I will not turn into a major dork with Ryland. I will keep my cool regardless of my feelings for the tall blue-eyed soccer forward. With a deep breath I walk to the front of Ryland's condo door. My chant on repeat with each step.It's been a few hours since we returned after his first session at the youth center, but I've spent most of my afternoon locked away in my apartment. With dinner looming I've decided to make the first move and invite myself over for what's become our Saturday evening ritual of video games and food. It's part of my act natural game plan.His door's unlocked as it's been since the first day I used his elevator, but I should still knock. A friend would knock, right? Of course I've never knocked before. If I start now, he might figure out something is off with my behavior. Shut up, Marissa. Don't overthink shit again. I'm going in... no knocking.I crack his door and slide in through the opening. When I lift my head ready to do my obligatory call out of h
"Is that so?" he questions with sarcasm. "She needs to exercise caution. I've heard her landlord's a real asshole.""Eh, turns out she thinks he's not as bad as people make him out to be." I roll with it excited Ryland's playing along with my banter."Probably because she's so cute and cuddly..." I squint at him, but he continues on down his dangerous path. "Like a... kitten."I smack my lips together to accept his challenge, the sound bouncing off the kitchen appliances, but it only causes his grin to widen. "Actually Simone's the cute and cuddly one. I'm more known for my claws."He snorts in answer and then speaks under his breath. "Yeah like a kitten's claws, maybe." If I could be one of those sharks with laser eyes, he'd be in trouble. As it is, my death glare only makes him smile, his white teeth on full display. "You don't frighten me, Marissa."I place a hand on my hip and pop it out the best I can while sitting on a stool. "Maybe you don't know me well enough.""Do
A woman laughs down the hall and the high horse-like sound rips my attention from the sales spreadsheets laid out on my desk. Sheila, a second-floor secretary neighs again, the sound distinguishable as only her. Its carnival day. The office's reward for the work in the community last week. I should be out laughing with my coworkers but instead I'm feigning work for a few quiet moments alone with my thoughts. Quiet being relative when Sheila's in the vicinity.The problem isn't Sheila or her horse laugh. The problem is me.I had sex with Ryland.Soccer super star Ryland Bates.It didn't start out as sex, but after an hour of heavy petting, we couldn't stop the progression. I didn't want to. The sex isn't the problem. I enjoyed that... immensely, but what do I do now? Do we do it again? Start a relationship? Act like it never happened? Why is this being an adult shit so hard?I snicker at my own innuendo and then hit my head on my desktop without enough force to do any damage.
Drake, an obnoxious account executive from the fourth floor, stands behind me leaning over my shoulder and giving Goldie eyes. "Well if he makes it through the day, I'd suggest you flush him or take him home.""Flush him!" It's a ludicrous idea. I've named him. I can't let Goldie die. I'll sneak him home and hide him in my bedroom. That sounds like a reasonable plan.... The elevator doors are half open before I realize Ryland's home. Past the hallway he sings along to a song playing over the speakers. So much for spending the day in Palo Alto with Finn checking out new software.I step into the hallway and carefully place Goldie in my purse. He's been in the bag for over three hours. I'm worried his time is running out. How much oxygen does a fish need?Maybe if I sneak out, I'll make it past and to my apartment before Ryland realizes I'm home."Is that you, Marissa?" he yells from the main living area.I cringe — who else would it be — and keep walking with the quiete
In the end Ryland paid for the fish tank and supplies, but it's worth it. Little Goldie swims circles in his new five-gallon tank dodging the fake seaweed in his path. He stops to make his little fishy face at me through the glass."The no fishing sign's a nice touch." Aspen taps the glass tank and Goldie swims toward her finger."Yeah, Ryland picked it out.""Do you plan to keep it on the coffee table?" Simone asks taking another sip of wine.Both women silently stare at Goldie and his tank like they've never seen one before. Aspen and Simone stopped by for a drink and to chat. Or in Aspen best friend terms — to get the scoop on Ryland and me. She's occupied with the fish tank now, but soon we'll move on to why she's really here. The details of our week post sex."Ryland said he'll look for a stand this weekend. Then we'll put him closer to the window.""Ryland, huh?" Aspen pushes.Here we go."I can't imagine what would have happened if you'd had a fish when you were
"Just tell me, Aspen." I suck in a breath when she doesn't start right away. That means it's bad.Her head faces my direction, but her eyes are still cast to the corner. "Well... Finn may have admitted Ryland's had teams calling him. So far he hasn't agreed to any tryouts though, so that's good." She rushes the last sentence to try and smooth over her news.A part of me, a deep part I refused to address, knew Ryland had to have teams calling. Even with his past trouble, he's a top player in the sport. Teams want him regardless. It's not news, but having it confirmed hurts. Why didn't he tell me himself? Is he planning to up and leave one night? Lock the door behind him and leave me and Goldie here alone?Never one to be good at over dramatics, except for those few months after my breakup with Cody, I stick an unaffected expression on and continue as if hearing Ryland's on his way out the door doesn't feel like a knife splitting open my chest cavity to dig around at the important
After a silent car ride to work this morning, I'd hoped for more from Ryland this afternoon. But we've both carried on with our childish game of giving each other the silent treatment. We're really making our first fight worth its money.He parks in a designated space for the condo while the other two remain empty, and I shake my head at more proof of Ryland's ridiculousness. I jump out of the car and close the door behind me."Could you not slam my car door so hard?" Ryland's eyes drill me to the spot as he leans over the hood of his car glaring at me.Deep breaths, Marissa. Deep breaths. "Why don't you leave me a sticky note?" I yell back at him and walk on the elevator pressing the close button repeatedly. Unfortunately, he makes it in before the doors close on him and we stand side by side on either side of the small space.The door dings and I squeeze through as fast as possible. I stomp through Ryland's condo and stop in front of my door searching my purse for the keys I
The grey haired doctor pulls down the leg of my jeans and lowers my foot patting my ankle twice. "Everything looks great Ms. Melrose. You're clear to go.""Thanks." I jump off the little office bed glad to be cleared so Ryland can stop lecturing me every time he feels I put too much weight on my foot. I've been fine the past week, but he refused to let me use the stairs. It's four flights or a short elevator ride. I didn't put up too much of a fight."Good luck." He shakes my hand and turns to Ryland. "And to you too, Mr. Bates. I hope you find a new team quickly."Ryland pulls on the brim of the same black Giants baseball cap he wore to the movies yesterday, but shakes his hand. "Thanks, I'm hopeful for the same." He flashes him a smile I've never seen him use. It's practiced and forced."Well of course, now I understand why you're in no rush to get back on a team after meeting this lovely lady." He scribbles on a small sheet of paper handing it to me. "For your check out."
Six months later"I thought you were painting this room silver?" Hudson asks dropping his half of the couch inside of our brand-new tiny living room. That's not fair. It's bigger than the apartment when I lived with Marissa. Living here will be like me having my own special mansion. Except this time the rent is higher.I put my end of the couch down and then promptly sit at the end of it. I've done my part of moving. This is why we hired movers. I don't know what it is about men wanting to lift heavy objects. Plus, it's not like there's much furniture to move. The old apartment came furnished. This stuff is new.I look at the wall, which shimmers in the bright light from our large open window in the new living room. "I did. It's Silver Fox.""This color is gray.""No, it's Silver Fox.""It looks gray to me."I shake my head in dismay. "Gray is darker."He nods slowly. "Uh-huh. Whatever you say."Hudson and I have been living together since he made the permanent move t
A few weeks later"Wow, Finn hooked you up." My eyes blink a few times trying to adjust to the overpowering glare of so many television screens in one room.Hudson laughs as he steps behind me. "Ridge taught me you can never have too many cameras.""Well, you definitely put his words into practice." No less than thirty flat screen TVs line a wall in the room Finn and Hudson started calling the war room. I'm pretty sure Finn has a camera everywhere Aspen may go in San Francisco. There is even one in the comic shop. The transition has gone well for the most part. Finn and Aspen had a heated debate over her bodyguard situation.Once Hudson accepted the position, he didn't waste time. It's been less than three weeks and he has a war room set up and is spying on half the residents of the city. My man gets shit done."Are you happy?" I ask turning around so we are face to face.Hudson rolls his eyes and says something silently to the ceiling of the room. He's recently taken up pr
The glass automatic door at the airport entrance slides open and I saunter in with a purpose. No woman has ever been as determined as I am to put a man in his place. Full Marissa style.And then maybe win him back. It depends on his response. I've been through tons of shit the last few weeks. I need someone who can handle me and won't chicken out.Aspen and Finn checked me out of the hospital and then took me back to my apartment making me promise I wouldn't leave when I asked to be alone. My mother even listened when I told her it was a great time to visit my brother in Washington. He'll love it.Besides my shattered heart, I'm medically fine. There's no reason for people to be stuck hovering around me. Hurt or not, I've still peopled too much these last few days, so it wasn't hard to press that I needed quiet time. I promised to head right into bed and sleep for a few more days.But I've broken many promises lately. And kept secrets. I am not the same girl I was last year. An
I hate to be a bad friend — who am I kidding, I'm always the bad friend — but Aspen could not have picked a worse time to make her visit. And I love her. She was here all day yesterday. Getting water, refilling water, fluffing my pillow and accidentally pulling on my IV before doing it again while apologizing for pulling on the IV. Hudson and I haven't had two minutes to ourselves. I tried to fake sleep yesterday afternoon, but then they stood around the bed looking and me and whispering."Do you need your pillow fluffed?" she asks for the thousandth time. It's become her filler question. What she asks me if she doesn't know what else to ask.I shake my head, giving Finn my best "calm her down" look, but he doesn't notice. He's so madly in love with Aspen he thinks everything she does is adorable. "I'm fine, Aspen. Relax."My best friend is definitely more put together than Hudson in the last two days, but not by much. Her hair is flat on one side, a little curly on the other, an
A STEADY STREAM of beeps wakes me up to a stream of light.A hospital. It's the place I've woken up the last two days. I can't complain. It's one hundred times better than a concrete floor in an abandoned factory in Oakland. Even still I fight the panic as my brain comes into consciousness. The hospital therapist says eventually there will come a day when I don't wake up ready to flee, but I'm not sure I believe her.My awake body is heavy and sluggish. Yesterday I spent most the day sleeping as my conscious mind worked around what happened after I was taken from the sidewalk in front of Cosmo's.Hudson was shot. I watched it with my own eyes. What I didn't know at the time was the bullet grazed the side of his body and most of his injury was due to the shock of being shot. Even though my mind didn't want to believe it at the time, he led the charge to rescue me. And yes, he absolutely shot Jimmy in the head — a scene I never ever want to see again, but one that plays on repeat e
Breathe. I hit reality with a start. Tears form as I blink my eyes to open them. My shoulder hurts, a tingling stiff sensation like I slept on it wrong. At one point I must have broken out in a cold sweat and my skin is clammy, moist yet chilled. My knuckle scrapes the hard ground underneath my body as I sit up and the events of what happened flood back. It wasn't a bad dream. I've been taken right from the front of Cosmo's. Kidnapped.They shot Hudson.I have no idea how long I slept or where I am. No longer in the van, the room is dark around me and it takes longer than I want for my eyes to adjust. Of course, there's no positive to be found when they do. Sawdust and dirt smells permeate the air. On the ground there's not only cold hard concrete but sharp pieces of wood. I wipe a few from my pants legs only to have them stick to the skin of my fingers.As I try to stand, there's a clink of metal. I tug my foot to find it doesn't move. My leg is bolted to the ground with thick m
"Are you sure you won't walk in there and start crying?" Hudson asks as we stop in front of Cosmo's Comics and Café.I take a deep breath and check myself before I answer because frankly he's probably right to be worried. It's been two days since we met with Drew at the restaurant in Oakland and I spent most of that night crying. I haven't talked to anyone since then. More than likely they think I've been taking this time to apologize to Hudson. He promises he's forgiven and forgotten and even understands why it took so long.Hudson spent the last few days consoling me as I came to terms with finally admitting what happened that night and saying goodbye to Drew if only in my own mind. He's been perfect. He didn't push or yell at me to do it faster or tell me I was being ridiculous. He listened and held me when I needed him. I couldn't ask for a better man.Hudson is everything I've ever wanted in a guy. Sensitive enough to figure out when I'm hurting, but strong enough to tell me
"That's your answer?" Hudson's eyebrows lift.I hit my knee against his. "Hudson."He sighs in agitation."Well, Drew, the way I look at it Amanda doesn't have much to tell. It sounds to me as if in her story you were a friend who was there to help her out. Who didn't want to get involved in a police investigation. But before I can trust her opinion that you're a nice guy, I need proof."Drew laughs even though it's inappropriate for the time. "I don't think I'm a nice guy, but thanks, Amanda.""Um, you're welcome?""I started working construction jobs part time when Clare and I were in foster care." He stops talking right as the story gets good."But you don't do construction work now, do you?" Hudson asks the exact question I've been thinking.It's like pulling teeth to get facts out of Drew, but what he doesn't understand is Hudson will have no qualms telling Ben if he's not satisfied with his answers."Yes and no. From time to time my boss asks me for extra favors
"Sorry, Dean, I've got to get home. Lots of Christmas prep to do."There's no time to chase another raid with so much work to do for Aspen's Christmas celebration. They overdo it for most holidays, but the big ones are the worst.He nods, accepting the answer. I rarely take him up on offers for more raiding or the hundred times he's asked me out for coffee. "Okay, see you next time." He waves, following a large group of people making their way to cars and bikes before heading toward the wharf.I step onto the sidewalk outside the baseball stadium to look for a cab. The road is eerily quiet since there isn't baseball in December and the people from the raid snatched up the cabs. Even though Grant, Clare's boyfriend would kill me, I scroll through my phone and find the Uber app. If I have to call for a ride anyway, I should at least make it a cheap one. He'd be pissed over how close I am to his neighborhood without someone here with me, but it's too late to worry about that now.