Chapter 10 - Austin

I don’t know why I expect discretion for Suzanne Walterson. I have never known her to bite her tongue or hold back on anything. I really shouldn’t be surprised. 

As much as I dread having the conversation I know is coming, I’m glad to at least be alone with her. No one to overhear us. No one to watch us. And no one to interrupt us.  

We probably need to discuss a lot, not just my past relationship with Denise. Like how she seemed hesitant and quickly retreated before I could kiss her earlier.  

I mean, I’m not looking to pressure her or anything. She’d probably knock me into next week. But still, I’m not so oblivious to have missed the look in her eyes. She anticipated the kiss, but suddenly she moved away and insisted we leave.  

“Is it so surprising that I can do nice things?” I arched my eyebrow as we left the training center. 

“Yeah. I mean, have you met yourself?” Suzie shook her head. 

“Okay, fair, I guess. But that’s you judging me on how I used to be. I’m not that guy anymore.” I sighed. 

She sighed too. “I know. At least from what I could tell during my physical therapy sessions. But well, what happened?” She questioned. “I mean, did you do a one-eighty because of your leg?” 

“I guess. I mean, it’s part of it. It made me rethink my life. My plans were thrown out the window, and I had to reevaluate everything.” I shrugged. 

“Which takes a lot of courage and determination. Few people ever truly change themselves, let alone for the better. No offense but Clement was a grade-A dickbag.” Suzie didn’t hold back in her assessment. 

“None taken.” I frowned. “Clement was a dick. He was an asshole who defined himself and others through the lens of his bigot grandfather’s view.”  

My grip tightened slightly on the steering wheel just talking about my grandfather. I spent the first eighteen years of my life seeing things in his way of letting him define me.

“Dillon? I can’t say I know much about him. My parents don’t associate with your grandfather. But how does he factor into things?” She questioned. 

Of course, she doesn’t. My grandfather wouldn’t want to be associated with ‘farmers.’ 

He doesn’t see it as a proper profession, just people playing in the dirt. Honestly, I don’t want her ever to meet my grandfather. 

“It’s complicated and a long story.” I frowned. 

“Well, I’m listening. If this will work, Austin, I need to know more about you. To understand you both for how you were, how you are now, and why the change happened.” Suzie encouraged, playing her hand on my leg briefly. 

I sighed. I don’t like talking about it. Mostly I don’t like talking about him.  

‘Our mate has a right to know these things. You can’t just pretend your past didn’t exist.’ Jax sagely advised. 

“You know my mom died, right?” I decided to start at the beginning. 

“Um. Yes. You were little, right? It was before I was born.” Suzie nodded. 

“Yeah. There was a rogue attack when I was six. I don’t remember a lot about her. I can count on one hand the things I remember about her.” I frowned, sighing as the thought of the mother I could barely remember squeezed at my heart. 

“Her eyes were bluer than a clear summer sky. Her soft laugh reminded me of what I thought fairies would sound like. She smelled like old books, like when you go to the pack library and end up in the section of the older books.” I tried to describe it. 

“So leather, musk, vanilla, old wood, and antique paper?” Suzie questioned, managing to hit the nail on the head. 

“Yes. Exactly. It makes sense as my mom was a librarian in the pack. And well, the only other thing I remember about her… my last memory of her was shoving me into the bunker, tears in her eyes as the rogue’s fist came through her chest. Her last act was slamming the bunker door to engage the locks.” I let out a shaky breath. 

I don’t like to remember that moment. But it’s the only clear memory of my mom’s face I have. Anything else is just a construct from looking at her picture rather than an actual memory. 

“Austin… I… I don’t even know what to say. That’s a lot for anyone to go through, least of all at such a young age. I can’t even imagine my life without my mom.” Suzie frowned, speaking softly with her hand on my leg again in gentle reassurance. 

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I.. thanks. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did. Least of all you. I’m glad you have Edith and Maxton. That you got to grow up in a stable, happy home.” 

“How… I mean, how did Hale survive that? Losing Lexia nearly killed Stephen, and they hadn’t even mated. But your dad… he survived losing her.” Suzie questioned. 

“He lost more than a mate that day. His wolf took all the pain. Dad never talks about it. But grandma told me that dad’s wolf Jason was powerful. The strongest wolf born in the Shelton line. And that he took all the heartbreak on himself so that dad would survive to raise me.” I frowned. 

“Wait… you mean… your dad… he doesn’t have his wolf?” Suzie blinked. 

I nodded. “There’s a reason my dad is never at the pack runs and doesn’t do any pack activities that involve a wolf. Jason died, leaving my dad hollow. No wolf and no mate.” I explained. 

“Oh wow. Your poor father. Stephen was lucky that Conway came back after a year of being weak, and until he mated with Amelia, they were only at half their usual strength.” Suzie frowned.  

“Yeah. My dad was not really in a mental space to raise me, let alone look at me for a while. I may look like him, but I guess some things about me reminded him of her. And let’s not forget she died because she protected me instead of herself.” I frowned. 

“Did… or does your dad resent you? Blame you?” Suzie probed. 

“No… at least, I don’t think so. Maybe at first. I went to live with my grandparents for a while. Eventually, coming home, but my grandparents were always there too. They were the ones raising me more than dad. And that’s the problem.” I shrugged. 

“So that’s how your grandfather factors in. As I said, I don’t know much about him. Is he that bad?” she cocked her head. 

“Oh yeah. If there is a backward asshole way of looking at things, it’s something my grandfather prescribes to. But because he was around more, I emulated his behavior.” I sighed. 

“Ahh. So that’s why Clement was a major dickhead.” Suzie nodded. 

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. Leave it to Suzie to lighten the mood. 

“ Yeah, and it took losing my leg to realize it. I came back from Incubi without my leg and the words of Alpha André in my head on repeat.” I sighed. 

“What did André say to you?” Suzie’s head cocked, long ponytail falling over her shoulder, putting her neck on full display.

I felt Jax taking notice of her neck, the spot where my mark would go in particular. I had to yank him back not to make this some weird thing.  

“He told me the Goddess guides us on our paths. But we all have to put in the work to find our destinies. He also said I shouldn’t see this as the end of everything but a chance to see who I am.” I shrugged. 

“Wow. That’s… super profound for André. Are you sure it wasn’t something Darren said?” She snickered, raising an eyebrow.  

I sighed, shaking my head. “Yeah, I know it does sound more like something the stern Delaney brother would say. But no. It was Alpha André’s words. I had been a real shithead to him, and he still took the time to drop some unexpected wisdom on me.” 

“Okay, so André’s words of wisdom sunk in, and you decided to be reborn as Austin?” She questioned. 

“Something like that. Sitting in that hospital bed facing what my life will be like. I had my family around me, and I looked at them.” I frowned. 

I clenched my jaw thinking about it. “My grandma was, of course, worried and looking to fuss over me, but my grandfather sternly told her not to, and I noticed the tone he used and, worse, how she reacted. How she retreated into herself and looked so… beaten down.” 

“And when I looked at my dad, I saw it too. I saw the same defeated, broken expression as grandma. The whole interaction made it clear like my time away shattered the rose-colored glasses. I could see my grandfather for what he is. A bully. He bullied his son and his mate.” My knuckles were turning white, clutching the steering wheel. 

“Austin… if you grip the wheel any tighter, you’re going to break it. And that will not go well. But I get it. Your grandfather sounds like an asshole. But you woke up. You realized he was toxic and how much you were becoming like him.” Suzie sighed, squeezing my leg gently. 

I let out a slow breath, loosening my grip again. “You’re right. And well, that moment was when I decided I couldn’t be like that anymore.” 

“After I got out of the hospital, I started trying to change. To make that conscious effort. I spent more time with dad. And working with Grant, he’s my boss now, but he was my physical therapist back then, helped too.” I shrugged. 

“Is that why you got into physical therapy? Your time going through it?” She asked. 

“Basically.” I nodded. “I saw firsthand how Grant and the others helped people through one of the hardest parts of their lives.” 

“And I also realized that our pack didn’t have a physical therapist. Sure it’s not often someone loses a limb like me or needs physical therapy after an accident or fight since our wolves heal so fast.” I shrugged. 

“And unshifted wolves like I was can still get hurt and need to see a physical therapist like you. If not for you, I don’t know what would have happened. And I don’t just mean you saving me and the others. But helping me with the physical therapy to walk without the limp or pain.” Suzie sighed.