The custom, is stronger than love?

On Monday morning, Carlos was heading to the bar for routine earnings accounting, on the way he met Sara, who was leaving with a newspaper in hand … that meant that she had started looking for a new place to live.

Between them, there was only a small exchange of glances and ‘good morning’, before they both continued on their way. He couldn't help but feel lonely that morning as, even if it was a lazy day, she was always around, making coffee for the two of them, and then discussing the events of the night before.

He liked to see her arrive, liked him … although he never admitted it, all those endless conversations in which she always ended up involving him, he appreciated her ease of smiling, even when the world was destroying around her, she could always smile. After several days, Carlos began to understand and accept that he missed her.

That Parlanchina, even against his will, ended up appropriating his trust … and his affection.

How not to worry about her? She doesn't know the city well and she doesn't have anyone either. Where would she live? With what kind of people? Who would defend it? Got damn! He began to feel so bad and upset with himself that he decided that, as soon as she returned, they would have a conversation.

**«»**

That same afternoon, Carlos was in front of his house, waiting for the electric door to finish opening to allow him to park his truck, he was unoccupied early because there was a young woman with whom he had a pending conversation and wanted to clarify everything with she, as soon as possible. He was glad when, in the distance, he could recognize Sara who, as always, she was walking back home.

She had also seen Carlos, both were quite close, his heart gave an extra beat when she thought that they would inevitably coincide again, the same sensation that felt when she ran into him that morning. She still had a hard time looking at his face after what had happened, but she knew there was no other option, the encounter was imminent.

Neither of them had mentally finished preparing when, in an instant, a luxurious car parked between them, and Jazmin got out of it. Recognizing the woman, Sara slowed down, giving them the opportunity to enter the house and avoid disturbing him again. Carlos noticed the attitude of the chestnut, of walking slowly and giving time, he growled under his breath, he did not expect to receive visitors, but he had no choice but to attend to her. In general, this woman was like a tornado that without permission she arrived, destroyed everything, and then without guilt and without punishment, very happily, she was retired.

“Two visits in less than a week? Should I start to feel special?” He asked sarcastically.

“Don't get excited,” Jazmin replied, looking at her nails as if they were the ‘eighth wonder of the world’. “I just came to give you a new chance to explain … Who the hell is Sara?” She insisted on knowing since, despite the long time they had been apart and their very recent divorce, she was still very attracted to him. She was not used to losing and what happened in their last meeting hurt her pride, her self-esteem, and at the same time activated her most selfish side.

It didn't matter if they were married or divorced, Carlos was theirs … And nobody else's!

“Jealous?” He replied mockingly.

“Enough of nonsense! I have a right to know.”

“Rights?” He denied. “There are so many cheeky ones in this world!”

And the fun ended just when Jazmin mentioned that last sentence, there was nothing that bothered Carlos more than listened to that woman doing her damn victim role, she lived calling his attention, just now, when there was nothing to rescue, when nothing mattered anymore.

To that woman, he had put his life on a silver platter, his whole fucking world was laid out at her feet and she never valued him, nothing cost her to send everything to hell.

Why the hell did she have to take this attitude right now? When would she understand that he no longer felt absolutely anything for her? Carlos rubbed his face and hair, seeking a little serenity to continue.

“Wow! If I have accustomed you badly! Well, I'm sorry to inform you that it won't always be your manner,” he said, as he took her by the arm and led her to the door of his house. Jazmin realizing that she would not achieve anything with him decided to act in the way she knew best, she approached him with the intention of kissing him and have sex again only that, looking into his eyes, the message was clear enough … For her, he was no longer, nor would he be available anymore.

“But … Carlos!” She replied surprised and hurt since he had never rejected her before. Furious and despised, Jazmin … again, she left upset and breaking some doors on her way.

Once she left, Carlos came to the annex looking for Sara, knocked on the door several times, but nobody came out, the lights were off and everything was completely silent, he thought that maybe when she saw Jazmin her chose to return. Prisoner of courage, he released the contained air and had to use all his self-control to avoid hitting the wall several times, it was useless to get angry, he had no choice but to leave the conversation for later.

The truth is that, Sara was in the annex only that when she saw that woman enter Carlos's house, she felt as if everything was happening again, she remembered how upset he was and all the shame she felt at not know how to explain things well. She knew that it was all her fault, that she should never have gone to his house without warning him, that she should have recognized her mistake in Carlos's first interrogation and not swear in vain, she was so affected, that she preferred to stay still and not open the door.

All day she was looking for a place to lease and was unsuccessful, on the one hand, they asked several months in advance and, on the other hand, bank statements, references, and obviously, she lacked all that. She thought that if everything continued like, this it would be her turn to return to the streets and she felt terror, she could not be left without a job, she needed it.

She had so many mixed feelings, she felt so tired, fearful, and weak like the first day that she arrived at Mon'tblank. Like that night, she curled up in a corner, crying until she fell asleep.

On Tuesday, it was more of the same, she left very early, she walked all day, to finish tired and disappointed. Sitting on a bench watching people go by made her feel more alone than ever.

Yearning for some company and joy in her life, she decided to call Brian, obviously, she wasn't going to tell him anything about what happened, she just wanted to forget all, this almost always made her feel better.

“Hello?”

“Hi Brian. How are you? We can talk … I don’t want to interrupt anything important.”

“Sara? Until you finally remember this poor human! Beautiful, I'm always available to you. Where are you?”

“In the communications booth of the mall. Just I wanted to say—”

“I’m close, I’m going there.”

“Hey! You really don’t have to—”

“Don’t move from there, I want to see you. I'll be there in about ten minutes, please wait for me.” Sara had no intention of seeing him, she just wanted to talk to someone, before returning and locking herself in the annex, but at his insistence, she had no choice but to wait for him.

Indeed, the arrival of the sparkling and witty Brian made the afternoon more enjoyable and entertaining, for a time, Sara forgot about the problems to give herself the permission to smile and although he still did not know her enough to notice her deep sadness, he knew something was troubling her and he couldn't stop asking about the cold greeting she gave him the last time they met at the bar, to which she simply replied that she had some disagreements with her boss, dismissing it as important to avoid keep talking about it. Brian, who knew how intense and bittered Carlos could be, understood the intention of her companion and did not continue asking more about it, she already had enough punishment with her boss so that he also became insistent with an interrogation.

He invited her for coffee and while they talked, he grabbed Sara’s hand and began to caress her very subtly, making her contracted when he took her off guard, so she preferred to slowly withdraw her hand.

“Brian … you don't know me. You don't know anything about me.”

“I know what is necessary and I know that I like you … A lot!” His gaze was intense and full of desire for her.

“Believe me, I am not the right person for you.”

“I like to be the one to decide that, besides our meetings are just to get to know each other, that's the idea, right?” It was a weird moment, one of those few times when the blond put jokes aside and spoke seriously.

The snack ended and Brian led her to ‘her house’, it was about to get dark when she walked back to the annex. Sara thought that it had been a mistake to call him, she was just looking for a friendship, she did not want him to be excited about her, the disappointment would be greater when he discovered her past. They were as different as day and night … maybe much more, they had nothing in common.

It pained her to know that everything in her life was a lie, she insisted on building castles in the air knowing that, at the slightest movement, they would all fall on her.

When he finds out about my past, he will hate me. I have no doubt about it … Brian will hate me.

**«»**

Carlos, on the other hand, although he waited for her most of the afternoon, that day he could not meet and speak with Sara either.

**«»**

On Wednesday, at dawn …

Sara had been looking at the ceiling for hours without being able to sleep, she felt exhausted and tired, but her brain kept reproducing one memory after another, which scared any trace of sleep that might remain. Irritated, she got up to take a long bath, but even that could not improve her discomfort, so she wanted to entertain herself by going back to what she always did, go to the bar, prepare coffee and leave everything ready for when Carlos arrived. She was walking without considering anything, her mind was far away, while her eyes were focused on the keychain that, like a game, she balanced between her fingers.

He walked hurriedly to be on time, he had to attend an interview. She still distracted by her thoughts, prepared her key to open the door … the same door.

When the delicious scent of a familiar perfume reached her nose, it was too late … Sara had just crashed into Carlos's strong chest.

He reacted quickly managing to catch her in his arms, thus avoiding a possible fall. Still, with her face buried in his chest, smelling his perfume and feeling the soft fabric of his shirt, she was weighing the possibility that her bad luck was not so great and that, in reality, this bad time was not happening.

It has to be a dream. Yes, that's it … she was dreaming.

“Good morning, Sara.”

Or maybe not …

Hearing that voice, she felt her heartbeat wildly, she widened her eyes, nervous and embarrassed, she gradually detached herself from his chest, raising her fearful face, until she met that challenging and deep blue-gaze, capable of shaking and waking up even the laziest of her neurons.

“Good morning,” she replied slowly. “Sorry no … it wasn't my intention … I didn't see you.” She snorted when she said that last sentence, she already knew what Carlos would answer, so she began to prepare herself mentally to listen to the whole 'string of ironies' that would soon arrive.

Yes, he was definitely right and she lived in the clouds, which was more than confirmed.

But again, she was wrong because those ironies never came.

“How are you?” He asked Sara, while still holding her by the shoulders, apparently releasing her from his hands was not something that Carlos was contemplating in the immediate future, on the contrary, just now, he was opening his eyes and being aware that each touch, shy and innocent, on Sara's soft skin, unleashed a series of sensations and feelings in him, which he refused to classify, although he knew that sooner or later he would be forced to give a name to what I was feeling.

“Good,” she, puzzled by his behavior, avoided girt her forehead and instead simulated a smile, the same one that did not convince him.

“I will come back after noon and I need you to be here, it is urgent that we speak.” Although he no longer seemed as upset as the last time, his serious demeanor and the urgency of his request really scared Sara.

“I'll be here,” she replied and then him, realizing his daring closeness decided to release her, little by little, until they could both breathe again without feeling their living space dangerously invaded, he took one last look around, feeling a sudden emptiness in his chest to which he could not give a logical explanation, it was not the most appropriate moment for one of his already accustomed ‘existential debates’, he just continued on his way and, finally, left.

Sara was very worried by that conversation. During the morning, she dedicated herself to doing her work and also those activities that were not to entertain herself. She used everything that was within her reach, hoping that time would pass quickly, but the minutes seemed like years. She went back to the annex, but she was filled with despair and returned to the bar.

She looked everywhere, looking for what to do, but exasperated at not finding anything to make her forget, she went to the bar, sat on the floor leaning her back against the wall, put her head on her knees and, without being able to avoid it, she began to cry, so much anguish and stress of the last days ended up wreaking havoc on her and breaking her strength.

Standing, in front of her was Carlos, who had returned much earlier than expected, but Sara had not noticed. His heart was shattered when he saw her on the floor, crying, so fragile and helpless, instinctively he wanted to reach out his hand, caress her hair and comfort her, saying her that there was no reason to cry, that everything would be fine, but … Who was he to do that? Why did he feel the need to do that for a perfect stranger? Because … that was her to him … a total and perfect stranger. There was nothing from her past of which he had any certainty.

How had he come to place his trust in her?

He didn't know … in reality, all he knew, at the time, was that he hated to see her cry.

“Why are you crying?” When she heard him, she discreetly wiped away her tears and tried to get up, but he placed his hand on her shoulder and stopped her. Then he sat down on the floor right next to her.

“Why are you crying?” He insisted.

“I’m not … I was just resting, waiting for you.” She spoke without looking at him, her voice trembling, holding back the rest of the tears that were struggling to come out, while conveniently gathering her hair in a ponytail, seeking to gain time and calm down. She hated being so weak, her fragility was the cause of she never achieved anything important in her life, that's why she always went so wrong.

“So, are you determined to lose all my trust?” Carlos's voice brought her out of her thoughts. “I really would prefer it not to be.”

“Why do you say that? I have never wanted—”

“Because it's obvious you're lying,” he interrupted firmly. “It is enough for me to look at you to realize that you have been crying,” he said as he gently took Sara's face and turned it in his direction, he hated himself because he felt guilty for those tears, but at the same time, seeing her so helpless broke down all his barriers and activated his overprotective character. She inspired so much tenderness in him that he inadvertently began to brush his thumbs delicately down her soft cheeks, wiping away the tears that began to flow without stopping.

“I assure you that the last thing I want is to lose your trust.” Her words contained sadness and anguish, she did not understand why, but she remained still, receiving the caresses that Carlos delicately deposited on her cheeks, prey to that bluish look that did not stop scrutinizing her, as if through her eyes he was trying to find the way to her soul, discover her truth … the same one that, at this very moment, she would not have hesitated to confess with all the details, just now she understood that Carlos was the only one person in the world who, without knowing her, had he trusted her so blindly, and now, she had spoiled everything, had disappointed him.

“What have you been doing these days? You haven't been in the annex.” He just wanted to confirm what he already suspected.

“I … was looking for a place to rent.”

“Did you get it?” He asked regretfully.

“No,” she answered in a whisper, trying to be strong, but at the same time feeling weak and more in need than ever of the soft caresses those warm hands were giving her. “But I'm sure I will get it.”

“Why do you want to go?”

An anguished Carlos, more than he would admit, stopped the caresses that, unconsciously, he continued giving to Sara and finally released her face, when he received a ‘reality hit’ and realized what he was doing and how close he was to Sara. So much so that he could feel her irregular breathing and smell her addictive perfume. It was the second time, on that day, that the same thing happened.

What the hell was happening to him?

The magic of the moment was broken when she stared at him in amazement, listening to him articulate that last question. He quickly, sought a better posture, taking a prudent distance from her and proceeding to answer to clarify, in a forceful way, all her doubts.

“In the midst of my displeasure, I forbade you to enter my house, but I never asked you to leave the annex.” His gaze on her was still so intense, but there was no trace of all that tenderness that overflowed a few seconds ago.

“It's not fair that I continue there, the deal was that—”

“Sara, I know our deal perfectly well.” He assured minimizing the matter. “Are we clear that I never asked you to leave the annex? True?” She nodded and began to feel like a complete idiot. Carlos continued …

“Sara, I’m absolutely right to get mad at what happened, I don't like that they invade my privacy, much less that they brazenly lie to me … and you did both.” He looked at her reproachfully. “But, I'm not so miserable as to throw you into the street knowing that you don't have anyone, nor a safe place to go. Sara, I really expected you to be honest when I asked you, but you preferred to lie.”

“I lied in shame.” Lowered her gaze to the floor, but Carlos made sure she raised it again, touching delicately her chin. “It was not my intention, I swear, I did not want to invade your privacy … I just couldn't get out of there. I'm ashamed to say it, but when I realized what was happening, I was frozen not knowing what to do, I was afraid that, if I was moved abruptly, they would notice and my shame would be greater. I went out trying to make the least possible noise. I didn’t want—”

“A single lie is enough to end centuries of trust. You know that too … Right?”

“I didn't want you to think badly of me, I know I never should have …” She released the contained air and took another deep breath, looking at him dejectedly. “I just wanted to ask you some questions, I arrived and the door was open, I went in and without proposing I was already standing there in front of your room and—”

She started crying again.

“Stop crying, please.” He was silent for a minute as if weighing his next words. “Anyway, Sara is your decision. I will not be the one to tell you what to do, just keep in mind that I can’t tolerate more lies. I apologize for the way I acted, but understand that when you lie, you make others see you as guilty, even if you are not.” Said as he stood up from the ground, ending the conversation and putting distance between them, feeling as if a great weight had been taken off him, he didn’t want her to leave, but if she decided to do it, at least he had tried to protect her, he couldn’t do more.

**«»**

Although Sara continued to live in the annex and, weeks after the conflict, everything in the Mon'tblank continued to function normally … between them something had been broken, the bond of friendship and complicity they had developed had been lost, leaving only one ‘purely employment’ relationship.