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Chapter 36
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2024-10-29 19:42:56"You can't just expect us to accept this, right?" Aunt Karen suddenly says after minutes of silence.
I frown at this.
"What your aunt is trying to say is , Roman showing up here again is quite alot to take in." Dad says, stopping my aunt from speaking up.
"Well - ," a hand at the small of my back distracts me and I end up glancing at Roman, who gives me a look that says ' calm down.'
I take a breath before speaking up again. "I understand that you are all surprised and I was too, when he showed up at school."
"You knew and didn't tell us?" Aunt Karen says accusingly.
"We weren't on speaking terms then, I didn't -"
"Oh so we must just accept because you said so? - No Hazel, we are not just going to follow what you say when you lied to us."
" I didn't lie, I didn't flipping lie to anyone!!" I snap, glaring at her.
" H
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I cant believe this. I cant believe them.How could they keep this from me, didnt they understand what these past years have been like for me?Did they not understand me at all?I feel cheated and lied to. And that's not okay with me.I'm not given a chance to drown myself into my overloaded thoughts, by the interruption of the door opening."Is it safe to come in?" Roman asks, peeking his head in.I don't answer but rest my forehead against my knees, that are brought close against my chest. I'm not in the mood to talk but I dont have the heart to tell him.I hear the door open wider and then his footsteps which draw closer, before a sigh above my head makes me to look up. He stands before me and he holds out his hand for me to take, which I do after a minute of hesitating.He pulls me up from the floor
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Danny hasn't said anything yet about what I had told him, that Roman and I have reconciled. I waited, feeling anxious of what he thought."Please say something." I say."So you two are talking now?" He asks, wanting clarification."Mhm." I nod." I still dont get it." He shakes his head. "You two didnt get along before, what changed?" "A misunderstanding was cleared." He frowns at this. " My initial thought of his return was wrong, just like I was about everything else. I recognise my faults and -""You told me that the reason for all this, happened in your childhood" I nod. " Then you had no control then, so don't go blaming yourself. It's not your fault okay?" He says, placing his hand on my face, looking into my eyes.My eyes drop to my lap." Mhm." " Hazel, you know I don't like it when you blame yourself with something, in which y
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I'm drowning.I can't breathe and cant get a grip on anything. I'm struggling to swim my way back to the top and my body is ready to give up at any moment.No one is helping me and that's the frustrating part. I keep calling out for help yet my words are drowned out by the water I swallow. My body feels heavy yet I push through that, using all my strength to try pull myself back up and for my face to be out of the water.My arms are flapping about and my feet are beyond exhausted from working. I'm not a strong swimmer, I made peace with that fact a long time ago, now I'm paying for this. I can't even get myself out of this situation.A situation I'm not at fault at, I didnt end up here by my own will, I wouldn't have. The last of my strength I can feel, I decide to use, recalling every type of lesson taught and
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Silence had long taken over because neither one of us, has attempted to say a word after what he has revealed.All I can do is just stare at him since the news are too hard to grasp, it's too heavy to bear and my heart pains for him. He lost his mom." Hazel Grace no, no don't cry for me." He sighs when he turns to look at me.I cant help myself, the tears are too heavy to contain and that's why I let them freely fall." But it's your mom Roman." I whisper out." Hazel -" " I'm sorry Roman, I'm sorry." I say, launching myself to him and wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest."It's okay Hazel.""No it's not. I wasn't there when you needed me most and I know that you needed me more then ever then, I bring comfort to you. Me being where you need me most makes everything okay for you. It's always been this wa
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Two Weeks Later.....I have never seen Danny as shaken as he had been two weeks ago, it's still affecting him until today and his actions prove my point as he is relunctant of leaving for his college visit. He's visiting two colleges and both offer sport scholarships. His uncle will be accompanying him today.His uncle has been like a second father to him and though he can be a little intimidating, he's an okay man I guess. He never gave me problems when I first met him and seemed to think that I was right for Danny.He and Danny have a close relationship and Danny values his opinion very much. I was glad that his uncle jumped at the chance of accompanying him on his trip."It would have been way more awesome if you were coming with me." He says, pulling me closer." I know but, I have a heck lot of work to get into, just to get the teachers off my back." I explain.
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Left me to die?No, no, I must have heard wrong.I slowly turn around to face him. My eyes follow his every move, where he walks towards me." Hazel you have to listen to me, let me talk and explain to you-" "Why did you say such a thing to me Roman?....Why would you say that to me?"" Danny is not good for you Hazel Grace. He is not." " Roman, not this again." I say through a sigh, dropping my eyes to the ground." Hazel." A gasp slips out when his hands cradle my face and tilt my head up so I am looking into his eyes." Hazel I am here, not as your enemy. I am your bestfriend, your Roman. Eversince we were young, have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?" "No, but - ," I pull out of his touch but his hands are quick to hold my shoulders, keeping me from taking another step further.
BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 43 part 2
"How's your head now?" He asks, after I'd taken a pain killer, to relieve me from the pounding headache." It's not bad anymore." "Are you sure about this?" Roman asks me as we arrive at my destination."No, but I know that I have to do this. It's better now then later I guess." I respond, turning to look at him.His eyes search my own and I just stare at him. He's concerned, I understand but I need to do this. I want to get everything over and done with." I don't know, let me go with you." He says, a plea in his tone." I have to do this on my own." "You don't have to do this on your own, let me be there for you and - " " Roman." I cover his hand with mine and look him straight in the eyes." Let me do this on my own, I can't be dependent on you for everything, there are some things that I will sometimes have to face on my own. And
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My dearest Hazel...By now you are a young woman, full of dreams and your heart still searching, for more to recieve. I do hope that by the time you read this letter, every bit of desire I had for your life, has come to pass. I hope that you are happy and in love. I hope that you are finally at that point in your life, where you know that your decisions matter, your voice matters.I hope that finally you and Roman have realised that you two, are soulmates.Maybe it's my wishful thinking but I see something there, something that is rare. As young as you two are, I see it and you two ending up together makes total sense, if you know what I mean.I hope that in whatever life has thrown at you, in every way, you must know that you will breathrough each hurdle that comes your way. I want you to know that it's okay to trust people, it's okay
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I can't get his words out of my head, no matter how much I try. What he said, has brought so many thoughts into mind and those words, could only mean one thing, whatever it is, is important. His body language and tone suggested it and I can't think otherwise.I know that he has given me free reign over his phone, like I have done so too, but I just couldn't find myself checking his phone as if I am snooping around. I mean I trust Roman so much, it's bloody impossible for me not to.I can't go and straight out ask him, because that would mean I was eavesdropping. I didn't mean to overhear his private conversation, I just happened to hear, that's all. There are so many things I don't want do, that may come out wrong in his eyes. " Urgh, this is so exhausting!" I groan out." What's exhausting?" My head snap up in the direction of his voice, where he stands at the doorway.Before I can an
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A moan slips out of his lips as I plant kisses along his skin. My focus is sorely on his neck and under his jaw. " Baby, what are you doing?" He asks, his sleepy voice making him sound so hot right now." Morning." I murmur in his ear before continuing with my assualt right where his weak spot is." Hazel." He groans, placing his hands on my waist, squeezing it and causing me to jump slightly.I lean back to look down at him." Will you wake up now?" A smirk plays on his lips whilst still keeping his eyes closed." Roman, look at me already." I whine." But I'm still sleepy." He says, trying to fight off a grin." No you're not. I'm here and that's more then enough reason to want to wake up." " Nope." I gape in disbelief of his answer. Fine, if he wants to sleep, then I'll leave him alone, damn O'
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" Hazel?" I snap out of the trance I was just in, turning to look at my dad.His eyes show concern, even his approach towards me is slow and careful. I watch him silently as he sits on the coffee table, infront of me.We stare at each other for a moment, before he sighs, taking my hand in his own." This is the second time you've been up like this, in the middle of the night. You need to sleep sweetheart."" He wont talk to me. " I say numbly." Hazel...."" Roman wont talk to me, he wont answer my calls. I'm selfish aren't I?"" Hazel don't do this." I pull my hand away, cutting him off." I should feel different after having made this decision, but I'm not. " I rise to my feet. " Being here has made me realise that it's no longer just about me anymore."I walk away and head up to my room, feeling exhausted but not enough
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I'm sorry.They are the words that my grandparents couldn't help but repeat too many times. It's been years since I'd last seen them and I thought I would never see them again. Tensions and disagreements were the cause of us seperating. After my mother's passing, nothing was the same again. My grandparents never saw eye to eye with my father again, both parties mourned differently. My grandparents thought it would be best for them to leave with me and raise me, whilst my father had time to mourn yet my father disagreed. He refused to let me go.The tension was too much and it was not good for either one of us. They suddenly left and communication thinned, until it was no more. Though it saddened me to lose out on contact with them, I accepted that I would never see them again. Years passed but now they are back, they want to mend our relationship and right, their wrongs.
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It truly hurt me to see my dad the way he was last night. The image is still stuck in my head. His words caused an ache to my heart. It hurts that my dad feels so hurt, the blame that he placed on his himself was not right.I don't want him to constantly blame himself, for what happened to me. It's not his fault. I want him to understand this. I have to set things right, I know I have to. Things cant go on like this, it's exhausting to go through this rollercoaster ride once again.It's like my family and I can't catch a break. We need a break from all this. It's my first morning being home, having woken up in my own bed and breathing homey air. It feels weird not waking up next to Roman or him, not being the first one I see. We are so used to being around each other, now only being a phone call away just feels different. Everything feels different but not too bad, though I miss him terribly but being
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I could never catch a break.I thought I was done with hospitals already, now to find myself in here again, it tells a different story. I have woken up and Roman is the first person I see. His head is rested on my bed, his hand holding mine. I shift slightly and try pull my hand away but his grip tightens, refusing to let me go.I close my eyes and will myself not to cry. I am so exhausted emotionally and I feel like I can't deal with what happened to me and what, I had learnt not so long ago.I almost died again.I faced death but the difference is that I remember now. I thought I was done with the lies, I guess not. I knew that there would be people who did not like me, but for someone to hate me enough to kill me, that's a whole different level. I have had enough honestly and a part of me, wants me to quit on life but I know I can't. Roman, my dad, my family and friends wont allow me to.
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You stole everything from me.What does that even mean?" How can I steal something from you, when I don't even know you?......You're Roman's friend, no, you aren't anymore. " I shake my head." When Roman finds out about this, he will never forgive you. Never." I say, turning my back to them.I can't believe she would do this to me, to Roman. She is Kyle's partner in crime and she's been pretending to be a good person." Don't you dare turn your back on me Hazel!" She shouts." I can do what ever I f*ckin' want!..... You can't tell me what to do and who do you think you are to order me around huh?!" I say, glaring at her over my shoulder." Oh you'll be eating those words very soon you lil' b***!"" I'm sure I wont. Not when I'll be out of here in no time. Roman is coming for me." I say in confidence of my words.I turn b
