1

I looked at my mother and my sibling lying on the bed made of bamboo shoots, they were fast asleep due to exhaustion. It was probably another rough day for them since it was not easy to fend of our meals every day. 

A bitter smile crept into my lips. If only I could touch them once. I would like to sleep beside them just like before but I fear that my mom would just push me aside resulting to me falling down on the floor. 

I put my things gently on the ground. Ever since my father died, it felt as though I was not part of this family. 

"M-Ma, I'll be leaving now," I stammered when I suddenly saw her open her eyes. She was looking at me the same way she does; as though I was a mere nuisance all my life to her. 

"It's better if you don't come back anymore, Nazi," she retorted and immediately got up from the bed. She quickly passed by my side and left the room. 

Why does she treat me like this? What did I do wrong to deserve this? She doesn't even treat my sibling like this so why?

I bit my lip and turned towards her direction. 

"I... I might come back a week later because I have a lot of deadlines to attend to." I followed her from across the dining table and saw her pouring a glass of water for herself. 

After a few seconds, she lifted her gaze to look at me with a glare; almost as though she wanted me dead. 

"I'll repeat myself for once, kid," she started. "I don't care whether you come back or not, better if you don't even show your face to me anymore!" she continued. She then closes the distance between the two of them. "I don't need your money nor your help, I can live on my own; you're just a big hindrance to us here!" 

With her index finger, she roughly pushed it across my forehead as tears started to form on my dark grayish eyes. 

"I can't even understand why you're trying to squeeze yourself in this family! Don't you know that you're the reason why Mario died; why this family fell into crimples because of your existence?" Her voice started rising as she threw daggers with her eyes. "You shouldn't have been born at all!" 

My legs felt as though it wanted to crumble at that moment. My chest was tightening while my body was shaking nonstop. 

She was not contented and even mocked me with a laugh. "If only you weren't born..." she mumbles and pushes me right across the floor. 

At that moment, my hands wanted to do something involuntarily but I stopped it. I was scared that I might end up hurting her, the way she's doing it to me. 

"I...I'm sorry." Those were the only words that came out of my mouth as I roughly closed my eyes. 

"You're a good for nothing brat!" she shouted followed by throwing the plastic vase display on the dining table and the figurines flashed a top of the television. 

"Mario could have been alive if it weren't for you! He wouldn't have come back to that rotten house on fire if it weren't for you getting stuck inside! I don't like you! Even if you die working, I will never ever like you! You won't be able to bring back the dead! You're the reason why our lives right now are as miserable as a rat!" she continued, her voice stammering. "If... If it weren't for you... and your stupidity..." she paused for a second and stared at me with a glare again. "... You're the epitome of this family's misfortune!" 

With every object thrown across the place, I tried my best to dodge all of it but I know I sustained some injuries. 

Every day, my life had been like this. My mother hated me more than a wound could hurt me. And if you ask me, no scar can be worse compared to the one my mother implanted me: all her hatred, her rage, her blaming... this is more than a healing could do. 

Fiero, my sibling, on the other hand doesn't care much at all. He's always asleep and if not, uninterested to talk to me. 

It's as if I am a stranger, an outsider in this family. I know it hurts, I know it fucking hurts but... I guess I started feeling numbed. 

Who wouldn't be hurt anyway? I am the one to work yet I don't receive at least an appreciation, contrary to it, they wanted me out, dead even.

I can't even understand why my sibling feels the same way. He doesn't hurt me but the way he treats me changed when our father died. He acts cold and would not like to talk to me at all. 

What wrong have I ever done to deserve this?

"All of this are not even enough in exchange of Mario's life! You should have been the one to die!" 

I lowered my gaze on the ground as I finally broke down into tears. It feels as if my own mother is trying to strangle me to death with her words. 

After a long while, I finally stood up from where I was sitting and wiped off the tears in my eyes. "I-I'll be leaving now, Mom. Please lock the door," I said, stammering. My voice was now weakened and how it wanted to crack. 

When I finally turned the doorknob open and immediately made my way to close the door, I looked at her one last time.

In her eyes, I was only a big hurdle in this family; an explicit example of something they wish to get rid of. A tear fell down my eye as I finally closed the door. And when I now turned away from the house, I hurried down the gate and ran towards the tricycle area. 

I hailed a vehicle and there, I sobbed nonstop.

How it hurts to be treated like this. 

I'm sure the door to our house broke down again from the loud slamming of her hands across the doorknob. 

"Sir, please take me to the TNG," I said and gave him twenty pesos. After a while, the tricycle engine started and we were now on our way towards my work. 

Truthfully, I didn't want to work there at all. I didn't want to stay there and work my ass off every day but I have no choice. I was an undergraduate. Because we lost our breadwinner, I have to be the one to work, to put money on the table for my mother and my brother, Fiero. 

A sigh escaped my lips when the tricycle finally stopped in front of an establishment. It was filled with lights circulating the place, enough to rid of the coldness I felt from my family. 

Just as I made my way towards the place, I could immediately feel the steaming hot aura of the club. This is the place where all rich men gather to entertain themselves. This is where they waste their money for nothing but bedding.

My bare skin could feel the smoke from across the cigarette of those I met outside. I could also feel the loud banging noise coming from the background music. And how everyone, women such as I am, doing the same thing to fend for their families. 

I am a dancer here. I earn loads of money just by swaying my body to the sound of the music. The boss happens to notice me one day at the scourging hot weather and offered me to work here. He said that my eyes were as beautiful as a gem and how my posture was like someone from a rich family despite coming from the poor. 

And because I wanted a good life for my family, I chose to sell myself. No one knew of this, except for myself, my co-workers and my boss. All my mother and Fierio thought of is that I work as a call center agent that's why I always leave the house at night. 

When I was now at the entrance of the establishment, I let out another sigh. I let any man touch, kiss and finger me but I've never once allowed anyone to go any further than that. I'm not ready to bear the consequences of getting laid. I can't even vision myself having sex with several men every day. I'm still not that determined to go further than where I am. 

"Oh Nazi, there you are! We've been looking all over for you! You better get changed now since there are already a lot of people waiting for you. After dancing on the main stage, you'll be going to the private room 7 to dance for him," said Papi, a gay in charge of women like me. 

This place is not just a simple place with a beer house attached to the building. Instead, this is an establishment owned by my boss with drugs being offered on the other room. He makes sure that the drug users are protected by their families so that no problems could arise. 

Avignon, it is a well-known surname from across our town. They owe huge businesses and could flaunt their riches as if it were just something they could sprinkle the lower people such as I am. Rumors say that they are the second richest family next to the Montezur due to the issues of illegal drugs but they're still successful.

"Papi, what am I suppose to wear?" I asked when we were now at the dressing room. It just so happens that my boss's daughter is also here, Santana Barbara. She was staring at me as though something caught her eye. 

I was not mistaken when she closed the distance between the two of them and she spoke. 

"How are you, Nazi Santimoral?" she asks and looked at me from head to toe. She then raised one of her eyebrows and signed to Papi to take a step back.

I only lowered my head and tried to hide the nervousness in my face. I heard that if she doesn't like the person, she immediately pulls her gun out and shots that person death with no further warnings. I wouldn't want that at all. 

"So, it's true," she suddenly says while staring at my dark grayish eyes. She was looking at me as though she was trying to confirm something before her eyes lowered towards my lips. 

"W-What do you mean, Lord Santana?" I asked and immediately looked at the ground again. I couldn't help but feel nervous since I'm just talking to the daughter of my boss.

"Nothing, get up and you still have things to do," she ordered and quickly turned away from me. She then passes by and was about to leave when she stopped again. She puts something across the table and then spoke again. 

"This is my calling card, if you need any help, call me." After that, she finally left. 

"You're alive, Nazi!" Papi said once the door finally closed. 

I thought for a second there, it was now my time to die. Gladly, it wasn't. 

I hid her calling card inside the pocket of my jacket and turned to look at him with a smile on my face. 

"I thought for a second there, you'd be a goner! I was so nervous while looking at Lord Santana but rumors says that her brother is much more insane, that man named Lord Christ! They say he'd do everything to kill while Lord Santana will silently finish you off! But wait... do you even know Lord S?" he asks after a long narration. 

"We were classmates at a major subject when were still in the university and if I'm not mistaken, we sometimes pass by each other," I stated. "I can't believe that he is actually a person like this, of course I was scared and at the same thing, felt awkward." 

I removed the ponytail gripping through my hair which Papi fixed. He made sure to curl the ends of my locks and then asked me to wear a sexy two-piece and a half-mask across my face. 

"Papi, I'm still nervous despite being here for already three months," I said and could hear my stilettos gliding towards the floor of the room. We were now walking at the backstage of the place. 

"Don't be, Nazi. Just dance like you usually do and make sure to do better so that you won't lose your life."

I only shook my head. 

Coincidentally, it was now my time to dance and the music switched to a new one. I let out a deep sigh before mumbling to myself. 

"For my mother and my brother, Fierio," I said and now emerged from the back of the curtains. 

When I know started moving my hips to the rhyme of the music, I could feel my hair turning dancing as well. You could say that it has its own life, trying to follow through my rhyme. 

As my body could feel the warmth from across my movements, I could hear the loud cheering and the sound of money clanging at the bottom of the main stage. There were a lot of men hungrily looking at me, one as though they wanted to have a night with me.

For all those times I served myself in front of them, I could still not remove the fear and grossness in my system. I could still feel myself scared that they were looking at me as though they wanted to gobble me alive. 

After a while, I pulled the string attached to my top and let the cloth fall down. Just as I did so, my eyes immediately fall towards a man who was looking down. He had a strong built for a man wearing office attire. 

His hair was a mess with a blonde and black mixed together, he also had a fair complexion or so I think? I can't tell because of the lights reflecting all of us. 

I was surprised when the man also turned to look at me, leading me to pulling onto my bra and finally threw it on the floor. The men who were still looking at me ended up pulling and fighting over my piece of cloth while the man didn't leave his eyesight to me. 

For some reason, it was full of a fiery desire; a ball of fire, wanting to lure me towards his arms. At that moment, I was able to see his full image; a man with such beautiful feature. He looked like a foreigner with the shape of his face, pointy nose and alluring lips. 

It's a good thing that Papi told me to wear contact lens since I can't see on the dark. 

The song was now close to end when I finally decided to come down from the stage. Everyone wanted to touch me, especially with my top off. The only thing that could cover my torso was nipple tapes. 

I slowly made my way towards the man and stared right across his eyes. I thought he'd stare at my body but all this time, he was only trying to get to know me with my face. 

Is he trying to distinguish who I am?

I moved my body near him and licked his neck up towards his ear. I then playfully bit and saw that he enjoyed it. 

He asked me to sit on his lap which I did and after a little while, I suddenly felt as though something was bulging close to my buttocks. 

Immediately, the warmth from my body rose to my face. It was embarrassing. 

"Gorgeous," he whispered that made me stand up quickly. His husky voice close to my ear felt ticklish, I couldn't help but feel different. Coincidentally, the song finally ended and it was now my time to go to the VIP room to dance for a different customer. 

After rising to my feet, I quickly turned away and walked towards the backstage, only to see Papi on the other side. 

"You were so hot there! There was a lot of money down on the stage before you exited! Anyway, let's wrap this up before the customer on the private room gets impatient," he says and quickly pulls me for preparation. 

My eyes turned one last time towards the man's position earlier, he was already gone. 

I heaved a sigh. Why am I even looking back? It's just a customer, he probably already left. 

There was no point in hoping.