent most of the night staring at her, watching her sleep. I was in love with her. When I do make love to her, I want her to want it, too. I wanted her to remember me. I wanted to be different from the others she had been with.I called her several times, but she was completely ignoring me. I was beginning to get worried. I realized, too, that since I backed out on my deal with her father, he would no doubt employ somebody else to charm her, woo her. Try to succeed where I failed. Well, I haven’t failed yet. In fact, I was only just starting. There were some things that I wanted to
Nick.I went inside the Rhythemes. This was new. The last time I was in town, this joint wasn’t here, not that it would make much of a difference to me anyway. I was not the type to frequent bars or go to one out of boredom. I didn’t fancy sitting at the bar, watching sex-hungry predators pick up their latest clueless prey.I would rather go to a card house. At least there, I could exercise my brains and make money out of it. No, I’m not a gambling addict. I just happened to be gifted at it. Am I counting cards? Well, where was the fun if you use mathematical equations and probabilities? But desperate times call for desperate measures.When I came back to the States, I had no family left to go to. My father was gone, leaving me with the only property he could afford. The house he left behind was too shabby and major repairs had to be done. I didn’t have enough money to build my dream house. But I couldn’t leave my father’s legacy looking like a shithole. I did what I had to do. In a y
“So, how are you doing?” I asked Brett when he visited me in New York. We were up having beer on the rooftop.“I’m fine,” he said, but his tone was not so convincing. I raised a brow at him. “By that, I mean I’m surviving information overload, trial by fire, meeting up with more people in a month than I ever did in my entire life, and trying to become the great Robert Clarke in approximately two hundred and fifty-five days. I’m losing my bachelor years too fast, but yeah, I’m all right.”I reached out and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry. It could have been me, you know.”He nodded. “Yeah. You could have been in my shoes. But the thing is, I never dreamed of becoming a chef. I’ve always wanted to be a businessman. I can’t force this fate on you, too. It’s just things are happening too fast, too soon.”“Don’t worry, Brett. You’ll do great. Soon, you’ll be in Forbes magazine as one of the youngest, most successful CEOs in the country. It’s written in your stars. You were brilliant in schoo
Kitten,It had been six months, ten days, three hours and thirty-three minutes. I’m still waiting. Told you I would. Although I hope you never get tired of reading my letters. I will never get tired of writing them—until my last breath, remember?Brett wouldn’t tell me where you are but assured me you were okay. Right now, there is nothing more I wanted to do but to come to you. Nope, I won’t even hug you if you don’t want me to. I just want to make sure you’re okay, make you feel that everything is going to be all right. You’re not alone. You will never be.I love you, kitten.Tears were rolling down my cheeks when I read Nick’s latest letter. Brett comes to New York to check up on me once a month. He brought a bunch of letters and trinkets from Nick since he didn’t know about my new address.Nick was true to his word. He would not stop writing to me. He already said he was sorry. He gave me all the explanations in the world. He’d given me time to process and find it in my heart to
After that, everything was a blur. I felt as if I was floating like a zombie the past few days. I didn’t get much sleep, and it was as if I had matured ten years in a span of ten days. I suddenly needed to handle adult stuff that I wasn’t ready for: meeting with the police, talking to lawyers, and handling a funeral.Things happened quickly. And since an investigation was ongoing, and my father’s company was publicly listed, news of his death would hurt the company and, according to my uncle, my inheritance. He chose to have everything hushed. The funeral was opened only to blood relatives and there was no coverage on the media about it. We were also instructed not to talk to anybody without consulting with our lawyers first.The worst part of it all, I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling. No matter how bad my relationship with my father was, no matter what a madman I thought he was, he was still my father. And it was never easy losing a parent. Up until now, a part of me
I wish I could say that I was back in Nick’s house and in his life after twenty-four hours. I wish I could say we were back in each other’s arms within a week and that he proposed to me a month after. I wish I didn’t leave, and my life would have been a complete bliss. Nick would have taken care of me and we would have lived a simple but happy life. That would have been how I wanted my story with Nick to end.But life wasn’t always that simple, and it certainly was never easy. And just when you thought you got it all figured out, life throws you out of balance again.Two months. Twenty-eight days. Fourteen hours. Twenty-five minutes.That was how long it had been since I left Nick’s house. That was how long since I last saw him, since I last had a conversation with him.He calls. Every day. Sometimes more than once a day. He also sends me text messages at least three times a day: to say good morning, to remind me about lunch, and then to say good night.He writes, too. The longhand l