52M I R A N D AI feel Hugo's hands holding on my curves.“What are you doing?” I quickly asked, feeling a little tensed.“Let me just hold you.” He answers.“Hugo.. we should not be doing this.” I reminded him.I push his hands away even though I admit that I like it.He sighs heavily and I don’t know what his intentions are but I am nervous.I should not be tempted by this, by him and by his touches. “I’m not doing anything...” He says in a whispering voice as he place his hands over me my hips again.He's giving me massive, and I mean massive heat with just one touch and to think his hands aren't even moving yet but my heart feels like jumping out from my chest."W-what do you really want?" I croaked."Because I wanna see you.” He says close to my ear. “I wanna talk to you about something."“This is not the best way to… talk, Hugo.” I answer him.He slowly spins me around so that I can face him. My head moves up to Hugo and he's really pretty damn tall."About?" I ask him."Us."
52.5"No, I'm not shutting up. You tell yourself you love Landon because that's what your mind is telling you. But what does your heart say? You force yourself that you love him, that he means everything to you but why do I feel like you're still into me when we're together? Your heart is beating fast when you're with me and I feel it. Don't you lie. Why do you get nervous when I'm around?"I push him away from me because I feel like what he's telling me is true, "Back off. You don't know what you're saying.""I clearly know what I am trying to tell you. You can fool your mind but you can't lie to what your heart says.""Stop it.""You tell yourself that you love Landon but honestly you still want me." He says."That's not true!""You lie too much." He spits.Hugo suddenly cup both of my cheeks and pulled my face closer to him. His lips landed on mine and he begins to kiss me, slowly. My eyes bolted from my sockets when I felt his soft lips on me but I wasn't kissing him back.He's th
53M I R A N D A"Hey."Landon pops out of the bedroom again while he walks closer to the bed with his boxers on. "Good morning." He kisses my cheek sweetly and smiles at me.I glance at myself, on top of a bed with nothing on but Landon's bed sheet. It is now the following morning after Landon and I made love and every time I stare into his eyes, there’s this guilt that I have been after Hugo. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and I have never felt this angry at myself for even falling to Hugo’s temptation."You're quiet." Landon makes my thoughts vanished..I sigh heavily as I think about that sinful thing I did with Hugo three weeks ago and it has never left my head no matter how hard I try. I have been feeling totally guilty about it for the entire days and there is this constant heavy feeling inside my head and my chest that I cannot seem to get rid of that easily. I can't stop thinking about what I did behind Landon's back knowing how wonderful he has always treated me.
53.5I gape in surprise as I hear him finally speaking. My tears are now falling over my cheeks because I know that I was not just hearing things. I am not just dreaming that I was hearing Ben's voice. Ben finally talked. He finally talked after almost two weeks of being silent. The therapy is helping Ben. My tears fall down my cheeks again, it's flooding my cheeks and I'm just too happy to hear him calling me mommy again."You... You just talked Ben." I cup his cheeks and he tries to smile."S-Surprise.” He says happily.“Oh Ben.” I sob as I cup his face.“I'm... I’m not.... Mad... At you." He tries to talk and even though he was having a hard time, I am still proud of him.I smile at what I just heard from Ben's mouth. I kiss his forehead and held my arms around my son. I couldn’t be more proud of him. I am too proud. He just talked. He just told me he's not mad.Ben is recovering.Ben is really recovering.Little by little he's already recovering and I can see that he's really tryi
54M I R A N D A"I don't care if you don't love me anymore." He adds.My back is still facing him but both of us stopped right on top of the staircase. He is still behind me and I actually don’t want to see his face because I don’t want to give in to what he's saying because I have already given in to him before. I'm still having a hard time processing what he just said to me because now isn't the perfect time to tell me about this.Now isn't the perfect time for this.Why does he always say things so unexpectedly?Why does he always do things that always tempts me?It's so annoying because I'm not prepared all the time and it is so unfair how he can do this to me without even thinking about the fact that he is taken and about to get married."I don't care at all." He continues.I sigh heavily.I spin around and stare at Hugo."Stop this Hugo." I tell him.He stares at me."Please." I beg him as I keep my thoughts together. "Don't mess up with what I have with Landon. What we did beh
55M I R A N D AHUGO: Hey. I'm leaving for London in a bit, I just wanted to check that the tux I bought for Ben fit him?I stare at his message for a while before I finally decided to put my book down as I gaze at the clock, it was already midnight.I know Hugo's already on his way back to London and I could tell that he has been avoiding the fact that he needs to confront me after finding out that I am pregnant. He has not talked to me about my baby with Landon after he found out about it last night and I do not think that I am ready to even confront him about it too.It was a good thing for me because I don’t know what kind of conversation we would be having and I am not ready to even talk to him. Also, I am utterly confused who would be the father to this child I am carrying.I cannot ruin Hugo’s wedding which is happening in four days and even though it seems too close, there is still a part of me that wishes for it not to happen.Selfish. That word creeps into my head again and
55.5At least Ben can feel a love from a father by Landon's presence and Hugo too.Everything is set for tomorrow. My gown, heels, hair and make up artist are all ready and set. Ben's little tuxedo is ready too. Landon's suit and tie is ready as well. Everything is ready…except for me.I'm not ready.I'm not ready to see and to hear Hugo saying his I Do.I'm not ready for Audrey to become Mrs. Saintclare.I'm not ready.The following morning, while my make up artist is busy putting make up on my face and my hairstylist is busy doing my hair, I am trying to tell myself that I can get through this day without even feeling anything at all.You are not going to feel sad or jealous.You should not be.I stare at myself in front of the mirror once the make up artist told me that I was done. I look pretty and ready for the event. I look happy as I try to smile but I'm dying inside and I should not be.I exhale heavily.I know this is wrong to feel this way because it is absolutely unfair fo
56M I R A N D A"Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Audrey and Hugo in marriage. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife." The priest begins to say.Husband and wife.Those three simple words that came out from the priest's mouth felt like bulldozers of slingshots that hit me pretty damn hard straight to the face.This is really happening.The entire time, I am silent on my seat so as the rest of the entire people here but I wasn't actually listening to the priest. I am silent because I don't want to be here. I don't wanna attend this wedding. I don't wanna see Hugo getting married to this woman who I loathe to death.Envy, there is so much envy deep inside me and these negative emotions are utterly wrong. This should not be growing inside me because in the first place I should not be feeling
87 T H E A Sebastian committed suicide. He ended his own life with a gun in his head. No one even knew how he had a gun in the first place and no one had any idea he was going to do that. He was supposed to meet Ben and the others tomorrow for a reunion. He was supposed to live a new life after being sentenced in prison for seven years. He was supposed to live in a tropical place and start a new life for himself. He was supposed to live a life filled with dreams now that he is out in prison. Sebastian was supposed to live. I was supposed to forgive him. The autopsy report stated that it happened around twelve midnight which means just a few hours after he left our home. I have never felt so depressed in my entire life that I wasn't even able to tell him a lot of things that I wanted to say. I didnt know what I was exactly feeling, completely lost in my thoughts and emotions after Sebastian's passing. I knew that there was something wrong in his eyes when he talked to me becaus
86T H E A"How have you been?" He asks.Sebastian wore blue, white and light pink plaided top, a pair of faded jeans and a dirty white sneakers. He looked older than the last time I saw him and his hair has gotten longer too. He looked different, but those eyes still frightens me.Those merciless eyes.I couldn't stare at him longer and I had to look away from his gaze. I clear my throat, "I have been well." I answered."I'm really glad that you are." Sebastian tells me."Um, do you want to drink something Sebastian? Tea?" Ben offers.I quickly held his wrist, stopping him from leaving me alone in here and stared into his eyes as I said to him. "Please don't leave me here."Ben stares intently at me before he turns to Sebastian who speaks, "You dont really have to offer me anything."I bite my inner cheek and breathe in some confidence before I faced Sebastian. "What are you doing here?"Sebastian stares at me eagerly."What do you want?" I asked firmly."I came here to see if you ha
85T H E AI couldn't sleep the entire night as I was bothered about Sebastian's release happening in just a few hours.Thoughts were filling and piling inside my head one over the other and I don't know if this was going to let me sleep at all.So I slipped out of the bed where Ben was sleeping soundly and headed out of bedroom to get myself a glass of wine from downstairs. I hate myself when I turn to alcohol every time my thoughts are fogged up and fucked up. I hate when there are questions left unanswered and my solution is alcohol.I hated it.I hated it so much I hate myself too.I finished two glasses of wine and spent almost thirty minutes just sitting on a chair where I tried to drown and sort my troubled thoughts. I finally pulled myself up and headed back to my bedroom only until I saw Xavier heading out of his room, crying. I rushed to his side and wished that he wouldn't smell the stingy scent of alcohol from my breath."Xavier." I cooed. "What happened?""Mommy I had a n
84T H E A“Why didn’t you tell him?”Benedict's question still lingers in my mind.Why didn't I tell Sebastian back in the day?I have been asking myself that same question over and over again for the past couple of years. I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready and I know I wasn't ready. I lied to myself when I said I was ready to confess to him about our child but I was absentmindedly denying the fact that my mind was filled with so many thoughts as soon as I faced Sebastian.When I saw him, I was reminded of how he raped me mercilessly. When I saw him, I was reminded of how dirty of a woman I was. When I saw him, I was reminded of how I didn't want this baby to be born if only it hadn't been for Ben.Ben has always been my rock and my strength after everything that happened to me. All these years, he accepted me no matter what and I have been beyond blessed to have a man like that in my life.That kind of love and care he showed me is going to be something I didn't want to waste
83T H E AI stare at my own reflection in front of the mirror, I gained weight but I look different compared to the old me a few weeks ago. My eyes travelled down to my baby bump and as I turn to my side, I feel more anxiety building in the back of my head. I am not confident enough that I will be a good mother to this baby once it’s out when I know this baby came from a man who I trusted so much but just raped me. My bump is starting to show now and I know I have a lifelong responsibility waiting ahead of me. I just hope I will be responsible enough.I rub my hand over my small tummy then smiled at myself.“You will be fine.” I told my baby.Ben is here for me and for us. He always has. He made everything feel better. He made me better and happier without asking too much in return. He is a very selfless man and I owe him my life. My everything and all that I have left.I breathe out heavily and tucked my hair behind my ears as I stare at myself wearing this white dress and white ba
82B E N E D I C TShe stands by the balcony sliding door, staring at an empty space wearing my shirt and some pajamas. Standing here afar from Thea, looking at her, I can see and I can feel that her mind is full. It’s full of endless thoughts and worries. I wish I could take some from her restless bothered thoughts and I wish I could help her with what she is going through.Thea is strong but I don’t want her to have another breakdown. I hope I can share the pain and confusions she is going through right now. I wish, at least I could make her happy despite of what has happened lately.But I don’t know what to do as well.I am bothered too, restless, anxious, troubled and angry. I still have this growing hate in me and unwillingness to befriend Sebastian.I hate him.I walk towards Thea and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t budge but still sets her eyes out the window. “There are no stars tonight.” I say.She sighs heavily.“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” I ask.She didn’t answer
81B E N E D I C T“The CEO of Saintclare Enterprises , finally off the market!!”I read mentally the newspaper’s headlines as soon as I got into my office. I scan through the magazines which were also over my desk, and the headlines were also all about me.I sigh. “I knew this was gonna come out first thing in the morning.”The phone on top of my desk rings, I quickly picked it up, “Yes.”“Mr. Saintclare everyone is calling in for an interview with you. They’re all asking if you have any available time.” I can hear telephones ringing from my secretary’s background.“Cancel all interviews. Tell them I have a busy schedule up until next week.” I hung up.Suddenly the phone in my pocket rings. I stare at the screen and it was Mrs. Brown, my PR.I sigh as I answer, “I know what you’re going to say.”“It’s everywhere. My phone has been ringing since six o’clock this morning. I don’t know what to answer them.”“Did you say anything about Thea?”“No. Not unless you tell me to. I’m only wait
80BENEDICTI stare at Thea, and she has been looking out of the window for minutes now. I know she still has a lot of things in mind with what has happened lately and I’m sure she’s tired of thinking about it too. She has talked to Khaleel and I have had talked to him too. Despite her past, we wanted to keep it to ourselves than letting the others know about it. They wouldn’t understand what she went through to survive and it isn’t our story to tell.I have asked myself a couple of times why she had to choose such job but then I didn’t have the courage to ask her. I don’t want her to feel bad about herself and the more I ask about her past, the more she would think it bothers me.Honestly, it has been in the past and we all have had done crazy shit a thing or two. All of us deserves a second chance and women like Thea who strives hard to change herself to become a better woman deserves more than that. I am proud of her and she knows it.A smile creeps on her face as soon as I rubbed
79THEASometimes, in our lives there are instances when you just want to disappear because of awkward situations or embarrassing moments. And right now, that’s what I want to happen. I want to teleport to another place far from here.It feels like everything inside my system malfunctioned and brain feels dead. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and my past than how Sebastian is embarrassing me right now in front of Ben. No one has ever made me feel so little of myself, only Sebastian.This bastard. This one of a hell man. I wish he dies.My tears were just flowing from my closed eyes and I feel this growing pain against my chest. I try to breathe in but the pain grows as I exhale so I remained quiet. I don’t want to face anyone or see how they look at me with disgust and filth. I just want to disappear like one pop of a bubble or run out of this house and never look back.But I cant, I know I have to face them now. I have to face Khaleel. I have to face Benedict even if it’s