Desperate

*Zachary*

"Maeve! I need you!" she stopped. I can hear her breathing. "What do you want me to do? I didn't say anything about this to your mom or dad because they will truly get mad at me. My grandmother is dying, and I need a wife. A decent one—" she turned around. "Well, I like it. Because you are yourself."

"I'm not." Why does she sound so angry? And looking into her eyes, I can see sadness. She’s very expressive "Why won't you ask someone else?"

I feel guilty right now. Nobody ever made me feel guilty.

"I want you. Isn't that simple?" I said nonchalantly.

"You only want me to be your wife, nothing else. Right?" maybe she's also thinking about platonic.

"Yes. In that way, you could still enjoy your life, do what you want. You could have what I have. Plus, I’ll give you everything you need. Material things.”

"I don't think so. I plan to be unmarried until I die." She said sardonically and walked off.

I frustratingly exhaled and rolled my eyes. Damn, this is harder than I thought. I am handsome and have a good body-built. Why didn’t she fall for it?

Travis kept laughing as I drove my rented motorbike. He's sitting on the passenger seat of the big bike behind me as I told him exactly what happened. We ended up at our hotel resort. It’s a simple resort with simple rooms and KTV but clean enough. It’s cheaper than the hotels back in the city.

Instead of going back to our room, we decided to stay in the bar which is on the front of the resort near the pool. I only drank three bottles of beers and then recalled what she said.

Men are such a dick.

They are unfaithful.

They are very much a pain in the ass.

They never stick to one.

They are jerks.

Her words felt like the last song syndrome that kept on going on and on inside my head with a tune.

"I'm going back to Manila tomorrow. I got lots of appointments. Just handle her yourself." Travis finally decided as he finished his beer.

I called her a few times and she answered annoyed.

"How about we have a date tomorrow? I could start on courting, right?"

"Fuck off." It was a crisp word and she hung up. I texted her a few messages to bug her.

Me: You won't resist someone like me, babe.

No response. I tapped my phone again and typed fast.

Me: Have a wonderful dream and promise to be in your dreams as well. :-*

She didn't send anything at all. I smiled and was delighted about it.

*Maeve*

At first, it felt like a dream. At first, it felt like someone, a prince charming like--no. A handsome, dangerous-man-like that came to me. Back on the beach, while he’s saying words that he wanted, made me a little emotional.

Then, I suddenly feel hope for love; the one that I’ve been waiting for. But I end up being disappointed. It made me hurt like a sledgehammer. He liked me because I was someone who could act as a good wife.

I couldn’t help but feel emotional as I stayed in the bathroom under the shower. Unexpected tears rolled down my cheeks. Stupid questions kept on popping inside my head.

Why? Why would men do that to me?

Am I not special?

Am I not beautiful?

Am I to be sold only and for men's pleasure?

It seemed like all men who came to me were only there for the word sex. It’s like, I’m just a toy to them that they could throw when broken. I had seen enough. I had heard enough from others, but there’s part of me that wanted to just say, ‘I quit’.

I might be too emotional, but I live my life getting killed every day, yet, every day that I woke up, I'm still alive, hoping that I died already. My heart is dying and it's killing me emotionally. I just wished that I was slapped and spanked hard until I bleed, rather than being tortured emotionally. I am killing myself, yet I seemed not to die.

This is making me so pathetic. I shouldn't be emotional and like a cry baby. Damn!

There were boys and they were supposed to my friends yet they betrayed me. They make me a laughing stock. And this man, who looked so handsome and godlike was probably one of them.

His call and text messages make me more in pain. I had been in a few flatteries in text messages and I thought of things that we might be in a relationship somehow. But I end up getting ghosted.

Boys or men, always want something more than an average girl. Most of them wanted someone who they could use as a muse. They can woo a woman and choose, then, they can disregard them if they want. I had observed so much about relationships.

I couldn't even sleep at that moment. I feel gloomy and every time I think of him, it makes me think a lot of things. Marrying him? Would it be good or bad? Of course, bad. He will never love someone like me. No one will. Well at first, they might be, but surely, they will find someone else better with a goddess-like beauty.

I don't even know if my father was one of them. It breaks me into pieces that my mother is patient; a loyal mother who took care of us and even did the father’s duties on paying for our needs daily and giving us money just to get us to school.

When I got to school, I went to my work first in the library. I smiled and served the students who are coming in and out of the library. Then, after my shift, I went out for another class, but it has been canceled. I didn't have real things to do at the moment.

It was already lunchtime, yet I don’t have an appetite to eat. Maybe, because I feel depressed and anxious. It sometimes kills me inside.

I was about to walk toward the pedestrian lane when the traffic enforcer made a stop sign but I got startled when someone embraced me from behind. The perfume that I had recognized made me cringed, a pear-like scent.

"Hey, there darling." I immediately push him away though he's very tall and bulky. Near six feet? I don't know… but maybe six feet, but he's handsome and that smile of his was suave. It’s to die for.

Then, a crazy thought popped up inside my head. Maybe I could use him like men use women, right?

He raised his hands and caressed my hair, tucking it behind my ears.

"Are you stalking me?" I unplug my earphones and sigh.

"No. I'm just picking you up. Haven't you received my message?"

I didn't check my phone. Did he message me?

"I don't read messages when it isn't important."

"Fair enough. So, I'm hungry. And I assume you haven't eaten—"

"I'm not hungry."

No man has ever asked me to have a date. Well, fuck it Maeve! It's not a fucking date. It’s just a man who asks to eat with you.

"Well—"

"I don't like you," I said straight forward making him pout so adorably. Why does a big man like him pout like that? It’s half adorable "You look like a mouse, stop pouting." He frowned at me.

"A mouse!" he laughed. "Mouse? Really, what makes you think that? Do I look like a mouse to you?" he looked down at me. Damn, I hate it when people are like that. Well, it's my problem, not theirs. It’s my problem that I’m not tall enough.

"What? The little mouse is adorable. Have you seen one?" he thought for a while.

"They are hideous creatures!" I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

"They are cute, especially when they are roaming at night and stop and stand and will look at you?"

"Does that happen to you?"

"Well, yes, when I was at my cousin's house." He laughed. I rolled my eyes and few people were looking at us or glancing at us… I mean the mouse. "Look, Zachary, I have to go."

"Do you want to be a writer?" I exhaled.

"I'm a writer."

"With an unpublished—"

"Yes. It's personal and just fuck off from it. And how do you know?"

"How're your exams?"

Why is he asking about exams now without answering my questions?

"My exam was yesterday, and the continuation will be next week. Why ask?"

"I'm worried that you might have a headache."

"Worried?" there's that pang of pain again. He needed to stop saying words that would make me feel soft. "Stop doing this crazy thing of yours."

I walk on the pedestrian lane as soon as there's another group of people walking there. He followed me and held me, grabbing me somewhere.

"You know, I only wanted my grandma to be happy, do you have a grandma?"

"I did." I hate to think of it. I don't want to think of how she dies. It's killing me every time and it makes me anxious. "I never make anyone happy, that's why."

"How about we went on hiking today?" He immediately changed the subject.

I had thought of it. Hiking was good, and I never seemed to relax. Maybe I could use him. He's handsome, he smells very good. He's a hunk and I can see that he's funny.

But is he a nice man? Is he a lovable man? Should I find out or should I just pretend that these whole things are just crazy dreams?