Chapter 2 – Secret Crush

10 years ago, college.

Joan's meeting with Lynd is purely coincidental, their relationship is old school friends. Joan's campus student organization activities are located on Lynd's campus without Joan knowing that Lynd is studying there. Likewise, Lynd did not expect to meet Joan, her classmate in her third year of high school on that occasion. Unfortunately, when the two of them bump into each other in the late afternoon, Lynd is on her way to the classroom. Yes, Lynd had a class schedule at that time. But Joan without hesitation asked Lynd to meet after her class schedule was over for the day. After all, Joan's organization event will also last until late at night.

Lynd agreed even though for a moment she hesitated to give certainty to Joan. Because after graduating from school, an old friend that Lynd met was Joan's and only him. During these 4 years, Lynd had not intentionally avoided him, but indeed she had completely lost contact with her school acquaintances. Everything just happened. Lynd is busy living her college life in the countryside far from where she used to live. Because of that, meeting Joan in this place, Lynd was amazed, happy as well as awkward feeling mixed into one.

"Don't any of our friends know that you entered this university?"

"Um, I think so." Because Lynd had never told anyone.

Joan understood now. "No wonder every time I ask about how you are with friends no one can answer. If it wasn't for my campus event, I probably wouldn't have seen you again, huh? Haha..."

"Aah, you guys must have frequent get-togethers?"

"Yes, every year for sure. Our class leader has come up with a group to make it easier to contact each other and exchange news.” And in that group of course Lynd is not included in it.

"Is that so." Lynd's voice was low.

"Ah! Can we exchange contact numbers?” asked Joan.

"Uh?"

"Why?" The look on Lynd's face just now made Joan curious, why did Lynd look confused at her face.

"Oh, it's nothing." Lynd's face dropped.

Did Joan seem too frontal when they just met again after a long time? Joan racked his brains, looking for an excuse that sounded logical. “Emm, actually I'm planning to marry my current girlfriend. That's why I'm asking for your number so that it's easy to send invitations later. Haha..."

“Oh! Really? Congratulations!" Lynd's hue changed when she heard Joan's outpouring.

"Ahaha... This is just my intention, I haven't even officially proposed to her yet because I haven't had enough financial." Joan blushed as he continued to express his heart that had already been spoken aloud.

"Good intentions will make the way easier Jo, believe me! I'm praying for you." Finally, Joan saw a smile of Lynd's sweetness which he missed so much. When he was in school, of course, Joan often saw her. Every day, at every opportunity he could helplessly avert his eyes, locked in every expression of joy that Lynd showed when she was with her friends.

At that moment, Joan's heart had a burning desire that pushed his courage to speak the truth to the woman in front of him. The courage and honesty that Joan had not been able to do, because he was too cowardly to admit loudly and openly to his first love. That Joan had had feelings for Lynd for a long time, since his school days he had kept those feelings to himself. Even though this time, Joan didn't admit it explicitly.

"I honestly really want to get a life partner like you Lynd, to me you are the ideal woman I dream of."

The one-on-one meeting with old friends was done over dinner. So the atmosphere between the two is already like a couple's date event. Which gave Lynd a strange sensation, until she felt awkward. Then Joan made things worse with his words, making Lynd confused as to how to react.

"Ahaha... Surely you won't believe me when I suddenly talk to you like this."

Yes, Lynd had only thought of Joan as a friend all this time.

"I'm just talking, without any meaning."

"Uhm... But you've seriously chosen your partner now to be the one you want to marry, right, that's because you believe she is the best for you."

"Right." Joan smiled happily at the words of Lynd who was trying to understand him.

Thinking Lynd hasn't changed at all, remains his first love full of charm, a sweet and warm smile. The choice about the person he likes even though he was still a teenager was not wrong. Joan loved Lynd as warm and kind as she had just done for Joan, encouraging him by reassuring himself of his choice.

Joan looked at Lynd intently at her face and eyes. “What I meant earlier, I don't know… I just wanted you to know it was Lynd. Maybe an opportunity like this will never come to me again.” Joan thinks it's time to say goodbye to his first love.

"Of course, you don't need to worry that I might misunderstand what you said earlier."

"Thank you, I feel very happy to see you again..."

People say first love will always be a beautiful memory because it gives lessons and the meaning of what true love means even though you can't have it. Or maybe that first love is still beautiful because it can never be achieved. It feels beautiful to love one-sidedly in silence, to be the deepest secret, to be treated so preciously, to be beautifully enthroned in a special corner of the heart. Whatever people say about the meaning of first love, for Joan Lee that first love is Lynd Olsen.

***

When Sarah was tired of talking to her old group of friends it lasted about 20 minutes. Sarah left to change places to say hello and share invitations with other friends. He, who had been observing in silence for so long, came over to Sarah and greeted her first.

"Hi! Sarah, long time no see."

"Oh! Hi Joan... How are you?” Without waiting for an answer Sarah immediately continued her words, remembering something that made her feel guilty. "I'm  sorry I can't come to your wedding, even though I've been invited."

"Ahaha... It's okay. It's been a long time anyway." It has entered the fifth year of Joan's marriage with his wife. For now, he can no longer remember who was present at the wedding.

"Ahaha, that's right."

"Um, Sarah. I heard that you were looking for Lynd, didn't I?" Joan asked straight to the point.

"Yes. Do you know where she is?”

"No, but! When you meet Lynd later, tell me too, will you?" Joan asked desperately.

"Huh? What's wrong, Jo?"

Joan hesitated to answer. “I.. owe her an apology. Eum, just tell me immediately please."

"Err, okay..." Although Sarah was very confused by Joan's current attitude. But she didn't ask any further because Joan didn't look like he was going to tell Sarah the reason. “Ah, this is my invitation. Come if you have time."

"Oh, of course! Thank you." Smiling awkwardly Joan accepted the invitation.

"I'd love for Lynd to be at my wedding too."

Joan saw on the invitation that Sarah's wedding date would be in 2 weeks.

"I'm going to find Lynd and force her to come to watch my wedding Joan!" Somehow Sarah said like someone who declared war.

"I hope so," Joan said, quietly.

10 years ago when Joan met Lynd, at that time Joan was too focused on himself and his feelings without paying attention to Lynd's news and condition. Joan regretted that. They did exchange contacts and Joan kept the number Lynd had given him. But it turns out that the marriage that Joan told Lynd lasted a long time from the moment they met. When Joan dials Lynd's stored number wanting to deliver a wedding invitation, the number is no longer in use. Not surprisingly, Joan contacted Lynd with the contact number she gave 5 years ago since their meeting. And now Joan has lost touch with Lynd again.

"So, how about your married life?" Sarah asked more curious about the current topic of marriage than Joan's interests with Lynd.

“Haha... How about that, you will know yourself when you go through and be in the same position later, Sarah. It's hard for me to explain...” Not that Joan wanted to tease Sarah, but getting a sudden question like that Joan was confused.

"I wonder, why does everyone I ask the same question always give ambiguous answers as if they regret the marriage?"

"Ahaha... When did I say regret, Sarah?" Joan shook his head at Sarah's conclusion.

"You can't cover it up with your fake smile and laugh, Joan." Sarah looked suspiciously.

Joan's smile grew wider, feeling ridiculous for Sarah to suspect because of this matter. "Really! My married relationship is fine, my wife is pregnant now.”

"Oh yeah? Happy to hear that! How many children do you have now?" The probing expression Sarah directed at Joan completely disappeared when she heard the good news. Whatever good news is now if it reaches Sarah's ears it will make her even more enthusiastic, excited, and happy too. Maybe it's still related to her mood before the wedding day.

"Our first child-to-be." Joan's answer was short and clear with a few facial expressions that were difficult to interpret.

“Ooh...” Sarah immediately understood that this topic was a bit complex. “You must be very anxious and nervous, Jo. I hope your wife and child are healthy until the day of delivery, and that you should be extra careful at all times, at all times.”

"Right. Thank you, Sarah."

In their fifth year of marriage, Joan and his wife finally produced a baby after a long period of consultation and the childbearing program. This is indeed not their first fetus after previously 3 years ago Joan's wife miscarried because of the mother's health condition and weak womb. Then after that, the wait for having children took quite a long time until they decided to join the program. For some reason, at critical moments because of the anxiety and fear that has been haunting Joan lately, he even remembered what Lynd had said the last time she gave him encouragement about marriage and the choice of a life partner who became his wife now. Joan wanted to see Lynd, even if only for once, for a moment like that day.