8Out of all the people that could open the door it had to be Ben.Damn universe, you are really enjoying playing with me.Say something Miranda! Speak! Jesus Christ speak up because you are already making it too hard on yourself."Ben!" I called out with a shaky voice.Hugo moved his head to me and there was a slight change from the way he has been looking at me the entire night in the restaurant.Ben smiles at me while he kept glancing his eyes at Hugo who was still silent. Oh goodness my heart. I think my heart is going to jump out of my chest and I'm going to collapse."You're still up." I add."I couldn't sleep.” Ben answers. “I was waiting for you."Ben's eyes moved to Hugo. "Who is he?" He asked, while pointing."He's a friend." I answered."Your little brother?" Hugo questioned."Her son. Name's Ben." Ben offered a handshake.Every single time. He always does this when there are new guys he sees me with. He is kind of protective of me in some way and I kind of find it really a
8.5Chris continues to read the entire page, "Wow this guy. He owns a lot of money. I wonder how he spends his wealth. Maybe he could open a hospital and pay hospital workers a bigger salary."I smile and tried to diver the topic away from Hugo, "How about lunch? I'm starving."He brings his hand together and stand from his seat, "Fantastic!"We went out to have lunch at our usual spot which was just located near the hospital. It’s been our favorite since the foods are incredible and the place has a really nice ambiance. We continued having our conversation while we were eating on our foods and it’s always nice to just hang out with Chris."Miranda, haven't you thought about getting into a relationship?" He asks, out of the blue after we discussed about Hugo’s offer to me.I really don't know how to answer when people bring this topic because I don’t think I am ready to share a part of me and Ben with someone else. I need to have this reassurance that the man I will spend a life with
9H U G OA knock came by the door."Come in." I say while my eyes were glued on the papers that I was busy signing.The door opens, and here comes my secretary, Maria, who's been getting hates from my fiancée Audrey Chamberlain. Audrey doesn't really like her especially when she is around here in my office every single day. Audrey mentioned that she thinks Maria is flirting with me. She's afraid I might bend her over my desk and have sex with her while she's away from me but I wouldn't do that.Audrey typically worries too much about the women around me and I guess she’s a little bit too overprotective. She keeps whining about having Maria fired because of her gut feeling which has always been wrong. I couldn’t fire Maria who has always been amazing and diligent with her work. She’s reached her position because she earned it from working her for long. Maria’s really great at her job, excellent in multi-tasking and she's very quick and attentive."Yes Maria?" I asked."These are the p
9.5For some reason, a part of me is actually hoping on seeing her again. I never had the chance to talk to her while I was sober. I never had the chance to actually spend time with her after the frolicking and fucking. I tried to look for her as much as I could but I couldn’t the morning after that.No traces of her, just this damned necklace.If I'd ever see her again, I would ask so many things like why she wanted to ask her why she left me that morning, how she has been after what happened and if she was alright after that.Most importantly, I want to know how hurt she was because I obviously took her virginity. I feel this guilt inside me because I haven't fucked a virgin before and the way she left that day without saying anything to me made me feel as if she was embarrassed.She must have seen the bloodstain and felt too shy to talk to me after. I thought she was going to be someone who was using me to ruin my image but then no one actually knew what happened. All these years I
10M I R A N D AI try to fix my gray colored graded contact lenses inside the bathroom and dropped a few eyedropper to avoid my eyes from drying. I have always sported gray eyes ever since my drunken one night with Hugo Saintclare. Yeah, I’m a freaking coward.I know, I’m always trying to hide my real identity from blond hair to the changed darker hair color and light blue eyes to fake gray colored lenses. Pathetic. Fucking pathetic Miranda. You are an absolute fucking pathetic, I swear. I’m still hiding even though Hugo is already right in front of me yet I am still so scared.I have always lived in guilt, embarrassment and… more guilt the more I see him, the guiltier I become.I have to tell him, I have to. I must. I need to tell him because he is the father of Ben.I finally left the bathroom as soon as I finished preparing myself for clearance. Until I hear my name being called, "Miranda Rose!"I quickly turned my head around and found Chris running towards me as if he was in a h
10.5I paused. "A little bit."He paused too and looked at me. "Is England the place where they have that large clock clock that’s the same as my name?"I nod, "Yes baby. That’s right.""Are we going there?""Do you want to go?"He paused again and pressed his lips together while he was thinking about what to answer to me. "No."Ben begins to eat again as I sigh inwardly. "Why not?" I can’t help but ask."It's pretty expensive."He's right. Who am I kidding? Everything in England is expensive and having the both of us there, with no friends around like Vivian or Arthur or Christian who would actually help me. New York is expensive too but at least I have friends who would help me when I am in financial need."You see Ben, mommy has been offered a job there in England and a friend of mine will help us when we get there." I tell him.Ben pulled his head up and looked at me, "You mean we're leaving New York?"I nod. "You don't want to?""Mom, I don't want to leave.” He pouts. “I can't le
11H U G O "Come on Hugo.""I told you, nothing."Ned remains silent from the other line while I was busy with my laptop."Tell me exactly why you're helping this woman, Hugo?" Ned asks me while he's on the other line.I fixed my Bluetooth earphone in my ear, "Because she needs help." I answered seriously as I kept my eyes glued on my laptop.I need to finish my presentation for next week's meeting and I still have tons of other stuff to prepare at the studio while Ned here keeps on bugging the hell out of me.I hear Ned chuckling. "Is that all?""Yes." I answered firmly, still keeping my gaze at my laptop."Really?" Ned teases."Yes Ned.""You don't need to lie to me Hue." He persuades me.I stopped from typing and just stared at my laptop while I release a deep sigh, "I'm not lying."My eyes hurt. My head hurts. My ear hurts. I think I need to take some good rest and it’s getting more annoying because Ned keeps irritating me from the other line. I thought to myself."Come on." He w
11.5I glance at my phone as I hit send but in a split second, my eyes widened in surprise as soon as I heard the receiver’s name.Ah, shit. Why did I send that to Miranda? I was supposed to send the fucking text to Audrey. Jesus Christ, Hugo you have always been such a clumsy little fucker.My eyes travelled back to my phone screen as soon as I received a message from a response from Miranda the next minute.MIRANDA: Hey Hugo. It’s surprising that you messaged me. I’m actually doing fine. How are you?HUGO: I’m actually doing fine. Are you busy nurse Miranda?I don't know why I'm texting her.Christ Hugo, are you flirting?Damn it. Damn it Hugo.I shake my head sideways as I think about… Stop it while it's early. You know yourself better and you have got to stop this fucking non-sense. I wasn't actually thinking about Miranda when I was typing that message because it was absolutely meant for Audrey.MIRANDA: FYI I'm no longer working as a nurse. But I'm not busy. I'm just teaching Be
87 T H E A Sebastian committed suicide. He ended his own life with a gun in his head. No one even knew how he had a gun in the first place and no one had any idea he was going to do that. He was supposed to meet Ben and the others tomorrow for a reunion. He was supposed to live a new life after being sentenced in prison for seven years. He was supposed to live in a tropical place and start a new life for himself. He was supposed to live a life filled with dreams now that he is out in prison. Sebastian was supposed to live. I was supposed to forgive him. The autopsy report stated that it happened around twelve midnight which means just a few hours after he left our home. I have never felt so depressed in my entire life that I wasn't even able to tell him a lot of things that I wanted to say. I didnt know what I was exactly feeling, completely lost in my thoughts and emotions after Sebastian's passing. I knew that there was something wrong in his eyes when he talked to me becaus
86T H E A"How have you been?" He asks.Sebastian wore blue, white and light pink plaided top, a pair of faded jeans and a dirty white sneakers. He looked older than the last time I saw him and his hair has gotten longer too. He looked different, but those eyes still frightens me.Those merciless eyes.I couldn't stare at him longer and I had to look away from his gaze. I clear my throat, "I have been well." I answered."I'm really glad that you are." Sebastian tells me."Um, do you want to drink something Sebastian? Tea?" Ben offers.I quickly held his wrist, stopping him from leaving me alone in here and stared into his eyes as I said to him. "Please don't leave me here."Ben stares intently at me before he turns to Sebastian who speaks, "You dont really have to offer me anything."I bite my inner cheek and breathe in some confidence before I faced Sebastian. "What are you doing here?"Sebastian stares at me eagerly."What do you want?" I asked firmly."I came here to see if you ha
85T H E AI couldn't sleep the entire night as I was bothered about Sebastian's release happening in just a few hours.Thoughts were filling and piling inside my head one over the other and I don't know if this was going to let me sleep at all.So I slipped out of the bed where Ben was sleeping soundly and headed out of bedroom to get myself a glass of wine from downstairs. I hate myself when I turn to alcohol every time my thoughts are fogged up and fucked up. I hate when there are questions left unanswered and my solution is alcohol.I hated it.I hated it so much I hate myself too.I finished two glasses of wine and spent almost thirty minutes just sitting on a chair where I tried to drown and sort my troubled thoughts. I finally pulled myself up and headed back to my bedroom only until I saw Xavier heading out of his room, crying. I rushed to his side and wished that he wouldn't smell the stingy scent of alcohol from my breath."Xavier." I cooed. "What happened?""Mommy I had a n
84T H E A“Why didn’t you tell him?”Benedict's question still lingers in my mind.Why didn't I tell Sebastian back in the day?I have been asking myself that same question over and over again for the past couple of years. I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready and I know I wasn't ready. I lied to myself when I said I was ready to confess to him about our child but I was absentmindedly denying the fact that my mind was filled with so many thoughts as soon as I faced Sebastian.When I saw him, I was reminded of how he raped me mercilessly. When I saw him, I was reminded of how dirty of a woman I was. When I saw him, I was reminded of how I didn't want this baby to be born if only it hadn't been for Ben.Ben has always been my rock and my strength after everything that happened to me. All these years, he accepted me no matter what and I have been beyond blessed to have a man like that in my life.That kind of love and care he showed me is going to be something I didn't want to waste
83T H E AI stare at my own reflection in front of the mirror, I gained weight but I look different compared to the old me a few weeks ago. My eyes travelled down to my baby bump and as I turn to my side, I feel more anxiety building in the back of my head. I am not confident enough that I will be a good mother to this baby once it’s out when I know this baby came from a man who I trusted so much but just raped me. My bump is starting to show now and I know I have a lifelong responsibility waiting ahead of me. I just hope I will be responsible enough.I rub my hand over my small tummy then smiled at myself.“You will be fine.” I told my baby.Ben is here for me and for us. He always has. He made everything feel better. He made me better and happier without asking too much in return. He is a very selfless man and I owe him my life. My everything and all that I have left.I breathe out heavily and tucked my hair behind my ears as I stare at myself wearing this white dress and white ba
82B E N E D I C TShe stands by the balcony sliding door, staring at an empty space wearing my shirt and some pajamas. Standing here afar from Thea, looking at her, I can see and I can feel that her mind is full. It’s full of endless thoughts and worries. I wish I could take some from her restless bothered thoughts and I wish I could help her with what she is going through.Thea is strong but I don’t want her to have another breakdown. I hope I can share the pain and confusions she is going through right now. I wish, at least I could make her happy despite of what has happened lately.But I don’t know what to do as well.I am bothered too, restless, anxious, troubled and angry. I still have this growing hate in me and unwillingness to befriend Sebastian.I hate him.I walk towards Thea and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t budge but still sets her eyes out the window. “There are no stars tonight.” I say.She sighs heavily.“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” I ask.She didn’t answer
81B E N E D I C T“The CEO of Saintclare Enterprises , finally off the market!!”I read mentally the newspaper’s headlines as soon as I got into my office. I scan through the magazines which were also over my desk, and the headlines were also all about me.I sigh. “I knew this was gonna come out first thing in the morning.”The phone on top of my desk rings, I quickly picked it up, “Yes.”“Mr. Saintclare everyone is calling in for an interview with you. They’re all asking if you have any available time.” I can hear telephones ringing from my secretary’s background.“Cancel all interviews. Tell them I have a busy schedule up until next week.” I hung up.Suddenly the phone in my pocket rings. I stare at the screen and it was Mrs. Brown, my PR.I sigh as I answer, “I know what you’re going to say.”“It’s everywhere. My phone has been ringing since six o’clock this morning. I don’t know what to answer them.”“Did you say anything about Thea?”“No. Not unless you tell me to. I’m only wait
80BENEDICTI stare at Thea, and she has been looking out of the window for minutes now. I know she still has a lot of things in mind with what has happened lately and I’m sure she’s tired of thinking about it too. She has talked to Khaleel and I have had talked to him too. Despite her past, we wanted to keep it to ourselves than letting the others know about it. They wouldn’t understand what she went through to survive and it isn’t our story to tell.I have asked myself a couple of times why she had to choose such job but then I didn’t have the courage to ask her. I don’t want her to feel bad about herself and the more I ask about her past, the more she would think it bothers me.Honestly, it has been in the past and we all have had done crazy shit a thing or two. All of us deserves a second chance and women like Thea who strives hard to change herself to become a better woman deserves more than that. I am proud of her and she knows it.A smile creeps on her face as soon as I rubbed
79THEASometimes, in our lives there are instances when you just want to disappear because of awkward situations or embarrassing moments. And right now, that’s what I want to happen. I want to teleport to another place far from here.It feels like everything inside my system malfunctioned and brain feels dead. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and my past than how Sebastian is embarrassing me right now in front of Ben. No one has ever made me feel so little of myself, only Sebastian.This bastard. This one of a hell man. I wish he dies.My tears were just flowing from my closed eyes and I feel this growing pain against my chest. I try to breathe in but the pain grows as I exhale so I remained quiet. I don’t want to face anyone or see how they look at me with disgust and filth. I just want to disappear like one pop of a bubble or run out of this house and never look back.But I cant, I know I have to face them now. I have to face Khaleel. I have to face Benedict even if it’s