Chapter 4

My reflection on the mirror said everything about how I was feeling. It wasn't always easy to appear all strong and unbothered when deep down I was already dying inside.

It hurts knowing that everything was a lie. There was no love from the beginning, there was nothing to hold unto, and realizing that I had nothing now sent chills down my spine.

My mind flew back to how everything started, how I met Jade and how she introduced me to Rodrigo.

It was a normal morning when my name was announced over the speakers that I was to appear to the principal's office. It felt completely strange having the principal send for me, but summoning courage, I made my way to the office where I got the worst news of my life.

It all started with words of encouragement from the principal, but somehow I noticed that all her words were filled with pity, and all I could do was wonder why; and when the principal broke the news that my parents had been in a motor accident, I felt my world collapsing.

If wishes were able to get you wherever you wanted, I would have wished to be six feet under, and possibly in the same boat leading my parents to the afterworld, because to me, nothing else was possible without them, and losing them meant losing it all.

My parents funeral was quite and only few people attended. My parents lived a simple life and didn't have much friends. I had no one else to turn to. At this point I wished someone would walk up to me and say they knew my parents or were relatives, because they never mentioned anything about relatives to me. All we had was each other.

After that day I became numb. I hardly spoke a word to anyone in school. I sat alone during lunch. I was traumatized, depressed. I felt there was nothing else to live for. At some point I started to have suicide thoughts. I had actually picked up a knife once and cut my hand in anger because I couldn't go through with it.

One of the days, as I sat at my usual spot at the cafeteria, alone and unable to swallow anything. My eyes went round as I saw how everyone were happy with their lives, they had friends they talked to, they had home and family to go back to, they had achievements to brag about. I sat silently as I looked at myself with pity. I frowned at their joy and laughter. I wasn't new to me about how everyone murmured as I passed.

I rushed to the bathroom as I got tired of the pointing fingers and the words they uttered. I stopped for a moment and began to stare in the mirror in disbelieve as hot, salty tears rushed down my cheeks. I rushed into the toilet as I heard footsteps approaching. It was definitely some of the school divas who had come to fix their makeup. They began to gossip about their love lives and who they wished to attend prom with.

At some point they paused. I got the feeling they were aware of my presence as they changed the topic and began to talk Ill of me. How pathetic and miserable I was, how no one would ever want to go to prom with me or even speak to me. I tried so hard as not to let their words get to me, but it was to no avail. Chills ran through my spine and I felt my whole body freezing and goosebumps all over my body. I sobbed as quiet as I could.

Then I heard another footstep approaching.

It warned them to stop speaking Ill about someone's misfortune and loses, and threatened them with the rule or karma, that what they do to others will always come back to them. I felt how tense the atmosphere was as the place became quiet. Then the girls stepped out.

"You can come out now." Said the voice.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through all this alone. You must be so lonely. But you don't have to be anymore. I'm here." She said in assurance. But I didn't burge. I didn't speak a word or conte out, instead I kept my silence and wished she'd just go away, which she didn't.

Surprisingly, she walked towards my direction, I looked down at the person's feet from where I sat on the toilet.

"It's okay to cry, it's okay to miss them, but it's not okay for you to be mocked for your pain." She continued. All of a sudden, my breath became shaky as her words brought more tears to my eyes.

"I won't say I know how you feel really, because I'm not wearing your shoes, but hiding yourself away from the world aren't going to help you either." She added in a calm voice.

I didn't know how or why, but I found myself step out of the toilet.

"Why say sorry when you did nothing wrong." I said passionately and the tears continued to flow. In a moment, I found myself in her arms, she had rushed me with a tight hug and began to pat my back.

"That's it baby girl, let it all out." She said as she gave me more pats on my back. Then on releasing me, she held out a wipe and handed to me to dry my tears.

It was very strange hearing someone else console me here in school, knowing fully well that I had no friends at all, and all my life I had been nothing but a lone wolf. 

"I promise you everything will be alright. And you'll forget all this ever happened." She reassured me. I didn't know how or when, but I found myself smiling back at her.

"How do you feel now?" She asked me with a friendly smile on her face, and even though it felt weird to me, I found myself returning her smile once again.

"From now on, we're your family." She said with a calm, warm voice.

"Who's we?" I asked in confusion. I wanted to know who she was referring to.

I feel better, thank you. Rose had replied politely, and the lady had smiled in satisfaction.

Great. I am Kate by the way, we have English and Spanish together. Kate the lady said with a toothy grin on her face, and even though Rose didn't really know her, she smiled again.

I'm Rose. She said shortly and Kate nodded with her never fading smile.

"Come on, let me introduce you to the others, I won't want you sitting alone again." Jade insisted, and before I even got the chance to say no, she was already dragging me all the way to the cafeteria.

I tried pulling back and continued to shake my head in disapproval to meet with her friends, but she didn't give a chance. She was determined as ever. I continued my struggle, right untill my eyes fell on him.

It was his Rubio hair I saw first, and next his tan skin under his white shirt which he had left the first three buttons open, and my heart had began to beat faster than normal.

"Roderigo, look who I brought. Meet Rose, Rose Roderigo." Jade announced with excitement. As Roderigo turned to look at me, our eyes clashed and I felt my heart leave for my stomach.

His deep blue eyes starred into mine, and his dimpled smile sent shudders right through me.

I knew I wasn't supposed to be checking out a guy during my grieving process, but it was completely impossible to ignore the beauty of the Roderigo carried, and when he stood up in his about 1:80cm height to stretch his hands upon introduction, I realized that I was done for.

"I'm Rodrigo, It's nice to meet you Rose! You're really pretty." He had said to me with a smile, and I felt my cheeks hitting up instantly.

"Here, you can have this." He offered me his lunch. I didn't know whether I should be thankful or upset because I felt him pity me, and that was the last thing I wanted, for someone to pity me or think I was pathetic.

I sighed again, rubbing my hand on my forehead trying to calm my raging heart. All the memories felt like yesterday,

I opened the cupboard below the desk and took out a pistol gun. I rubbed my hand on it and sniffed it with pleasure and desire, before releasing a wicked chuckle. At this point, I felt my vengeance was eating up to me. I felt a cold chill rush through me. I shook my body out of it to avoid getting more emotional. On dropping the pistol back, my hand felt a Plastic card. I took it out and starred at it, trying to recall what business I had with the person.