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T w e n t y - t w o
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I let myself take the rhythm of the music. I'm trying to follow the beat of my current track and close into the shell that grows around me, leaving all thoughts out and keeping my mind blank as I race over the paved trail. I stomp the ground with force and let the vibration on my calves fill me with the energy I crave whenever I run. I can feel the wind on my face and how it flattens my hair to my skull. It is so short currently that I don't even care about how it looks while I run. It has been one of the best and worse decisions I've made.
I smile whenever someone realizes it is me and not some random girl in front of them. It shakes them, and some even hesitate to ask about the change, a change I welcome.
I pass the old jogging couple, and I press harder. I'm trying to shed those few pounds I put on my last vacation, totally worth It, I must say. Eating and drinking with, dancing, and enjoying the beauti
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Baby T w e n t y - t h r e e
I'm standing in the curve waiting for the big red Dodge my dad drives, it has been fifteen minutes, and I'm starting to get desperate. There's also the unforgettable presence of him around me. I thought I had gotten rid of the way he made me feel, the way he abandoned me, but it is all there. I tried clutching my hands to the sides to avoid doing that thing I used to do whenever I felt the piercing ache in my chest. Is all coming back, bits and pieces, good memories and the bad one, that one night. I feel my phone vibrate once more in my back pocket, and I ignore it too. I know is Beck wondering why I haven't replied to his texts. I was about to, but then I didn't want to. I'm having mixed feelings and all because of one single picture. I'm pretty sure he must be laying down on some beach at some exotic place with a beautiful woman with bee-stung lips and curves for days. That image alone makes me angry. All I can do is pull my baseball cap even lower, to the point where I c
Baby T w e n t y - f o u r
I have half-moons in the palms of my hands and can't help but stare at them; I don't remember making a fist so hard that my nails cut through the skin, and now I can see a little red in the tiny marks. I must have pressed for a long time since some parts of my palms are ghostly white while the others are ruby red. He's talking to me. I'm sure he is. His mouth is moving, his eyes keep staring at me, but I hear nothing, there's a buzzer in my head, and I can't understand a word. He still looks as good as I remember. Three years have changed nothing but to make him more tractive. At least I find him more than before. He photographs well, so it is not that; maybe having him in front of me is different. "What are you doing here?" I blurt out before I can stop myself. And I mean here on a train and not some limo or private jet. As soon as it hits me, the talk a
Baby T w e n t y - f i v e
""You left her lock up in a bathroom three years ago." Just like I wanted, my voice came out flat and without feeling. Of course, I didn't want him to think I still cared. It seemed that my words struck home; he shifted uncomfortably in his seat while I took back my cap and pulled it down, covering my hair. "You left," I repeated again and continued to hold his gaze, knowing quite well that I wasn't as strong as I was making him believe that if he hadn't looked away first, I was seconds away from breaking. It did cross my mind once or twice that I could burst into tears any minute, and I for sure was an ugly crier. The awkward silence that followed opened up the overthinking gates and the what-ifs. Relieving the past never got me anything, yet just by a few exchanges of words, I remembered everything, every word, that one kiss. How was it possible that I couldn't shake him off after years?
Baby T w e n t y - s i x
He's flat on his back on the mattress while she humps up and down over him like a lunatic while she lets out these awful screeches of pleasure, is all wrong, and as much as I want to stop watching it, I can't, I can't peel myself from this sad attempt of some kind of mediocre porn. The continuous moans, grunts, and the slap of bodies and the thrusting of his untanned ass cheeks, which are ridiculously white because now he has made a quick change to doggy. At least with her, he shows some enthusiasm. For the longest time, I sat there watching them. I'm surprised to notice that instead of being jealous and betrayed, I felt disgusted. A little bit of anger since they were going at it over my new overpriced white duvet. How had then not seen a third person standing watching them? I had no idea, so I did the only thing I was able to do; rap my knuckles at the opposite wall and wait until I was heard or noticed. Both freeze
Baby T w e n t y - s e v e n
I loathed those words as quickly as they left my mouth. Just hours ago, I struggled to keep away and pledged that I would never require or need someone as I did before. Now, I’m squatting on the cool tiled floor of my tiny one-bedroom apartment, expecting a man that had withdrawn himself from my life years ago. “Please,” I urged. Begging time to run faster, praying for Liam to manifest in front of me. “Dolores?” He sounded strange, but soon the noise quieted down, and the surrounding space seemed to open up. “Where are you?” “At my place. My boyfriend is here. I ordered him to leave, and he’s trashing my bedroom. I can make out things breaking.” Knowing the sound of my voice sounds as terrified as I seem. I told him to come ready for anything that might happen and sent him my address in a quick message. I must have stayed inside the bathroom for the longest time until nothing else broke until he got tired. The noises of the night filtered in, and I em
Baby T w e n t y - e i g h t
I'm honestly trying here, making my most exemplary attempt to control my mind, wondering towards the woman who now lives close by I can't understand one word from another. I can't comprehend the summary report I have opened in front of me, and no matter how many times I struggle to read the pie chart, it is just colored with numbers. I guess that the amount in blue means that all is running as steady as it would like. I will be in trouble next week at the quarterly meeting when it is time for me to add something relevant. Someone is going to have to explain this to me. I give up. On my feet once again, I can't control de urge anymore. Every 10 to 15 minutes, I have been checking on her, the last time she had finally fallen asleep, face stained with tears. She's just a little lump on my bed. Elevated by the pillows surrounding her, I can finally see how she looks like while she sleeps. There is no barrier anymore, nothing that stops me from getting closer. Back then,
Baby T w e n t y - n i n e
I've secretly stolen something of his while he was in the room, oblivious to my doing. He was distracted, looking down at his phone while I took his worn shirt and pushed it all the way to the bottom of my small duffel bag. I couldn't quite believe my brazenness and quick actions, but the memento was already in my possession, and it scared me that he found out about it. The minute I sniffed it, my reaction was quicker than I thought. I just stole a dirty shirt, well not dirty it just smelled like him, a wood-like minty scent. All I can think of right now is my bag with a shirt that doesn't belong to me. I still had a chance to put it back. "Weren't you hungry?" I feel as if someone has let go of an elastic band on my brain. The return to reality is quite painful and unsettling. He is, after all, sitting in front of me, gazing at me with a frown. "I yes, sorry." "Go on then, eat, they brought that thing ages ago." He looks down at the untouched plate i
Baby T h i r t y
I'm in bed, his bed, the same bed that I had previously slept on before, but instead of a comfy mattress, all I felt was a rocky surface on my backside. I couldn't lay back and relax; I mean, he could come out any second and find me there, on the bed. His bed. After those words, he implied that I was his property and then forced me to head to the bathroom to prepare for bed. It all felt so weird. I had done it, and of course, I had tried not to, but he was a bully, a big and scary bully. I had a few more minutes until he was done since the water was still running, and then I started imagining him under the warm water; his chest wet, water rolling down his back and down in between his....fingers! JESUS. I couldn't even fantasize about him without my heart getting all wild and crazy. I needed something to keep myself busy, like a game or something. Looking around the room, I remembered I still had my phone. I could text someone, anyone. Lin was my first option as always, and I
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Baby S i x t y - t w o
HE LOVES ME? “When?” I was almost screaming now. “Don’t you play with me.” Again, with the laughing. I slapped his shoulder and that got him even more amused. There he was all naked, laughing his heart out while holding his belly. His face turned red while I sat there waiting for it to stop. This was serious he was just goofing around, which was why I didn’t stop when he called after me when I jumped off and out of the bed and locked me in the bathroom. I wanted to know and a little drama would calm him down, so I took my time to take the longest shower in his big and modern one. The top one felt like warmed-up rain falling from the skies while the rest massaged my back, thighs, and chest. It was wonderful. By the time I jumped walked out my fingers were pruning and the bath was steamy and full of the cloudberry scent. I know had my little spot above the
Baby S i x t y - o n e
“Tell me about your first time?” Somehow, I knew this question was coming. I knew that he was resentful, I knew he hated Beck and I know that every man wishes that he was the first lover. Well, at least some do. He has hinted at it a few times and every single time I dreaded that he’d dropped the bomb. Trying to find the right words for it was going to be difficult. “It was ok.” “Just ok?” “Yeah…I mean it hurt a lot but he was extra patient.” A brick building was pushing through my vagina, that’s what I felt like, it didn’t matter how slow he went or how much he tried to soothe it with sweet words and soft kisses. It hurt. “I almost made him pull out but he assured me everything was going good and that the pain was going to stop.” He’s not looking at me, not directly, his eyes are down to the invisible patterns his index finger keeps tracing over my ribcage. After a night of loving we cuddled and talked about anything but sex until his
Baby S i x t y
We have separate rooms. It surprised me when he simply opened the door and said it but when he continued walking inside and showed me the door that lead to his. I watched the little light of hope disappear in the distance. Is like back in time when the husband and wife slept in separate rooms but the husband would slide into the wife's bedroom, get his fill while she laid horizontal and without any protest. Weren't women supposed to have this inner voice telling them when something was wrong? Mine should have been ringing since the very moment I saw him again on that train. I shouldn't have called him, I shouldn't have kept his damn card. I'm just a body. I am just a flesh doll to him. I am waiting. In the darkness, I'm ready for it to be done, for hours I have been waiting for him to come to me and get it done with. I can see the beam of light from under the door, his door. I can hear him pacing back and forth, I wat
Baby F i f t y - n i n e
I watch her sleep, her mouth slightly open and her hair damp from the quick bath we had before. A breath of fresh air, that's what she is. Is awful that I am comparing her with all my other sex partners, but I can't help it. All I have to say is that it was good. So good.She felt so fucking good.She has had me working and wondering if it was only me, and now, she's here, sleeping soundly on my bed. Just watching her next to me makes me want to pound my chest like a savage and scream 'mine' at the top of my lungs.Next time I have to remind myself to go slower. Not only did I claim her little body, but I took out all those years filled with lust and want, where the main character of my fantasies was her when I imagined myself with her and not those other women.I had the real thing under me awoken something inside of me. I just wanted to see Dolore's face, listen to my name on her lips, bathing on her shiv
Baby F i f t y - e i g h t
I watch her sleep, her mouth slightly open and her hair damp from the quick bath we had before. A breath of fresh air, that's what she is. Is awful that I am comparing her with all my other sex partners, but I can't help it. All I have to say is that it was good. So good.She felt so fucking good.She has had me working and wondering if it was only me, and now, she's here, sleeping soundly on my bed. Just watching her next to me makes me want to pound my chest like a savage and scream 'mine' at the top of my lungs.Next time I have to remind myself to go slower. Not only did I claim her little body, but I took out all those years filled with lust and want, where the main character of my fantasies was her when I imagined myself with her and not those other women.I had the real thing under me awoken something inside of me. I just wanted to see Dolore's face, listen to my name on her lips, bathing on her shiv
Baby F i f t y - s e v e n
He moves away, my hand falling, and reaches onto the nightstand. I haven't even thought about protection but knowing him. He's prepared. He is always prepared. So this is really happening, like really. Like he's pushing my knees, bending them, and rolling the condom on until he is fully covered. I'm shaking. "Everything good?" "So good." I exhale, licking my lips. He nods, and his face is pure concentration. I feel it, a tap on my pussy. And then he moves closer, pushing forward. I can't help my reaction. I'm moving away from it, away from the increasing pressure. He is thicker than what has been in me before. And I'm having second thoughts about him fitting in without any trouble. I try to relax, and he jumps in to, kissing me. I feel it again, right at my door, waiting. My breath catches, and I move my face away, which is considerable. I
Baby F i f t y - s i x
He's watching my mouth as his hand disappears from sight. I feel it a second later, hot on my stomach. Laid flat and still, a little pressure above my pubic bone.He tastes sweet.He kisses me slow.My hands laced on his neck, pulling him closer. I let him nip my lips and kiss me deeply. His tongue teases mine, making it follow him into his own mouth, and while all this is happening, my brain screams; we're kissing, we're kissing, we're kissing."I can't believe we're doing this." I murmur into his mouth."I've wanted this for so long." Then what took him this long? I'm blinking through my daze, watching him and feeling him, running my hands on his back and arms. Feeling the soft hairs of his chest under my open palms. "You got into my skin. A tiny thing like you disrupted my life, upside-down in a matter of seconds."I've never thought that my presence had done anything but displease him at the beginning. Didn't even expect to be acknowledg
Baby F i f t y - f i v e
He didn't stop me. He didn't even chase after me. I watched throw the tinted windows of my ride when we pulled away. Not once the door opens up.Why is our relationship so hard? Why can't we just be together, and that's it? "Why can't it be normal?""You said something back there?""No." Not at all. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but God had other plans. As soon as my car pulled up in front of the building, the door opened, and I was yanked out. I didn't even have any time to react. From one car to another, just like the movies. The door is slammed shut. I know that I have to keep my mouth shut.He doesn't touch me or say anything. I don't even move."Out." He says when the car starts to slow down."But-.""Out Dolores."I want to say he's angry, but I have seen him angry, which is not it. I do get out, but I take my time. Enough time to annoy and make him bark another order. The hand on the small of my back feels like a
Baby F i f t y - f o u r
My dress is too short and also from Forever21. I bet there's not a single woman in here with a 21-dollar dress. My pumps are from last year and my make-up, well, I did that myself. I almost took an hour to get the perfect winged eyeliner, and now I felt like a rag-doll. My technique with the contour kit I had was minimal; it was just red lipstick and mascara. The rest, the rest looked good thanks to my forever tanned skin."I love that dress. Where is it from?"I don't want to say. I also don't want to be here and keep pretending like I belong here."I really don't remember, it was something I had in my closet." I shrug and mentally kick myself. It had been out of the blue purchase. He had asked me if I had a suitable dress and I had said yes. After he left, I ran to the nearest open store and bought the dress after trying it on. After watching myself in the mirror with the complete ensemble, I'm sure I looked decent. Liam liked. He'd said it. So that was all th
