When you have nothing good to say ... (II)

“Sara, look at me.”

He spoke to her in a soft voice, but she wasn't brave enough to hold his gaze, her heart was pounding, the oxygen inside the room became insufficient, and her nervousness worsened every time she remembered how obvious it had been. She had given herself away like a fool in front of him. She needed to get out of that office before she continued to make mistakes and if he continued to looking at her that way, she was not going to be able to contain herself or hide everything that his closeness made her feel.

She tried to confuse him in order to escape, but Carlos remained firm in his position and this time he was determined to ‘finish the task’, so he moved closer to Sara and gently, but firmly, he took her by the waist bringing her closer slowly, he caressed her cheek and with his thumb, he lightly brushed the corner of her lips, all while looking at her with love and devotion.

Sara froze, though her heart was still pounding, her whole body trembled and her skin bristled with each touch. With him, everything felt so different that, in an instant, she found herself desiring him intensely … So much so that she began to ignore herself, having him so close, although deep down she couldn't stop thinking that maybe, it was just a dream. Yes, surely that was the explanation … she was dreaming. So, maybe it was time to start waking up … right?

He subtly approached and placed a chaste kiss on Sara's forehead, she involuntarily closed her eyes at the warm and pleasant of such a simple act. Carlos's lips continued to descend, almost imperceptibly to the tip of her nose, leaving a new kiss, which bristled all the skin of the chestnut and accelerated the beating of her heart to levels that she never believed possible.

She hated herself when almost automatically, began to wait and prepare her lips to receive the next kiss … only that, he had other plans, so he diverted his course to her burning cheek, delicately brushing her with the tip of his nose leaving a new kiss there that made her sigh. A sigh that gave Carlos the security he needed to decide to try those appetizing lips that tempted him without compassion.

Again, they touched the tips of their noses, they felt the warmth of their breaths, the same ones that were accelerated due to all the sensations that anticipation was creating in them. Finally, they brushed his lips, in a kiss so sweet and innocent that Sara did not hesitate to request him a little more, approaching, shy and suspicious, to him.

He began to kiss her superficially, feeling the skin of her lips, slow and with special care. Positioning one of his hands on her waist to keep her as close as possible, without suffocating her and without her feeling trapped, and the other hand kept it around her neck, continuing with the soft massage on her red cheek while he didn't stop giving her small kisses. Carlos was struggling to do things calmly, he wanted her to feel comfortable and protected in his arms, that she could relax and be guided by him. Sara stood there with her eyes closed, enjoying and letting him do it. Although she had ever dreamed of this moment, her imagination had definitely fallen short.

Their breathing was getting deeper, their hearts racing at a wild pace. He kept his attention on each of Sara's reactions, he wanted to verify that he was correct, that she also felt the same. If the hug on his birthday, it felt like hours … he prayed that those delicious kisses would last forever, he didn't want to let her go, he was afraid that when he released her, she would see everything as a big mistake and would walk away. What had happened with Brian had made things difficult for him.

And what he feared so much happened …

Stormy images of her past began to arrive at Sara's mind, images that made her suffer and reminded her that Carlos was very far from her reach. Happiness had not been created for people like her, there was no future together, much less a ‘happily ever after’.

Getting away when I do not want to, it hurts … Damn, it hurts! Sorry, but happiness is not for me, sooner or later I will have to pay for my mistakes and the last thing I want is for you to be present and I end up hurting you.

“Carlos this … this … shouldn't have happened,” she screeched helplessly, pulling away at the same time. “You … you and I don't …”

Her eyes were full of tears and as she couldn't articulate a single sentence decently, she ran away.

“Sara, wait! Please, don’t go.” He managed to stop her when she had already crossed the office door and, he couldn't help but hug her again, in that overprotective way, as only he knew how to do it, and although this time there was no kiss, he took all the time to comfort her, protecting her between his arms, pressing her against his chest.

“Carlos this should not be … You—”

“Calm down,” he repeated, stroking her hair tenderly. “I understand that you are confused, believe me, I understand.” He kissed her forehead very softly and then looked for her gaze. “I will wait as long as it takes, but I want you by my side, Sara … I want you with me.”

“I can't, I can't …” He seemed so sincere and she so the opposite of him. You don't understand, I'm not confused, I'm lost.

“Trust me! Please, trust me. Whatever it is that scares you so much, I'm willing to stay by your side and help you solve it.”

I trust you … it is you who should not trust me. I'm not a good person and you don't know how much I hate myself right now for that. She thought, without finding the courage to speak to him.

Carlos continued hugging her, giving her time while she assimilated what had just happened. He took her back to the office, sitting next to her on the sofa, he wanted to talk about his intentions and meet hers … well, that they both give themselves a chance.

Sara admitted that she had admired him since she met him, but she did not think that this feeling would become something much more important, in such a short time, and she felt caught between reality and, what had been until now, her fantasies … those, which she believed to be unrealizable.

“I trust you, but … Have you thought about the possibility that you are making a big mistake?” She couldn't blind herself and let herself go, he deserved to know the truth.

“Since when is being happy a mistake?” He smiled, gently taking her hands in his. “Sara, I really admire that, despite all the negative things that have happened in your life, you are always so happy and optimistic. You inspired me to fight for what I want, and since some time ago, I only want you, but I was a coward and I let my doubts control me.” He shook his head in denial. “Today, I have decided that there will be no more sadness in my life … No more, that's why I dared to kiss you. Look at me Sara, it is real, I am being completely honest with you, I am very clear that I must be patient and take things easy.” His striking blue eyes gazed at her with fascination. “Please, I ask for an opportunity for us, time together to clarify our feelings, I know that we can achieve it. I'm going to make you trust me completely, I'm going to make you want me. God Sara! You have no idea! I don't know what you did to me, but it's been so long since I felt so optimistic and happy.”

Such as he had just said, Carlos had decided to open his heart again to surrender without limitations to what he was feeling. He wanted to be happy, but not only that … he wanted to be happy beside Sara, and if to do so he had to rethink his entire world, expose himself and break down the barriers he had raised to protect himself … Well, so be it.

Sara was so full of doubts about what was happening … but heck! She had to admit that she was dying to give what she was feeling a chance too. She did not know exactly from when Carlos went from being her ‘grumpy boss’ to becoming the reason for her wishes. Maybe it was just that she was confused, maybe the fact that he was the only one who gave her a chance, helped her and defended her as nobody had ever done before, maybe all of that affected her feelings.

The truth is that she had discovered that beneath that great layer of bitterness was a good and noble soul, one that very few could know. She felt fortunate to have been able to appreciate that facet of him, if only for few and fleeting moments. That affectionate, tender, overprotective, and dedicated facet of Carlos existed, and having known her was enough for her.

“Forgive me, I did not think that my proposal would affect you in this way. You have been silent for so long, that I begin to doubt that you are the same ‘Parlanchina’ that I know.” He smiled and carefully lifted her chin so that their looks coincided. “I understand how strange all this can be for you, I am not going to pressure you or oblige you to anything … In fact, you shouldn't give me an answer at this time neither. The only thing I beg you is that you allow me to come closer to you and to know you, I will know how to wait for you, Sara … I will know how to wait for you.