A Scary Desire

Roman’s POV

As I stood in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom, I found myself unwillingly indulged in the thought of her again. 

Sienna.   

The hurt in her eyes. The emotions in her voice. It just wouldn’t leave my mind and it made absolutely no sense. She looked exactly like Sabrina, down to the shape of her eyes and the curve of her lips, except that she had chestnut brown hair and sapphire colored eyes while Sabrina had charcoal black hair and blue eyes. 

But then again, there was something about Sienna that felt different no matter how I tried not to think about it. Familiar, even.  

I ran a hand through my hair, irritated at myself.

“Why the hell is she so convinced I’m her husband?” I muttered to myself. It didn’t add up. I had never seen her before in my life. Maybe Sienna was right and she was unstable.

But then, why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? Was it the feeling of guilt I felt towards her in her miserable state? Was that the reason I had this nagging pull in my chest that wouldn’t let me write her off entirely?

It wasn’t just her claim. Part of it was the way she looked at me. Like she knew me. Like she had been waiting for me to see her, to recognize her.  

I tossed my shirt onto the bed and rubbed my face, exhaling sharply. I didn’t have time for this. I didn’t even know why I cared. I needed to rest after a long afternoon at the company. 

Just then, the bedroom door opened, and I glanced up in the mirror to see Sabrina walking in. She was wearing one of her silk robes, her black silky hair loose and damp from her shower.  

“Hey, baby.” She said to me with a softness of sweetness as she bit her lip and walked up behind me. Then, she wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her body against my back.  

I stiffened, feeling no arousal at her action. Frankly, I didn’t want any of this.

Her lips grazed my neck gently, planting soft kisses along the nape of my neck and over my back. As she kissed me, her hand slowly slid over my chest too.

“Sabrina, not now.” I sighed, stepping out of her grasp and moving toward the dresser.  

At first, I was greeted by her silence. But I knew her enough to know that she was planning to throw a tantrum.

“Not now?” As expected, she blurted behind me in a sharp tone. “It’s never ‘now’ with you, Roman. What’s the matter this time?”  

I pulled open a drawer, grabbing a fresh shirt. “I’m just not in the mood.”  

“Not in the mood?” She echoed bitterly. “That’s your excuse every time. What’s the point of this marriage if we’re just roommates pretending to be a couple in public? You barely even touch me, Roman. The only few times you made love to me, I practically forced you to!”

I turned to face her, leaning against the dresser. 

“How about you go get some good fuck from your side dick and stop pestering me into doing something I don’t want to?”

Her face paled visibly and she froze to her spot.

Caught.

A second later, she masked her shock behind teary eyes. Fake tears.

To be honest, I wasn’t mad when I found out that she was cheating on me after I had gotten suspicious and hired a private investigator to follow her around, only for him to send back photos of her kissing another man whose face was out of the frame and entering a hotel room with him. The fact that I wasn’t mad surprised me a little. I was supposed to be jealous and enraged that my wife was cheating on me with another man, but I wasn’t. Matter of fact, I couldn’t care less. 

“How could you say something like that, Roman? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Sabrina.” I said, pulling my shirt over my head. “You can shed the crocodile's tears for someone else. I’m not buying it.” 

“This is so unfair. You treat me like I’m not worth anything and now, you’re accusing me of infidelity? Do you feel satisfied when you make me unhappy?” She sobbed softly now and her lips quivered, but I wasn’t moved. I had caught on to her games a long time ago. She wasn’t crying out of guilt. She was crying because she had been caught.  

“Well, if you’re so unhappy, why don’t you just go be with him? God knows I’m not stopping you.” I grabbed my watch from the nightstand, and strapped it on. “I’m taking Riley to the park. Don’t wait up.”  

“Roman…”

But I walked out of the room before she could even finish. 

**********

“Daddy, hurry!” Riley called, turning to look at me as she ran ahead in the quiet playground pack, with her curls bouncing as she clutched her stuffed bunny in one hand.  

“I’m coming,” I chuckled as I walked after her. I needed the fresh air, away from the house and from Sabrina. Riley was the only part of my life that felt real ever since my near death experience six years ago. Sabrina and I had adopted her a year after my accident, after Sabrina had claimed adoption was the best option as she didn’t want to ruin her body by getting pregnant. I had agreed to the adoption because I didn’t want us to argue and now, I was glad I took that decision.

Riley was like my perfect ray of sunshine.

She stopped suddenly, pointing excitedly toward the swings. “Look, Daddy! It’s Livvy, my new friend at school!” 

I followed her gaze to see a little girl with dark hair running toward us, her face lighting up upon seeing Riley.  

“Livvy!” Riley shouted happily, dropping her bunny and running to meet her.  

I smiled as I watched the two of them hug, giggling and chattering like the best of friends.  

Then, I glanced up and my breath caught immediately at the familiar frame of a young woman standing near the swings, watching the girls with a small, soft smile. She looked different today. More relaxed, less guarded. But the moment our eyes met, her expression changed.  

Sienna.  

For a moment, I saw something like surprise cross her eyes, then confusion, then pain. Her lips seemed to part as if she wanted to say something, but instead, she bit her lip and turned her attention back to the girls.  

“Livvy, we need to go.” She called out to the little girl gently as she walked toward them.  

“But, Mommy, Riley’s here!” Livvy protested, pouting.  

I frowned. Mummy? The little girl was Sienna’s daughter?

Sienna crouched down, brushing a strand of hair from Livvy’s face. 

“I know, sweetheart, but we have to go. Say goodbye to Riley, okay?”  

Livvy turned to Riley, her pout fading into a shy smile. “Bye, Riley.”  

“Bye, Livvy!” Riley said, waving enthusiastically.  

I watched as Sienna stood, taking Livvy’s hand. She glanced at me one last time. For a moment, I thought I saw her eyes glisten with tears. The feeling of guilt I had been battling with clawed at my heart again and I felt this heavy weight of sadness eat away at me. 

What was going on with me? Why was I feeling this guilt and remorse towards someone I barely even knew?

As she turned to walk away, I surprised myself by doing the unthinkable. My hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.  

My heart missed a skip and then started to beat faster as I felt her skin under my touch. Her skin was soft, warm beneath my palm, and the contact sent a jolt through me. An oddly familiar feeling that I had not felt in years until now.

Sienna turned back swiftly. Her eyes, now wide and tear-filled, locked with mine. 

“Roman…” 

I opened my mouth to say something, anything,

but nothing came out. My mind was spinning and my whole body felt warm at once. It felt as though I was meant to be here with her. As if I belonged to her. 

I didn’t even know this woman, yet touching her felt like the most natural thing in the world. More natural than any touch I had ever shared with Sabrina. 

And that scared me.  

“I…” I let go of her wrist abruptly, taking a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”  

Sienna blinked at me, her lips parting as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. Instead, she nodded slowly and hesitated for a moment before turning and walked away, holding Livvy’s hand tightly.  

As I watched her go, my chest tightened with emotions I couldn’t even name. Desire. Sadness. A yearning so deep it felt like it came from some part of me I didn’t even know existed.  The pull I felt towards her during our brief moment of body contact was deniable. 

And I wanted her. God help me, I wanted her.  

I wanted to hold her again, to pull her towards me in an embrace. To kiss her. I wanted to throw all caution to the wind and make her mine.  

And the thought of it scared me. Because I knew that was exactly what I was going to do.