BenAfter everything had been taken care of with Uncle Dean’s will and the funeral, it was time to wrap things up in Portland. On Friday, my plane touched down, and I was back in Oregon.Before, I had been excited about going back. Now, I dreaded it. I was headed to the place where I had grown up, the place I loved and called home, to say my final goodbye. I had to take care of a few things here that I hadn’t been able to handle right away.My apartment was the first thing I needed to deal with. I had to give up the lease.When I had come to Portland, I had rented a place. I had signed the lease for a year, thinking I wanted to look around until I found the perfect property so I could build a house exactly how I liked it. Now, that was going to fall through.Maybe I could do something like that in New York. The idea didn’t seem nearly as enticing when I thought about the big city, all its gray buildings and yellow cabs and how much it just didn’t seem to be the place I wanted to call
Ben“That was quick,” I said when we were done. We’d packed it all up into three boxes that I would send to New York when I flew back. “Let’s go have a drink for old time’s sake.”Jerrod rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually enjoy celebrating old time’s sake because it means you’re leaving, but I can do with a drink.”We drove to The Cottage and walked to the bar. Jerrod stepped behind the bar and poured us each a beer straight from the beer tap.“So, are you ready to be the Big Boss again?” Jerrod asked when we sat on the bar stools and sipped our beer.“I guess so,” I said. “I mean, I know what to do. I don’t need anyone to show me the ropes.” A pang shot through my chest when I said it. Uncle Dean had shown me the ropes the last time. And now he was gone.“The perks of being in charge is that you get to leave from the office whenever you feel like it. Plus, you can have as many women as you like.”I chuckled, and we clinked our beer glasses in salute to what Jerrod has just said, but
MilaOn Saturday, the hospital was peacefully quiet. There were no emergencies, more of the ICU patients had been moved to regular recovery rooms, and I could go about my daily duties without any problems. I didn’t have to run around in a panic at all.I had traded my shift with another nurse so she could go to a wedding. I had been doing her a favor, but I realized I had done myself a favor too. I was distracted enough not to have my mind run away with me, but the day was calm enough that it was just a normal job.It was everything I had needed.When my lunchtime rolled around, I finished up the report I was working on, ready to file it. Someone came to the nurse’s station.“Just a second,” I said, filing my report away. When I turned around, Ben stood in front of me.“Ben,” I said, surprised. He was the last person I’d expected to see. My pulse sped up, and I suddenly struggled to breathe. He was still the most attractive man I had ever seen, with eyes the color of the ocean and a s
MilaHe glanced at me. “Uncle Dean’s death is almost identical to the death of my father. It’s too much of a coincidence. The police contacted Penny, Uncle Dean’s wife. They’re investigating the crash as murder.”My blood drained from my face, and all the awkwardness was forgotten. “Are you being serious?” I asked.Ben nodded. “Yeah, it’s a big deal. I don’t know what to think about it, to be honest. I’m starting to think maybe it wasn’t just an accident. Not even for my father’s death. What if someone was responsible for it? What if it was planned?”I was suddenly terrified for Ben’s life. I didn’t know how realistic it was that people were being taken out that way, it sounded like the stuff of movies to me, but if it was true, what about Ben? What if he was in danger?I didn't want to say it to him. I didn’t want him to freak out about it. But I wanted to urge him to start driving instead of flying if any of this was real.“What are you going to do?” I asked.“I’m thinking of hiring
BenMy flight was scheduled for Sunday evening. I had my usual bags and the three boxes to send to New York and that was it. I stared at the things I needed to get over to New York, and I couldn’t believe that a life I had created here had so little to show for it.Maybe it was because I was so much more emotionally invested. I had only been here for a short while, after all. It wasn’t nearly enough to hoard material things.I should have been happy that I had nearly nothing to take care of before I left. Instead, I felt awful, and I didn’t know why.That was a lie. I was lying to myself. I knew exactly why I felt awful. I’d said goodbye to people I cared about, people I would have liked to have as a part of my life. Friends, family. Mila.I shook off the thought. Looking back and crying about it wasn’t going to do anyone any good. The only thing I could do about it was put my head down and do what needed to be done.As soon as I hit the ground in New York, everything was going to be
Ben“Mila, this isn’t the right time.”“When will be the right time? You’re leaving, and I have a feeling it might be another seven years before I see you. If not more. Are you going to wait that long?”I stifled a groan. I had to cut the cord right now if I was going to walk away from this in one piece. Otherwise, this woman—this wonderful human being and everything I felt for her—was only going to tear me apart.“Just tell me how you feel about me, Ben,” Mila said. “I just want to know where we stand. I just want you to put it into words for me. Whatever it is.”Fuck, fuck, fuck. I could tell her right now that I was in love with her. She stood before me, her big brown eyes pleading even though her face showed nothing, and she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. But I couldn’t do this to her. I wouldn’t.“You know you’ve always meant so much to me,” I started. “You’re Jerrod’s little sister. You will always have a special place in my heart.”“A special place?” she said incredul
MilaAfter my shift on Monday, I went back to The Cottage. It had become my safe haven the last while. I liked spending time there because it reminded me of the days when I hadn’t had anything to worry about when my parents had still been there to fend for me and my biggest concern had been that Jerrod would tease me about things I was shy about.Life had been so much simpler then.That was in retrospect, of course. Back then, the small problems I missed had been the only problems I’d known so they had felt big. It was only now that I had bigger things to worry about that those problems seemed better.I guess that would always be that way.Still, I liked being at The Cottage. It was warm and cozy and smelled like the food of my childhood.Work had been going well. It was very busy with a lot of new patients who had needed medical attention. There had been so much to focus on. But it hadn’t been enough. Nothing would be enough. My heart was broken, and I needed more.I knew exactly wha
MilaI couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t approve of a relationship with Ben any more than Jerrod would—for Jerrod’s friendship’s sake—and there wasn’t anything to talk about anyway. There was no relationship, and I couldn’t tell her what was upsetting me.My mom shook her head. “I’m going to get you some of Manny’s chocolate cake. He always makes extra.”She disappeared into the kitchen. I loved Manny’s chocolate cake. The pastry chef had made it since I could remember, and he’d been working for us for years. I would never say no to the cake, although it would do nothing to make me feel better. I wished it was as simple as eating cake and all my troubles would disappear.My mom brought me the cake, and even though it wouldn’t fix anything and probably go straight to my hips, I ate it. I wanted to drink myself into a stupor, but I didn’t do that. With the mood I was in, I would only do something stupid.Instead, I took out my phone and dialed Ben’s number. I pressed the phone to my ear a