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Behind A Smile 158
Dolefully, Zynah sat on the hospital bed, tears streaming down her face. In a matter of just few hours, she felt her whole world crumbling. She couldn't comprehend what Ramlah had told her. It felt like a dream - a nightmare. "What are you saying?" She choked out, her voice a hoarse whisper. "We were talking yesterday." "Ya Zynah," Ramlah called, softly, her voice filled with a mixture of sorrow and helplessness. "Please accept the fact that he has left this world and just like him, we're also going to follow the lead someday. I know it's painful, but you just have to accept it in good faith. He's gone for good." "No!" Zynah shook her head vigorously. "Don't you understand what I'm saying, Ramlah? He was with me last night!"Her voice quivered. "We were talking... laughing..." her viuce trailed off, replaced by a sob. "Ya Z—" Ramlah reached for Zynah's hand but she pulled back. "I know it's hard but we just have to accept it." "Don't!" Zynah yelled, raising a hand. "Don't
Behind A Smile 159
After jum'ah congregational prayer, Muslim returned with few other people to take the body for the janai'za prayer. Completely zoned out, Zynah was seated on the floor next to Bilal's body when they walked in. "Ya Zynah?" Ramlah called softly as she approached a distraught Zynah. "They are going to take him away now." Zynah immediately snapped out of her trance, as the biggest reality hit her. He was going to be buried and she was never ever going to see him again. Desperation etched her face as she pleaded; "Please wait for a little longer. His father doesn't even know about this yet." "Ya Zynah, I took his number from your phone. Muslim and I have tried calling him severally, but he didn't pick up. He even switched off his phone, before we could text him," Ramlah stated. "I don't think it's wise to wait for him. Let them go ahead and bury him." "This has to be done as soon as possible," someone suggested. "We can't keep wai—" "Please," Zynah sobbed, completely shatt
Behind A Smile 160
For two consecutive days, Zynah hadn't been herself. Bilal's death came as a shock to her. Had she known he would die so unexpectedly,, she wouldn't have stayed away from him. Not even for a split second. Had she known he would be gone so soon, she would have clung to him like a lifeline, would have made him know just how important he was to her. Had she known he was going to leave so soon, she would have let him know of his baby, growing in her. She had so many regrets. So much that she wished she could turn back the hands of time and rectify her mistakes. Five minutes - five minutes was all that was needed. Her parents had arrived two days ago and strangely, they were being so sympathetic. Her father's attitude surprised her the most, but she held back her emotions, her heart too heavy for words. Ramlah had been very supportive. She was always at her beck and call. When she had sleepless night, she would always stay up with her and try to lighten up the mood, by reminding her
Behind A Smile 161
"Didn't I tell you it's nothing serious?" Ramlah asked, immediately Zynah walked back into the room. Wordlessly, Zynah sat in her bed and wiped her eyes, preventing the unshed tears from falling. She swallowed. "I have finally told Adnan that his father is never returning. I told him that Bilal is dead." Ramlah nodded, reaching for Zynah's hand. "That was the right thing to do. It's been two days already. How did he take it?" "How else?" Zynah wiped the corners of her eyes. "He was sad. He cried and later calmed down." "He is going to get used to his absence, and forget him in no time," Ramlah said. "He is still very young." Zynah looked at her sister in disbelief. "Forget about his father? How could you say that? Even if he is dead, he is still his father and he loved him immensely. No matter what happened, Adnan will always remember him. I'll make sure he never forgets his father." "I didn't mean it in that way," Ramlah said, realizing her mistake. "Sorry it came
Behind A Smile 162
"I'm actually talking about my Bilal," Nazmeera chuckled humorlessly. "My brother." "It's true," Zynah confirmed, wiping away her tears. "My husband is dead. He passed away two days ago." Nazmeera's took in a sudden breath, her hand flying over her mouth. "Bil—" she choked on a sob. "That can't be...can't be true," her voice cracked. "You're lying." "Please calm down," Ramlah said, her voice gentle. "We didn't come all the way here, just so we can lie to you. It's the truth. I'm sorry, but your brother has passed away." "Ramlah," Zynah called, shaking her head. "Let me do the talking, please." "Fine," Ramlah replied, stepping back. "Do the talking then." "Naz—" Zynah began. "Bilal can't be dead!" Nazmeera yelled, cutting her off. "I have apologized to you for the flagitious things I did, right? Are you telling me this right now to get back at me?" "Who do you—" Ramlah had just begun to speak, when Zynah glared at her, making her stop talking instantly. "Ramlah
Behind A Smile 163
Slowly, Zynah picked up the box. Her breath labored as she read the caption aloud. "Letters to my loved ones." Her heartbeat rapidly increased and tears prickled her eyes as she realized that Bilal had written those letters and wanted them to be read once he was gone. They were his final messages to those he loved. Tears welled up in her eyes as she made her way to a stool at the extreme of the room, and sat down. For a fact, she knew reading the letters at that time would stir up the feelings she had been trying so hard to bottle up, but now faced with the empty space he'd left behind, she felt compelled to delve into his words. With shaky hands, she managed to uncover the box, by lifting the lid. For some inexplicable reason, she felt uneasy, but the feeling didn't hinder her from proceeding to do what she had started. She needed to know what was written in the letters. Astonished, the first letter she saw, was a letter to Mr idris - his father. She wasn't supposed to
Behind A Smile 164
"8th April. Dear, champ, By the time this letter gets into your hands, I hope you'd still remember your father then. In all the four years of your life, I know I have barely been able to spend a year together with you. I haven't been present as much as I would have liked. But in the span of that one year, I have gotten really attached to you. You're my son - my flesh and blood" We got to do the things you wanted, but sadly, I won't be there when you reach milestones in life. graduations, convocations...wedding. I'd have loved to be present with you in each and every one of these occasions. To whistle and shout out to the audience what a proud father I am, but in life, we can't always get what we want and the best we can do, is to accept it as our fate and move on. Move on to brighter and higher heights. This is a life lesson you should always put in mind. You know, at times, I feel lighthearted, knowing that I won't be there when you're all grown and wise. I have always i
Behind A Smile 165
Ramlah sucked her teeth. "I have been waiting for you to return to the room for a while now. I freaked out, thinking something bad has happened to you or you've done something to yourself," she added the last part in a barely able voice. Zynah resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Ramlah's words. She didn't expect her to commit suicide, did she? "What?" Ramlah shook her head. "You weren't meant to hear that part, so just forget it. Anyway, what are you doing here? You've been here for a while, and your eyes," she said, her voice dropping. "What's in there?" She inquired, her gaze fixated on the mini box. "Can I take a look?" Zynah inconspicuously hid the box behind her, and stood up. "What's wrong? Why were you looking for me? Did something happen? Is Adnan fine?" Ramlah nodded. "Adnan is fine, and nothing is wrong. I was just worried about you. Also, Dad and Mom are about to leave. You're the one they are waiting for." Zynah waved a dismissive hand. "Alright, you shoul
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