Zeenah shut the door behind her, pushed her aching shoulders impossibly straighter and let the sound of voices guide her to her room. Her heart slammed against her sternum as she passed through the doorway. Conversation skidded to a halt. Expectant eyes turned toward her.
Now what? The last thing she wanted was sympathy.
Forcing an unconcerned expression to her face, Zeenah sat on her bed, dragged one of the suitcases in front of her and started looking through.
Within minutes, the room emptied and she was left alone with Samirah, who registered her a seething look which she never noticed.
She winced and shifted uncomfortably before forcing her gaze towards the window.
"Don't go through this without cleansing yourself Zeenah. Don't do it, its not possible." Samirah said in a cautionary tone.
She let the tears she had been holding back rush down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook from the silent cry as her mind is still cramped with thousands of thoughts.
What should she tell her parents? How could she convince them to call-off the wedding until after three months when the wedding is already starting this week?
Whatever she says, no matter what she does, no one would listen to her. They will all drink from the idea that she's a loony girl who is scared of getting married when its already time.
"What do you want me to tell them?" She finally asked.
"The truth woman. Tell them the truth and cleanse yourself!"
"You know I can't do that. I can't Samirah. You don't just expect me to tell them I had..." She stopped, gulping as she felt her throat tighten, "I...i.."
"That you had sex before marriage? Well, do you want me to do the pleasure of telling them? I can do that, I don't care about the consequences!" She snapped.
"Don't you dare do that! Don't" she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself "if you do that" she began, weighing her words carefully "I'll forget I once had a friend like you."
"Oh really? Seriously?" Samira let out a honorless laugh "If you don't do this, then you can completely forget you've ever known someone like Samira Bashir!" She yelled before picking up her bag and leaving the room completely.
Zeenah could hear the words of farewell which Samira also claimed she will be travel tomorrow and won't be back till the wedding is over.
'Is she seriously dodging my own wedding?'
Zeenah thought sadly. Well, there's nothing more she can do about it. She can't call off the wedding and as far as she knows (or, as far as she's concerned with what Abubakar said, they did nothing wrong!)
She let go of Samirah's thought and started packing her clothes. She won't break down just now. No, not now.
*
Abubakar inhaled deeply as he read the text sent by Samira. He had never liked the girl, and now he hates her the more for trying to stick her nose into his own problems.
Zeenah is his and his alone. He doesn't need anyone to tell him what he should or shouldn't do. He hissed loudly and was about to drop his phone when a call came through.
"Hey man, where are you?" His friend Shu'aib asked.
"Home. Something wrong?"
"No. The clothes are ready. Mehn! Your wife is surely a full package!"
Abubakar laughed heartily, his chest rumbling with the sound.
"I know right man. Kace ka karema kayan kallo?"
"You know right man. I kept staring at them, wondering how she'll look in them or better yet in reality."
"You can keep thinking man. She's mine to see alone."
"Amma fa kayi sa'a (you're so lucky), I'll visit your house everyday."
"You're not invited mister" Abubakar replied as they continued to bicker.
Deep inside, he was happy his close friend is complimenting his wife to be. He sure is lucky. He personally thinks that showing off his wife will make his friend respect him more. Like Shu'aib just said now, she's a full package, in a comic sense a package just, is she some kind of food?
They ended the call in thirty minutes and he found himself wanting to see or hear her voice. He quickly dialed her number and waited.
"Heyy" she said slowly as soon as she picked up "how are you?"
"You okay?" He asked, noticing that her voice was a little bit down.
"I'm fine. Its just flu."
"Are you sure? you can talk to me babe. You okay?"
All her resolve went away and she broke down. "I'm...I...I'm so scared."
'Here she comes again'! Abubakar gritted his teeth angrily and inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down.
"Scared of what?"
"T...that you'll hate me once we get married, that you'll always shove it to my face that I wasn't a virgin when I came into your house. That I'm just a useless whore out..."
"Yes" Abubakar cut her off harshly "yes, you are my whore. But not just anyone's whore, you are my whore and I don't care if you come into my house not a virgin. I know you are, cause I took it away. So please Zeenah, I beg you, please__drop this issue. We've been going on and of about this for almost two months now. Aren't you tired of talking about the same thing everyday? Please let it go!"
She thought she loved Abubakar, but after what he just said, she's sure she's overly in love with her man. Now and forever. Even though they repeated the act not just once or twice but five times after the first time...she's still sure nothing will ever make him stop loving her.
"I love you" she declared slowly "I love you so much, it hurts."
"I love you more Angel face. I love you more than anything."
"Thank you for loving me just the way I am. You won't ever regret it. I promise you."
"Thank you. Now sing a song for me."
She smiled and sighed happily before looking up at the wall clock to check the time. It’s 11:00pm already.
"Okay. I'll only sing the chorus today. I'm so tired."
"Anything that suit the queen of my heart."
She cleared her throat and began..."Nothing's gonna change my love for you"
"You already know by now how much I love for you""One thing you can be sure of""I'll never ask for more than your love""Nothing's gonna change my love for you""You already know by now how much I love you""You wanna change my whole life""But nothing's gonna change my love for you"They both went silent after she was done.
"I love it. Your voice is so amazing. Goodnight babe."
"Goodnight Squirrel."
The feeling is there, that awful feeling that she's doing the wrong thing all over again. It had been nagging her for three days now and it's already too late to stop what was happening.She was now officially Mrs Abubakar.Zeenat Kabir Abubakar Abukur.The refusal of Samira to attend the wedding had painted a grief in Zeenah’s psyche, According to her, the wedding is null and void until they cleanse their selves. Deep down, Zeenah knew she was right one way or the other, but she still couldn't bring herself to accept what they did was wrong and ought to cleanse themselves before marriage.Well, whatever the case maybe___the deed had already been done.The soft tap on the door brou
She opened her eyes slowly but quickly shot them back. She tried opening them for the second time and slowly adjusted to the white roof above her. Where was she? She wondered as she looked around and saw that the walls were also painted white.She tried turning to her right side but felt a sharp pain pierce through her throat. It hurts a lot she thought."You're awake, Ya Allah. Thank you for waking up, you scared me Zeenatu. I'm so sorry okay? I won't do it again__I promise."That was when she felt the warmness of another hand in hers. She felt the hand being squeezed and kissed slowly. What happened? She thought again."I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it, I know I shouldn't have let my anger cloud my sense of judgement. But please forgive me, I promise not to repeat it again."That was when everything crashed back to her memory. The slaps. The chocking. And the beating with the b
It wasn't as though,he had ever had the intention of beating his wife. It was not a dream and definitely not the best thing he had ever done. He's sure there's more to what he did than what was let out.The feeling of remorse flowed through his veins like some blood he survives on. He feels pathetic for ever raising his hands at her. But then, what will take away the thought of her having the baby that isn't really his?He inhaled deeply, his right hand over his face, as his right leg was sprawled on the floor in his bedroom, while his left foot was crossed over. He had been sitting in the same position for the past two hours ever since he had left the hospital with Khadija.He knew she was still preparing the food she was asked to, but he still couldn't bring himself to forget her expression when she saw the mess and dried blood trailing in the living room. What was she thinking? That couldn’t be brought to hi
A fraction of what was happening these days felt so unreal to her. She had always known that her Abubakar was romantic, but not as he had been these past few days.Guilty conscious, perhaps?Probably.He might have really changed like he had been saying for the past few weeks. Her Abubakar is finally back and more of an upgrade. Zeenah thought happily as she prepared his breakfast. But as soon as she cracked an egg, she felt nauseous and had to run to the nearest toilet and threw up.When will this morning sickness ever end, she wondered sadly as she leaned her back against the sink trying to catch up her breath."Thought I made it clear that I don't like you stressing yourself with your condition?" She heard his voice behind her."I was just preparing your breakfast.""You shouldn't have bothered" Abubakar replied as he helped her back to the living
The baby is gone' was the thought that crossed Zeenah's mind as soon as she opened her eyes, surveying her surrounding, she realized she was in a hospital, AGAIN.This was the second time she had been admitted to a hospital ever since she had gotten married months back. Was it a coincidence? Or was something certainly wrong with their marriage?''Kin tashi?'' (Are you awake?), she heard his voice whisper ''I thought I was going to lose you.'' Abubakar added as he moved close to her, taking her right hand which was free of drip in his and squeezing it so tight. His heart jerked at the feel of her cold hands in his.Zeenah looked up at him with her doe brown eyes and noted the dark circles around his eyes. Oh, how she loves this man as much as he loves her.''What happened?'' She managed to ask softly, her voice so soft that he had to strain his ears more to get what she was trying to say.A
Two days later, Abubakar notified Zeenah that he would be travelling to Zaria on a matrimony basis; Zeenah stared at him, in her thought, asking who could this be that she is not aware of and moreso, never heard about."Yaayy! should I get my bags ready too?''She interrupted Abubakar from operating his phone. “Pack your bags and go to?'' He asked slowly.''I thought you'd be taking me along, ain’t you?''Did I say so? What gave you that impression?''Okay, Zeenah thought. Why was he getting all worked up over something that simple?''Never mind. I'll get your bag ready then. By the way, who's this 'anonymous friend’ of yours?'' She asked, air quoting the favourite cousin's part.Okay! He had had enough of her bullshits. ''When was it made a policy for me to tell you everything about myself? I can't remember when the law was p
They were in their sixth month of marriage, and Zeenah comprehended that Abubakar's bad days, the days she was required to sympathize and compensate for every small injustice done to him, were outnumbering the good days. She didn't know how to fix that, but she suspected it was her fault. She knew other people's marriages were different, that they didn't constantly worry about how to anticipate their husbands' needs, they weren't always walking on eggshells. Certainly, her own parent's marriage hadn't been like this.She seems to subscribe to nightmares, leaving her exhausted the next day. She dreamt of losing a tooth or falling from tall buildings, a skyscraper perhaps. Or being chased by things she couldn't put her fingers on."It is bizarre and cryptic," she related to Abubakar one morning as he sips his coffee, "this new one I had last night. I was in a park somewhere, just walking by myself, and my right leg fell off. No blood or anyt
She tossed and whirled to her left side, a smile lingering on her lips. She had had one of the best nights since the past two weeks. How else can she be convinced not to fall in love with Abubakar over and over every single time when he's this sweet? She scoffed when she remembered Samira's words before she had married Abubakar.'Don't do it, you're going to regret it.'But she hadn't, and she never will. Abubakar has been one of the most incredible things to have ever happened in her life. They might have their bad days, but isn't it the same with every couple out there? Those ups and downs were what made them strong as couples.''You're awake.'' She heard his deep voice say behind her, and she smiled. She slowly opened her eyes and turned towards the sound of his voice.Abubakar was standing in the middle