During the rest of the day we shot a lot of scenes, we had a few breaks, but Nate didn't say anything else about what we talked about, or what was causing the fuss. So I thought it best to leave it all alone.
Confused, confused, confused. That word doesn't get out of my head, as soon as the day's recording ends, everyone heads to the parking lot, I say goodbye to everyone, and I stare at Nate who looks at me in a strange way, he seemed to want to tell me something. I turned around and opened the car, and I heard his voice from the other side of the vehicle.
— Will, can you give me a ride? — His request takes me by surprise, but I nod.
Along the way he doesn't say much, he only answers what I ask, and asks me to turn on the stereo. The music that coincidentally plays speaks of someone who is lost in feelings, and doesn't have the courage to admit what he feels.
Try to find yourself before it's too late,
If you think he's the one,
Don't keep this feeling kept just for you,
Maybe you found what you needed so much...
The lyrics make me hum. I stop at the light, and I'm not alone, Nate also sings along with me, I look at him, I smile, and the last part of the chorus makes us uncomfortable , because, we both look at each other, and consequently lower our eyes, she seems very suggestive about what I'm feeling. I no longer have the courage to face him. He doesn't say anything to me either, and just looks out the window. I am extremely grateful when I arrive in front of your building.
— Will, thanks for the ride! — he says and tries to loosen his belt, but there is something wrong with him, he seems to be confused by something so simple. I smile, approach to help him, but Nate looks at me in a scared way, and speaks a little desperate. — No need , I can do it!
— Let me help you… — I say and I take my hand to try to loosen the belt, and that's when our hands touch, I look at him, his face is very close to mine, and I find something I didn't expect, and the intimidating look de Nate is not there.
WillWhat I find when I look at him is nothing but sweetness. I watch her mouth closely and an uncontrollable urge to taste her takes over me. His lips look very kissable to my eyes, extremely inviting. Will, you need to control this insane desire, you are not Wanchai, and he is not Thirasak. I can't, it's stronger than me, I approach him a little, shortening the small distance between us even more, he continues to stare at me as if he's been waiting for me. I bring my face closer to his, and before I take any action, my phone rings.I reach into my pocket for it, and Nate quickly unbuckles the belt. I look at the viewer, “my father”. Before I say a word, he steps forward.—
WillI argued with my sister over her insistence that I'm in denial. I spent the night thinking about what he said, and I came to the conclusion that I was an idiot in the past, and out of fear I didn't experience that "possible relationship" during the end of high school. But and now? How do I feel about my co-star? Is it just enthusiasm? Is it the closeness that makes me think of Nate differently?I don't know what I feel for him, but I know that being by his side makes me very happy. Every time I make him smile, it makes me feel light. Hearing his voice telling funny situations from his life while having dinner is perfect. I observe every detail of her face that makes me enchanted, her eyes are an intense brown, and they look at me with an expression of happiness. He smiles when he hears me say any nonsense, and it infects me, sometim
Will— What? Did you dream about me?— Did I say that? It's not me...— You did, but… — Before I finish my sentence, his phone goes dead, and that unbearable sound echoes in my ear. There's no way Nate could have hung up the phone in my face!I really can't believe he did that. Tried calling back but the phone seems to be off, won't ring. If I was already shaken, I was even more so after his confessions. What does he want? Drive me crazy or something? He said he dreamed of me, and maybe he was embarrassed by what he said, or by the dream?
Will“Mom, I...”My breath quickens, I open my eyes and realize that it was all a dream. I sit up in bed, my breathing still rapid. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. A feeling of frustration washes over me. It's not possible that this was all a dream, it was so real! My fingers touch my lips, I close my eyes and the whole scene plays out in my mind. If I keep having dreams like that, I'll go crazy.I leave the dressing room straight to the recording set. I walk there with great anxiety, we will record the kiss scene, and the kisses we exchanged in this last dream don't leave my head. I arrive on set, and the scene takes place in Wanchai's room, and Nate is sitting on the bed talking
WillThe kiss scene was re-shot four more times, P'Tan looked dissatisfied and wanted multiple angles of the kiss, Nate didn't complain, and I didn't. But the seemingly desperate, wild way it took my mouth ended up leaving marks, my bottom lip bruised and a little swollen. Despite that, I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed the feel of his mouth touching mine, I maintained enormous self-control. Congratulations, Will!I left the set, looking for some ice so it wouldn't swell even more. I walk down the long hallway until I reach the dressing room door. In the corner there is a fridge, I open it and there is no ice, I ask the makeup artists where there is ice, and one of them tells me I should look for the cafeteria, or the production room. I leave the dressing room, and I almost bump into the person who wanted to devour my mouth.
WillThe feeling of emptiness still settled inside me, Nate's words echoing in my mind. "I'm straight, I'm straight!", "I was always sure of that, but now... No, it's wrong!", and it makes me think about so many things, everything I believed before, his speech is the same as mine, it was... I don't believe it anymore. I remember my older sister, Sunee, who once told me how hard it was to accept that she liked girls, how wrong she thought she was, and how liberating it was for her when she was finally able to experience her love.I can't lie, I've lied before when I was interested in a boy in the past, I'm not that 17 year old anymore, four years have passed, I feel a slight reg
WillThe argument with my parents made me more vulnerable. My night was terrible, their words hurt me, I thought about so many things, about my sister Sunee, about my acting career, about the series, about my character, and especially about Nate. I walk slowly, I feel like I'm dragging myself to the dressing room, I think I should have stayed home.— Good morning, girls! I say, the girls smile, and they all answer me, I sit down while one of them takes care of my skin. She looks at me, stops, and speaks.— What 's? You're always smiling, you look downcast!— It's nothing, I'm just a little tired! — As I say this, someone enters the dressing room, greets people, and I
WillAnd I couldn't finda safe havenTell me would you let me cryOn your shoulder?I'm only twenty years old, and all this time I was led to believe that many things were wrong, and I never questioned myself, after all my parents were my guides, and as a good son who obeys everything without question, I always did what they wanted . All this until I understood that something important to me, like acting classes, was something unimportant, and would not bring anything relevant to my life, according to them.I continued with drama classes, and this was the first time I disobeyed, however I let myself be influenced by the
WillHis arms squeeze me even tighter, I wrap mine around his neck, while my tongue meets his. All these days without any contact have made me sad and moody. His hands begin a pleasant play on my back, moving up and down my back, caressing me and making me want to surrender to the moment even more. Our kiss is hungry. I want to devour his mouth, and he wants the same, and his body gently pushes mine somewhere, until I feel the wall behind me. My body is pressed together in a way that I know where we will be in a few minutes, especially if we keep kissing like this, we will both be hard.I stop the kiss, and push him away slightly, because Nate doesn't want to let go. I meet his confused gaze.— What is it, love? Don't you want to?— Of course I want to!— So, what is the problem?— Where will we do it? On the ground?— Of course not!— Another thing, whose house is this? Relax... This room has nothing, but the one next door has a great bed, an amazing bathroom with a tu
WillLyn's screams startle me, I look toward the house, and it is still dark. I hurry my steps and arrive in front of the door. My hand touches the doorknob, I turn it, and it opens. I enter the house. I turn on the flashlight on my cell phone, look around hoping to find a light switch, and to my surprise I find one near the door, I touch it and the light goes on. I call out to my sister, but get no answer from her, my heart squeezes, and a slight chill passes through my stomach. I look around me, at what seems to be a small entrance hall. There is a large staircase with golden handrails, and in front of me a wide, glazed door. I open it, and once again look for a switch. When I finally manage to find it, along with the glow of the lamp comes the surprise, the room appears to be a living room. Its white walls, a large chandelier in the center of the room, but there is not a single piece of furniture in the entire space. I begin to think that my sister might be fooling me, or wors
WillThe days have dragged on, and I still haven't spoken to Nate. Today, Valentine's Day, we could be somewhere enjoying our company, but my boyfriend will be pretending to be a couple with an actress, to promote a series that has no audience. I may be being selfish, I know that, but I would never submit to this for the sake of work, I feel extremely frustrated. My mind feels like it is going to explode from thinking about it all the time. I stare at Lyn, sitting in front of me in the restaurant, she watches me intently, runs her hand under her hair, puts her elbow on the table, does the thinker's position, and speaks.— What did you come here for?— Dinner!— It doesn't look like it, you stare at nothing, and you haven't even touched your plate!— I will eat, don't worry!— Why don't you send him a message? Schedule something after he leaves the live?— No, because there's no way he could see my message, by now the live broadcast has already started, and I don't want to talk to
WillIf there is one thing I understand in our profession, it is the advertising that is done to promote a series, but I don't like this new job of Nate's because of our manager's insistence on something that didn't work out. Sometimes it crosses my mind that somehow he doesn't accept our relationship, and that's why he insists so much that we can't be seen together. I know that all this could be just jealousy on my part, something I try not to develop, especially in relation to work, but lately it has become unavoidable, and I don't like to see my boyfriend with Lily.Hearing him say about faking a dating that doesn't exist makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know what to say, I just watch as he hangs up the phone and looks at me waiting for something.— Did you hear it? — he asks and I just shake my head. I get up, walk to the closet, grab some clothes, put them on, and go back to the bedroom. — Can we talk?— Talk? What for?— Will, do you understand that I can't do a
EpilogueWill— Didn't you do it because you didn't mean it? You don't even watch the Lakorn to support me, you don't comment on your social networks, you're not helping me engage!— Nate, what do you want me to do? The story is bad, it's toxic, nobody wants to watch it, and besides, Lily is not a good actress, and the couple you make in this series is horrible, with no chemistry!— Wow, how supportive my boyfriend is!— It's true, and I told you not to embark on this idea, but you didn't listen and thought it would be a success!— Is it the truth, or are you just dying of jealousy?— Me? Jealous of you? Stop being cocky, Nate!— You are jealous, yes!— I am not jealous, and I warned you about this project, but you insisted because you listened to our manager.— I know, but it would be a great opportunity to be in prime time on broadcast TV, and...— We got more audience when we acted in Fake D8, it was not in prime time, and...— What do you mean, Will?— I mean that w
EpilogueWillI didn't know how to cry, that is, I was raised thinking that I couldn't shed a tear, and that it was synonymous with weakness for a man. However, I created so many uncertainties about my life, and I hid myself inside a tight closet, pretending to be someone I wasn't, to quiet my parents' hearts, and with that I lived stuck without being able to do what I really wanted to do, to be the real Will. The one who wanted to act, dance, cry, and love a man.Almost three years ago I met a guy who helped me to change this story. I confess that it was not easy at all, and in the beginning I thought he was an arrogant, intimidating guy who had an image of a sexy straight boy who is always going out with thousands of girls, at least that's what I believed, however, the sexy straight boy fell in love with the real Will, the one who before couldn't cry. The two started to find out who they really were, what they felt for each other, and this feeling became intense for both of them.
WillNate has been calling me the whole time to see if I was on my way, I'm starting to get nervous. It started when I was at my grandfather's house talking to Sunee and Lyn, and even they were worried. During the ride to his house, and now as I park in the garage of the building, he calls once again to find out where I am. The elevator takes three minutes to get to his floor, but for me it is an eternity.I put in the key, turn the knob, and finally open the door. The room is dark, and I can just make out the light coming from the next room, the dining room. I turn on the light and call for him, who answers me. I walk there, and find a table set for dinner, with Chinese food, my favorite, and Nate sitting waiting for me.— Wow, are we celebrating something?— We are... But first you are going to wash your hands, come on!— Do you have to be rude, you pain in the ass? — I complain in my sly voice. — You like it rough, that I know! — he answers in a ma
WillNate is a box of surprises. After we spent that period apart, he has surprised me a lot, I feel that he is more confident about the emotional problems caused by the negative fame that comes from social networks, and this makes me calm, if he is happy, I am happy. His confidence, and the way he acts has impressed me, and when he brought me to this locker room with the intention of fulfilling a sexual fantasy, it really surprised me, I did not expect such an attitude from him.When I think back to the beginning, the first contacts, the denial on both sides, the first kiss, the flirtatious moments until the proposal, the breaking of sex as a taboo (read on his part), and the long awaited first time. It was a long path, but a very pleasant one, and I would walk it again without a second thought.— What are you going to do to me, Kitten? Or should I call you Daddy? — when I ask, he looks at me with such desire, and my reaction before he says anything is to lightly bite his lower
NateRecording continues, and I confess that it is a little difficult to dissociate fiction from reality. Every scene in which I must show my love, care, and attention is all too real when I view it after the director has finished recording. I'm starting to notice that everyone realizes this, how much this love has connected us in a surreal way, and with every scene we shoot, photos, ads, everything we develop together, this has become clearer, and the fandom of the ship has gone crazy for any of our posts, especially those where we combine phrases, or pretend to be far away, when we are actually next to each other.As I invite him to come to the court with me, to play with my friends, I remember the first time he came, got hurt, and insinuated that we could do something more in the locker room. Unfortunately that was another time, I was just beginning to accept the fact that I was in love and dating a man, and sex was a taboo for me. If his insinuation were made today, I w