Will
— What? Did you dream about me?
— Did I say that? It's not me...
— You did, but… — Before I finish my sentence, his phone goes dead, and that unbearable sound echoes in my ear. There's no way Nate could have hung up the phone in my face!
I really can't believe he did that. Tried calling back but the phone seems to be off, won't ring. If I was already shaken, I was even more so after his confessions. What does he want? Drive me crazy or something? He said he dreamed of me, and maybe he was embarrassed by what he said, or by the dream? This way I can't sleep. Breathe, close your eyes, tomorrow you need to be very relaxed, because the day will be long...
But how was that dream? Was mine done?
Will, you need sleep!
[...]
The shooting day was intense, I couldn't talk to Nate, he seemed to avoid me. When I left the set, my body was just asking for a bed. I went straight to the parking lot. I start the car, but something is wrong, it won't start. Fuck, what's going on? I get out of the car, slam the door, and hear someone speak.
— What happened, Will? — Nate asks and approaches.
— The car won't start, and I'll have to call a taxi, or at worst, call the family driver! — he looks at me without quite understanding the reason for my reaction, and smiles.
— Because of this, you almost break your car door? Why don't you call the tow truck?
— Almost one o'clock in the morning? No, better leave it here, and tomorrow the trailer will come...
— Do you want a ride? — he talks and looks at me shyly, it seems that lately I don't see that intimidating look anymore, what's up with him?
— I want!
— But it's not an imported car!
— Funny... — I grimaced and smiled, he did the same.
As soon as I get in his car I remember that day, he was nervous, and he fumbled with the belt. If my cell phone hasn't rung, would we have kissed? Stop thinking nonsense!
We went along the way talking about the scenes we shot, but there was an awkwardness between us, and suddenly he was silent, and so was I. But I need to lighten this mood.
— Nate...
— What?
— Don't have music? — is always welcome.
— Feel free to put something to play!
I take out my cell phone, and coincidentally the first one that appears in the random one moves me, and just like the lyrics, my heart beats out of control when I look at it.
The car stopped just before the big iron gate.
— It's here? he asks, and I stare at him nodding my head positively. — I've always passed by here, I never imagined it to be a house, because of the high wall and this huge gate, I thought it was a factory!
— No, it's a house! — I say and look at him. — Nate...
— What?
— You said yesterday that you dreamed of me, and...
— Will… I think I said too much, I had been drinking, and…
-— All right! — I put my hand on my belt as he watches me, and his hand quickly touches mine. -— What's it?
— Okay... It's a lie, I didn't drink! I really dreamed about you the day I read some chapters of the novel again to better understand Thirasak's feelings for Wanchai, and the car scene stayed in my mind!
— What car scene?
— The one where their most intense first kiss happens, they kiss in the car, and the descriptions are pretty hot, and I figured it was me… — he looks nervous, and I am even more so, my heart is beating too fast.
— Did you imagine the two of us, and then dream? That's it? — I worked up the courage to ask, but not in the least to look at him.
— Will...
— What? — I ask, and finally look at him.
There's something different about his gaze, I don't know what it is... I just know his eyes are looking at me intensely, but without that intimidating tone, it's something... Ah, what am I doing? I can't look at him, it makes me too vulnerable, and it makes my heart beat too fast. We didn't say anything to each other, we just looked.
Nate bites his lip, leaving me completely lost, then unbuckles his seat belt, slowly advances toward me, I suddenly feel very insecure. He unhooks my belt and leans in even closer, his face just inches from me, he leans in and his lips touch mine slowly. He stops, stares at me, and I have nothing else to do, I close my eyes and surrender to the moment.
The tip of his hot tongue penetrates my mouth. Her lips touch mine with intensity. The tip of his tongue moves maliciously, and it drives me crazy. How well kiss that damn! His tongue plays inside my mouth, he sucks on my bottom lip. Nate, what the fuck are you doing to me? This is too good...
He pulls away from my lips, stares at me with lustful eyes, and tells me in a soft way that's barely audible, and makes me feel so light.
— I've wanted to do this for a while, but I didn't have the courage...
— Me too!
I cup her face, touch her lips hard, and insert my tongue into her mouth. Even if I wanted to stop, my mind no longer obeys any orders. Our kiss becomes intense, I bite his lower lip softly, and again my tongue asks for passage, and his intertwines with mine. I'm too hot, and a hand holds my head, his fingers tug at my hair, and it drives me crazy. Fuck, what is he doing to me?
Reason tells me to stop, but I don't want to. His hand moves down to my abdomen, lifts my shirt, and caresses me. I feel like I need to stop, I start to feel intense heat, I can't breathe properly, my heart is pounding, and my dick seems to give a sign of life. Damn, I'm in front of my house!
We need to stop, he drives me crazy. As we kiss, I feel his hands reach for the zipper of my pants, it makes me even harder. I can't... Someone might surprise us!
— Stop, stop... I'm in front of my house! — as I speak, he looks at me pleadingly.
— I know you want the same thing as me... We can go to my place! — her pleading look continues, and is accompanied by a honeyed voice.
Before I can answer, someone knocks on the car window. We look in the same direction, and there she is, with her accusing gaze. My mom.
Will“Mom, I...”My breath quickens, I open my eyes and realize that it was all a dream. I sit up in bed, my breathing still rapid. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. A feeling of frustration washes over me. It's not possible that this was all a dream, it was so real! My fingers touch my lips, I close my eyes and the whole scene plays out in my mind. If I keep having dreams like that, I'll go crazy.I leave the dressing room straight to the recording set. I walk there with great anxiety, we will record the kiss scene, and the kisses we exchanged in this last dream don't leave my head. I arrive on set, and the scene takes place in Wanchai's room, and Nate is sitting on the bed talking
WillThe kiss scene was re-shot four more times, P'Tan looked dissatisfied and wanted multiple angles of the kiss, Nate didn't complain, and I didn't. But the seemingly desperate, wild way it took my mouth ended up leaving marks, my bottom lip bruised and a little swollen. Despite that, I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed the feel of his mouth touching mine, I maintained enormous self-control. Congratulations, Will!I left the set, looking for some ice so it wouldn't swell even more. I walk down the long hallway until I reach the dressing room door. In the corner there is a fridge, I open it and there is no ice, I ask the makeup artists where there is ice, and one of them tells me I should look for the cafeteria, or the production room. I leave the dressing room, and I almost bump into the person who wanted to devour my mouth.
WillThe feeling of emptiness still settled inside me, Nate's words echoing in my mind. "I'm straight, I'm straight!", "I was always sure of that, but now... No, it's wrong!", and it makes me think about so many things, everything I believed before, his speech is the same as mine, it was... I don't believe it anymore. I remember my older sister, Sunee, who once told me how hard it was to accept that she liked girls, how wrong she thought she was, and how liberating it was for her when she was finally able to experience her love.I can't lie, I've lied before when I was interested in a boy in the past, I'm not that 17 year old anymore, four years have passed, I feel a slight reg
WillThe argument with my parents made me more vulnerable. My night was terrible, their words hurt me, I thought about so many things, about my sister Sunee, about my acting career, about the series, about my character, and especially about Nate. I walk slowly, I feel like I'm dragging myself to the dressing room, I think I should have stayed home.— Good morning, girls! I say, the girls smile, and they all answer me, I sit down while one of them takes care of my skin. She looks at me, stops, and speaks.— What 's? You're always smiling, you look downcast!— It's nothing, I'm just a little tired! — As I say this, someone enters the dressing room, greets people, and I
WillAnd I couldn't finda safe havenTell me would you let me cryOn your shoulder?I'm only twenty years old, and all this time I was led to believe that many things were wrong, and I never questioned myself, after all my parents were my guides, and as a good son who obeys everything without question, I always did what they wanted . All this until I understood that something important to me, like acting classes, was something unimportant, and would not bring anything relevant to my life, according to them.I continued with drama classes, and this was the first time I disobeyed, however I let myself be influenced by the
Will— So I just need to get my camera... Will you wait for me? I shake my head in a positive sign.It doesn't take long for him to return bringing his camera, something I've discovered recently, he loves to photograph, usually very random things. I look at him, he smiles, and puts the object in the backseat, looks at me and we continue our journey into the unknown, at least for me.— What do you intend? Can you tell me where we're going?— You're very impatient, but that's okay! Tell me something, what do you know about Bangkok?— Some temples,
WillIt's so obvious how uncomfortable he is, and the only thing I want to do is tease him even more.— What's the problem? Do you seem uncomfortable with what I said? I ask innocently.— Uncomfortable with what? He responds a little harshly, and doesn't look at me.— Because I said that you think I'm beautiful. I say, smile and he finally looks at me.— And what... What's the problem with finding you beautiful? I don't see any problem with that!— I also
WillMy car was in the parking lot of the Mall which is right in front of Ratchada Rot Fai. So before we went in, I asked him if he wanted to drive, but he just shook his head no. Ever since I teased him about him doing me good, which is still true, Nate hasn't said anything else, and it's been bothering me.— Nate, what's the problem? Did I say something that hurt you? I say and stare at him before starting the car.— It is not alright!— It's not okay, you're quieter than when we first met... I need to know what happened! — although I have a slight suspicion.—
WillHis arms squeeze me even tighter, I wrap mine around his neck, while my tongue meets his. All these days without any contact have made me sad and moody. His hands begin a pleasant play on my back, moving up and down my back, caressing me and making me want to surrender to the moment even more. Our kiss is hungry. I want to devour his mouth, and he wants the same, and his body gently pushes mine somewhere, until I feel the wall behind me. My body is pressed together in a way that I know where we will be in a few minutes, especially if we keep kissing like this, we will both be hard.I stop the kiss, and push him away slightly, because Nate doesn't want to let go. I meet his confused gaze.— What is it, love? Don't you want to?— Of course I want to!— So, what is the problem?— Where will we do it? On the ground?— Of course not!— Another thing, whose house is this? Relax... This room has nothing, but the one next door has a great bed, an amazing bathroom with a tu
WillLyn's screams startle me, I look toward the house, and it is still dark. I hurry my steps and arrive in front of the door. My hand touches the doorknob, I turn it, and it opens. I enter the house. I turn on the flashlight on my cell phone, look around hoping to find a light switch, and to my surprise I find one near the door, I touch it and the light goes on. I call out to my sister, but get no answer from her, my heart squeezes, and a slight chill passes through my stomach. I look around me, at what seems to be a small entrance hall. There is a large staircase with golden handrails, and in front of me a wide, glazed door. I open it, and once again look for a switch. When I finally manage to find it, along with the glow of the lamp comes the surprise, the room appears to be a living room. Its white walls, a large chandelier in the center of the room, but there is not a single piece of furniture in the entire space. I begin to think that my sister might be fooling me, or wors
WillThe days have dragged on, and I still haven't spoken to Nate. Today, Valentine's Day, we could be somewhere enjoying our company, but my boyfriend will be pretending to be a couple with an actress, to promote a series that has no audience. I may be being selfish, I know that, but I would never submit to this for the sake of work, I feel extremely frustrated. My mind feels like it is going to explode from thinking about it all the time. I stare at Lyn, sitting in front of me in the restaurant, she watches me intently, runs her hand under her hair, puts her elbow on the table, does the thinker's position, and speaks.— What did you come here for?— Dinner!— It doesn't look like it, you stare at nothing, and you haven't even touched your plate!— I will eat, don't worry!— Why don't you send him a message? Schedule something after he leaves the live?— No, because there's no way he could see my message, by now the live broadcast has already started, and I don't want to talk to
WillIf there is one thing I understand in our profession, it is the advertising that is done to promote a series, but I don't like this new job of Nate's because of our manager's insistence on something that didn't work out. Sometimes it crosses my mind that somehow he doesn't accept our relationship, and that's why he insists so much that we can't be seen together. I know that all this could be just jealousy on my part, something I try not to develop, especially in relation to work, but lately it has become unavoidable, and I don't like to see my boyfriend with Lily.Hearing him say about faking a dating that doesn't exist makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know what to say, I just watch as he hangs up the phone and looks at me waiting for something.— Did you hear it? — he asks and I just shake my head. I get up, walk to the closet, grab some clothes, put them on, and go back to the bedroom. — Can we talk?— Talk? What for?— Will, do you understand that I can't do a
EpilogueWill— Didn't you do it because you didn't mean it? You don't even watch the Lakorn to support me, you don't comment on your social networks, you're not helping me engage!— Nate, what do you want me to do? The story is bad, it's toxic, nobody wants to watch it, and besides, Lily is not a good actress, and the couple you make in this series is horrible, with no chemistry!— Wow, how supportive my boyfriend is!— It's true, and I told you not to embark on this idea, but you didn't listen and thought it would be a success!— Is it the truth, or are you just dying of jealousy?— Me? Jealous of you? Stop being cocky, Nate!— You are jealous, yes!— I am not jealous, and I warned you about this project, but you insisted because you listened to our manager.— I know, but it would be a great opportunity to be in prime time on broadcast TV, and...— We got more audience when we acted in Fake D8, it was not in prime time, and...— What do you mean, Will?— I mean that w
EpilogueWillI didn't know how to cry, that is, I was raised thinking that I couldn't shed a tear, and that it was synonymous with weakness for a man. However, I created so many uncertainties about my life, and I hid myself inside a tight closet, pretending to be someone I wasn't, to quiet my parents' hearts, and with that I lived stuck without being able to do what I really wanted to do, to be the real Will. The one who wanted to act, dance, cry, and love a man.Almost three years ago I met a guy who helped me to change this story. I confess that it was not easy at all, and in the beginning I thought he was an arrogant, intimidating guy who had an image of a sexy straight boy who is always going out with thousands of girls, at least that's what I believed, however, the sexy straight boy fell in love with the real Will, the one who before couldn't cry. The two started to find out who they really were, what they felt for each other, and this feeling became intense for both of them.
WillNate has been calling me the whole time to see if I was on my way, I'm starting to get nervous. It started when I was at my grandfather's house talking to Sunee and Lyn, and even they were worried. During the ride to his house, and now as I park in the garage of the building, he calls once again to find out where I am. The elevator takes three minutes to get to his floor, but for me it is an eternity.I put in the key, turn the knob, and finally open the door. The room is dark, and I can just make out the light coming from the next room, the dining room. I turn on the light and call for him, who answers me. I walk there, and find a table set for dinner, with Chinese food, my favorite, and Nate sitting waiting for me.— Wow, are we celebrating something?— We are... But first you are going to wash your hands, come on!— Do you have to be rude, you pain in the ass? — I complain in my sly voice. — You like it rough, that I know! — he answers in a ma
WillNate is a box of surprises. After we spent that period apart, he has surprised me a lot, I feel that he is more confident about the emotional problems caused by the negative fame that comes from social networks, and this makes me calm, if he is happy, I am happy. His confidence, and the way he acts has impressed me, and when he brought me to this locker room with the intention of fulfilling a sexual fantasy, it really surprised me, I did not expect such an attitude from him.When I think back to the beginning, the first contacts, the denial on both sides, the first kiss, the flirtatious moments until the proposal, the breaking of sex as a taboo (read on his part), and the long awaited first time. It was a long path, but a very pleasant one, and I would walk it again without a second thought.— What are you going to do to me, Kitten? Or should I call you Daddy? — when I ask, he looks at me with such desire, and my reaction before he says anything is to lightly bite his lower
NateRecording continues, and I confess that it is a little difficult to dissociate fiction from reality. Every scene in which I must show my love, care, and attention is all too real when I view it after the director has finished recording. I'm starting to notice that everyone realizes this, how much this love has connected us in a surreal way, and with every scene we shoot, photos, ads, everything we develop together, this has become clearer, and the fandom of the ship has gone crazy for any of our posts, especially those where we combine phrases, or pretend to be far away, when we are actually next to each other.As I invite him to come to the court with me, to play with my friends, I remember the first time he came, got hurt, and insinuated that we could do something more in the locker room. Unfortunately that was another time, I was just beginning to accept the fact that I was in love and dating a man, and sex was a taboo for me. If his insinuation were made today, I w