Chapter 7

Loud cheering fills the air as the cool North Carolina wind nips at my bare shoulders. Alyssa winks over at me as the crowd busts out in frantic applause when Danny scores his second touchdown of the night. 

The too short miniskirt rustles around my legs as the night air begins to pick up. After multiple high kicks I am beginning to feel exhausted. I used to love cheering. I used to love Danny pointing my way as if to say "that one was for you, baby." But now I feel overly fake and cheery with both topics.

There used to be no better feeling than friday night lights for the Stanton Stallions. The cool night air where the school year went from summer weather to fall weather in weeks, the craze of the crowd and student section, homecoming; Everything left a happy bubble in the air. 

I am good at putting on a happy face. You don't make it to the top of the pyramid without knowing how to play the game. But I have found that my smile is now a little too big and my high ponytail is too tight.

Danny pounds his chest with one of his teammates along with giving them a smack to the helmet. He lives for this kind of attention. 

I scan the crowd of swarming reds and blacks as people rise to their feet and hoot and holler for our football team. I continue to rustle my pom pom together as I scan the crowd for the one face I am most interested in seeing. 

I asked him in class if he was coming to the game but he never gave me a yes or a no answer. But sometimes a maybe meant yes, right?

I don't know why I am so curious about this boy but I am not going to let anyone take that curiousity away. Therefore, I didn't tell anyone about my thoughts of Nathaniel. I am not in the right state of mind to be able to handle their judgement that is bound to weigh heavy there.

They've already commented on my random talks with Nate whether they be in class or the halls. I did my best to ignore them because in all honesty, I didn't care what they thought. Not like I used to. It finally dawned on me that once we all graduate, none of this is going to matter. No one is going to care about who you dated in high school or if you were cheer captain. It would all be small talk of reminiscing on 'the good ol' days at class reunions. It's not going to shape who you are in the future. 

Mostly I am afraid of what they will say to Nate. I don't want to bring a worst fate on him than what was already done.

As if the world was rubbing karma in my face with it's grubby hand, Nate's face appears in my peripheral vision. He is standing near the concession stand away from all the other bodies. He sports his regular attire: grey hoodie, jeans, and glasses. 

He isn't alone though. 

Beside him stands a busty redhead that I knew as Molly Hamilton, who seems to be talking his ear off. If I remember correctly, Molly was there the night of the accident. She was with Nate in the open field. 

My stomach clenches. I suddenly feel the need to vomit the blue slushy that I had right before the game. 

I don't know if the feeling is because reminders can pop up anywhere at whatever time or if it is because Nate is talking to another girl. 

Nate, though very shy and introverted, is a good looking guy. It is a handsome that is underestimated. Nothing too in your face like Harry Styles, with his screaming good looks and dimpled cheeks that could make any living, breathing, creature drop to their knees in awe. Or Bradley Cooper with his chiseled jaw and scruffy nature. Nate's is more subtle. More pure. More good-nature, with his golden eyes and breathtaking smile that appears once in a blue moon to knock the wind out of you. 

I haven't seen him interact with anyone, now to think of it, since he's been back at school. Not even his old friends. I'm not sure where he sat in the school cafeteria and I don't know where his locker is. He is a complete mystery to me. 

All sounds seem to fade away while I watch Nate converse with the girl, Molly. He doesn't seem overly enthused or bored, even. He just listens and nods his head whenever she stops talking. But then Molly says something else and Nate throws his head back and laughs. 

As if I had finally reached the end of the tunnel, all the cheering and noise returns in a whoosh. I shake my head, making my blonde hair hit me over the face and tickle my glittery black stallion face sticker. My crowd pleasing smile returns in a bat of the eye and I am back in cheer captain mode. 

"Alright girls," I command standing up straighter. "Go Stallions on three. One...two...three!"

The crowd joins in as the last couple of seconds tick down on the score board. We have the game in the bag. It is a fairly easy team we are playing and we happen to beat every year, but the excitement of it never fades.

When the buzzer rings, I jump around, yelling and dancing to the victory song that echoes through the stadium. It comes as a habit now to do all this. After four years, I was bound to be able to play the part without so much as forcing a smile.

My bio partner and his friend catch my eye again before I can wave off the players. He is talking and she is looking at him in such a way that it makes my feet decide for me if whether or not I was going to approach him out here in the open. 

"Nate!" I call when I get closer to the wired fence separating the stands from the blacktop of the track. His head turns towards the sound of my voice and his cheeks instantly turn a light shade of pink. My smile broadens. I hop the wired gate and jog over to him. 

Molly's red hair does not go unnoticed beside him as she turns to look at me, eyes round once I am standing right in front of him. 

"Hi," I say as nicely as I can to Molly. I know she knew me but I didn't want to be rude no matter how jealous I am that she made Nate laugh the way she did tonight. "I'm Kelly."

"Molly," she answers through pinched features. She eyes me up and down and for some reason this makes me stand taller. I tower over her by a good inch and half though her puffy hair makes up for the height difference. I am kind of jealous of the body and bounce her hair has but my sleek pony tail reminds me of my status in this situation. 

"So, Nate," I turn my attention back to Nathaniel who has yet to say anything. "Do you have any plans after the game? If not, Danny is having a party at his place. There will be pizza. You can bring your friend, if you like?"

"I-uh- I don't know..."

"Come on, Nathaniel." I lightly squeeze his surprisingly not so small biceps and shake him a little bit. "It could be fun."

Molly stands next to us silently, mouth slightly open as she watches us. A little more pride swells in my chest and I lean closer into him. 

"Pleeeeeeease?" I pout my bottom lip even though it would have no effect on him. "For me?"

It was a low blow, I know, using the adorable girl act, but I felt desperate at that moment. I have never felt desperate when it came to men. I didn't like it. 

Always when the game is over I felt like I was on some type of high. It is as if the adrenaline was finally wearing off and it left me all giddy. But this time it is in overload because Nate is next to me and he smells so good and the red head next to him looked so off put. My inner bitch is cracking its knuckles. 

Nate looks down at me and for a second I swear his golden eyes latch onto mine for the second time. My breathing catches in my throat and I am afraid to exhale because I am not sure if I can bring the oxygen back in. 

"I promised Molly I would go grab a burger with her tonight." 

Oh.

Ouch. 

"Okay," I manage to grit out. I am trying my hardest not to seem upset. I look over at Molly and her eyes avoid mine as she picks at her knitted red gloves. This isn't the first time I am morbidly thankful that Nate can't see my face because I can feel my smile wobble.

"Thanks for the invite though, Kelly," Molly politely offers, bravely making eye contact with me. She is pretty in a nerdy type of way. Her hair is too big for her body but she has a cute button nose and shining green eyes. The only thing she has that makes me jealous is her plans with Nate. 

But then again, Nate didn't go by sight, he went by instinct. 

"Maybe next time," I speak out between my smile. I give Nate's arm one last squeeze before I turn back around to catch up with the girls as they make a tunnel for the football players to run under. 

"Thanks anyway, Kelly," I hear Nate say before I got out of hearing distance. 

I am bitter. I know this. I was used to getting my way and used to boys throwing themselves at me. I know I have Danny, but I didn't want him. Gosh, I'm sure he knew I didn't want to be with him. Yet here I am, shimmying my hands over the top of football helmets as they march into the locker room.

Hell, I was used to girls doing the same; always wanting to please me in the thought that they might work their way up the social ladder. I knew that was their plan, so it was hard for me to become actual friends with people, but I always played along anyway. Alyssa is the only girl I have ever trusted. We have been friends before popularity was in the books.

"What was that about?" Alyssa asks when I go to stand beside her in the tunnel. Her voice is hushed so no one else could hear. 

"Just asking if the popcorn was now free that the game was over. I'm hungry," I answer, not making eye contact with her. She always knew when I was lying. 

Alyssa doesn't say anything but I can feel her eyes on me. Once the boys are in the locker room, the cheerleaders drop their arms and begin to walk off the field and to their cars. Everyone's going to Mariah's house to get ready for the party tonight. She has the best bathroom for all of us to fit in at one time. Her family is more loaded than mine with a banker as a father and an heiress as a mother along with a deceased grandfather who had stocks in Nike.

Alyssa and I walk towards our cars, the aftermath of the game slowly rubbing off on us. I knew she wanted to ask me something but I don't want to have a serious conversation with her right now. She keeps looking over at me. I stop walking.

"Just spit it out, Lyss."

"What's going on with you lately? You're not present."

It is hard not to spill your guts out when your best friend has these dark siren eyes.

"There's not much to tell," I lie, rummaging through my bag for my car keys. I really needed to get a more flashy key chain. I am always losing them.

"Is this about college, again? Because if it is, Kel, I will pretend to understand what you're talking about. If you got your Dartmouth letter and you didn't get in, you need to tell me so I can do what I can."

My throat constricts and the burn of tears settle behind my eyes. Some days I feel like I didn't deserve her. She is always present when the rest of my love ones aren't. But I also knew how she felt about the Nathaniel situation. She was just as weary as the rest of them.

"It's not that." And then it finally hits me. "I'm just going to miss this." I gesture out to the surroundings around us. "I'm going to miss game nights and these parties where we're all together and I'm going to miss you when it's time for me to leave town for school. Where ever that will be."

"Aw, Kel, I'm going to miss you too!" Alyssa grabs my hand in her red gloved one. "And you don't have to worry because I'll be up to see you every weekend because, God knows, I'm going to find myself a Dartmouth boy."

I laugh as she drapes her arm around my shoulder and pulls me to her side. 

"Now," she says, pretending to wipe tears away from under her eyes. I roll mine. "Let's go get hammered, yeah?"

"Yes."

It doesn't take long for us to get ready and considering our town is not big, we are to Danny's before ten-thirty. I wore my tightest pair of jeans because I have talked myself into having a good time tonight. 

I easily down two shot within minutes of entering the house. I also lose Alyssa within minutes as well. Danny, however, finds me right away. 

"Did you see those touchdowns tonight, baby?" He gloats, ducking down to place kisses on my collarbone. I want to get mad and tell him that of course I did, I was a cheerleader, it was my job to watch the game and cheer the team on. Duh. But I don't do that. I don't push him away either. The sting of Nate's rejection still pinches at my skin and I have to admit that Danny's lips are soothing it. 

I hum and quickly bring his lips to mine. We may not get along when we talk but this, this is something we both are good at. 

I can taste the harsh bitter buzz of rum on his tongue as I'm sure he can taste the tequila on mine but I pull him closer. Something gnaws at my insides, threatening to break skin as I kiss my boyfriend of almost two years. His hands are all over me, my hair, my cheeks, my backside, as his mouth tilts this way and that. And still I feel close to nothing. I know what I am supposed to feel, but it isn't there. 

"Let's go upstairs," he purrs into my ear and for a second I consider it. 

"You go up. I'm going to get another drink first," I say, already pushing him away. "I'll meet you up there."

I walk away before Danny can answer but once I am to the kegger, I turn to see his body ascend the stairs. I fill a cup up halfway and take a swing. Flinching, I swallow the nasty stuff remembering even my drunk self can't drink beer. I set the cup down and head out the door for some air. 

I know I shouldn't be out here with Danny waiting for me upstairs but I also know I can't let Danny touch me like that tonight. Usually I can suck it up and just do it. Usually I end up forgetting about everything and even enjoy it. Because I once enjoyed it, I enjoyed it very much. 

I know I should go inside.

I know I should sober up before I consider leaving this house. 

I also know, that there is a boy who might have possibly went on a date tonight with someone who isn't me. And I also know I didn't like that one bit. 

Without much sober or drunk thought, my feet start walking down the sidewalk and to Nate's house.