3. The Mistake

There is a theory that nothing in nature is ever lost__that every sound ever made, every word ever spoken, still exist somewhere in space and time and may one day be recalled.

So, probably, someday what she did will surely be known, and she'll suffer the consequences of her action.

She shouldn't have agreed to it. Khadija warned her against doing it. She knew it was wrong__yet, she agreed to it. Why? Because she can't loose him because of something that simple.

He's going to marry her right? So why deny him what he'll eventually get?

But yet, she couldn't bring herself to shake of the feeling of guilt.

She looked out of her dark window and shiver at the thought of her father getting to know what she did. She'll probably be a dead meat by then.

What she did was a mistake she won't repeat.

She wiped the lone tear that escaped her eyes and looked away. She had deceived her parents and went out with him. She had deceived them and did what she shouldn't have done. She's now a crying mess and can't control herself.

It was wrong! very wrong!!

She stood up, and felt her legs were still very weak. It was yesterday, she gave it up, and her body is still reminding her of the shameful deed she did.

She shouldn't have, the feelings of remorse were inevitable.

But then, she smiled at the memory of his smiling face, of his warm eyes showing his love to her, of his soothing words telling her how much she means to him. She's his world, and his wife in three months time. That alone washed down the guilt she was feeling.

She laid down on her bed and drew the quilt to her body. She couldn't sleep yesterday after doing it, she couldn't look at her parents today as she used to, she couldn't even go out___to her; everyone already knows what she did.

Pathetic.

Her phone rang beside her and she thought of ignoring it but later on changed the odds.

Her heart leaped with joy but then fear gripped her. She stared at the caller ID before sitting up. Gathering the little courage she has left, she received the call.

"Hey."

"Baby" came his husky voice "thought you're already asleep."

"No" she replied slowly, her heart beat increasing "how do you fare?” Sounding lifeless.

"Fine. I miss you" he said so slowly she thought she didn't hear him right "I missed you so much. You didn't pick up my call throughout today, didn't reply my messages nor called me back. Is something wrong?"

Zeenah kept quiet, thinking of what to say, what the right answer to his question was.

"Nothing, I'm just scared." She replied.

"Scared? I don't understand. Scared of what? Me?"

"Yeah" she replied without hesitating "I'm paranoid and nonplussed; Will you call off the wedding now? Where you calling since morning to say you're not marrying me again? Are you regretting meeting me? I'm afraid to listen to the answers to those questions. I'm so scared right now Abubakar."

Abubakar was silent, registering what she just finished saying. Is that how low of him she thinks? She thinks he'll let her go after getting what he wants? Does she think he's like other men out there? Deceptive?

Damn!

"I guess you're right" he stated, trying too hard to control his anger "maybe I'll do just that. If that's what you're thinking, then let it be so. Have a goodnight rest" and he hanged off on her.

Zeenah stared at the dead phone in her hand. Is this the beginning? She wondered.

Closing her eyes, she let the tears she was holding back flow down freely. She should have listened to Khadija.

Abubakar let out a harsh breath and tossed his phone angrily on his bed.

Zeenah’s skepticism on him is really cooking much on his psyche. He had never had it in mind to let her go___not now, not ever. She shouldn't have said those words to him, for he still loves her and loves her even more after what happened. Why can't she trust him?

He picked up his phone, going through all of her photos he has. 'She's beautiful, so beautiful' he thought, and he loves her much more than she could ever imagine.

Reluctantly, he kept the phone and lay on his left side. He will give her time to let everything sink in first.

*

It's been three days already, and Abubakar still hasn't call, nor had he texted her. Its so hard for her to control her anger, to let it go and call him, but she couldn't. This is her punishment for giving up her dignity before marriage.

She humped and hissed loudly, causing Samira and Hauweey to look at her quizzically.

"Is everything alright?” Samira asked "you seem kind of off and distant these days. You aren't even concentrating in class and keep zoning out."

"I'm fine" Zeenah replied dismissively "just a little bit sick."

"I see" Hauweey answered, still looking at her "it looks like you're hiding something y'know" she added before looking away.

The three friends were sitting outside the madrasah they all attend. Madarasatul Huda-al Tahfizul Qur'an, which was located in link road, painted white and green with a giant orchard beside.

"What will I hide? I'm not hiding anything" Zeenah replied quickly, not even trying to meet up with the gaze of her two friends.

'They know me too well' she thought 'they'll easily see through my facade and know that I'm lying. I won't let them know anything'

"If you say so" Samira said before asking "how's Mr. Habu? Been a while we've heard about him."

"He's  doing just fine. Just busy with work" Zeenah replied.

'He's been ignoring me, I don't even know what to do right now' she thought.

"Are you two having that lovers kinda fight?" Hauweey asked jokingly "cause it looks like that's what is bothering you."

Samira quickly looked at Zeenah and Zeenah looked away.

"Nah, nothing like that. We're good."

"Okay then. Gotta go, I have another class now." Hauweey said.

"Sure. Take care."

"I will. Bye girls." And she left.

Samira kept looking at Zeenah who was still looking away.

"I told you to dump the fool!" She yelled angrily "don't tell me you're still seeing him? Look Zeenah, don't make the mistake of trusting that guy I'm telling you."

"And who said I'm going to trust him? I can't just dump him just like that please, you have to understand that we need to settle things maturely."

"Why talk things maturely when he's an idiot? Tell Mama about this and call off this wedding. He's not a husband material if he's only after your body!"

"And who said he's only after my body?" Zeenah asked, her heart breaking at the thought of what she's currently going through.

"What is he after then? Don't even try to tell me he's after you and you alone, cause there's no sensible man out there who loves for genuinely that'll ask for something like this before marriage! He's a devil Zeenah!"

"Don't call him that" Zeenah said in tears "don't please and let me handle this issue my way, don't rush me and make me loose him completely."

"Oh God! How I so much want you to loose him! Think wisely girl, think!" She snapped angrily and left Zeenah there.

Zeenah covered her face with her hands and cried. This is getting too much, she needs to resolve this issue soon.

Bringing out her cell phone, she typed a quick message to him.

"When are you coming to get your things? And announce the call off?"

She waited for a while before his reply came in.

"Sure, nice thought. I'll be coming over later in the day and we'll call it off once and for all. Take care."

A huge bag of fear gave Zeenah a punch, that moment was poised with disbelief and uncertainty. Could he be for real?