I couldn't sleep.The clock said I had been trying to sleep for the past three hours, but it felt more like an eternity. Bastian's sandwich lay heavy in my stomach since it was too knotted up with fear and heartbreak to actually digest any food.I kicked off my comforter and was immediately too cold. But it was too hot to sleep with it on. With a sigh, I got up and went to the thermostat for the fourth time tonight. I couldn't find the right temperature and I had a feeling it was more to do with me than the thermostat.I was hot with anger and cold with shame.Giving up on the thermostat, I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Maybe a walk on the beach would put me in a better mood. The ocean was usually magic for heartbroken lovers, right?Yeah, to drown their sorrows, I answered myself bitterly. Still, walking the beach sounded like a better idea than tossing and turning in bed for another five hours.The house was silent as I crept to the back door and escaped out onto the porch.
The sun slowly lifted her radiant head out of the dark ocean, sending light to cast out the shadows of night. I knew it would be warmer soon, but I was still cold with dread. I hugged my arms around me tighter, watching the rays of light bounce off the water and shimmer with hope. Maybe with the dawn they would find him.I stared out at the water, watching the waves and trying really hard not to think of sharks.The coast guard will find him, I told myself, repeating like a mantra. If I said it enough times, it had to be true. They would find him, sitting there grinning in his boat, totally fine- just with a dead battery. Not scattered across the ocean with the debris of his shattered boat.He wouldn't leave me alone. He wouldn't. Leo loved me. He wouldn't do the thing I feared most in the world. He wouldn't leave me, especially not after telling me what he had done.I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him that I forgave him. This empty, hollow, sick feeling in the pit of my sto
Charlotte...Leo's voice hovered on the morning light, caressing me with warmth and feelings of home.“Leo?” I whispered, blinking my eyes against the light and waking from sleep. Was he here? Was he safe?I rubbed my eyes to find myself alone. No one was there, not even Murdoch or Eli. Just me, alone and dreaming in a boat.I stifled a sigh and forced the tears back. I hadn't cried yet and I wasn't about to now. Crying didn't solve anything. Crying was for when things were finished and safe. Crying was for when there was nothing else to do. I wasn't finished yet. Leo wasn't finished yet. So I wasn't crying yet.I looked down at my watch to see a little more than an hour had passed. There had to be some sort of update by now, but I expected that Murdoch was trying to let me sleep. It was a sweet gesture, but I needed to know where the man I loved was, even if they weren't sure.I stood up and stretched my arms overhead, hearing a disturbing number of pops and crunches in my shoulders.
It was hot outside the main entrance of the hospital as I helped Leo into the car to leave. The discharge paperwork was finally signed and we were ready to head home to recover from the day.“Well, that was fun,” he remarked, handing his paperwork to Murdoch and going to the open backseat car door. I helped him get settled, chuckling at how he thought the blur of tests, stitches, casts, and medical words was “fun.”“I'm just glad you get to go home tonight,” I said as Murdoch closed the car door behind me. I took Leo's hand in mine. He looked absolutely exhausted. Luckily, other than some dehydration, a broken arm, plenty of stitches and more bruises than I could count, the doctors said he was fine. They still wanted him watched overnight as they hadn't ruled out a concussion, but they were confident he would make a full recovery.“Me too. There are some perks to having access to a personal physician who can provide all the hospital requirements in the comfort of your own home,” he re
I hadn't been able to eat anything all morning. My stomach was made of knots and snakes, and the snakes weren't happy about the knots.I stood in front of the main table in the empty meeting room and tugged on the non-existent wrinkles of my suit jacket. I'd been tugging on it all morning to the point where I was afraid the shoulder seams might give out. It was just nerves. I'd been in hundreds of important meetings, but this one was different. This wasn't just money on the line. This was Leo. I was nervous. Crazy nervous.I just had to stick to the plan.I took a deep breath and went over to the coffee station on the side of the room. A big pot of fresh coffee was already sitting and waiting. I took one of the mugs and poured the dark liquid along with my requisite two creams and sugars. Maybe some caffeine would help me settle.“Hi, Charlotte,” Toby greeted me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I hadn't heard him come in. Luckily, my coffee was sitting on the counter so I could stir i
I never thought this day would come.I look down at my white dress and giggle. It feels so surreal. I have to be dreaming, and this has to be the best dream of my life.I'm going to marry Leo Westbrook.I've dreamed of this day since I was thirteen years old, and now, finally, it's coming true.“You ready, Char?” Chloe, my childhood best friend asks. She's grinning at me, looking gorgeous as usual. The same dark hair she shares with her brother is curled into perfect waves. “Everyone's waiting.”I take one last look in the mirror and then I nod.I was born ready.Just outside the door, Bastian is waiting. He's leaning against the wall, pretending to be calm and collected, but I know better. He's nervous. The tick in his jaw and the way the little scar above his eye is pulsing show me that he's nervous.He smiles and his face softens as he sees me. “Wow,” he whispers. “You look so beautiful.”I grin. “You don't look so bad yourself,” I tell him. He stands up a little straighter and puf
This was a predictably terrible first date.I couldn't have been more pleased.I checked my watch and sighed, waiting for him to come out of the bathroom so I could go home and write everything down about our horrible date.Granted, he hadn't thrown up on me, no one had been mugged, my car was its original color, I didn't need a new haircut, and my shoes were still intact, so it wasn't going to make my list of Top Five Worst Dates Ever, but it was not going well.Which suited me just fine.First, he was late. He claimed parking trouble, but as I had found a spot in about thirty seconds and could see at least two spots from our table, I had a hard time believing that. I wouldn't have been as mad if he had just owned up to leaving late rather than making lame excuses.He then spent the entire time talking about nothing but his very important job as mail clerk for a very important legal firm. Apparently, he was absolutely indispensable to the company, despite the fact that he'd worked th
“Hey, I'm on my way,” I told my sister over the phone as I started the car engine. My ancient little Pontiac purred to life and I thanked my lucky stars. Some days she decided to drive like a dream, and on other days she was hell on wheels. Today would have been a terrible day for her not to start. There was no way I was walking back into that restaurant to get a jump start.“How was the date?” Rosie asked.“Awful,” I said, pulling out onto the main road. “It'll be great for readers. I really think they're going to eat this one up.”I could hear her moving around on her end of the phone. “You're the only person I know who gets more excited about bad dates than good ones,” she replied.“Are you moving stuff around again?” I asked, ignoring her statement.“No,” she answered defensively before sighing. “Yes. Fine. I'm moving the crib to the other side of the room. I think the draft from the window will make him cold.”I couldn't help but smile. She was so excited for her first-born child
I never thought this day would come.Maybe when I was a little girl, I had hoped that someday it would. But I never actually believed it. It feels like a dream, but I know it’s not because it’s even better than anything I could have dreamt up.I’m marrying Gabe Honors. In just a few moments, I’ll be wed to the love of my life.I’m beyond nervous, but also ready. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes looking at myself in the mirror, making sure that my hair and makeup look absolutely perfect for him.“Hey, it’s almost time,” Cora says, as she steps beside me. “You look perfect, Harper. Seriously, you look gorgeous. Gabe is going to melt.”I hope she’s right.“Well, let’s do this,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m ready.”Just outside, my mom is standing there, holding my little nephew’s hand. He breaks away and runs up to give me a quick hug before she tells him to go take his seat. Mom looks almost more nervous than I am. She can’t keep her hands still and she’s tapping her t
The following week I finally sat down to prepare for my final blog post. My decision was made. It was time to say goodbye and pass the reigns onto a new owner. It made sense and it felt right.Gabe had told me to sleep on the decision, and for most of the week I had made my home at his house, which made sleeping really easy. But the truth was that it really hadn’t taken much deliberation; the blog seemed like a thing of the past, something that opened the door to new writing feats, and I was ready to walk through that door.During our time together I had allowed the blog to slip even further off my mind, which was entirely okay with me. I had checked in periodically and had found a quick selection for Worst Wednesday. But besides that, and for the first time in a long time, I hadn’t paid it much attention. It seemed that the blog and I had finally begun to outgrow each other. At one time it had been my baby, but now it was moving out, and Cora was the perfect guide.If there was anyth
I had been fairly sure that I would never see the inside of Gabe's house ever again, but now I was standing on the deck watching the ocean once more. Not that I was complaining, though. I was happy to be there. In fact, the view of the ocean with the sun overhead never looked so good.“I’m glad you came over today. We need to talk. I’m ready to work through this and make things right again. But first, we both have to come clean with each other,” Gabe said, leaning against the railing of his deck.“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” I agreed. My palms were sweating, but I felt calmer than I had in weeks.His surprise visit at the restaurant had happened just the night before and this was the first time we had really had a chance to hash things out. This conversation needed to happen. It had been a long time coming.“Where should we start?” he asked. The breeze from the ocean ruffled his dark hair.“I guess what I really don’t understand is why you hid it from me?” I asked, starting th
“So all of your readers think you’re out with Brian right now?” Cora asked.I nodded. “Yep, I’ve duped them all into thinking Brian is a real person that loves me just the way I should be loved. It’s too bad I had to make all that up, though, isn’t it.”“Whatever. I think it’s fine.” Cora just shrugged. “But I have to ask you an important question, Harper.”“What is it?” I asked, a little nervous.Cora turned to the side and set her jaw, making a serious face. “Do I look like a Brian to you?”I busted out laughing. Her goofy antics got me every time.“You know, you actually do!” I exclaimed. “You make a perfect Brian! Wow, I’m one lucky girl to be on a date with such a handsome man.”“Aw, thanks!” she said, as she turned back to face me and grinned. “If I talk like this does it make me sound like a Brian, too?”She lowered her voice as much as possible and crinkled her eyebrows together. I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. The good kind of tears, though, not
I sat down at my computer and clicked on the Internet. It was always the first step in starting a new blog post and I could almost feel the writer’s block start to set in as a blank window popped up on the screen and began loading.It had been just over two months since the breakup and about a month and a half since I had introduced Brian.Brian was a tall guy with a toned body, dark hair and eyes bluer than an open sky on a summer’s day. He was funny, smart, a hard worker in his career as a physical trainer, a huge sports fan and… completely fake.I had decided to create Brian in order to appease my Mother and to use as a marketing tool for the blog. After my readers had obsessed over my relationship with Gabe, Brian was designed to be Gabe 2.0 and to carry the burden of a new and passionate relationship. And completely fabricating a fake relationship was much easier than actually getting consumed by one.Brian took me on elaborate dates to all the exciting places around town without
I took a break from watching my blog to make some belated dinner. I heated up some left over lasagna and made a milkshake with some of the ice cream still left in the fridge as post-breakup comfort food. I couldn’t help but make fun of myself and my current state of affairs. It felt only fitting to throw on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix.After about a half hour I heard the phone ring.Immediately my heart skipped a beat. I had posted my blog late at night and had done so purposefully to avoid an instant reaction from Rosie or my Mom. But with as late as it was, realistically they were the only ones that would be calling.I checked the caller I.D. on the phone before answering. It was Rosie, which was better than Mom. I took a deep breath and clicked to accept the call.“Hey, Rosie,” I attempted cheerfully.“Hey, Big Sis!” she exclaimed.“What are you doing up so late?” I asked.“I fell asleep kind of early, and then the baby woke me up. My sleep schedule is so crazy now, thi
Well, the time has come. Every beginning has an end, and my relationship has found its end. Two weeks ago, Mr. Perfect Match and I broke up and it is time for the corresponding blog post (because blogging about breakups is the best way to move on, right??)It’s not the typical kind of post I’m used to writing. My life is filled with many more bad dates than bad breakups, and maybe that’s a good thing. But it also means that I’m entering new territory without the right map to guide me. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have lovedI stopped writing and glared at the screen. I highlighted the last sentence and hit delete as if the force of my click would hurt the words as they left the page. Love. It was like a bad word, something I had been conditioned not to say. And Gabe deserved no exception, even if it would appease an old stupid cliché about breakups.After a few moments of contemplation I picked up again where I left off.Time is a weird thing. It has the a
The plane ride to Orlando only took less than an hour, but it felt like an eternity. I spent the entire trip trying to hide my sobs, but of course it was impossible. Luckily, I had sat in the window seat and was able to face away from everyone while I cried, but I still knew that people were looking at me. The older lady sitting next to me even asked if there was anything she could do to help. I responded with, “If you can make men honest, that would help.” She just laughed and said, “I don’t think there’s anything I can do about that one.”My makeup was ruined, my hair was a mess and the clothes I had on were a day old. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking like I was ready to hit the town when I crawled off of the plane. It didn’t matter, though. Cora didn’t care what I looked like. She wouldn’t judge me. That was why I had come to see her in the first place.I had only taken a few steps out of the front doors of the airport before I heard Cora calling out my name. I hadn’t even gotten
After storming out of Gabe’s office, I went back to the bedroom and got dressed as quickly as possible. I was teeming with emotion, but I didn’t want to let out a single sob. I could save that for later, when I could enjoy a pint if ice cream and a few days of binge watching my favorite TV show. But for now, I needed to keep it together and act tough.So once I was dressed, I gathered my makeup from his countertop in his bathroom and tossed everything into my overnight bag. To think, I was considering what it would be like to spend my life with the guy and now I was doing everything possible to speed up the process of leaving his house for good.I can’t believe this. I should have known that it would only be a matter of time before something like this would happen to me, I thought. Why did I fool myself into thinking I could actually meet a decent guy?I zipped up my bag and tossed it over my shoulder. Before leaving the bedroom, I took one last look at the bed, where the blankets wer