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Chapter 41
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Cassandra
"I almost relapsed yesterday," I admit. Although honest, the words practically burn my throat as I say them.
"Okay, let us focus on that. The keyword is almost. What made you stop yourself from making yourself vomit?" Loraine asks me.I have been seeing my therapist Loraine for a little over a year now. Ever since the night of my father and sister's intervention for me, I have ceased to make myself throw up again. Every Friday afternoon is Loraine's time under the deal I made with my dad.I haven't missed one appointment."To be honest, I am not sure. My mind was kind of everywhere. I just remember sitting there watching a movie after dinner and I felt bloated. The movie I was watching was about a girl that goes to prom and the guy she had a crush on finally sees how beautiful she is."I sigh as I fidget in my primitive outfit. The leather chair squeaks just sligRelated chapters
Blinded By The Past Chapter 42
CrayvinGorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful, elegant.These are some of the words that swarm through me the second she walks out of the room in that black dress. Yet, all that I could manage to say to her was that she looked great too; and even with that, I struggled. The air has been knocked out of me, not allowing me to speak. That has never happened to me before.Cassandra is a damn knockout.I wonder if it is just my man brain fucking with me. I am not used to being just friends with a woman. If they were my friends, then that title usually included with benefits. I also haven't been with anyone since Patricia, so maybe I'm just horny.When we arrived at the Japanese restaurant for dinner, we are escorted by the hostess to a separate room behind red curtains. Tarra had made reservations for Cassandra's birthday so we have a secluded teppan grill.Tarra and Miles sit down first, and before Cassandra could take a seat I pull ou
Blinded By The Past Chapter 43
Cassandra"What's up, Sissy? Why have you been so quiet today?" Tarra asks as she takes a seat next to me in the open bow part of the boat.Miles and Crayvin continue to talk as Miles drives the boat on the open lake. The weather is hot as usual, but my hair feels amazing as it flies back in the wind, whipping my thoughts around and around. I didn't realize I was being so quiet as my sister claims. I managed to jump out of the boat today and into the lake a few times. This meant I removed my bikini cover, something that I did not do yesterday.But, now that she points it out, I guess I really haven't said much today.How could I, though?All that has been on my mind since the moment Crayvin admitted it, is that at one point in my life, Crayvin Smith thought I was cute.Me... Cassandra Juliet Porsse. And at the time he liked me, I was fat.What he told me is a large pill to swallow, and I can't quite wrap my head aro
Blinded By The Past Chapter 44
CassandraWhen I woke up this morning, I wasn't in my comfortable bed. I was on a couch, and not in my hotel room. Sitting up, I lean back and groan, pressing my hand to the side of my banging head.Seriously, it is as if someone is up there playing the drums.I look down and notice I am still wearing my clothes from last night. To my relief, my sister walks out of the hotel bedroom, ridding any worries I had that I may have been in a stranger's room."Tarra?" My voice is as dry as the desert."Good morning, sunshine. We are packing up and getting ready to go in about thirty minutes."I rise from the couch slowly, feeling nauseous beyond comprehension. "What happened last night? Why did I sleep in here?""You got drunk and said you didn't want to go up to motorboat dude's room, and Crayvin left early with your key card, so Miles and I just took you back here," she explains.I remember Crayvin leaving, but the d
Blinded By The Past Chapter 45
CassandraWe loaded all of our stuff in Miles' truck and began driving. Since no one was all that hungry, we decided to just stop at a local coffee joint, and the guys went in to get the drinks. Keeping the tinted windows up and my shades on, trying anything and everything to keep this sun out of my face, I lie down and take my phone out of my pocket. It was dead all morning, so when I turn the power on, my heart twists in my chest as soon as I read a text from Crayvin.Crayvin: Cassandra we can't. No matter how much I may or may not want to. You are drunk and don't mean what you are saying. I am getting dropped off at the hotel now, please be careful.I shoot straight up and frantically begin scanning all the messages. My heart pounds rapidly against my ribcage as I read all of my drunken words that I said to him. Once I find my solicitation to him, I toss my phone to the floor of the truck and arch my head b
Blinded By The Past Chapter 46
CrayvinAs Cassandra stands by the front door waiting for me, Tarra hops out of Miles' truck to approach me. With a pointed look, her eyes serious, she says, "I don't know what is going on with you and my sister, but I do know how you were looking at her this weekend. She had the chance to sleep with a good looking man and get over your douche of a friend, but she didn't. In fact, she looked happier hanging out with you. You brought a smile to her face that I hadn't seen in a very long time, and for that I am grateful. However, I also saw how that smile vanished when she told me you slept with your Uber driver."She looks towards Cassandra and back to me again, sighing.Her tone lowers significantly when she says, "Whether you admit it to me or not, I know you have feelings for her, Crayvin. That is as obvious as the sunburn I received this weekend. But, if you hurt her again, I will castrate you. I am a nurse after all, so I am pretty good with med
Blinded By The Past Chapter 47
CrayvinHer eyes gloss over as she studies me, her arms dropping to her sides. "And why is that?"Slowly, I lift my head and lock eyes with her. "Why do you think?"She blinks at me, clearly stunned by my answer.Or disgusted, I can't tell."Crayvin," she says in a soft, quiet tone. She then repeats my words after I left the bar, "We can't."I scoot closer and cup her face between my palms, and our foreheads touch. Her breathing matches mine; hot and rough."I know we can't, but that doesn't change what I want. What I am feeling."She gulps. "And what are you feeling?"On impulse, I move my mouth to hers and kiss her, sending my heated breaths into her mouth, answering her question without actually having to say any words. I have never been too good at expressing my feelings verbally.As our lips touch, everything around me becomes hazy. I didn't realize how much I wanted to kiss her until our lips me
Blinded By The Past Chapter 48
CassandraI kissed Crayvin. Crayvin Smith kissed me.Holy. Mother. Fucking. Shit.If this would have happened seven years ago, my little heart would have burst right out of my chest. Heck, even now -seven years later- it affected me more than I care to admit. My brain couldn't think coherently with his lips on mine. His tantalizing assault was too darn distracting. The heat had risen from my toes to my chest, my cheeks too. When Tarra and Miles had come back to pick me up, I took one glance in the mirror and saw how flushed and disheveled I looked.Tarra didn't appear as surprised as I had thought she would be when I had told her exactly what happened. She did insist on hearing every little fragment of detail though, worrying to the degree he did something that was sure to cost him his balls. Secretly, I think she was hoping she was going to be able to do a jock punch on him. Ever since she watched What Happens in Vegas, she has been waiting fo
Blinded By The Past Chapter 49
CassandraBased on the near pastel white color of Crayvin's face, I assume that his blood flow has stopped."I didn't know you would be back so soon," he says to Drew in a voice that sounds feeble and on edge."Well, if you had answered your phone this weekend you would have known," Drew replies, crossing his arms over his chest. He faces me and grins like a Cheshire cat. "It's good to see you, Cassandra."He looks me up and down, taking my appearance in before looking back to Crayvin, and my arms turn into gooseflesh. My heart beats a mile a minute and my mouth parts in shock. "I will catch up with you later. We need to talk," he says. With that, Crayvin nods and Drew walks away.Was I that transparent? Could he have seen right through me, to the truth? That I had been in fact kissing his best friend?And gosh, that kiss.That kiss has my mind whirling with all sorts of thoughts and possibilities. From my periphera
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Blinded By The Past Chapter 75
CassandraThe last time I sat in a therapist's lobby for the first time, I was full of disbelief, destruction, doubt, and anger. My father brought me to Dr. Loraine, so I felt forced, trapped almost. Now, I see how therapy truly works if you open yourself up to it.One year since my last therapy session with Loraine, I sit in another therapist's lobby office. While again I am here not out of personal choice, my perspective is to just finish this so that I can go back on duty."Cassandra Porsse?" I rise from the chair I had been sitting in for almost twenty minutes when a tall woman calls me."That's me," I admit nervously.With a small, genuine smile, the woman tucks a piece of her toffee blonde hair that fell from her messy bun behind her ear and extends her hand. Her clothes are sleek and professional. A huge contrast to the colorful Lorraine, she wears a black conservative two-piece suit. The skirt is knee-
Blinded By The Past Chapter 74
CassandraFat ass. Short ass. Miss Piggy. Ugly piece of lard. Fat piece of shit. Oompa Loompa.These are only some of the names my peers would call me at school. Though now homeschooled, even the distance from my tormentors wasn't enough to ease all of the damage. While leaving was some relief, the memory of how I was treated also left with me like mental scars.I hate that place. I hated it so much that I nearly made Tarra late every morning as I dragged my feet every step. Up to the point before I left, I'm surprised she didn't place Dad's cuffs around my wrists to force my ass there. But she knows why I hate it. The constant bullying, the ear-deafening cackles, skinny bitches, and asshole guys are everyday torture that I succumbed to.My weakness, my attachment to the hateful comments and treatment, is what brought me here, to Loraine's office. Last night, Tarra and Dad dropped the bomb on me tha
Blinded By The Past Chapter 73
CassandraI remember when my Dad would watch UFC fights and the loud sound of fists hitting faces and crunching bones would make me cringe.None of those fights compared to the sound Tarra made when her palm connected with Drew's cheek. The echo practically radiates through our apartment and I am eternally grateful it didn't cause Crayvin -who is still tending to the burning sauce- to come running out.Tarra's fiery gaze was enough to make me want to bunker down and cower, and I wasn't even the one on the receiving end of that glare."In case that slap across your face didn't knock some sense into your dense, Marshmallow ass, I'll repeat myself. What the fuck do you want?" Tarra spits.Drew releases a tear as he brings the palm of his hand over his now reddened cheek.Pretty sure the tear isn't from the slap though."I deserved that but look, I don't want to fight. I was hoping to have a word with Cassandra," he says and th
Blinded By The Past Chapter 72
CassandraDeath is on its own clock and I could have sworn I heard the ticking stop when the bullet struck me. I will not forget the feeling of leaving everything and everyone I love. Scared shitless, I remember frantically pulling at the hem of Crayvin's shirt as I continued to bleed out, begging for him to save me. The look he gave me still shatters me to my very core, the look that reminds me of how my near-death experience nearly broke the man that I love.Though, if given the chance to save his life, I would do it all over again.When my sister rushes to the hospital, a strong sense of guilt hits me like a tidal wave when she smacks my arm after smothering me in hugs and tears. "You sissy swore we would always be there for one another. How the fuck did you expect to stand by that promise by jumping in front of a bullet? Never. Never do that to me again, Cassandra Juliet Porsse," she demands.Tarra is eerily quiet as I am finally leav
Blinded By The Past Chapter 71
CrayvinAs a police officer, I've seen a lot of shit in the past four years. I've seen the worst in some people, a lot of bad accidents and circumstances, pure evil monstrosities where bodies were involved in a pool of blood. While some days are harder than others, four years on the force hardened me against the harsh realities, like an emotional set of armor.All those years of hardened resolve were shattered the instant two bullets pierced through the body of the woman I love.My mind is going crazy from what little sleep I don't get. A recurring nightmare makes me feel as if I am stuck on a carousel, going round and round on the highest frequency. The same dream resurfaces when I close my eyes; it's never-ending. Each time the carousel circles, I see red... blotches and blotches of red.The same red that had stained Cassandra's white top when she was shot. The same blood red that coated my hands.When we get to the hospital, Cassa
Blinded By The Past Chapter 70
Tarra"Tarra, come here my love so I can get a good look at you," my mother says in an unrecognizably brittle voice, crooking her pale finger at me and motioning for me to approach.I look at my father, who gives me a weak smile and an encouraging nod. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, smelling the sterile, nearly choking environment of my mother's confined hospital room, I rise from my chair and shuffle small strides to stand by her side. Cassandra, her eyes glossy and red, kisses Mom on the cheek, then walks away. She takes my previous seat next to Dad, burying her head into him."Mom," I croak at her bedside. "Are you going to get better?"I stare at my mother's small body and dark eyes. Her beautiful features resemble my little sister so much that the comparison hurts to acknowledge.Our mother was always beautiful, full of laughter and light. Looking at her now, I don't recognize her. Wher
Blinded By The Past Chapter 69
CassandraHave you ever wanted something so badly in your life, that when you finally get it, it's taken from you just as fast? Leaving your heart completely and utterly broken. You were happy one moment, and then fucking destroyed and shattered the next.Well, me too. That's exactly how I feel now. Finally landing the guy that I have always wanted, just to lose him the second I do.Two shots were fired and there was no taking them back. Once the two bullets were released from the barrel, they had to go somewhere, right?It was like the world decided I looked too happy and in one moment the reason for my happiness was removed from my life."Crayvin!" I shriek.I drop to my knees, hitting the gravel parking lot. My pants are immediately pebbled with debris and dirt. My eyes quickly avert to Drew who charges towards Stormy. He yanks the gun from her grasp and takes her to the ground, holding her wrists behind he
Blinded By The Past Chapter 68
Cassandra"Tarra!" I call out, scrunching my nose. "Mommy and Daddy are kissing again!" I whine, deliberately forcing myself to look into the contents of my cereal bowl, rather than my disgusting, groping parents.Tarra giggles as she joins us at the table, excitement in her eyes. "I can't wait to be in love," she coos.I stick my tongue out. "Eww, gross. Boys are nasty.""You say that now because you're only ten. Wait until you grow up, you will have a whole different outlook," Tarra argues.I shake my head, dismissing that thought, because... no. All the boys in my school are gross. I have seen some pick their nose and eat their boogies, scratch their booties while at recess, and the other ones are mean. They never leave me alone. My mother and sister say it's because they have a crush on me since they act like that, but I beg to differ.If you like someone, why would you be m
Blinded By The Past Chapter 67
CrayvinWhen I manage to drag myself off of the pavement and into my house, Piggy is sitting in the foyer with droopy, sad eyes. A rush of guilt hits me like a damned truck, causing me to not be able to see clearly. A sea of thoughts floods my mind.I want approval.Acceptance.Forgiveness.I want her to see that I can, in fact, be a good guy. I don't want her to think I am some kind of monster that she has to starve herself to be with."I don't deserve you in any way, do I?" I say quietly more to myself than anything.I rake my hands through my hair, exhaling as I avert my stare to the floor.What the fuck is wrong with me?I bury myself into willing women's bodies who let me fuck my cares away. Any trauma or shit that I see at work, is gone and replaced by unchained pleasure. Uncommitted fun, no loyalties.But, then I look at Cassandra, and it's like someone releases the chains around my heart. I want to er
