CHAPTER ONE: MY EVERYTHING

I bit my lower lip as I moaned softly.

“Good morning beautiful…” Beside me, my boyfriend's Landon's fingers played with my nipples under my lacy nightwear.

I kept my eyes closed enjoying the sensation, enjoying his husky morning voice against my ear.

“Thank..thank you for the…” I trailed off as his hand wandered down my body and settled on my thighs.

“Thank you for what?” His voice was so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek. 

I could not think properly, not with his hands on my body. 

“Thank you for picking this night dress out last night.” I finally said, throwing my head back as his finger found its way to my panties.

He chuckled, and placed a kiss on my neck that sent shivers down my spine. Everyday, I thanked God for a man like Landon.

“Don't be silly. I have done that every night since we got into this relationship, years ago. When will you stop thanking me?” 

He didn't stop his sweet assault. His thumb grazed my clit, and I bit back a sharp moan.

“I'm practically blind because seeing colors doesn't count. But you do this for me every night, even though…”

He pressed his lips to mine, cutting me off. I ran my hands up and down his back, committing to memory his muscular toned body, and trying to imagine what he looked like.

I hated that I couldn't see him. I hated being blind.

Landon didn't stop kissing me, and I didn't pull away either. I wanted this man, every bit of him. 

When he deftly pulled my panties to the side and slid in a finger, I moaned into his mouth.

“You're beautiful Elara, and you belong to me. I take care of things that are mine.” He whispered against my lips.

Something inside me was set off like fireworks on the fourth of July. I wiggled against him, my body melting perfectly into his.

He pumped his fingers in and out of me, while he nibbled against my neck. It was sweet torture.

“God, Elara.. you're so wet…” he murmured against my neck, and pressed his torso to my body. 

I felt Landon's hard dick, bulging from the shorts he'd worn to bed. I reached for it, eager to have him inside me.

“Not yet, Elara…”

He pinned my hands above my head and continued working his fingers in and out of my pussy. Then he leaned down and took my nipples in his mouth one after the other while he fingered me.

I bucked against him, unable to control the way I felt. 

He drove me crazy, and I liked it. Whenever he touched me, I came alive. He made up for all the colors that I could no longer fully see.

I clung to the sensations he gave me, every brush of his hands against my skin. He was my world, vivid and real, even though I could not see.

In my previous life, I must have done something right to be given a man like Landon as my boyfriend.

He let me go, and then nudged my legs apart with his knees as he positioned himself between my legs. I wiggled underneath him, ready.

A gasp escaped my lips when he slid into me. I could feel everything actively. The way he slid in and out of me, slowly, teasingly, while he whispered and moaned into my ear.

I arched my body so that I could match his thrusts. Landon moaned again, and I imagined what he'd look like.

Did he close his eyes when he moaned? I ached to see his face.

His tempo increased as he pumped me, and I felt the familiar ecstasy well up inside me.

I threw my head back, and mained out loudly.

“Yes..come for me, Elara.” 

My body buckled violently against his, and my eyes rolled back. 

“Elara…”

My body was controlled by him now. I was about to orgasm.

A wave of pleasure swept through me as he slammed into me thrice and pulled out, spilling on his hands.

He rolled over me, and kissed me tenderly on my cheek, then helped me out of the bed and guided me to wash up.

“Are you nervous about today?” He asked once we were in the bathroom and he'd washed off his hands.

I leaned against the wall. “Not nervous.” I replied, even though I was.

When it was clear to me that I'd never see again, the doctor's office began to feel like a death sentence. So I avoided going to those appointments all together.

“More unsure. It's just a check up, right? It's not the end of the world.” I said out loud trying to convince myself.

“Right…” 

I heard the tap turn off, and then I felt his hand wrap around my waist as he pulled me into his naked hard chest.

“Maybe they'll have some good news. Always be optimistic.” He placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Maybe,” I whispered, trying to convey a lightness to my tone that I didn't feel.

“Don't you want to know what I look like anymore, love?” 

I rolled my eyes and hit him lightly. “Don't do that. That's just a low card.” 

“If it'll get you to the doctor's, then call me low, I agree.” He kissed my forehead.

The thought of seeing his face clearly, of looking into the eyes of the man who'd been by my side for four years, loving me despite my blindness, was a dream I didn't want to let go of.

He helped me wash up and then insisted on making breakfast.

I let him lead the way, taking his arm as we made our way down the hallway. Even in moments like these, he always made it feel like nothing was amiss.

Like everything was normal, easy.

“You shouldn't love butter this much.” Landon began over breakfast. He'd just finished cooking and helped me sit down to eat. I listened while he slathered butter over my toast and handed it to me, reaching for my hand.

“Hey you know the rule.” I counted, my face warming, as he continued to spread the butter over the bread. “If you don't want me to make a mess, you have to do it for me.”

“Oh don't worry. I love doing things for you.” 

Sometimes I wondered what life would have been like without Landon. 

We ate breakfast in comfortable silence, and once again I was reminded that it was these moments that reminded me how lost I'd be without him.

****

The morning sun was hot against my face as we stepped out of the house.

Landon had insisted on dropping me off at the doctor's office, before heading for an important meeting.

The moment we were out of the house and into his car, I found myself stealing glances at him-or rather, in the direction of his general outline. 

He had become such a combination of textures and shades-familiar shapes and movements that my brain put together.

I longed to see his face in clear detail again, to remember exactly what he looked like, not just an outline in fading memory.

On the drive, Landon kept my hand, with his thumb rubbing in slow circles. He filled the silence by lightly chatting with me about dinner that night-his dinner plans: he had some new recipe that he was really excited to try.

I chuckled low in my throat, imagining his straight face when he'd gone through with his vivid description of all the complicated moves he'd make to impress me. 

"You're thinking way too hard about this. You know I'd eat anything you made."

"Well," he replied, squeezing my hand, "I happen to like spoiling you.

And indeed he drove to the clinic. Then he helped me into the hospital and knocked on the doctor's door.

“I wish you didn't have to go.” I said softly. I was hesitant to let go, and afraid of the appointment.

“You'll be fine, Elara..it's just a check up.” He assured me, placing a soft kiss to my forehead.

I nodded, struggling to push down the way I felt. It was a gray and empty world without him beside me, as I listened to his footsteps while he walked away.

The doctor's door opened with a click, and I squared my shoulders, and took a deep breath before going inside.

“Elara, thank you for coming in.” She greeted me at the door and helped me to an armrest. “Landon had informed me.”

I remained silent. 

Dr. Knox's office was cool and sterile, but her voice offered a warm comfort.

She took a moment, and I heard ruffling noises as she went over her notes before making eye contact with me, or at least where she should have known my gaze was.

“We've reviewed your case thoroughly. I think there's some promise in one direction, at any rate. It's why I've been so concerned that you've avoided your appointments.”

I barely breathed as I listened, daring to hope.

“What do you mean?” 

Dr. Knox sighed and then I heard her chair scrap against the floor. 

"There's an experimental procedure-highly advanced. There's some risks, but if it succeeds, it'll restore your sight entirely."

My mind went blank. Restored sight. It sounded impossible, something out of a dream.

 My hands felt clammy and I forgot how to breathe. 

"What… what kind of risks?" I whispered.

“The usual risks with surgeries, but with this one, because of its nature, it may not work at all. But you would be among the first to try it, and the results have shown potential.” She concluded.

“So, another dead end then? Why did you raise my hopes up?” I asked with a shaky voice.

This was why I hated the doctor's appointments.

My hopes were always crushed.

“No. This could actually work, Elara. Don't you want to try? Don't you want to see again? It's 98% effective, unlike the other procedures we've tried.”

All that I could think of was, for a second, being able to see Landon clearly again-to really see him and not just by touch and through memories. 

I couldn't wait to tell him. I thought of how excited he'd be about the news and how he'd pull me into his arms and kiss my forehead.

But doubt still tugged at me too. If I could really see him, would he be able to look at me the same?

"Elara?" The voice of Dr. Knox cut through my thoughts, which seemed to be circling in my mind.

"I know it's a lot to digest. Take your time, and let me know when you are ready."