Chapter 3 It is hopeless

....Five years ago....

("per favore Aurora, aiuta mio figlio, please, I'm counting on you hija, save my son")

It was a begging voice of mommy Mercedes, Max mom nang tawagan siya at napahawak siya sa dibdib nahihirapan din siya kagaya nang nararamdaman nang mommy ni Max.

"sì mamma, prometto che aiuterò Max" (yes mama, I promise I will help Max)

Aurora end the call at kinuha ang pagkain sa lamesa na inayos na nang katulong para kay Max.

She knock on the door at walang sumagot kaya tinulak niya pabukas ang pinto at napailing siya nang makita ang kalat sa loob nang kwarto ni Max.

And she looked at him, his hair is already bleached ash, at gulo-gulo he was thin but tall he was just looking at the window of his room.

"Max.. I brought your breakfast--"

"Out, Aurora.."

It was a cold voice of Max that gives her goosebumps, after a long eight years ay babalik ito na wala na ang dating sigla nito he look so handsome napaka tangkad na nito his body is broader but his eyes was gloomy and he look so hurt.

Pinatong niya ang pagkain sa ibabaw nang mesa nito and she walked towards him his eyes ibang iba na.

Max was a free spirited man at kitang kita ang emosyon dito mula pa pagkabata nila.

He was now twenty three and she was just eighteen and Angel is his first love that's why he grieves like this it was heartbreaking dahil nawala ang girl friend nito at hindi sila nag break it's a tragedy at sino bang gugustuhin ang mawalan nang kasintahan.

Mama Mercedes, almost cried hindi na nito ma kontrol si Max he falls into depression at ang rason kung bakit pati si Daddy Maximus ay bumalik nang Italya it's because of Max.

But Max was send here by his father dahil iniisip nito na siya ang makakatulong kay Max to move on.

But look at him, halos isang buwan na ngunit nagmomokmok parin ito, he also losses weight at nagpabaya na ito nang sarili.

She began picking up the empty bottle of alcohol na nagkalat sa sahig at mga upos nang sigarilyo.

Natuto narin itong magbisyo dahil sa mga nangyari dito at pakiramdam niya ay nadudurog ang puso niya makitang ganito ito.

Ngunit kung pakikitaan niya ito nang awa ay lalo lang itong magmomokmok.

"Max stood up and fix yourself!" Her voice raised Max stares at her blankly ngunit ibinaling din nito ang tingin sa malayo.

She sat beside him at hinawakan niya ang braso nito.

"Max, please --"

"I said out!"

Max voice raised at nagulat siya her tears started building up on her eyes hindi siya sanay Max never raised his voice on her he was so gentle to her bata palang sila.

She just lowered her head at tumayo.

"I'm going to leave your food here Max."

Hindi man lang ito kumibo kaya naman dumiretso na siya sa labas nang kwarto nito, ngunit ang kinimkim niyang luha ay sunod-sunod nang dumaloy s mga mata niya.

These past few days ay laging ganito, sa tuwing sisigawan siya ni Max at itataboy pero buo ang loob niya na matulungan si Max.

He's so weak and vulnerable kaya gagawin niya lahat nang makakaya para maiahon ito sa kinalulugmukan nitong kalungkutan.

Same, she visited his room at lunch at hapunan araw-araw.

"You see I'm going to finish college Max, I hope nandito ka para may kasama namam ako sa pagtatapos ko" and she beamed.

Tourism ang kursong kinuha niya coz she wants to be flight stewardess kasama si Max na pilot niya at lilipad silang dalawa.

But like before hindi kumibo si Max hindi naman siya nito pinapalayas na ngayon hindi kagaya nang mga una so she was making her move para naman makalimutan na nito si Angel.

"I wanted to cook for you, pero hindi ako marunong Mama Mercedes told me na magaling kadaw magluto, sometimes gusto ko ring matikman ang luto mo, "

She took the tray at maingat na nilagay sa tabi nito.

But Max was just staring at the window na akala mo hindi siya naririnig.

Ngunit sumandal lang siya sa balikat nito.

" Max, pagmagaling kana promise me ipagluluto moko huh? .. sana Max maging kagaya kana ulit nang dati, you still have us Max"

Pagpapalakas niya nang loob dito, sabi nang classmate niyang psychology ang course dapat daw ay umiyak ang mga taong nasa depression para hindi nakikim-kim ang sama nang loob but she never saw him cry, hw just grieve silently at gusto niyang makuha pa nang lubusan ang loob ni Max.

Paguwi niya galing school ay agad siyang dumiretso sa kusina to prepare some snacks for him.

Ngunit nang itulak niya ang pinto nang kwarto nito ay nagulat siya sa kalat sa loob, these past few days ay ok naman ito ngunit ngayon ay iba nanaman he's room was filled with smoke and it was so dark.

"Max what are you doing?!"

Agad niyang pinatong ang pagkain sa drawer ito, at agad na nilapitan ang mga bintana to crack it open at makalabas ang usok, hinila niya ang mga kurtina at nilakihan nang maigi ang bukas nang bintana.

Sa totoo lang ay may asthma siya but Max has no knowledge about it dahil hindi naman siya masyadong inaatake nito, she hates smoke.

At pagkatapos ay inis na bumaling siya dito at walang sabi sabing hinablot ang sigarilyo na nakapasak sa bibig nito.

And that was the first time she saw him gazed at her mula pagdating nito dito ay hindi siya nito tinitingnan but now.

He looked so mad.

"What the hell are you doing?"

First time she heard him again talk, gusto sana niyang maging masaya but she wasn't expecting this kind of behavior from him.

"Quit smoking! Are you going to kill yourself?!"

"You're not a family so get out!you're annoying "

She stiffed sa narinig mula dito, and she knows it ayaw sana niyang pumatol dahil hindi na naging maganda ang araw niya sa school tapos ganito pa ito.

"Yeah you can't hurt my feelings for just some words Max, ano bang problema mo?"

Naiinis siya ngunit kailangang pagtiyagaan niya ito ayaw na niyang nakikitang ganito ang ugali ni Max he was so nice at her ngunit dahil lang kay Angel.

"You, you are my problem why are you entering my room without my permission?!"

Galit na tanong nito, she'd been entering his room ever since ngunit mukhang ngayon lang nito na realize iyon.

Embes na magalit she sat beside him at walang sabi-sabing niyakap ito she can feel him stiffed sa totoo masama ang loob niya but it was Max this is hard for him too.

"I'm sorry ok? Next time di na ako papasok sa room mo basta bababa ka para kumain ok? Just please remember you still have us, we love you.. and I miss the Max before"

Masuyo niyang sabi dito, ngunit napangiti siya nang hindi siya nito itinulak o lumaban man lang.

She let go of him, she slightly cleaned his room before she left.

("Hija, I'm sorry kailangan mong gawin ang mga bagay na yan, I'll be going back home next week tapusin ko lang ang inaasikaso ko, salamat dahil inaalagaan mo ang anak ko")

It was Daddy Maximus napahilot siya sa sintido graduating na siya at nai-stress na siyang sobra sa school at paguuwi pa nang bahay ay ganito.

After that conversation ay nagpapasalamat siya at bumababa na si Max pag kakain.

"Yes dad, don't worry"

("And kung maaari don't let him use phone, Angel's parents was doing everything they can para lalong masira si Max, Max wasn't here anymore but Mercedes was receiving a message from them na lalong sinisisi si Max, I don't know what is their purposes for doing it but I'm starting to get pissed")

She sighed deeply dahil sa pinipigilan na inis but she already made a plan for that at sure na siyang nakarating na ito sa pamilya ni Angel sa tulong nang butler ni daddy Maximus na si Peirro.

"I don't know what that woman has para halos mabaliw na si Max, dad but I will do everything to help him at para makalimutan niya na si Angel --"

But someone grabbed her phone at paglingon niya it was Max.

Max talk but not Italian dahil at naiintindihan na niya ang Italian he was using another language,. but base on his expression he was so mad, at nakikipagsagutan pa sa daddy nito.

"oh, smettila di dire sciocchezze, vecchio mio"(oh, stop spitting nonsense oldman)

Rinig niya ang lakas nang boses nang daddy Maxim sa kabilang linya but Max ends the call.

He lend her, her phone ngunit bago pa niya mahawakan iyon he already throws it.

She was shocked ngunit nakaramdam siya nang sama nang loob dito her phone that was his gift for her na iniingatan pa niya.

" You hate me that much Max? "

Mapait niyang tanong dito, she can't believe he did it.

" Yeah, I hate you sa pakikialam who the hell are you? "

Patuya nitong sabi and he turned around and walk nakaramdam siya nang sobrang inis sa ginawa nito kaya humabol siya dito ang she grabbed his arms.

" Max, please what do you want me to do? Ginagawa ko naman ang lahat para maging ok ka, I know it's hard for you to lose her but it has nothing to do with us, our relationship as a family why are you doing this--"

" We are not a family Aurora so get lost! "

Paasik na tugon nito at inagaw ang braso, at nag marcha paalis.

While she left alone at hindi na niya mapigilan ang pagdaloy nang mga luha niya hindi niya alam kung bakit nagagalit ito sakanya wala naman siyang ginagawa dito she just wanted to help.

....

"Get out Aurora"

Max was smoking again at kung dati ay may konting malalabasan pa ang hangin ngayon ay saradong sarado ang room nito, she walked at dumiretso sa bintana she tried to open it ngunit marahas siyang hinawakan ni Max sa braso at hinila palabas nang kwarto nito.

"Why are you so stubborn I said out!"

Piniksi niya ang kamay at galit na bumaling dito.

"What with the behavior Max you're already twenty three pero bakit para kaparing bata grow up! I'm just helping you"

"Helping?" He smirk "hindi ka nakakatulong Aurora the truth is I hate to see you, you're entering my room without permission and I hate it, alamin mo kung saan ka lulugar Aurora you're not a family, and actually I hate to see you around and who told you to call Angel's parents? Huh?! "

So that's the reason why he was so mad at her.

He responded coldly at dahil doon ay nanikip ang dibdib niya it was so hurt, wala naman talaga siya sa lugar nangilid ang mga luha niya.

"You change, you changed a lot Max, you lose her and you also wanted to lose us, We are doing everything we can just to help you but look at you, we're not your enemy Max, we care for you haaa.. "

Her breathing became hard.

Her asthma starts attacking her again and this time ay hindi na siya makahinga napahawak siya sa dibdib her tears began to fall, at nahihirapan na siyang huminga kaya naman nagmamadaling tumalikod siya dito at dumiretso siya sa kwarto niya.

She took her nebulizer para gumaan ang paghinga niya, she was crying non-stop after she get relieved ngunit hindi maaalis doon ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.

And during the past few days she starts avoiding him, ngunit pag gabi she still sneak into his room to just check on him stress na siya sa pag aaral at wala din siyang makausap.

At nagkikimkim siya nang sama nang loob.

He also avoids her, at kung magkakataon man na magkikita sila ay hindi niya ito tinitingnan lagi siyang naka iwas nang tingin dito.

Ay sa ngayon she isn't feeling well pakiramdam niya ay nilalagnat siya.

"Angela, yeah she's planning on visiting here she told me she wanted to comfort me"

Napahinto siya nang marinig ang boses ni Max nang akma siyang papasok sa kwarto nito he was still smoking at base sa tono nito he wasn't talking to his father mukhang kaibigan ang kausap nito.

"Maybe.. I'm looking forward being with her, I think she can help me"

Napahawak nanaman siya sa dibdib niya.

Max was calling for someone for his healing at alam niyang Angela is Angel's sister, at matanda lang sakanya nang isang taon.

She already saw her in picture she looks so much like Angel matangkad lang si Angel dito.

'.. He wanted to move on pero sa kamukha parin nang ex niya? You're insane Max.. '

Hindi na niya napigilan ang sarili and she burst in his room at halatang ikinagulat nito but he soon glared at her.

"What the hell are you doing here Aurora?"

Kita niya ang pag iigtingan nang mga panga nito.

"You're insane! You're moving on Max, move on did you get it?! At hindi ka gagamit nang kamukha niya just to move on dahil hindi ka makaka alis sa kinasasadlakan mo!"

Hindi na niya maiwasang matawa nang pagak at walang lasa.

"Insane?.. me?, yeah maybe Aurora I am," mula sa bintana at ibinaba nito ang cellphone at lumapit sakanya he look so mad right now.

"At sino may sabi sayo na makialam ka, you're talking to my parents as if they are your real parents you adopted, who gave you a right to tell them everything? At napaka lakas nang loob mo to contact Angel's family just to nag?Who are you? Ano bang alam mo"

He stopped in front of her at galit na galit na ito so he already finds out.

Pakiramdam niya ay pinagpapawisan siya nang malamig, she wanted to deny it ngunit mukhang hindi na pwede she was now cornered.

"I-I just did it dahil yun ang tama Max"

"Tama?! Interfering with my personal matters, tama? "

" I'm sorry I just did it for you, Max dahil ayaw ko nang makikita kang ganyan, I wanted you to move on We're still here I'm here so please --"

" I hate you Aurora, so get lost! "

Again nanikip ang dibdib niya sa sinabi nito, and her breathing became hard again.

She can't help but cry she sob, ngunit napahawak siya sa dibdib nang hindi nanaman siya makahinga she gasped for air.

"I...haaa...I promise I will leave...you won't see me again Max" hindi na siya makahinga.

"Haaa.. haaa.. haaa.." she was gasping for air and she saw how Max froze after seeing her.

"A-Aurora! What's happening?" Hinawakan ni Max ang mga braso niya and shake her at napatingala siya dito, she can't talk she gave him a sign her nebulizer at mukhang hindi nito naiintindihan.

"Haaa.. haa.. m-my ne-neb--haa..!" She can't breathe at pakiramdam niya ay nagdidilim ang paningin niya she can see his worried face right now.

From being mad ay napuno nang pag aalala ang mukha ni Max.

"Tell me, what --Aurora d*mn it! "

Her knees are already weakened at ramdam niya ang pagpulupot nang braso nito sakanya nasubsob siya sa dibdib ni Max.

Nakarinig siya nang boses na nang gagaling sa pinto , Max was yelling but she can't understand it.

Her eyes slowly getting heavy hindi narin niya maintindihan ang mga sinasabi nang tao sa paligid niya all she know is she can't breathe.

Hanggang tuluyan nang magdilim ang paningin niya.

Umaga na nang magising siya, at of course ano pa ba ang aasahan niya, Max isn't here and she was unwanted.

Tumayo siya, she's still alive she wanted to cry, lumabas siya nang room to look for Max but Max is nowhere to be seen.

Bumalik siya sa kwarto and took her backpack, aalis muna siya para sa ikaka ayos nang pakiramdam ni Max ayaw niyang magpakita muna dito because he hates her so much.

Inipon niya ang ibang damit aalis muna siya mamaya nalang siya tatawag kay Daddy Maxim.

Nasalubong niya ang isang katulong.

"Ma'am Aurora ayos naba ang pakiramdam mo?"

Bumaling siya dito ang slightly nodded.

"Opo aalis napo ako"

"Ma'am, san ka pupunta wag ka munang pumasok hindi kapa yata magaling"

"Hindi po ako papasok, aalis napo ako salamat"

At tumalikod na siya para walang nang tanong ay lumabas na siya nang bahay.

She didn't know where to go now kaya naman naisipan niyang maglakad lakad she has no phone with her dahil nang nabasag ni Max iyon ay hindi na siya bumili ulit.

She walked na walang mapupuntahan, kaya una siyang dumaan sa simbahan to pray lahat nang saloobin niya, then she brought a bouquet of white flower at ilang kandila she wanted to visit her parents grave at doon siya magi-stay saka na siya hahanap nang matitirhan.

She can't help but cried again.

"Mom., dad, hik.. hik.. I miss you ."

During those years being left by them ay hindi pa niya masyadong ramdam because she felt loved by them,Max parents and Max,ngunit iba na ngayon,she is now unwanted.

She sat and lite a candle and put down the flowers naupo siya doon hindi niya alam kung saan siya uuwi ngayon, she has no phone on her para matawagan ang mga kaibigan niya.

"It was hopeless.."

***

End of chapter