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T w e n t y - e i g h t
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I'm honestly trying here, making my most exemplary attempt to control my mind, wondering towards the woman who now lives close by
I can't understand one word from another. I can't comprehend the summary report I have opened in front of me, and no matter how many times I struggle to read the pie chart, it is just colored with numbers. I guess that the amount in blue means that all is running as steady as it would like. I will be in trouble next week at the quarterly meeting when it is time for me to add something relevant. Someone is going to have to explain this to me. I give up.
On my feet once again, I can't control de urge anymore. Every 10 to 15 minutes, I have been checking on her, the last time she had finally fallen asleep, face stained with tears. She's just a little lump on my bed. Elevated by the pillows surrounding her, I can finally see how she looks like while she sleeps. There is no barrier anymore, nothing that stops me from getting closer. Back then,
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Baby T w e n t y - n i n e
I've secretly stolen something of his while he was in the room, oblivious to my doing. He was distracted, looking down at his phone while I took his worn shirt and pushed it all the way to the bottom of my small duffel bag. I couldn't quite believe my brazenness and quick actions, but the memento was already in my possession, and it scared me that he found out about it. The minute I sniffed it, my reaction was quicker than I thought. I just stole a dirty shirt, well not dirty it just smelled like him, a wood-like minty scent. All I can think of right now is my bag with a shirt that doesn't belong to me. I still had a chance to put it back. "Weren't you hungry?" I feel as if someone has let go of an elastic band on my brain. The return to reality is quite painful and unsettling. He is, after all, sitting in front of me, gazing at me with a frown. "I yes, sorry." "Go on then, eat, they brought that thing ages ago." He looks down at the untouched plate i
Baby T h i r t y
I'm in bed, his bed, the same bed that I had previously slept on before, but instead of a comfy mattress, all I felt was a rocky surface on my backside. I couldn't lay back and relax; I mean, he could come out any second and find me there, on the bed. His bed. After those words, he implied that I was his property and then forced me to head to the bathroom to prepare for bed. It all felt so weird. I had done it, and of course, I had tried not to, but he was a bully, a big and scary bully. I had a few more minutes until he was done since the water was still running, and then I started imagining him under the warm water; his chest wet, water rolling down his back and down in between his....fingers! JESUS. I couldn't even fantasize about him without my heart getting all wild and crazy. I needed something to keep myself busy, like a game or something. Looking around the room, I remembered I still had my phone. I could text someone, anyone. Lin was my first option as always, and I
Baby T h i r t y - o n e
"He really said that?" "Every single word. I'm telling you he's not playing around this time I had to bite my tongue to stop from screaming at the top of my lungs 'fuck me, fuck me hard'." "Go Westbrook!" "Oh please, you hate his guts." "I hate Beck's. Hold on." There's a bang and a crash; I place the phone back in my lap and tap the speaker option. Jameson is cooking, which means it is all messy but good. He is fantastic with meats but a disaster around the kitchen. They're arguing for a few moments. I considered hanging up, but then I remembered there it's not my minutes. She's the one who called me, so it's on her. I stare at my muted TV and think about the last few days. Is all vivid, the words, the smell, and his touch. I can't help but moan. "So, you have the shirt on?" "Nope," I exhale dramatically. "I'm saving it for later, I'm masturbating furiously tonight." "Fuck, that's hot and too much info by the way." I can hear
Baby T h i rt y - t w o
I love grocery shopping. I could do it for hours. Going around looking at the produce and making up dishes in my head in the middle of the night just browsing between the produce and cold meats, spices, and boxed treats take my head off so many things that have happened lately. I'm not the most incredible cook but with the internet is pretty easy to whip out all sorts of food. But thinking about that list that keeps shortening every single day of articles I can buy is nerve-wracking. I have plans later tonight after work to hit the small market for, there's no way I'm going to all you can stare and can't buy supermarket. It's too cruel for my poor heart and wallet. Learning to shop for the necessary was a hard thing but now, since I'm flying solo now and needed less food at home without beck kinda forced me to do it. I'm dreading paying the part of the bills; Beck helped to cover things like the electricity, food, and the internet since he stayed in all the time seemed reaso
Baby T h i r t y - t h r e e
"Dolores where the hell are you? Is almost one in the morning and I'm standing outside your apartment." What. The. Fudge. He was actually here. His high position made him travel more than anyone I knew. Constant meetings and stressful calls took most of his day; I knew it because I had once been with him, the amount of stress and the long nights without sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night, finding him locked up inside his office, talking to who knows what atwho knows where. He didn't realize it, but I stayed near him whenever I could, keeping him company while he worked, usually taking my computer to the hallway to go over some assignment. At the same time, he dived into some work that just couldn't be avoided. Those moments he knew nothing about I cherished and remembered with fondest. He had been silent all morning after saying that thing about me being home early to bed, but I stopped paying attention to his threats. It felt lik
Baby T h i r t y - f o u r
How is it that my life is a series of unfortunate events that repeat themselves repeatedly? I don't even know I bother with life anymore. I'm not learning from 'these events' at all. My life is a mess as it is, but now you have thrown shame to it too. Are you even up there? I whisper to myself while looking up at the dark skies, like, give me a break, God, it is not like I'm trying to be shitty at it, but I would like a little bit of good for once in a while me. If bad things keep happening to me, like having my ex-boyfriend fucking on my bed with another woman, the sudden appearance of my forever crush, and now, I was broke. Oh, and we mustn't forget that Liam H. Westbrook is getting the first-row seat to me, revealing my chest. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of them, but I'm not into just showing them to anyone. This isn't Mardi Gras, and we're not that intimate, at least not yet. I finally recovered from the shock a quickly covered myself moving away
Baby T h i r t y - f i v e
Buzzing wakens me. Looking around, I find the source of the annoying sound. Opening one eye looking around for whatever it is that making it. I winced in pain, a pounding headache, and the soreness in my eyes when the sunlight shone right at my face. My phone is rattling on its charging nook; I don't think twice and reject the call. My head is pounding, my throat is dry, and my body feels like it weighs a ton. Why do I drink When I'm sure that I suck at being drunk. Trying to piece last night's events is a bit hard. The memories turn blurry on the dance floor. I know I danced and there was a lot of alcohol and dancing. How did I get here? God. Liam. He called and sounded angry. Turning around, I find myself face to face with the man, the little light coming into the room is enough to see him. His fa
Baby T h i r t y - s i x
"I will, and so many other things." Even if he hadn't meant it to sound dirty, it had come out like that. My body responded by shivering, and he noticed it. His eyes darkened. "But right now, I need to brush my teeth. Morning breath is one thing I can live without." I watched him move, slow assertive movements as he slid off the bed and moved towards the door. His muscles tightening as his whole body move; if I was some art collector, his back was something I would want to have a photograph of, a huge one hung right in front of my bed so it would be the first and last thing I saw at the start and end of my day. I must have fallen asleep once again. I was alone now, completely covered with my sheet to my chin, more like wrapped like a burrito since the only thing exposed to the world was my head. I had no idea what time of the day it was, just that it was the middle of the day and there was supposed to be someone else in the apartment. His suitcase was in the same cor
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Baby S i x t y - t w o
HE LOVES ME? “When?” I was almost screaming now. “Don’t you play with me.” Again, with the laughing. I slapped his shoulder and that got him even more amused. There he was all naked, laughing his heart out while holding his belly. His face turned red while I sat there waiting for it to stop. This was serious he was just goofing around, which was why I didn’t stop when he called after me when I jumped off and out of the bed and locked me in the bathroom. I wanted to know and a little drama would calm him down, so I took my time to take the longest shower in his big and modern one. The top one felt like warmed-up rain falling from the skies while the rest massaged my back, thighs, and chest. It was wonderful. By the time I jumped walked out my fingers were pruning and the bath was steamy and full of the cloudberry scent. I know had my little spot above the
Baby S i x t y - o n e
“Tell me about your first time?” Somehow, I knew this question was coming. I knew that he was resentful, I knew he hated Beck and I know that every man wishes that he was the first lover. Well, at least some do. He has hinted at it a few times and every single time I dreaded that he’d dropped the bomb. Trying to find the right words for it was going to be difficult. “It was ok.” “Just ok?” “Yeah…I mean it hurt a lot but he was extra patient.” A brick building was pushing through my vagina, that’s what I felt like, it didn’t matter how slow he went or how much he tried to soothe it with sweet words and soft kisses. It hurt. “I almost made him pull out but he assured me everything was going good and that the pain was going to stop.” He’s not looking at me, not directly, his eyes are down to the invisible patterns his index finger keeps tracing over my ribcage. After a night of loving we cuddled and talked about anything but sex until his
Baby S i x t y
We have separate rooms. It surprised me when he simply opened the door and said it but when he continued walking inside and showed me the door that lead to his. I watched the little light of hope disappear in the distance. Is like back in time when the husband and wife slept in separate rooms but the husband would slide into the wife's bedroom, get his fill while she laid horizontal and without any protest. Weren't women supposed to have this inner voice telling them when something was wrong? Mine should have been ringing since the very moment I saw him again on that train. I shouldn't have called him, I shouldn't have kept his damn card. I'm just a body. I am just a flesh doll to him. I am waiting. In the darkness, I'm ready for it to be done, for hours I have been waiting for him to come to me and get it done with. I can see the beam of light from under the door, his door. I can hear him pacing back and forth, I wat
Baby F i f t y - n i n e
I watch her sleep, her mouth slightly open and her hair damp from the quick bath we had before. A breath of fresh air, that's what she is. Is awful that I am comparing her with all my other sex partners, but I can't help it. All I have to say is that it was good. So good.She felt so fucking good.She has had me working and wondering if it was only me, and now, she's here, sleeping soundly on my bed. Just watching her next to me makes me want to pound my chest like a savage and scream 'mine' at the top of my lungs.Next time I have to remind myself to go slower. Not only did I claim her little body, but I took out all those years filled with lust and want, where the main character of my fantasies was her when I imagined myself with her and not those other women.I had the real thing under me awoken something inside of me. I just wanted to see Dolore's face, listen to my name on her lips, bathing on her shiv
Baby F i f t y - e i g h t
I watch her sleep, her mouth slightly open and her hair damp from the quick bath we had before. A breath of fresh air, that's what she is. Is awful that I am comparing her with all my other sex partners, but I can't help it. All I have to say is that it was good. So good.She felt so fucking good.She has had me working and wondering if it was only me, and now, she's here, sleeping soundly on my bed. Just watching her next to me makes me want to pound my chest like a savage and scream 'mine' at the top of my lungs.Next time I have to remind myself to go slower. Not only did I claim her little body, but I took out all those years filled with lust and want, where the main character of my fantasies was her when I imagined myself with her and not those other women.I had the real thing under me awoken something inside of me. I just wanted to see Dolore's face, listen to my name on her lips, bathing on her shiv
Baby F i f t y - s e v e n
He moves away, my hand falling, and reaches onto the nightstand. I haven't even thought about protection but knowing him. He's prepared. He is always prepared. So this is really happening, like really. Like he's pushing my knees, bending them, and rolling the condom on until he is fully covered. I'm shaking. "Everything good?" "So good." I exhale, licking my lips. He nods, and his face is pure concentration. I feel it, a tap on my pussy. And then he moves closer, pushing forward. I can't help my reaction. I'm moving away from it, away from the increasing pressure. He is thicker than what has been in me before. And I'm having second thoughts about him fitting in without any trouble. I try to relax, and he jumps in to, kissing me. I feel it again, right at my door, waiting. My breath catches, and I move my face away, which is considerable. I
Baby F i f t y - s i x
He's watching my mouth as his hand disappears from sight. I feel it a second later, hot on my stomach. Laid flat and still, a little pressure above my pubic bone.He tastes sweet.He kisses me slow.My hands laced on his neck, pulling him closer. I let him nip my lips and kiss me deeply. His tongue teases mine, making it follow him into his own mouth, and while all this is happening, my brain screams; we're kissing, we're kissing, we're kissing."I can't believe we're doing this." I murmur into his mouth."I've wanted this for so long." Then what took him this long? I'm blinking through my daze, watching him and feeling him, running my hands on his back and arms. Feeling the soft hairs of his chest under my open palms. "You got into my skin. A tiny thing like you disrupted my life, upside-down in a matter of seconds."I've never thought that my presence had done anything but displease him at the beginning. Didn't even expect to be acknowledg
Baby F i f t y - f i v e
He didn't stop me. He didn't even chase after me. I watched throw the tinted windows of my ride when we pulled away. Not once the door opens up.Why is our relationship so hard? Why can't we just be together, and that's it? "Why can't it be normal?""You said something back there?""No." Not at all. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but God had other plans. As soon as my car pulled up in front of the building, the door opened, and I was yanked out. I didn't even have any time to react. From one car to another, just like the movies. The door is slammed shut. I know that I have to keep my mouth shut.He doesn't touch me or say anything. I don't even move."Out." He says when the car starts to slow down."But-.""Out Dolores."I want to say he's angry, but I have seen him angry, which is not it. I do get out, but I take my time. Enough time to annoy and make him bark another order. The hand on the small of my back feels like a
Baby F i f t y - f o u r
My dress is too short and also from Forever21. I bet there's not a single woman in here with a 21-dollar dress. My pumps are from last year and my make-up, well, I did that myself. I almost took an hour to get the perfect winged eyeliner, and now I felt like a rag-doll. My technique with the contour kit I had was minimal; it was just red lipstick and mascara. The rest, the rest looked good thanks to my forever tanned skin."I love that dress. Where is it from?"I don't want to say. I also don't want to be here and keep pretending like I belong here."I really don't remember, it was something I had in my closet." I shrug and mentally kick myself. It had been out of the blue purchase. He had asked me if I had a suitable dress and I had said yes. After he left, I ran to the nearest open store and bought the dress after trying it on. After watching myself in the mirror with the complete ensemble, I'm sure I looked decent. Liam liked. He'd said it. So that was all th
