Chapter 0004

FEYRE

I couldn't sleep, after the events of the day and my talk with Asher in the car, my mind was restless. Anytime I tried closing my eyes, images of Alpha Zade and his cold grey eyes filtered into my mind. In the end I just gave up and waited until morning.

Taking Asher’s advice, I decided to just dress and go to see Alpha Zade. If he has a reason for ignoring the mate bond, then he should tell me to my face.

The walk to the darkmoon pack is easier than it was yesterday. I take the route Dylan and I followed, ending up in the same spot Alpha Zade killed the rogue.

I look around the unknown place, a few people look at me, cautious curiosity in their eyes. I realise too late that I have no idea how to get to the pack house and the alpha’s office. I turn toward the hospital knowing someone can help direct me from there. I don’t get to three steps before I feel a tug at my arm.

I turn immediately, my heart in my throat and come face to face with Beta Dylan. I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Beta Dylan,” I greet, smiling a little too widely out of panic. My heart is still beating at a crazy unsteady pace.

“Hi Feyre, is it okay if I call you that?” I nod and he smiles. “Right, is everything okay?”

“Yes,” my voice sounds squeaky so I clear my throat and try again. “Yeah, I—erm, I’m hoping to meet with your alpha. Can you direct me to his office, please?”

“Everything okay? Does he know you’re coming?” he asks and I nod. 

“Yes, he’ll know why I'm here.” 

He doesn't argue more and leads me to their pack house. It is a large four story building with a modern structure and floor to ceiling windows. 

We go inside and after multiple turns, we stop outside a dark hardwood door. “He is in there.” he nods and then walks away.

With my heart seconds away from jumping out of my throat, I raise my hands up and knock thrice. 

“Come in,” the familiar deep voice has the hairs at the back of my neck rising.

Before I can talk myself into turning back, I open the door.

Alpha Zade looks up immediately, his jaw tensing. I ignore his displeasure and let myself in.

“Why didn’t you acknowledge that we’re mates last night?” I go straight to the point.

“And that is why you came all the way here?” he tilts his head to the side, a mirthless smile on his lips.

“Answer the question.” I say through gritted teeth.

He leans back in his chair, looking eerily calm.

“What did you think, that you coming here would make me change my mind and name you my luna? Wake up from your delusional dream.” there’s a snarl on his lips as he says the crude words. “You’re just like other girls, desperately throwing themselves at me and begging me to make them the luna. But I am not your mate and I will not acknowledge you.”

I glare at him, my irritation at his stupid words reaching new heights. I try hard, I try very hard to not feel insulted by the words he is uttering but I can’t help myself. My palms land on the table with a loud smacking sound, he doesn’t flinch, though his eyes harden more. Good.

“Not everyone is desperate for your attention, alpha.” I say the title with a mocking tilt, knowing it would set him off. It did. “Reject me if you don’t want me, I don’t care.”

The voice in my head is screaming at me to take it back, but I refuse. If he chooses to be an asshole then I can be equally rude.

He is quiet for a long beat of silence, and I almost think he isn’t going to say it. I turn on my heels, ready to get out of here and go back to my pack but his voice stops me.

“I, Alpha Zade of the Darkmoon pack, reject you as my mate.”

Everything goes silent for the longest second in my life. I can’t believe that he actually did that. I want to scream but my voice refuses to work.

I feel like my heart is being physically torn from my chest.

“What are you still doing here?” he asks rudely, his voice successfully pulling me from my stupor.

My wolf howls and whimpers in my head at the same time I feel a sharp pain in my heart, it spreads, leaking into my blood and making my entire body go weak. A whimper rises from my chest, I clamp my lips shut to stop it from making out.

I would rather die than let him see me like this.

The pain from the mate bond being severed is taking a toll on me, it hurts more because he looks bored and irritated, while I’m here battling how to not crumble into pieces.

A small yelp leaves my mouth when I feel the tight grasp of a hand on my arm, claws digging into my skin.

Alpha Zade throws me out of his office and locks the door behind him with a loud bang. I bit my lip so hard that the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.

My hands start trembling and my lips quiver, the tears I’ve been trying so hard to keep at bay trail down my cheeks. I inhale a slow breath and try to think of where I’d followed to walk back to the front door.

Tears stream down my face like a waterfall. 

I don’t even know why I’m crying but I can't seem to stop.

I should be celebrating. He is an asshole and I’m better off without him, I never knew him anyways but I just can’t stop the traitorous tears. 

It is what the mate bond does to someone. No matter how much I try to ignore it, or fight it, the pain overtakes me.

Losing your mate is like losing your other half, you can’t stop the pain.

“I, Beta Feyre of Midnight pack, accept your rejection.” I say to the closed door, my voice choking.

I stood there for the longest time, not sure where to go or what I should do.

Multiple footsteps and the sound of voices makes me push my legs to work. I ran out of the house and straight to the woods without stopping to even think of where i’m going. I’m working and instinct only, heading where it is leading.

The wound in my heart caused by the reaction makes the tears flow freely as I run. My lungs burn and my chest is tight but i london’t stop, not even after I see familiar roadmarks from my pack.

I reach my room and immediately get into bed, blocking out the people that tried to mindlink from the border when they saw me passing.

I can’t even remember the last time I cried.

I hate that asshole. That fucking arrogant piece of shit.

I grip my pillow in my fist and scream into it, hoping it muffles the sobs pouring out of my mouth.

I may be in the middle of having a mental breakdown but I’m still the beta and weakness is not something I like to show.

I don’t know how long I cry, it may be a few minutes though it seems like hours.

My throat feels dry and scratchy when I finally stop crying. The pain and anger morphs into anger only and the first person i think of is Asher, who told me to go there and speak to him.

Talk to him, he said. Don’t judge him from just one interaction, my foot. I should have trusted my gut. My gut knows best and it knows Alpha Zade is an arrogant and undeserving prick.

He thought I wanted to be his luna. I scoff out loud at the thought, wishing I’d said every single nasty thing that is coming to my head right now to his face.

Asher walks into the room just when I was thinking of going to find him so I can give him a piece of my mind.

“Hey, are you okay?” His brows creased with worry as he asked. 

He climbs into the bed and lies beside me. 

My anger towards him is forgotten, needing the familiarity and security that he can offer as a brother. I move closer to him and rest my head on his chest. He wraps an arm around my waist.

“I’m sorry,” he says, already knowing it must not have gone well. “I shouldn’t have made you go there, I take full responsibility.” 

“It is not your fault,” I say with a heavy sigh, trying to move from his hold a little, he tightens his grip so I just give up and go back to lying with him.

“It is not a bad thing though, now at least I know I’ll have no regrets.” I shrug my shoulders, sounding more confident than I would have thought.

“What exactly happened?” Asher asks, moving back and holding me at arm’s length.

“He thought I wanted to be his luna–.”I shortened all that happened, he listened without interrupting me.

“I don’t even care. I don’t want anything to do with him." I say through gritted teeth before he has a chance to say anything. ignoring my whimpering wolf that is still calling for her mate.

“Hey look at the bright side,” I cock a brow and Asher smiles widely. “I don’t have to look for a new beta.”

Despite my bad mood, I find myself laughing. 

He always knows how to make me feel better. I feel like if I ever had a brother, he would act just like him.