I can do this.I’m going to do this.I only wish I didn’t feel like I have to look over my shoulder the whole time, like Gianni’s going to jump out from behind a trash can or something. I can’t trust him not to follow me around. And he expects me to give up almost everything.I can’t do that. I won’t. Even if it means I can’t be with him.The way it has all morning, the thought makes me feel sick. Why does he have to be the way he is? There’s a difference between being sexy and commanding and telling me what I can and cannot do. He might have relented for now, but I’m understanding the way he thinks. He’ll find another way to control me.Now I’m supposed to learn to live without him. I hate him for putting me through this.But not enough to walk into the building and up to the apartment I plan on leasing. I was just fine getting here and walking up to the front stoop, but this is as far as my feet want to carry me. It’s just a lease. I can do this—no, I need to do this.But what happen
Gianni“Boss?”The sound of Roger calling for me out in the hall is what breaks the resolve I’ve barely been able to hang onto once five-thirty came and went. That was more than a half hour ago, and there’s still no sign of her.She lied to me. She fucking lied to my face when she said she’d come home after work. I’d get a phone call if there was traffic or some emergency. Unless she was trying to avoid me.Which means that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. She’s too responsible for this to be anything but deliberate.I’m already halfway to the door before I bellow in reply. “What the hell do you want?”He was on his way across the hall and now falls back a step. “I had a handful of contracts for you to look over. The new shipments?” He extends a handful of folders.Folders I ignore. “I don’t have time for this shit right now.” The damn things could be written in Sanskrit, and I wouldn’t notice. I can’t care about anything but Caterina. Why isn’t she here? Why hasn’t she called?Did
“I’m sorry.”She squeezes my hand, groaning, and the sound threatens to break what’s left of my heart. Seeing her like this—the IV in her arm, the bruising and scrapes along the left side of her face, her arm, her leg—is almost worse torture than when I forced myself to stay away from her.There’s nothing I can do to take the pain away. I’m helpless, and I’ve never been a man who handles helplessness well.“What are you apologizing for?” When she licks her dry lips, I pick up the Styrofoam cup of water from the wheeled table next to the bed and guide the straw to her mouth.She takes a sip and tries to smile, but it looks more like a grimace. “For not calling sooner. I was so out of it, and they had my purse. They didn’t give it back to me until I came up from getting all those tests done. I don’t even know what half of them were.”I could kick myself to death. There I was, cursing her, prepared to tie her to my bed and leave her there until she rotted. While she was alone here at the
CaterinaWhat day is it?That’s the first question that comes to mind when I open my eyes, but then it usually is. It’s bad enough when I take a nap in the middle of the afternoon and wake up without the slightest clue of what time or day it is. Adding painkillers to the mix makes it impossible to keep track of time.When I check my phone, the date reflects back at me like a neon sign.Four days.It’s been four days since the car hit me. Four days of in and out of consciousness while random shows play on the big TV mounted on the wall across from the foot of the bed.Sometimes, I wake up, and it’s night, and Gianni is next to me. All it takes is a soft grunt or a sigh, and he’s beside me, asking if I’m okay, if I need anything, or if he can make me more comfortable. He can’t be sleeping well. I warned him last night that if he doesn’t start sleeping for real, he’ll end up in the hospital.Just thinking about waking up with a bright light shining in my eyes and the paramedics loading me
GianniCome on. Make the right choice. Give me the go-ahead.This is a big step. I wish there was a way to make her understand what it means for me to leave this in her hands.Control is my thing. Before I met her, it was the one sure thing that would always get me off. Knowing I called the shots, that I held lives in my hand. Everything happens according to my schedule—when I’m damn good and ready.Then along comes this girl, and everything I thought I knew about myself went out the window the moment I stopped thinking of her as a child and saw her as the woman she is. It’s times like this, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting with bated breath for her to make up her mind, that I almost wish we’d never met.But that would be a mistake, like cutting off my nose to spite my face.In the end, this is for her sake. A small sacrifice on my part, so she’ll feel like she has the room to make choices for herself. I know how important that is to her. And if it means making sure she does
CaterinaSomething is wrong.Not that Tatiana would admit it, sitting across from me at a burger place near the movie theater where we just caught a matinee. It’s an example of one of the things I like most about her. She might have a billionaire for a father, but she’s still a regular girl who likes the smell of movie theater popcorn and will slum it in restaurants I would’ve considered fancy back when I was a kid.Her tastes haven’t changed… but something about her has. I know better than to come out and ask her point-blank what the deal is. Not that she would lie, but she’s never liked being questioned.As close as we are, I’ve always had a feeling there are things she hides. She doesn’t trust anybody with all of her, not even me.I guess she gets that from her father, who still keeps secrets between us. I mean, it’s not like we’ve been together for a long time, and I don’t expect him to be an open book. But there are moments when I can feel a wall coming down between us, and I kno
GIANNIHow much longer is this going to take? When do I get to be with Caterina again?Jack Moroni is droning on, unaware of my distraction—until he asks a question I didn’t hear. I only realize I’ve zoned out again when Roger softly clears his throat.“Excuse me? Sorry, there are technical issues on our end, it seems,” I say.Jack nods knowingly. “Technology. It makes life so much easier in so many ways, and we’re screwed when it decides it doesn’t feel like working.” He laughs like this is the cleverest thing anyone ever said, and all I can do is offer a tight-lipped smile. “I asked how your daughter is doing. I understand she was overseas for a while over the summer.”“She’s fine.” I deliberately ignore the way Roger practically growls on the other side of the desk, behind the laptop screen and out of sight. “I’m glad to have her home.”“If I were blessed with a daughter, I would keep her under lock and key.” He strokes his jaw, wincing. “I remember what it was like, a young man at
Caterina"Let me make sure I’ve got this right," my best friend Tatiana says, leaning over with her elbow making a squeaky noise on the leather seat while trying to balance a glass of champagne. She brushes her blonde hair away from her face."So, you just graduated, and your boyfriend of five years didn’t come to the ceremony or spend any time with you afterwards?"I grit my teeth. Her straightforwardness can be a bit much. Even though she's had quite a bit to drink today, her honesty is nothing new. We had to attend five graduation parties, according to her. It was fun, but I felt like I was just watching from the sidelines, feeling like something was wrong with me.My absent boyfriend seems like a convenient excuse, though it doesn’t feel entirely right. There are deeper issues, but I’m not ready to face them."He had to work early tomorrow," I say, repeating the excuse he’s given me too many times. "I guess I can’t blame him for trying to be responsible.""An adult would have aske