10M I R A N D AI try to fix my gray colored graded contact lenses inside the bathroom and dropped a few eyedropper to avoid my eyes from drying. I have always sported gray eyes ever since my drunken one night with Hugo Saintclare. Yeah, I’m a freaking coward.I know, I’m always trying to hide my real identity from blond hair to the changed darker hair color and light blue eyes to fake gray colored lenses. Pathetic. Fucking pathetic Miranda. You are an absolute fucking pathetic, I swear. I’m still hiding even though Hugo is already right in front of me yet I am still so scared.I have always lived in guilt, embarrassment and… more guilt the more I see him, the guiltier I become.I have to tell him, I have to. I must. I need to tell him because he is the father of Ben.I finally left the bathroom as soon as I finished preparing myself for clearance. Until I hear my name being called, "Miranda Rose!"I quickly turned my head around and found Chris running towards me as if he was in a h
10.5I paused. "A little bit."He paused too and looked at me. "Is England the place where they have that large clock clock that’s the same as my name?"I nod, "Yes baby. That’s right.""Are we going there?""Do you want to go?"He paused again and pressed his lips together while he was thinking about what to answer to me. "No."Ben begins to eat again as I sigh inwardly. "Why not?" I can’t help but ask."It's pretty expensive."He's right. Who am I kidding? Everything in England is expensive and having the both of us there, with no friends around like Vivian or Arthur or Christian who would actually help me. New York is expensive too but at least I have friends who would help me when I am in financial need."You see Ben, mommy has been offered a job there in England and a friend of mine will help us when we get there." I tell him.Ben pulled his head up and looked at me, "You mean we're leaving New York?"I nod. "You don't want to?""Mom, I don't want to leave.” He pouts. “I can't le
11H U G O "Come on Hugo.""I told you, nothing."Ned remains silent from the other line while I was busy with my laptop."Tell me exactly why you're helping this woman, Hugo?" Ned asks me while he's on the other line.I fixed my Bluetooth earphone in my ear, "Because she needs help." I answered seriously as I kept my eyes glued on my laptop.I need to finish my presentation for next week's meeting and I still have tons of other stuff to prepare at the studio while Ned here keeps on bugging the hell out of me.I hear Ned chuckling. "Is that all?""Yes." I answered firmly, still keeping my gaze at my laptop."Really?" Ned teases."Yes Ned.""You don't need to lie to me Hue." He persuades me.I stopped from typing and just stared at my laptop while I release a deep sigh, "I'm not lying."My eyes hurt. My head hurts. My ear hurts. I think I need to take some good rest and it’s getting more annoying because Ned keeps irritating me from the other line. I thought to myself."Come on." He w
11.5I glance at my phone as I hit send but in a split second, my eyes widened in surprise as soon as I heard the receiver’s name.Ah, shit. Why did I send that to Miranda? I was supposed to send the fucking text to Audrey. Jesus Christ, Hugo you have always been such a clumsy little fucker.My eyes travelled back to my phone screen as soon as I received a message from a response from Miranda the next minute.MIRANDA: Hey Hugo. It’s surprising that you messaged me. I’m actually doing fine. How are you?HUGO: I’m actually doing fine. Are you busy nurse Miranda?I don't know why I'm texting her.Christ Hugo, are you flirting?Damn it. Damn it Hugo.I shake my head sideways as I think about… Stop it while it's early. You know yourself better and you have got to stop this fucking non-sense. I wasn't actually thinking about Miranda when I was typing that message because it was absolutely meant for Audrey.MIRANDA: FYI I'm no longer working as a nurse. But I'm not busy. I'm just teaching Be
12M I R A N D A “It’s just Ned. Relax.” I tell myself as I stare at my own reflection on the rear view mirror.“Who am I kidding? It’s Ned Hall!” I exhale heavily as I tried to gather my thoughts. “But remain calm Miranda. Don’t act like a thirteen year old. You’re turning twenty-five for Christ’s sake. Grow up.”I exhale heavily through my parted lips.Vivian is picking Ben up from school since I had to sign some papers from the hospital for my clearance. The entire drive to Alfonso's, my mind was boggled about meeting the Irish-Canadian business mogul Ned Hall. I had these situations in my head how the meeting will turn out and I try to tell myself to avoid ruining it.I push my hair behind my ear as I stare at myself from my rearview mirror. You can do this, I encourage myself. You know you can talk professionally with Ned without screaming and hyperventilating like a teenage girl. You have grown. You have conquered that stage in your life.You’ll be fine. You will be fine. You w
12.5He’s your old time friend since you were a teen. He’s that long haired and hot lead vocalist from Satellite Patrol who has such a powerful and raspy voice that sounds so fucking hot. He’s Hugo Saintclare and he doesn’t know we have a child.I smile weakly, “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”“Oh. Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should apologize for asking personal stuff.” He takes a sip from his drink.I smiled ruefully. “It’s nothing.” I tell him.“Anyways.” He chimes. “Hugo has been talking to me about helping you find a good job here in New York and since he’s a very dear friend to me, I am willing to help you.” Ned starts talking about what we’re really here for.I nod, “I will be forever thankful to you, Mr. Hall.”“We really don’t have to be formal here. Just call me Ned. It’s totally fine.” He responds.I nod shyly with a smile on my face. “Okay, Ned.”“Better.” He smiles. “Since this job you are about to apply is about business and it’s far from your field,
13M I R A N D A"Take care of Miranda for me." Ned tells Hugo while we head out of the front door.Ned had always been known as the sweetest one in the band and he’s always been the most thoughtful among the five of them.Hugo smiles at Ned and I was just completely quiet the entire time the two of them were together because it was a little overwhelming seeing two of my favorite rock band conversing so casually in front of me. I don't know why I get insanely quiet when Hugo arrived because it felt like my tongue curled to the back of my throat. Worst, it seemed like I swallowed it and my mind doesn't work as if it was back being an empty dome.So many questions were running inside my head and I was then reminded that he is engaged. Wait, why is he even in New York? What did he come here for? Who did he come here for?I was hoping that it was because of me but them he could probably mean business.Oh don't be silly Miranda, you really think you're that special to Hugo just because he
13.5Seeing my son, I just wish he would grow fond with Hugo’s companionship right now. Hugo’s not a bad man and back in the day I know he likes kids.Ben's curly hair was blowing against the wind and I quickly hopped off from Hugo’s car. I marched towards them and kissed Ben's forehead. "Hey little fella." I tell him.He yawns. "Hey mom.""He just woke up." Vivian kissed me cheek to cheek."Oh poor thing. Have you had dinner already?" I ask him.Ben nods. "The pasta aunt Vivian bought me was amazing."I smile at Vivian. "Thank you Viv.""You're welcome. Who's car is that?""I'll tell you about it later. Long story.” I responded. “But we need to get going now. Let's go Ben."Both of us started walking towards Hugo’s car as soon as we bid goodbye to Vivian. I opened the passenger door for Ben and Hugo just stares at him the second the door cracked opened with a tight-lipped smile on his face.Ben looks up to me. "Why are you together mom?""He offered me a ride to pick you up." I answe
87 T H E A Sebastian committed suicide. He ended his own life with a gun in his head. No one even knew how he had a gun in the first place and no one had any idea he was going to do that. He was supposed to meet Ben and the others tomorrow for a reunion. He was supposed to live a new life after being sentenced in prison for seven years. He was supposed to live in a tropical place and start a new life for himself. He was supposed to live a life filled with dreams now that he is out in prison. Sebastian was supposed to live. I was supposed to forgive him. The autopsy report stated that it happened around twelve midnight which means just a few hours after he left our home. I have never felt so depressed in my entire life that I wasn't even able to tell him a lot of things that I wanted to say. I didnt know what I was exactly feeling, completely lost in my thoughts and emotions after Sebastian's passing. I knew that there was something wrong in his eyes when he talked to me becaus
86T H E A"How have you been?" He asks.Sebastian wore blue, white and light pink plaided top, a pair of faded jeans and a dirty white sneakers. He looked older than the last time I saw him and his hair has gotten longer too. He looked different, but those eyes still frightens me.Those merciless eyes.I couldn't stare at him longer and I had to look away from his gaze. I clear my throat, "I have been well." I answered."I'm really glad that you are." Sebastian tells me."Um, do you want to drink something Sebastian? Tea?" Ben offers.I quickly held his wrist, stopping him from leaving me alone in here and stared into his eyes as I said to him. "Please don't leave me here."Ben stares intently at me before he turns to Sebastian who speaks, "You dont really have to offer me anything."I bite my inner cheek and breathe in some confidence before I faced Sebastian. "What are you doing here?"Sebastian stares at me eagerly."What do you want?" I asked firmly."I came here to see if you ha
85T H E AI couldn't sleep the entire night as I was bothered about Sebastian's release happening in just a few hours.Thoughts were filling and piling inside my head one over the other and I don't know if this was going to let me sleep at all.So I slipped out of the bed where Ben was sleeping soundly and headed out of bedroom to get myself a glass of wine from downstairs. I hate myself when I turn to alcohol every time my thoughts are fogged up and fucked up. I hate when there are questions left unanswered and my solution is alcohol.I hated it.I hated it so much I hate myself too.I finished two glasses of wine and spent almost thirty minutes just sitting on a chair where I tried to drown and sort my troubled thoughts. I finally pulled myself up and headed back to my bedroom only until I saw Xavier heading out of his room, crying. I rushed to his side and wished that he wouldn't smell the stingy scent of alcohol from my breath."Xavier." I cooed. "What happened?""Mommy I had a n
84T H E A“Why didn’t you tell him?”Benedict's question still lingers in my mind.Why didn't I tell Sebastian back in the day?I have been asking myself that same question over and over again for the past couple of years. I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready and I know I wasn't ready. I lied to myself when I said I was ready to confess to him about our child but I was absentmindedly denying the fact that my mind was filled with so many thoughts as soon as I faced Sebastian.When I saw him, I was reminded of how he raped me mercilessly. When I saw him, I was reminded of how dirty of a woman I was. When I saw him, I was reminded of how I didn't want this baby to be born if only it hadn't been for Ben.Ben has always been my rock and my strength after everything that happened to me. All these years, he accepted me no matter what and I have been beyond blessed to have a man like that in my life.That kind of love and care he showed me is going to be something I didn't want to waste
83T H E AI stare at my own reflection in front of the mirror, I gained weight but I look different compared to the old me a few weeks ago. My eyes travelled down to my baby bump and as I turn to my side, I feel more anxiety building in the back of my head. I am not confident enough that I will be a good mother to this baby once it’s out when I know this baby came from a man who I trusted so much but just raped me. My bump is starting to show now and I know I have a lifelong responsibility waiting ahead of me. I just hope I will be responsible enough.I rub my hand over my small tummy then smiled at myself.“You will be fine.” I told my baby.Ben is here for me and for us. He always has. He made everything feel better. He made me better and happier without asking too much in return. He is a very selfless man and I owe him my life. My everything and all that I have left.I breathe out heavily and tucked my hair behind my ears as I stare at myself wearing this white dress and white ba
82B E N E D I C TShe stands by the balcony sliding door, staring at an empty space wearing my shirt and some pajamas. Standing here afar from Thea, looking at her, I can see and I can feel that her mind is full. It’s full of endless thoughts and worries. I wish I could take some from her restless bothered thoughts and I wish I could help her with what she is going through.Thea is strong but I don’t want her to have another breakdown. I hope I can share the pain and confusions she is going through right now. I wish, at least I could make her happy despite of what has happened lately.But I don’t know what to do as well.I am bothered too, restless, anxious, troubled and angry. I still have this growing hate in me and unwillingness to befriend Sebastian.I hate him.I walk towards Thea and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t budge but still sets her eyes out the window. “There are no stars tonight.” I say.She sighs heavily.“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” I ask.She didn’t answer
81B E N E D I C T“The CEO of Saintclare Enterprises , finally off the market!!”I read mentally the newspaper’s headlines as soon as I got into my office. I scan through the magazines which were also over my desk, and the headlines were also all about me.I sigh. “I knew this was gonna come out first thing in the morning.”The phone on top of my desk rings, I quickly picked it up, “Yes.”“Mr. Saintclare everyone is calling in for an interview with you. They’re all asking if you have any available time.” I can hear telephones ringing from my secretary’s background.“Cancel all interviews. Tell them I have a busy schedule up until next week.” I hung up.Suddenly the phone in my pocket rings. I stare at the screen and it was Mrs. Brown, my PR.I sigh as I answer, “I know what you’re going to say.”“It’s everywhere. My phone has been ringing since six o’clock this morning. I don’t know what to answer them.”“Did you say anything about Thea?”“No. Not unless you tell me to. I’m only wait
80BENEDICTI stare at Thea, and she has been looking out of the window for minutes now. I know she still has a lot of things in mind with what has happened lately and I’m sure she’s tired of thinking about it too. She has talked to Khaleel and I have had talked to him too. Despite her past, we wanted to keep it to ourselves than letting the others know about it. They wouldn’t understand what she went through to survive and it isn’t our story to tell.I have asked myself a couple of times why she had to choose such job but then I didn’t have the courage to ask her. I don’t want her to feel bad about herself and the more I ask about her past, the more she would think it bothers me.Honestly, it has been in the past and we all have had done crazy shit a thing or two. All of us deserves a second chance and women like Thea who strives hard to change herself to become a better woman deserves more than that. I am proud of her and she knows it.A smile creeps on her face as soon as I rubbed
79THEASometimes, in our lives there are instances when you just want to disappear because of awkward situations or embarrassing moments. And right now, that’s what I want to happen. I want to teleport to another place far from here.It feels like everything inside my system malfunctioned and brain feels dead. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and my past than how Sebastian is embarrassing me right now in front of Ben. No one has ever made me feel so little of myself, only Sebastian.This bastard. This one of a hell man. I wish he dies.My tears were just flowing from my closed eyes and I feel this growing pain against my chest. I try to breathe in but the pain grows as I exhale so I remained quiet. I don’t want to face anyone or see how they look at me with disgust and filth. I just want to disappear like one pop of a bubble or run out of this house and never look back.But I cant, I know I have to face them now. I have to face Khaleel. I have to face Benedict even if it’s