Chapter Eight

I am stunned on my own chair, as I try to roam my eyes around the place. I have seen other students looking at me but what annoys me more is on how my friend’s grin at me instead of getting worried that I failed the test. With a little groan, I raise my right hand slowly before I raises my gaze up to where our Professor is.

“Mister?” I asked in a low voice with a little bow.

I saw how the Professor raise his right brow a little before he nods his head, motioning to come towards him. With so much of a shame inside me, I walk down the stair aisle towards him.

“You got a three out of thirty points quiz from my first quiz yesterday, do you know how a this point will affect your final grade for this semester?”

I pout my lips while bowing my head down, feeling so much tension in between him and I. Pairs of eyes are dangling on my back—obviously staring at me who is in a hot seat at the moment. With a heavy sigh, I raise my eyes and saw our Professor seriously looking at me, biting his lower lip while holding a piece of paper—which I bet, my paper that I used yesterday. He starts shaking his head while moving some of his books away before looking abck at me. “You see, I don’t tolerate such kind of student in my class especially that it was our first day of class. I do believe that first impression lasts and what do you want me to expect from you the next few weeks on this semester?”

“Mister Dawson, I really feel so sorry about what happened yesterday, but I can assure you that it won’t be repeated. I was jus—“ I automatically bit my lower lip when I realized what I was about to say.  A hint of pain twitches inside my chest, remembering Elric and Mhaureen earlier. I blink my eyes for a few times, trying to stop myself from tearing up in front of him.

My gaze went up and saw our Professor waiting for my next words. Instead of continuing what I was about to say, I look away to prevent myself from crying once again.

“I am sorry, I will not do it again.” I murmured. My eyes is blinking for how many times now before I sniff a little to clear the lump inside my throat. “But Mister, I want to prove you that first impression doesn’t last. You don’t judge a person just what you saw for the first time and it will never be a basis to determine who a person is especially if the behaviour shown was just an actual result of an undetermined life circumstances.”

I do not know where I took the guts to speak back in front of him but all I care about right now is my own feelings. It just feels like I am invalidated just because I did a mistake on our first day of school and it was as if my life was automatically imagined just because of his so-called first impression. My yes found his and he is just looking at me the whole time until he suddenly lean forward towards his table, looking up at me straight on my eyes.

“Why? Will that so-called life circumstances of yours be the excuse to let my subject be insignificant to you?”

I bit my lower lip. Why is he this cold and emotionless?!

“Miss Laurier, life is not always one-sided, if you may know—“

“I know.” I cut him off but he just raise both of his brows up before dropping the piece of paper down on his table as he lean back on his chair.

“Of course you know, you are not a literature student for no reason, but I see you are easily distracted and your terms doesn’t go well with your actions. If something happens, do not let it ruin more of yourself. If you got a problem outside the school, probably home or what, you must not take it here in class and let that single problem ruin another. Look now, you failed your quiz—“

“Mister, I can definitely pull back my grades in no time and failing for the first time will never be the reason I’ll fail this whole subject of mine And I believe, it’s not your business anymore if something happened or what and you don’t have to say those things in front of my face. You are talking like my feelings are invalidated—that I do not have enough right to feel bad about myself.” I said before wiping the single tear that flows down on my right cheek. “I am sorry if I am different from you. You are perfect, maybe. But not all people is the same as you, Mister Dawson. I admit, it was my mistake, but you don’t have to judge my whole capability in academics.”

I saw myself staring at him and he is doing it the same. I do not know how long it was until I realize how intense the place is because of us. He look away, before heaving a deep sigh and I wipe the tears on my face as I look away too.

He cleared his throat. “Get your paper. If you want to have a quiz removal, I will give you a chance, see me after class hou—“

“I am sorry, I’m late!”

Everyone, including the Professor and I, look at the newly opened door and comes in Alaric wearing his varsity uniform and sweating. A batch of squeal is being heard around the place just when I realize how hot he looks like on that stunt. Alaric moves his gaze to our Professor then to me before his brows creased as he walks towards Mister Dawson.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything, Sir, but our Coach released us late from our morning rituals.”

Mister Dawson cleared his throat before nodding. “You two may take a seat now.”

I walk ahead of Alaric and took my seat immediately as soon as I reach my place. Levi is watching me worriedly but I just give him an assuring smile that I am fine. Later on, Mister Dawson discussed once again about the Virginia Woolf and her other famous books. He discussed so many things that I could barely remember since my mind is occupied until now. I wanted to spank myself on the head, now regretting why I talked back at him—plus the fact that I am in front of the class.

Damn this principle of mine. I really have this kind of attitude that makes my own way to prove my side, to prove my point. What happened earlier was out of my line and what he said triggers something inside me. I am still damn fragile about what happened—and I was still trying to forget everything but hearing him say that in front of my face is sickening that is why I lost my strings of patience that left inside me.

My head raise a little when Nicollete raises  her hand this time and so I got curious. I was not even listening!

“Being feminism as her main subject on most of her writings, Virginia Woolf is always acknowledge in every form by many notable novels and Authors. Although, her mental illness ruined everything about her, it doesn’t stop people from knowing who is she and how she has a big relevance in the industry, Mister.”

Mister Dawson nod his head a little. “Thank you, Miss Nicollete.”

The latter giggle in an obvious manner, making me cringe from my won seat. This woman has seriously a huge crush towards this man. I thought to myself.

The class continues with another set of questions from Mister Dawson himself and I haven’t participate in any of those since I do not know what to answer as well. I was out last night with my friends and I do not have enough time to study about it. I guess, I have to remind myself to study about her life tonight for me to show Miss Dawson that I can also slay on his class.

My whole day went on as I finish my last two subject for the day. It is already three on the afternoon and I am outside, sitting on one of the bench outside, waiting for my friends. The other guys has other class to attend to and Everleigh is probably inside the other building where she belongs.

I tap my lap for a few seconds before I decided to stand up and go to the faculty’s office,n trying to find Mister Dawson’s place. I walking closer to the hallway, checking all the nameplate on the door until I found his office.

“Mister Damian Shane Dawson, Senior Professor – Research Advisor.” I read.

I look around the area before licking my lower lip. “Should I come in? Or just reject the consideration he gave me?” I thought to myself and automatically shake my head off.

“Don’t be so egoistic, Dionne. You failed your exam, and you have to take it yourself.” I reminded myself. “Get your pride low—“

 “Holy carbs!” I exclaimed when someone cleared his throat behind me.

My head automatically turns around and saw Mister Dawson on his usual fit and a book. My heart is r acing fast out of shame before I move away to give way for him. I bow my head a little as a sign of greeting before looking back up and saw him opening his office’s door.

“Come in.” He invited.

My eyes roam around the hallway, hoping that there is no one around the place before I get inside and saw how he is looking at me which made me bit my lower lip. “I was just making sure that no one is around. Hehe.” I uttered weirdly and he automatically creases his brow.

“Why? I am your Professor and we are inside a University, why do you think people will think something?”

“Huh?” I replied automatically, trying to digest everything.

Words finally sank inside me, and I just wanna be eaten by the floor this time. What makes me thing that going inside a Professor’s office is illegal? He is my Professor for Pete’s sake!

To divert my attention, I look around and walk a little. I notice that his sliding window is facing the field and that is when I notice Elric playing on the ground with his new varsity uniform.

A bitter smile escape from my lips. I think I need to return his shirt back to him. I thought to myself.

I am already in an absolute emotions when a hand moves the window’s curtain—covering the whole view.

“I think we have a business to deal with.”

“I am sorry.” I whispered, walking back to his table.

I blink my eyes consecutively to gather my thoughts back before facing Mister Dawson.

“Mister, I wanted to apologize first about what happened earlier—“

“It’s fine. As for your private exam, I wanted you to answer few questions about the same Author.”

I smiled. “Thank you—“

“I will give you fifteen minutes to finish answering those questions.”

“Huh?”

He leans back on his swivel chair this time as if talking to me is very hard and time consuming for him. I blink my eyes as I thoroughly move my eyes around the area.

“I think you are vacant tomorrow at this hour, and I will proctor you for fifteen minutes. Questions will be given tomorrow as well and like the normal exam, I will collect you answer after fifteen minutes. Do you get my point, Miss Laurier?”

With a nodding head, he dismissed me right after the conversation and right now, I am standing in the middle of the whole day, thinking how I can answer those questions with the thought that it’s only the both of us, along inside that room.

My mind is completely in haywire while trying to digest everything until my phone rang, showing Mom’s name on the screen.

I close my eyes. They must have known it already. I thought.

I let my phone rang for minutes while now walking on the corridor of the school. Some students will look at me, maybe thinking that I am weird for letting my phone ring loudly in public. With a shrugging shoulders, ignoring everyone, I walk towards the field, wanting to sit on one of the benches when someone bumped me this time and my phone fell on the ground.

I look at the person and I saw him picking my phone himself and said, “Someone is calling, the person is probably on the second line now”

My eyes widen when it’s Alaric but what surprised me most is that he swipe my phone himself to answer the call.

“Hello?” I heard Mom speak from the second line.

Alaric walk away with the ball on his left arm, leaving me with my Mom on my phone.

Great. I was trying to avoid her but that guy juts answered the call himself, maybe thinking that he is giving me a favour himself.

“M-Mom.” I answered.

“Who was that? I though you and Elric broke up already—“

“Mom, not now.” I plead.

There is a long silence playing in between the lines which made me check it if she is still there and I am right.

“You might want to go home right now? I will be waiting for you. Know that Mom is here to listen.”

A tear started to pool under my eyelids before I bow my head down to stop myself from crying.

I sniff. “N-No, Mom. I am fine here.”

“Dionne, I did not became your Mom for nothing. I know you.”

With words left unsaid, I drop the call and immediately covers my face to cry. I do not know. I just don’t want anyone right now. I feel like I am so wasted these past few days. I feel so alone despite having good people around me. Sitting in the middle of this crowd around the benches makes me feel so lonely. I know I have friends I can lean on to but it just feel so empty, heavy and hard today—all of a sudden.

With my things beside me, I grab it up and decided to go home and leave my friends here. They must be in class and I feel like locking myself inside my room for hours and I wanted to clear my mind before this day ends. I swear to God, I will let myself cry tonight but when sun comes tomorrow, I have to promise myself that today will be my last time crying over Elric.

I reached our place and heard nothing. The silence is absolutely deafening but I ignored it and went inside Leigh’s room to pick her CD player that she bought for her fangirling need. I even saw a CD with a big 7 mark on its center so I pluck it from the player and set it aside on her table to prevent it from falling.

I know my best friend. She is so freakish when it comes to her BTS Merchs and she’ll go and run to me when I’ll accidentanly ruin a piece of Photocard.

I walk abck to enter my own room and grab my Taylor’s album that Mom has bought for me a year ago. I decided to play my music on here to turn my phone off and avoid any disturbance from anyone.

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

'Cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

I close my eyes, body on top of my bed—imagining how things were before our relationship ended. I am always been a fan of Cinderella, admiring her and even desiring the to be her. I always treated every boys as a possible Prince Charming who can wear me the shoe that fits my foot—that so-called love I always seek whenever someone tries to come inside my life. That one guy who will look at me on my eyes, reading everything what it says and understanding how I love being in love amidst busy streets. Elric showed everything to me—but I mistook him for everything and I don’t think I can trust any man again.

Didn’t know love can be a hole to painful battles.

You said it was a great love

One for the ages

If the story's over

Why am I still writing pages?

***