THREE

Blue-grey, almost white cold eyes looking at me. With a belt curled around his hand, about to strike. My scared eyes looking at him begging to forgive me for the last time. I've learnt my lesson from him. And today, I have sworn that I will do anything he wants me to. I have already understood loud and clear that this is how my life is from now on. And I have no way other than to live like he wants me to.

I already knew the belt wasn't meant to hit me. I know it will not touch me. But still it scared me. You can never be sure about his next move. Maybe all these time they were just warning me and maybe this time, it will strike me.

I don't know why everything turned out like this. Sure I wasn't the best kind of daughter my parents might have wanted but I can assure you I wasn't the worst out there either. I was the simple and normal kind of daughter. I someday threw a little tantrum or maybe fought because I wanted to go out with my friends. But never have I ever done anything that could disappoint my parents. I was nothing out of ordinary but if they couldn't handle that much, I wonder what kind of people they really are. I mean my brothers, they are far worse than but they were never forced to do anything like me.

Why does it have to be me all the time? I just can't understand one shit. Like all my life it's always been about sacrifices but never have I ever got something in return. I've always been patient then why just why! Just because my parents said, I never dated any guy. I have rejected so many guys just because I respected my parents' discussion. I thought when the time comes, I would get to choose my own life partner. If I knew this would be the future, I rather have disobeyed them than to end up this way. 

I love my parents so much but why couldn't they understand I did not wish to marry him. This monster who's standing right in front of me. They said this is for the best but what is best!? That I am getting beaten up? That I'm getting mistreated? That my every right as a human is getting taken away!? Is this what is best for me? Do I not even have any right to talk about my opinion now? I am a human too. I have rights too. And currently I'm thinking that maybe I don't. Maybe I was destined to be this way. Maybe this is how my life was supposed to be.

I didn't think my life would be a fairytale, no. But it didn't have to be this, a nightmare! And at this moment, the cause of this nightmare is standing in front of me. He looks very angry. His eyes are unrecognisable. And I guess this is it for me. But still, I tried one last time for the sake of my own. At least I can tell myself that I fought and I tried. Yes I will be caged from now but I did what I could do. 

"Damon-"

"Shut. The. FUCK. UP!" 

"Please do-"

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID, HUH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and that was enough for me to shut it. And oh boy, I know I'm doomed.

"You like to disobey me, huh? You like to do what I told you not to do? Now you will know what the consequences are when you disobey me. I have been too soft with you. And now it's my responsibility to make you learn." He walked closer to me while I crawled backwards. Please don't let there be any walls, please don't- 

My back hit the wall and I knew it was over for me. Damon smirked and said "Well well well, where are we going now."

At that, I started crying out loud. I'm not ready to take the hits, I'm not ready to be beaten up yet. Please let it be a nightmare. Please wake up, please.

I kept my eyes closed and cried. But the strike never came. I peeked my eyes open a little and saw Damon smirking down at me. I opened my fearful eyes fully and looked at him.

"Look at you, all scared to take responsibility for what you did. Answer me sweets, if you are this scared to face the consequences, why do you do stupid stuff to start with?" He asked me.

"I am s-sor-"

"No, I don't want your apology. You answer me. Why do you not listen and later, you beg to be forgiven? Why do you never listen, Kandy? Why the fuck did you try to run away again!?" He asked again and said the last part with so much venom.

Yes, I'm foolish. I tried to run away for the second time, hoping to finally succeed this time. But no, I got caught again.

This morning at around 4am, I packed our bags and wanted to run away with my kids. But before I could even cross the city, Damon caught me. I don't know how he even got to know because I did every part of the plot flawlessly. But still, he caught me. I regret life a lot. But at these times, I wish I was never born.

My life is full of misery. Someone might misunderstand me as an overdramatic person and I am pretty sure more than half of the people I know think that but really, if they were in my place, they would understand. And I don’t ever wish this upon my worst enemy either. There is no physical abuse, no. But the mental torture I go through everyday is in another level. The constant fear of your loved ones being in danger because of you. The fear of messing up, the fear of your loved ones being in danger because I messed up. It’s all too much. I am a human too.

“Kandy, oh Kandy. When are you going to learn, my love? After I kill your shit of a best friend or after I ruin the hard work of your father? Tell sweets. FREAKING TELL ME!”

“I- I am- s-s-so-sorry. This is the last t-time I will do this. Please, let them go. This is the last time I promise.”

“You promise? Do you really think I’m that much of a fool to believe in your lie again? Do you really think your promise will be accepted just because you said so again for the hundredth time you broke the before once? Really Kandy?” he paused for a second.

“Okay, I accept your promise.” I knew there was a but coming.

“But tell me, what your punishment might be if you end up breaking your promise?”

I knew that the 'but' was coming but I wasn’t expecting this. He is always the most unexpected. Like the unexpected way he walked into my life. And the unexpected ways control me with. Maybe not that unexpected the way he treats me. But I didn't expect him to abuse me this way.