Do I really think like that? Is there really a part of my brain where these kind of thoughts live; where the thought that my friends, family and Ryan don’t like me, resides? The thoughts like they all are better off without me? The thoughts of self-pitying? How come that part of my mind was so hidden from me? How come I never noticed that I was being suicidal?
I was sprawled on the bed, thinking about the dream I had. I couldn’t believe somewhere in my mind I was self-pitying myself when I hated the pity in the first place.
I had myself locked in my room. I really wanted to stay out of everyone’s sight for a while. The dream messed me up. Never once in my life I had a dream like that where I thought that the love I get is not real.
A knock on the door snapped me out of my jumbled up thoughts. I groaned and placed a pillow on my face, not really wanting to get up but another knock on the door and I shot up to open the door.
“Noah…” I heard Mu
[Friday] It was 5 in the evening. I had my things packed in a duffle and I was so ready to spend the day with Ryan. I was waiting for him to pick me up. Every nerve in my body was excited and I kept thinking about the whole weekend I was about to spend at his place. Just the two of us. “Ready, cupcake?” Mum’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned my head towards the direction the voice was coming from. “I’m so happy, mum. Thank you so much.” I was ever grateful for mum to have me this even though I was just an ungrateful ass. “I’m glad that-” She couldn’t finish her sentence because a car horn interrupted her. I perked up from my seat, almost falling flat on my ass. I heard mum laugh but I was too much happy to say something. "He is not in his Tesla and this has nothing to do with me calling him Tesla guy, right?" She teased me but today she could murder me and I’d forgive her because I had never been this excited in my life before. I
"Rise and Shine sleepyhead." I heard a very cheerful voice that woke me up. I fluttered my eyes open. Not that opening them changed anything but whatever. "What time is it?" I questioned, groggily and rubbed my eyes simultaneously because lights really burn my eyes. "It's 8pm which means dinner time, chop-chop!" He pulled me out of the sheets and made me sit up. For a second he resembled my mother as he dragged me out of the bed. "What's gotten you in a good mood?" I giggled letting him drag me to wherever he was dragging me to. “You.” He scooped me up in his arms, earning a squeak from me. "Ryan, I can walk." I giggled, flailing my legs for him to put me down. "I know." He stated. I just shut my mouth as he was talking me somewhere. "Ryan, I need to pee." I informed him when the pressure increased. I hear him sigh dramatically. "There's only so many ways to destroy romance. Go!" He put me down as I didn’t wait a second
After having breakfast Ryan decided to grade some papers and I did my homework. He also had some of his business work which he was currently doing in office in the house while I decided to get some fresh air. I strode out of the house to the lawn. I walked around a bit enjoying the cool breeze along with the warmth of the sun. It was balancing out each other. I walked a little more before I smelled flowers and I stopped in my track. I was inhaling the scent of the flowers when I felt arms around me, wrapping my waist. I hummed and leaned my head back. The grip wasn’t as gentle as always but I shrugged it off. “I can only imagine how beautiful this place would be.” I mumbled closing my eyes and trying to get comfortable in his arms but I couldn’t. There was something different. “Flowers look beautiful right? I guessed that because a thing with so tempting scent can only be beautiful” I mumbled. He placed his chin on my shoulder. Something was wrong. I
“Stop it!” I shrieked, giggling when Ryan put the cake batter on my face and licked it. He was doing it for almost 15 minutes. After I woke up, we had our lunch and I was feeling pretty much myself so I requested Ryan not to bring up what happened earlier this morning and like the understanding guy he is, he agreed. We decided to bake cake together and make some cupcakes. It was Ryan’s idea. He said his mother just sent her the new cake recipe and he wanted to try it and who was I to say no to cake. It had been an hour that he was trying to make cake batter but he spilled it all on the floor when he made it the first time because he was too busy tickling me. “What? You are so delicious, I can’t stop myself.” He said putting more on my neck and then licking it. “Ryan, I swear to god, I’m going to punch you. You spilled it first time, you’re going to do it again but I really want to eat the cake.” I whined pushing him a little. “You spil
A knock on the door and I still wasn’t ready. I always threw hair forward, ruffled them up and then threw them back because for a person like me, combing the hair into a perfect style was difficult. Plus mop of the curls I had on my head, it looked strangely good with just rough finger combing. I’ve been told so. But today it was my first date. I wanted to look good on my first date. I was dressed casual so, I guess messy hair wouldn’t look bad but that was just me, in my imagination. Would it actually look suitable for a date? I had no idea. I opened the door with my usual messy hair but kinda better dressing than usual because Eva helped me with it and I trusted her. As soon as I opened the door all my insecurities washed away because Ryan started complimenting me like he hadn’t seen me in casual clothing before and that’s what I always loved about him. He always boosted up my confidence like when you get high on confidence just for 15 minutes when you list
I don’t know what got over him but he pulled me towards him. Maybe he was overwhelmed with the emotions but I wasn’t complaining at all about it. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his hands on my lower back. A blush crept on my face but my egoistic ass tried to hide it by hiding my face in his chest. Maybe, that he didn’t like because he instantly unfolded his one arm to just lift my face up, just so he could forcefully kiss me to tell me that I shouldn’t be shy around him which in my opinion was a lot to ask because being a person I am, it was a lot to ask. Well, everything aside which was not important at all, what really important for me was the way our lips synchronized and danced along the melody that water was playing. I could feel my romantic moment unfold like a character of some romantic novel as I could hear the firework and symphonies. The moment we were in was straight out pulled out of a novel, the scenery that I only
My last day with Ryan and I was absolutely gutted thinking about it because even though I had just spent two days with him, I was absolutely used to his presence around me. I was used to his soft, tender touches, his melodic voice that always sounded like a song and his caring nature. The way he cared about my diet and the way he treated me, made me feel important and loved. His phone rang, disturbing the comfortable silence we were sharing as we were cuddled on the couch. He groaned in annoyance before he answered the call, pulling apart from me. "I'll be back in a second." He left the couch. I gave him a nod before he sprinted off. I was thirsty so, I decided to grab myself something to drink. Anything that my hand would lay on in the fridge. I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed a tin from the refrigerator. I was on my way back when I heard Ryan’s distressed voice as he was talking to someone. Not wanting to eavesdrop, I kept walking back to the
"I'm back!" I announced as soon as I entered the house, bag on my shoulder and ice cream in one hand, melting and dripping down and my other hand trying to stop it from falling on the cleaned floor of my house. Well, on my way home, Ryan decided to have some ice-cream. He really acted like a kid sometimes and it made question if he really was 24 but every adult has a kid, hiding inside him. Maybe, that was the case with him. I didn’t hear any response so, I decided to finish the melting ice-cream before checking for anyone. I dropped my bag on the floor, made my way to the kitchen after eating the ice-cream. I washed my sticky hands before running upstairs to greet mum. "I'm back, mummy." I beamed opening the door, after knocking. "Aww... My baby is not virgin anymore. I don't know when you grew up so fast." She said, dramatically sighing to add more impact. Of course, only my mother would say anything like that because she is just super cool.
Two years… Funny how things take a full 180 degrees turn in such a short time. If you had asked me two years ago how my life would be going two years from now. The only thing I could tell you was that I’d be graduating from a high school and getting ready for college which was of course, happening. Today I was graduating from high school but that’s not the only highlight of these two years. Before I stepped into the world, my life was pretty boring. I could sum up that life in one sentence but these last two years have been wild. So many thing that I never imagined would happen to me happened. I fell in love. Someone fell in love with me. I made friends. I met people. I talked to people. Most importantly, I got my lost sense back. All of that happened in two years. For seventeen years my life was pretty stuck. The only people I had talked to outside my family were the pizza delivery guy and the cashier lady at the supermarket where mummy did groceries. The only frien
“Let’s go to my office.” He spoke, grabbing my hand. I nodded. He turned to the girl who was standing next to him and told her that he would be busy so no one should disturb him before leading us to the elevator to go to his office. I learned that his office was on the 40th floor of the tower and it was the only room that we couldn’t look into from outside and it also has a wooden door. He closed the door of his office behind us and guided me to the large desk placed at the end of the room. It was a huge ass room decorated with the things I could never name. It didn’t have anything that we could say was useful to him to advance in his tech. Just a very vast decorated room with the large glass desk at the end of the room with the huge glass panes behind from where the entire city could be seen. “I’m surprised that it still surprises me.” I spoke in a whisper. “What?” he asked, leaning against the desk and folding his arms. “I
Standing before what looked like 60 to 70 floored building made me shiver. It then when it actually sunk in that I was dating a millionaire. That he wasn’t some guy who owned few thousand dollars. He wasn’t just a teacher. He was a fucking millionaire and he owned this 70 story building. The funny thing was, it wasn’t the only large building he owned. It was so crazy that my head started spinning at all this. I take a look at the building one more time. From bottom to the top and then back to bottom. After it really sunk in, I let out a poof of breath before entering through the glass doors. The reception was across the wide lobby and pair of elevators were present at the each side of the lobby. The pair of escalators were present at each side of the reception desk. Large LED screens were hanging right above the desk showing some company related shit. The monogram of the company was hanging in the middle of the lobby as a sweet voice of lady repeatedly said, “Welcome
“I think I’ve found the one.” My heart dropped to the pit of stomach as my throat went dry. I was becoming a hot and red mess as I read that line over and over again. He really said that? I read the rest of the interview as Jessica was now turning to the school and was going in the parking area to park the car. Just when she pulled over, I was done reading the magazine. I closed it and looked up at Jessica who was already looking at me with a smile. I couldn’t hold my smile and launched myself on her, catching her in a hug. “I’m so fucking in love with him.” I sighed dreamingly, tightening the arms around her. “As you should be. You guys are made for each other.” I broke the hug and sat back on the seat, looking at Ryan’s cover on the magazine with heart eyes. I wish he was here right now. I would’ve hugged him so tightly that my scent wouldn’t have left his body for next two weeks. “Now let’s go inside.” She turned around to
Ryan’s interview got published in yesterday’s Sunday magazine and I had literally turned off my phone since then. I totally forgot that it was going to publish yesterday and when I received a call from Mateo saying he read the interview, I was totally blank as to what he was speaking. Few seconds later I understood and right after hanging up the call with Mateo, I switched off my phone. I hadn’t read the interview yet, I still had to go and buy that magazine which was making me making me more nervous. What if I bump into someone from the school in there? Though it wasn’t the question now as today I had to go to the school. I called Jessica to pick me up from the house because I wanted to read what Ryan said about me before going to school. I wanted to be prepared in case I had to show give someone piece of my mind. “You alright, baby bro?” I snapped my head at Eva who just entered the living room in her PJs as I was waiting for Jessica to arrive. She
I was sitting in my room waiting for my family to be done with their preparations as we all were going to Ryan’s to have that one big family dinner that Ryan suggested. First we thought of having the dinner at some restaurant but then Ryan still hadn’t given that interview so we decided to keep it behind the doors. The interview was due the tomorrow. We could’ve waited another day but the dates weren’t aligning. Eva and Ryan’s sister were busy so we had to fix today’s date. “Baby bro!” Eva barged into my room, yelling and interrupted my hair styling. “What?!” “Give me that watch of yours that mum gifted you this Christmas.” She demanded and stated searching through my things. “What the fuck, Eva?! Stop!” I stopped her from rummaging through my property. “Where’s your watch?” She questioned. “Why do you want it?” I questioned, staring dead at her. “It goes with my dress. Look.” She did a little twirl, making me s
Two weeks had gone by since I told the truth to the principal. Everything was going back to normal. Teachers had stopped giving me lectures. Though their strange looks always searched for me in the class and now whenever they stared at me, they had a distinctive look in them. Mr Dunkin met Ryan and wasn’t very happy about what had happened but as I thought, he didn’t take any legal action because he was relieved that it wasn’t something like what Ryan had told him earlier. Harassment case from a school would have destroyed school’s reputation way worse than a simple love affair between a teacher and student. Everything was going just fine. Mateo had called me once Jessica told him what had happened at the school. He was worried but I assured him that everything was settled. He was happy that Ryan had resigned and now I could have somewhat normal version of our relationship. I also told him that Ryan wanted my family to meet his family. Just so they could get
"I was thinking of something." He spoke as if he was leading into some bigger conversation. "What?" "I know in the interview I'm going to be asked about my personal life. I'm no longer a teacher so I was thinking of revealing our relationship?" He looked down at me, arching his eyebrow. "Okay?" I shrugged but I wasn't sure what he meant by that. "I wouldn't be very specific. I would just mention that I have someone in my life and maybe take your name, if you're comfortable with that?" "I have no problem with it. But don't you think if people find out I was your student they would say things." I inquired. "Who cares now, baby? I'm not your teacher. Plus the interview is in a month so, if I give this statement. I won't be sharing the timeline of our relationship. Even if they find out, I'll be getting fined which I can afford. Who fucking cares after what names they've been calling me at the school. I just want to tell the world that I l
As soon as I left his office, my first reaction was to let out a loud and deep breath and say “OH MY FUCKING GOD!” because I couldn’t believe it happened. It was out. Who cared what would’ve happened next. It was out there. Our relationship was out there and the joy it gave me. I knew Mr Dunkin. I knew he wouldn’t rusticate me or suspend me. I knew he wouldn’t even say anything to Ryan as well because he looked so relieved that none of his school teacher went as low as to harass a kid for his own sexual needs or whatnot. If we had been upfront about the whole thing from the start then there’s a good chance we could’ve gotten the worse reaction and the law would get involved but now I was pretty sure nothing like that would happen because he looked pretty pleased with the true story because it wasn’t disturbing and disgusting. Plus now Ryan was fired and the fact that Ryan was resigning was enough because that meant he didn’t want to continue the illegal relat