26I rampaged through the glove compartment in my car after I had driven far enough from Evan's house. I furiously was scrambling through the compartment box with tears rushing down my face, until I felt the familiar plastic tube I was looking for.I pulled out the vile that was filled with codeine pills that I had for a while now and had forgotten about until now. I hadn't used since that one day Bea and I got into a fight in the middle of the hallway.The vile practically slipped out of my hands as I tried to twist the lid off and pour some pills in my hands.I shut my eyes for a moment and exhaled slowly, trying to get my heart rate to settle down.All I wanted in this moment was that familiar buzz that got my head spinning and made my whole body feel relaxed. I was craving that high more than I ever had before.I sucked at coping with anything. I was so used to resorting to these pills to cope with anything that put me in a bad or upset mood so I had nothing else to do to help me
27I craned my neck to the side as my eyes remained shut. Instantly, pain shot through my whole skull.I winced as I blinked my eyes a few times to adjust to the bright lighting. It took me a second until I opened my eyes."Oh God," my dad rushed over to me, placing a hand on my head and running his fingers through my hair. His eyes were pooled up with tears. "Thank God. You're awake, kiddo. You're okay. You're going to be fine."It was painful to swallow because my throat was ridiculously dry. I had no idea what was going on. Why am I in a hospital?"Wha-" I could barley speak."Hold on," my dad grabbed a water cup from the table on the side of the hospital bed and put the straw in my mouth. I took a large sip of the water, the cool and wetness hitting my throat and making me feel just a bit better."What is going on?" I choked out, my voice not much above a whisper. I was still squinting because of how bright the white hospital lights were.My dad gave me a sad smile, "You got into
28Zac"She really thinks she can break up with me? I'm the one who should have dumped her.""Whatever man, she's a whore anyways. It's her loss."Did I just hear that right?"Fuck did you say?" I spun around, glaring at Lucas who was standing with Evan and Jack. I didn't hesitant before pushing Lucas against the lockers and clutching the collar of his shirt between my fist. "Say that again, I dare you."Lucas smirked, "You're little girlfriend Jazzy Snazzy is a slut."A grin grew on my lips. "Thank you for giving me a reason to do this." I raised my fist and punched the bitch in the face at least three times before I was yanked off him and pulled back. I turned around to see John looking at me with wide eyes."Dude! Are you trying to get suspended again!?"I shook his off me, fuming. "I don't care."Lucas spit out some blood on the floor before he flipped me off and walked away."What?" I snapped at Jack who was staring at me. "You want to go too?"Jack simply shook his head and glan
29A knock on my room door interrupted my reading. I was reading 'Bloom', the book Zac had given me. He was right when he said I would like it. It was heartwarming and made me smile as I thought about my mom.Speak of the devil.Zac walked in, staring down at his shoes as he walked over to me.My eyebrows pulled together as I instantly noticed his knuckles that were cut up and bruised.I blinked, sitting up straighter. "Zac... what happened? What's wrong?"He didn't look at me as he sat down in front of me. "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was soft, in a whisper and sounding hurt.I blinked."Tell you what?" I had no idea what he was talking about.He sighed, finally looking at me. His eyes were swimming in sadness and hurt. "About what Evan did."My heart stopped for a second. My mouth went agape because this was not anything I was expecting to hear. How the hell did Zac find out Evan hit me?I didn't have to think twice to know that Zac's knuckles were cut up because he screwed E
30ZacA month later, Jasmine was out of her casts and back at school.The whole past month, everyone was usually hanging out at her house since it was hard for her to go out in the casts. Despite her condition and all the healing she needed to do, she still would tutor me. I kept telling her it wasn't necessary since she does have a concussion but she wouldn't take no for an answer, saying I would get kicked off the team if I started doing badly again.We had been hanging out a lot despite the fact that she was basically on house arrest.I'd go over and bring her food even though she would always tell me I didn't have to do that. Really, I just wanted to see her.We'd usually spend all night watching movies or laughing at stupid twitter videos or just talking about anything really.God, I could no longer picture my life without her in it.She had been back at school and here I was already wishing she was still at home - secured from the world.Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm tr
31Sometimes I really really hated Zac.Every single time I thought I knew him, I would find out that I really did not understand him at all.He would always push me away and put me out whenever he felt like it. It was annoying and pissed me off and hurt me at the same time. I wasn't stupid, I knew I could just walk away from all of it and stop letting him come and go whenever he wanted, stop letting him hurt me, stop letting him be moody and kill my vibe all the time, but I couldn't do that. I much rather deal with his mood swings and going back and fourth to me than not ever speak to him again.I wish he would just talk to me and tell me how he's feeling and what he's thinking instead of pushing me out of his life every time something was bothering him.Things would be so much easier with better communication."Can you get off your ass and come to the movies with us?" Bea crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a tired look as she watched me lie in my bed with a glum expression
32It had been two weeks.Two bloody brutal weeks since Zac had spoken to me, little less even looked at me.I had no idea what the hell was going on with him or why he was acting this way. Here I was getting ready to confess my love to him and now, he won't even glance my way. He doesn't sit with us at lunch anymore so neither does John, Shane still does though.John will talk to us if he sees us but aside from that, he hasn't said much and I haven't had a chance to ask him what is going on since he's always with Zac.Shane keeps shrugging or dodging the questions whenever I ask him why Zac is being so cold and distant towards me, as if he literally does not know who I am. Here I was thinking that Zac and I were on really good terms, aside from the stupid scene that took place in the parking lot two weeks ago.I couldn't come up with a single reason that would justify why he's being so hostile towards me and it was starting to hurt more than anything. At first I was getting annoyed,
33I was standing at my locker, the door door open as I stared down at the vile in my hands.I hd been in this spot so many times and I always stopped myself from making the stupid pills I had grown dependant on but right now, nothing was stopping me.Any other time, I would keep remembering how Zac stopped smoking for me, because he knew I didn't like it but seeing him walk away from me like that yesterday and go back to the cigarettes so easily made me realize I had nothing stopping me either.Maybe I had reasons to not take the pills but if I ignored those reasons, I could convince myself it was okay and deal with the consequences later."Don't do it."I shoved the vile away before glancing over to see John frowning at me.I stared at him blankly, feeling empty and numb at this point.Was I overreacting or was it okay to be this way when I just love the guy I'm in love with without even knowing why I lost him?"What do you want? Shouldn't you be guarding Zac or something?"John sig